I am flying to San Diego for a three day conference and four days of relaxation. This is the fourth time in as many months that I have flown en femme. Just when you think something is routine...
I made it to the airport in plenty of time this morning and as I was exiting the parking bus for the check in counter when I recognized and old, dear and long lost high school buddy that I have not seen in years. A squadron of butterflies attacked my tummy as soon as I saw him, but I kept my cool. For those of you that have not seen my pictures in the before and after thread I look nothing like my male self dressed. Alex was one of my best friends in high school. One of those guys you always idolized and one of those guys your parents loved you hanging around with. He was great looking, a true athlete, kind, smart, and treated everyone great. He didn’t have a flaw. He disappeared right after graduation and no one in my class knew where he had gone. Deep down I wished I could chat with him, but I knew the folly of that idea. How do you open up a conversation with your long lost buddy when you are dressed? My new pet butterflies helped me decide that blending into the crowd was the right choice and I quickly headed to the ticket counter.
Checking in and my trip through security was uneventful. In fact, the TSA agent checking tickets and IDs was the same agent that checked me a few weeks ago. I guess his not recognizing me is a testament to the assertion that no one really notices. Well almost no one...
I made it into the gate and my flight is delayed due to a “minor” mechanical issues. I sat next to the window and looked out at the pit crew of mechanics crawling all over one wing of the plane. Reading the latest posts to this site and watching this well orchestrated crew work on my plane drew my attention away from my surroundings. I stress to my daughters that a woman must always be aware of her surroundings and today proved that fact.
I did not notice Alex entering the gate or taking a seat directly across from me. I almost wet myself when I looked up and saw him sitting across from me! He looked at me smiled and turning his head towards the plane said, “that’s never something you like to see”. I smiled gave him a polite, “yes” and tried to hear myself think what I needed to do next over the panicked thumping of my heart. “Ok girl be cool. He hasn’t seen you in years. You are fully dressed. He won’t recognize you. Keep your head down and pretend you are engrossed in some sort of work on your computer. Get the headphones on. He will move on and all will be good.”
No so much. I glanced up and noticed him staring at me. I could tell his mind was running. I smiled and looked back down. Hopefully he was just doing the “is that a girl or a guy ?” line of thinking and nothing more. “Excuse me”, he said as he leaned forward. Ohh my, the butterflies in my stomach started playing hockey with my spleen. I felt like I was going to pass out. I am all about being out and about, but there is a definitive line between those that know Suzanne and those that do not and I was about to experience two worlds colliding.
The words I was dreading were spoken. “Don’t I know you? You look really familiar.” Sweet Goddess of all that is female please strike one of us down or bring on a natural disaster. At that moment anything would have been better than the current situation. How do I respond? Think girl think……..” Ummm I don’t think so” with my head buried in my computer was the best that my feeble spinning mind come up with. Alex responded with a tentative “Oh, OK sorry”. I thought I had weathered the storm of discovery. Unfortunately, I lost my cool. I quickly packed up my things and acted like I was heading to the restroom. As I stood up to make my escape I lost my girl cool and twisted my ankle as my heel gave way. Damn my incurable desire to always be fashionable! I know not to wear heels when I fly.
As I recovered I turned locked eyes with him and realized at that moment that he knew. He said, “I am sorry I didn’t mean to make you nervous. I was just looking to make small talk. I lost my mom this past week and just wanted to chat to take my mind off of it.” I loved Alex’s mom. All through high school she had been a second Mom to me and many of my firends. Overcome by the news I forgot my own plight and replied, “I’m sorry I didn’t even know she was sick.” As soon as I said it I knew I was totally busted. He grinned a grin that would make the Cheshire Cat proud and said, “I knew it was you but was afraid to ask. Wow you have changed!”
There was no denying it. I got what I wanted deep down, a chance to sit with my friend and chat. I took the seat next to him as he said, “I would have never guessed.” I won’t rehash the entire conversation, but he gave me his word that this side of me his secret until I personally decide to share it with those from my past. I believe him too. He shared with me that he and his husband were the talk of our 20 year reunion and he knew what it felt like to be the subject of catty gossip. We reminisced about his Mom. I shed a tear. We talked about how we both knew who we were in high school, but did our best to deny it and what life would have been like if we had trusted enough with each other to share our secrets back then. As they were making the last boarding call for my flight we hugged and exchanged phone numbers. I can not describe the rush of emotions I feel right now. My butterflies are replaced by the warm feeling of rekindling a long lost friendship. Unfortunately, they are also being replaced by a slight sense of regret for twenty years of friendship that I missed out on because I wasn’t brave enough to be myself in a bygone time.
Be sure the brain is engaged, before putting the mouth into gear 
Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better
Originally Posted by SuzanneBender
(((((((((((((((((((("I LOVE BEING A CROSSDRESSER")))))))))))))))))))
