Can anyone explain?

[Krista1985]

So I'm in the middle of a dressing low right now.

The thought of going through the ritual just seems unappealing for the moment. Even before I acknowledged I was a CD, I would have short periods of time during which I'd wonder what life as a woman would be like. Then there were longer periods of time during which I did not consider the thought, and thought I was weird for ever entertaining the notion.

During those low periods I'd think, "Huzzah! I'm cured!" but the thoughts always returned eventually. But recently I have accepted that the feelings will more than likely return throughout my life, and I've come to enjoy them. So now I find myself thinking, "Where'd it go?" and, "When will it return?"

Is there anyone on the site that has been through this and understands what causes these highs and lows? Is it natural for a beginner to slip into and out of it, or a signal of lingering doubt and confusion? I know I'll be back at it in full force eventually, and far from dreading the prospect I eagerly look forward to it. Still, at the moment the thought of dressing up is the farthest thing from my mind. Advice please!

[O2B Barbara]

I have no magic words to share except that I have been through those periods several times. I now accept the fact that I am a CD and am comfortable with it. Give it time and things may become clear for you.

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Krista
Even though i except myself and enjoy my c/ding i still go these periods sometimes, i think it's just a case of us balancing ourselves out.

[Toni_Lynn]

So I'm in the middle of a dressing low right now.
....
During those low periods I'd think, "Huzzah! I'm cured!" but the thoughts always returned eventually.
....
Is it natural for a beginner to slip into and out of it, or a signal of lingering doubt and confusion?

Krista

Yep -- totally natural to wax and wane in enthusiasm. Life and things in general affect us. Look -- I like the Beatles and have all the records and lots of bootlegs and stuff .. but at times I grow tired of them. But you know what -- going back is like discovering an old friend!

Another example of this would be someone like Mother Theresa of Calcutta. Some see her as a saint, as very holy - and of steadfast faith in God. But even she had dark doubting moments about her faith.

And -- oh -- on your second point. There is nothing to be cured of. You are normal.

As the the final bit -- don't let anyone try to box you into a corner with dime-store psychology or tell you that you are filled with self-hate. Questioning can be a positive thing. Use the down times for self discovery.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[DianneRoberts]

I think distractions vs. idle time have a lot to do with it.
I had a big project yesterday and didn't CD.
Today I feel just plain too lazy, maybe though.

Is it really any different than some days a GG wants to dress up nice and the next wear old ratty jeans and a sweatshirt ?


Dianne

[Miranda09]

It's just a matter of balance. If you are new to it, there's a bit of uneasiness due to social fobias that are pounded into us from youth. But, just as with any hobby, don't be afraid to set it aside for a while then come back to it. Don't force it. Let it come naturally.

[Kate Simmons]

When we finally realize it is all about feelings, we finally get the answer. Recognizing and taking ownership of the feelings is the first step to making dressing a choice vs it being a compulsion. Insight is knowledge and knowledge is power in that respect. Of course some folks will say they don't care why they CD and that suits them I guess. Personally I'd rather be the one at the helm and in control of the feelings than leave it to some random all consuming process which ends up leading me around.

[docrobbysherry]

What's the reason most of us only eat turkey a couple times a year?

On the other hand, I've discovered it's quite EASY to get hooked on turkey!

[Jessica Who]

I totally understand these feelings and still go through them now, but really have no idea what causes them. All I know is that I am glad that my femme feelings aren't constant, because that would be too much for me to deal with.

As it is now, I get the feeling to dress about once a week, but I only get the opportunity about once a month

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...During those low periods I'd think, "Huzzah! I'm cured!" but the thoughts always returned eventually...

I'm sorry - I always hated that "cured" line of thinking. The notion that people can be cured of being themselves (or being a crossdresser) is exactly the kind of thing that helps keep perpetuate us being seen as mentally sick in the public eye.

Perhaps it would be helpful to know that crossdressing is not a mental illness. Not because I say so, but because psychiatric professionals and doctors (who have studied it in great depth) say so. It is something that society has a problem with, but crossdressing is not like alcoholism or a compulsion that one needs to be cured of. It is something that society needs to be educated about.

