A CD member posed the following question to me in a PM and I thought it would make an interesting thread. I have been asked many times what it is about crossdressers that appeals to women like me, but I don't think I have ever been asked what it is about us that makes us able to accept and even embrace this lifestyle.
As some of you know, I was not always as enthusiastic about crossdressing as I am now. I have been married to Angel for 3 years, and I have known about and welcomed his femme side from the beginning. In fact, we met through a CD forum. But my introduction to crossdressing actually came in a previous relationship -- and let me tell you, it was not something that I immediately embraced. When I found out, I was shocked, confused, and very upset. That was because I knew nothing about crossdressing. I had no idea what it all meant. I was vaguely aware of the existence of transsexuals and drag queens, but straight men who enjoy wearing women’s clothes? I had never heard of such a thing. My initial thought was that my boyfriend had serious mental problems and needed help. That was nine years ago, and I suppose I have come a long way since then. I went from ignorance and fear to understanding and acceptance….and beyond. These days I can honestly say that I find being married to a crossdresser fun, exciting, sexy, and fulfilling on many different levels. I can’t imagine wanting to be with a “regular guy” ever again.What is it about you that makes a man who is gender challenged attractive?
My wife is so disgusted by it and so adamant that it is wrong that we are on the verge of splitting up. I don't see how to avoid it, though she believes if I only wanted to I could choose not to.
So what I really would like to know is. What makes a woman see something good about us and makes her want to be with a crossdresser, or stay in a marriage with a crossdresser when so many others refuse to tolerate it?
So what makes someone like me “different” from less accepting women? That is very hard to say. It is probably a combination of my personality, my values, and my upbringing.
A lot of it may have to do with the fact that I am a very empathetic and compassionate person. I find it easy to see things from other people’s perspectives, to put myself in their shoes. So when my first CD boyfriend told me about his dressing, I tried my best to understand. Even though I was shocked and didn’t like what I was hearing, I wanted to know more. It would have been unthinkable for me to shut down and turn away from him when he had revealed such a vulnerable part of himself to me. Some SOs, for whatever reason, never seem to get that far – they simply don’t want to know. I wouldn’t presume to judge them, but I do find that attitude baffling. If you love someone, why wouldn’t you at least try to understand what makes them tick?
So the first thing I did was set out on a quest for answers to all the questions I had. I am a very inquisitive person by nature, another trait which probably helped me on the road to acceptance. I love learning new things and exposing myself to different experiences, and I am delighted when I come across something that challenges my previous way of thinking. I found myself fascinated by crossdressing and transgender issues, and I basically started reading everything I could get my hands on. Education was crucial to helping me overcome my fears and misconceptions, and without that spark of curiosity I doubt I would have done as much exploring.
It probably also didn’t hurt that I grew up in the 70s in a counterculture, bohemian family where radical beliefs and alternative lifestyles were, ironically, the norm. I learned at an early age that there are many, many ways to live besides what is shown on t.v. I suppose this made me broad-minded; it certainly instilled in me respect and admiration for people who are “different.” I can understand how SOs from more traditional or conservative backgrounds might have a harder time, and I sympathize with them, but fortunately for me I didn’t have any moral or religious baggage to deal with.
Last but not least, I think I was predisposed to find crossdressers appealing because I had always been attracted to men who are soft, kind, caring, and emotional, rather than aggressive macho types. Once I saw a connection between crossdressing and these “feminine” personality traits, it made me much more appreciative. Even as a little girl I preferred quiet, shy, gentle boys. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of those boys I had crushes on were transgendered.
I don’t know how helpful this response will be, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to engage in a little self-reflection.
I am looking forward to hearing what the other GG members have to say. I think most of us here are accepting, to some degree, or we wouldn't even be coming to this forum. So I would like to hear from everyone, even those who are struggling with this, because compared to some other SOs you are light years ahead. Well?
