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Thread: What does being "hit on" mean to you?

  1. #1
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    What does being "hit on" mean to you?

    The definition of popular expressions can change over time to mean different things to different people. For example, when my son says that I "yelled" at him, it can mean anything from a disapproving comment made in a normal tone of voice, to a louder, more alarming admonition. It can also mean shouting. Still, it is all "yelling" to him.

    I've seen threads recently about being hit on and I wonder if it means being stared at appreciatively, ogled at, spoken to nicely, flirted with, winked at, asked out nicely, propositioned rudely, groped, etc.

    Is it unwanted?

    What's the difference between being approached in a social environment where the purpose in going is to meet people, and being hit on? Are they the same thing? And is it possible, depending on the level of self-consciousness, that an individual might think they are being hit on when in fact the other person is just wanting to make conversation whether or not they are testing the waters?
    Reine

  2. #2
    Junior Member KristyPa's Avatar
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    Being hit on to me means. A guy coming up to me and asks me out. A guy coming up to me and talking in no way says he hit on me, he needs to ask me to do something on a him and me bases as a date.

  3. #3
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Why it's when your driving hard to the net and one of their defensmen skates over and knockes your ass into the goalie!! Getting hit when your on the net? But that's just my definition!
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!

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    Loves ordinary miracles SuzanneBender's Avatar
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    Hit on to me means that the guy wants more than just social interaction. He is looking for a date or even more.
    See yourself as a soul with a body not a body with a soul" Dr. Wayne Dyer


  5. #5
    Girl on the Side theresa's Avatar
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    Being hit on to me is when someone with more than a casual interest comes up and starts talking to you.
    Something happens and I'm head over heels.

  6. #6
    Member AlisonRenee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Is it unwanted?
    I would consider it unwanted if it becomes intrusive or offensive, and to me it also depends on one's mood or why she's there to begin with. Maybe she just wants to be "alone in a crowd", I can certainly understand that.
    [FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="3"]Ali[/SIZE]

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  7. #7
    Junior Member Autumndawn's Avatar
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    Three instances

    I've encountered three types of approaches by men. One, is where my breast has been squeezed, by purpose, as a man passed by me. I considered that "fondling" and rude. Another was by a man who squeezed my bottom, then proceeded to initiate diagalogue. I considered that to being "hit on". The third was by a man, who approached me, initiated small talk, and then asked me to dance with him. I considered that to be a "social encounter". With that said, a man might approach, start a conversation, and be a true gentleman all the way through, without the fondling, or groping. Some women may still liken that to being "hit on". I think each one has their own interpretation of being hit on, and how they're peers percieve it, or how they do. Where's the rule book anyway?

  8. #8
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Reine, as a woman, I'm sure that you're aware that you just know when you're being hit on. It's social interaction, yes - but with an edge. Your radar is up. You just know that this is not a "normal" chat. It sometimes feels to me like a "hunger" in either their responses, eye contact, body language or general demeanor. I know you were looking for something a bit more cut and dried, but it's not always like that. Yes, it means different things to different people, but I characterize it as conversation not necessarily for conversation's sake. Do you know what I mean - especially the "radar" part?

    Kathi

  9. #9
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    The definition of popular expressions can change over time to mean different things to different people. For example, when my son says that I "yelled" at him, it can mean anything from a disapproving comment made in a normal tone of voice, to a louder, more alarming admonition. It can also mean shouting. Still, it is all "yelling" to him.

    I've seen threads recently about being hit on and I wonder if it means being stared at appreciatively, ogled at, spoken to nicely, flirted with, winked at, asked out nicely, propositioned rudely, groped, etc.

    Is it unwanted?

    What's the difference between being approached in a social environment where the purpose in going is to meet people, and being hit on? Are they the same thing? And is it possible, depending on the level of self-consciousness, that an individual might think they are being hit on when in fact the other person is just wanting to make conversation whether or not they are testing the waters?
    I would have to say... If a guy approaches me and actually asks me out, asks me for my phone number, or says something that implies our being together. You kind of have to take the last thing on a case by case basis. For instance, if I am out dancing at a club and a guy asks me if I would like to dance, I don't take that as being hit upon. Now if a guy asks me if he can buy me a drink, he may not necessarily be hitting on me by merely asking, it's where it goes after if I do in fact take him up on the offer. However, it has been my experience that most ( not all, but most) guys have more on their mind than just pleasant conversation when they make the offer. I don't mean just sex, but rather getting to know you. I don't consider it being hit on if a guy playfully flirts with me.. unless as I said before, he asks me out,asks for my number, or implies that he would like to get to know me. As for being groped, that's not being hit on, that is a personal assault plain and simple, and may very well get him "hit on" with fist or foot. lol
    You can take being "hit on" as meaning unwanted attention, or simply as someone taking an interest in you and wanting to get to know you. And as Kathi mentioned, you can pretty much tell by the vibe, if someone is just being sociable or looking for more. If I am in a social setting where as you say the purpose of being there might in fact be to meet someone, I could say that..ewww this really creepy guy was hitting on me, or I could say wow, this really cute guy was asking for my phone number. I guess what I am trying to say is that my use of term "being hit on" isn't necessarily a negative.
    It can be either wanted or unwanted, depending on the situation. When I was single, and a guy approached me in a social setting, my attitude could go either way.
    Now that I am in a relationship, I am really not interested, but I do understand that boys will be boys and it's gonna happen, and it does happen a lot, and it does get old. I don't appreciate getting hit on at the market, or the library,or while out running, but what are ya gonna do?