In regard to your question, just relax. Your story is nothing new in terms of the low periods and high periods. It's perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about. If you don't feel like dressing, then what's the problem? Don't dress. If you don't feel like eating a tuna fish sandwich, then don't eat one. No one ever has a problem with that one though, right? The social stigma - that's the only real difference. Would you be as confused about any other aspect of your life that is very meaningful to you for a while, and then not so much, and then all of a sudden it is again? I'm guessing not.

Take it easy and try not to over analyze things. Dress when you feel like it. Eat tuna fish sandwiches when you don't. Seriously - just turn off the "what does this all mean" thought process for a while. You'll do just fine.

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]I don't have those low periods as much now than when I started to dress. I use the period to assess where I am and where I want or need to go. I find the low periods as a way to step back and unwind a little. We'll always go through these periods.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Krista1985]

Thanks for the supportive replies,

I may have given the impression that I felt that there was something wrong with me in my 'on' times, and that I was wishing them away. Hoping for a 'cure' was my old attitude, ignorance is a strong prison indeed. Knowledge has changed my outlook entirely, and taught me to love this part of me. But it hasn't provided me with any sort of control over the inclination towards dressing. Sometimes I want it and can't get enough, and other times I can't be bothered with it.

Thank you all so much for the feedback,

I've beaten myself up plenty in the past, no 'violence' this time around, just a self interrogation of sorts in progress. I just wish I could tune in to myself to the point where I could forecast how I'll feel over a period of time...

In my best weatherman voice, "And the workweek is looking pretty drab, mostly sunny with a 20% chance of some evening CDing. As we move into the weekend, we'll see the sunny trend continue, however the CD index is reading 80% probability."

That sure would make planning things a lot easier!

[Lorileah]

How about the simplest way of explaining this. No one does things "always". "Never say never and always avoid always". Women don't dress up everyday. The only reason people dress the same way everyday is if they HAVE to, uniformity in the work place. Everyone fluctuates. If you do something all the time it becomes redundant and boring.

And why do you think you are "cured"? Are you ill? This isn't a disease, it is who we are and what we do.

Relax. It will come, it will go. Someday it may go forever. But don't stress over it

[StevieTV]

I used to go through the highs and lows. It cost me a small fortune as when the highs were there I'd go out and buy clothes, makeup, etc then purge b/c of the lows.
Now, I take them with stride. I don't purge any longer although I do have bouts of shopping. My advise would be go with the flow as it's natural.

[Krista1985]

And why do you think you are "cured"? Are you ill? This isn't a disease, it is who we are and what we do.

Forgive me, I don't know how to quote it up

I just want to address the 'cured' bit to clear up any misunderstanding. Yes, there was a time in the past where I wished this part of me away. Due to lack of information and people to discuss it with I honestly thought there was something wrong with me.

That is a bygone era,

If I have been cured of anything it's the negative way of thinking about this side of me. I realize there is nothing wrong with people like us, it makes us special and provides us with some very unique advantages. I only brought up my old views as a way of contrasting my evolving attitude about CD feelings. My how those attitudes have changed. I went from, "Good, it's gone and hopefully for good." to, "Dang, where'd it go? I was having fun! Bring it back!" I truly wasn't casting aspersions on us for doing what we do.

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies, they've helped me a lot. I'm going to take it easy like you all say, and not try to force it to return. I'm sure it'll return to me when the time is right.

[Karren H]

Well I think its a mix of Too much of a good thing, Getting burnt out, Laziness, hormones, and stages of the moon!! Lol. Got to be a neat formula in there somewhere!! And don't even get me going on alien abduction theories!!

I haven't dressed in going on 5 months and its not bbooottteeerrrrriing me at all!! It just comes and goes and I don't even worry about it anymore.. It will come back.. It always has.. It always will..

[Carly D.]

I bounce between wearing regular and not at all and right now I'm in a wearing spurt that has been lasting for four years now.. longest non dressing spurt was really just that, maybe a month, maybe slightly longer...

[DianneRoberts]

Like the Nike ad said, "Just do it"

I feel so much better now.
Had little desire, now thankful and feeling great.
Blonde wig, fem watch, too little blue dress, Black back seam pantie hose, strappy heels, thong. Feels good, I might even go for a drive.

Life is good,
Dianne

[Stefanie_Adams]

not anymore somedays it easier to dress like a guy, but I am Stefanie always.