    Kel
    Last edited by kellycan27; 12-16-2009 at 03:26 PM.
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  10. #10
    Just a girl at heart too Kerigirl2009's Avatar
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    Being hit on to me is an advance that someone would like to get closer to me either by touching the small of my back or trying to place their hand on my leg you know physical contact (not incidential) Or if a person wnats to get more intimate details about you and shows an interest in pursuing you.
    I personally like it when my wife does these things to me. makes me feel appreciated for who I am.
    Flirting is to me an innocent way to make non verbal communication. eyes, the head spin, raising your eyebrows suductivly. I love to flirt but have never hit on someone other than my wife since we where married.

  11. #11
    Queen of the Faery Realms Bethany_Anne_Fae's Avatar
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    For me... being hit on is mostly having someone begin the conversation in a way that indicates they want more than just a "hello". I dont mind that as I find it a compliment to my endeavors en femme. So long as the person in question can take "no thank you" for an answer gracefully and walk away, then everything is good.
    At renaissance faires there is something known of as the infamous "Kiss Card" and I have to shun about 30-40 of them a day depending on the faire. if someone doesnt mind the cheek kiss, then I'm good with that, but otherwise I politely decline. All in all it is still a major compliment to be asked.

    *hugs*

    Zarabeth
    (Formerly known everywhere as Lady Zarabeth

  12. #12
    Mature Member sara_also's Avatar
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    I would have to agree with Kerigirl and Lady Zarabeth,

  13. #13
    Member ggtracy's Avatar
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    interesting question, I suppose it is different for everyone. for me, I think too much touching (other than a handshake) crosses the line. If fact, this used to drive me crazy because my SO's other friends who crossdress would touch him all the time while talking- I have to admit I was jealous and it made me uncomfortable.

    funny thing is now, they do the same thing to me, and I am learning that it is simply a show of affection and nothing more.

  14. #14
    Member AlisonRenee's Avatar
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    Maybe it boils down to the idea of "personal space", and everyone has their own boundaries?
    [FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="3"]Ali[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="2"]"You're as beautiful as you feel"... Carole King[/SIZE][/FONT]

  15. #15
    All that she wants Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Usually being propositioned to have sex. Guys being guys though, being gay notwithstanding, sometimes they have to do the obligatory "hit" on a cute guy or a CD. It does something for their ego and self esteem. Bluster aside, once you start talking with someone it will become evident what their true intentions are. It can be fun if a CD can tolerate playing the "game" a little in any case.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  16. #16
    Member Bettyann303's Avatar
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    If I get hit on and they think I am a GG then I feel I am "passing well"

  17. #17
    Member Elizebeth's Avatar
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    When someone talks to you and wan't more than convesaton.
    mostly harmless

  18. #18
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    All your responses are great, thanks! There are some forms of approach that cannot be mistaken; when the interested party makes his intentions clear. But other times, is it so clear?
    Quote Originally Posted by SuzanneBender View Post
    Hit on to me means that the guy wants more than just social interaction. He is looking for a date or even more.
    Quote Originally Posted by theresa View Post
    Being hit on to me is when someone with more than a casual interest comes up and starts talking to you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Zarabeth View Post
    For me... being hit on is mostly having someone begin the conversation in a way that indicates they want more than just a "hello".
    Suzanne, Theresa, & Zar .. in your examples, how would the person know she is being hit on or if the other person is just being nice? Say I'm sitting at a bar and someone starts a conversation with me. They even smile a lot and it turns out in the course of the conversation we share many interests. But the person doesn't come right out and suggest we do something together. Is this getting hit on, or just talking? Maybe the person got stood up and is just bored?
    Quote Originally Posted by Autumndawn View Post
    I've encountered three types of approaches by men.
    Lol. There is no rule book! I agree with Kelly. Your first two examples go beyond being hit on, they are assaults. I would have slapped those guys silly! I hope I don't sound too extreme, but is there that much difference between someone forcing their sexual attention mildly such as what happened to you and more severely such as an actual rape? Both actions indicate a similar lack of respect for a person's boundaries, admittedly to different degrees.

    I define being hit on as an expressed (not imagined) romantic desire someone might have in seeing more of me. And they like and respect me enough to want to get on my good side and not grab my boobs on the dance floor.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kathi Lake View Post
    Reine, as a woman, I'm sure that you're aware that you just know when you're being hit on. It's social interaction, yes - but with an edge. Your radar is up. You just know that this is not a "normal" chat.
    Thanks Kathi, I understand about the radar. Sometimes my radar has been right on, but other times (most times) I've been sorely mistaken. There was a time in my life when I had much less self-confidence in myself and my attitudes about men were inaccurate enough to believe that any guy who looked at me had an agenda.

    But if the radar is accurate ... if I perceive someone is interested but I don't give off any signals that the interest is returned, therefore the interested party does not follow through with any type of invitation, then I would not consider this being hit on. I would consider this more testing the waters. If on the other hand both parties sense mutual interest even if it is subtle, then someone is bound to suggest taking it further and that would be getting hit on.

    Case in point, my SO during the years when we were mere acquaintances and we talked only occasionally .. my radar was up big time thinking that she was hitting on me (or more accurately, wondering if she was hitting on me), but during that time I couldn't have been further from the truth!

    I see a distinction between feeling as if someone else is interested and knowing they are interested. Without overt signals (smiling & talking don't count) there is only a 50% chance the feelings are accurate.
    Reine

  19. #19
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    It means a man comes up and asks you out. Unwanted: no. appreciated; yes. It's always nice to know that you passed well enough to be hit on
    Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better

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