[battybattybats]

Well as TS apears largely neurological and CDing likely similar, hormonal cycles and the like may be part of it.

However I find that often when I feel like this it is because unconciously part of me is fighting the CDing desire. That actually deeper down i DO want, even need, to CD but unconcious issues with it are squashing that from my concious awareness and what I take to be a lack of desire to dress is in fact a conflicting desire to dress and another desire not to dress.

When this happens I usually find I'm feelling down, or cranky without admitting it to myself or being consciously aware of it.

So when I realise it's happening what do I do? I make myself dress. And I usually feel much happier and better when I do. Even just a little bit of lipstick or lipgloss can reduce the conflict and help me feel freere and happier, though not as much as biting the bullet and dressing fully.

So I think the long periods of not wanting to dress actually come at least partially from Internalised Transphobia. From the conflict in the unconscious pushing down and burrying the CD desire from our awareness till it builds to an explosive pressure... resulting in 'pink fog' (or oerhaps a pink boiler-explosion).

Whereas dressing when we feel like not dressing should ease that inner conflict, increase self-acceptance while also reducing the severity and frequency of pink-fog explosions resulting in a better balance.

That certainly seems to be my experience.

[Christina Horton]

Before I read the rest I have this thought.

It's like you wanna eat let's say STEAK. You crave it but because it cost so much you don't buy it. But then you have a little extra money and buy like A half a cow. Now your set. You cut them up into steaks and freeze them. save to a few . you cook them up for the next few days you enjoy then so much that you wonder why the hell you waited so long to do it. All the work was well worth it. after you go through say half of your steaks you become tired of ALL WAY EATING STEAK. So you cool it for a while.
After say 2 month's you have all but forgotten about the steaks and then it hits you , you say to your self " I have steak in the freezer at home and then you think about it all day , you get excited, all revved up so to speak. You get home drooling over the thought of tearing into that steak.
You thaw it , you cook it and it's just as good as you remember it from the last time you had it. You wonder you did not want to eat steak sooner , but you enjoy it then and there. And so on and so on and so on. Until the steak is all gone. month's later you want more steak and you go to the freezer and OH NOOOOOOOOOO . no more steak. You want steak so you think of how mush work it was the last time to buy the steak and to cut the half a cow and the work work work. After a few days of drooling you realise that the hunger , craving just won't go away so you just buck up and do it. Again you wonder why you waited so long to enjoy something you love with all your heart.

Does that help , I don't know . We all know all about cravings of all sorts. This dressing we all do could be put into the same kind of format as I just described but It's all up to all the individual girls to determine how and when to deal with the CRAVING to dress. Me I have to go for the most part 2 weeks in between dressing cuz I am driving truck over that time. But I look forward to Eating that steak and if make the experience so much juicer in the end , wouldn't you all agree.
Of course if you don't like or eat steak well I guess you can use another food or addiction for your STEAK.

I hope it help. Dam Now I am hungry ok gotta go to the store see ya!!!!!!!!

[Nicole Erin]

I hate dressing up.
Yep, it is true, the whole process of make up, bra, skirt, painful heels, etc, I hate doing it. Though I don't mind the hose....

It would not be a bad idea to wear some femme things most of the time. I don't mean like "pantyhose under slacks" or wearing a bra that you are trying to hide, but just things like women's shorts, tennies, socks, tops, etc...
Maybe replace your man slacks with woman ones, they feel more comfy and are femme. Just things like that.

LAst time I weat to our monthly TG group, I could hardly wait until the end of the night to get out of my blouse and skirt and throw back on my tee and shorts and get out of those damned heels.

[Koka]

I have been dressing since 8 but stopped from my mis 20 to mid 30s.. Now I am back again.

[Crissy Kay]

That sounds pretty normal for most of us here. I am a part timer in the first place. It can be a lot of work to get all dolled up. That kind of goes double for us closet cds as no one, we hope, will see us!!!

[Christina Horton]

A low for me is when I am not dressing. That is to say when I am on the road. My dressing High is when I am home and able to dress and even if I don't dress I at lest had the chance to do so. I have had 3 days Of dressing this weekend and had so much fun that I am going to play hooky tomorrow and do some more . SO IT'S ALL GOOD HUN. Just ride it out and you will get to shore sooner or later.