I'm SO confused/conflicted.....Am I alone?

[Roberta Marie]

I am by no means an expert when it comes to transsexuals. I consider myself to be dual gendered. But, from conversations that I've had with friends that are transsexuals that have transitioned, that are in various stages of transition, and that have no desire to transition, the one common thread that they all agree on is that they are not becoming women. They always have been women, they know, without a doubt that they are women. The language that they use is always that of always knowing that they were female. These women are generally happy after transitioning. This is language that is missing from your post.

The couple of people that I have spoken with that have transitioned and then have had second thoughts afterwards (when it's too late) do not use this language of always knowing that they are women. They "thought" they were women, they once were men that became women. THis is language that is present in your post.

I guess my concern is that before anybody does something that is not reversible, that they be absolutely sure that they are indeed a woman.

Grace,
Bobbi

[Emme]

I am 6 -3 and I never could play basketball.

[ikatrina]

...... but do be aware that being tall is akin to wearing a sign..people look more closely!

I've had this exact thought. You can be a quite beautiful woman, but being tall will always raise questions.....after that any tiny sign will give you away. Of course the answer is "who cares".....but, I do....unfortunately I'm too self-conscious and it would be a hard way to live. My heart goes out to your friend. On one hand it was very strong of her to make the leap but it sounds like it wasn't the happy/fulfilling end that she was hoping for.

[ikatrina]

I am by no means an expert when it comes to transsexuals. I consider myself to be dual gendered. But, from conversations that I've had with friends that are transsexuals that have transitioned, that are in various stages of transition, and that have no desire to transition, the one common thread that they all agree on is that they are not becoming women. They always have been women, they know, without a doubt that they are women. The language that they use is always that of always knowing that they were female. These women are generally happy after transitioning. This is language that is missing from your post.

The couple of people that I have spoken with that have transitioned and then have had second thoughts afterwards (when it's too late) do not use this language of always knowing that they are women. They "thought" they were women, they once were men that became women. THis is language that is present in your post.

I guess my concern is that before anybody does something that is not reversible, that they be absolutely sure that they are indeed a woman.

Grace,
Bobbi

My lost post included a very similar line of thought. In reflection over the years I've come to realize that I've never had the classic "girl in a man's body" feeling. Dressing is for expression and comfort. It's a way for the girl side of me (and all my feminine tendencies) to come out and enjoy life.

Gee I wish I hadn't lost that original post. It really did clear things up for me while I wrote it....which in a way was personally helpful even if it wasn't posted. Like a lost diary entry.

Do you other girls keep diaries?

[ReineD]

I have a friend who just had SRS. She is well over 6'2". Her workplace supports her transition. She felt she was a CD for the longest time and almost overnight, 2 or 3 years ago, she decided to transition. I don't know if this happened as her marriage was failing or if it failed because of it. It's been difficult and lonely for her. But she is strong. She came to the conclusion she could no longer live as a man. I am guessing she is in her late 40s.

There have been many threads like yours lately, where the question is no longer how to persuade a wife to accept the CDing, but whether one should transition. I remember my SO telling me a few years ago that a new study (I wish I could cite it) showed that there are more late onset TSs than was previously thought. Maybe this has to do with the proliferation of informative TG sites on the internet, and the facility with which members of the TG community can now connect.

I used to think that it was possible for CDs in deep pink fogs to idealize being a woman so much as to believe they wanted to transition, and if they did so, they would regret it later. Now I am not so sure. I am beginning to wonder if more CDs who feel this way are not late onset TSs. I wish there was a way to help people determine what they truly need.

But if you believe you cannot be happy being a man, then you owe it to yourself and your wife to come to this realization sooner rather than later. It is no good to settle unhappily in a man's life just because you feel you do not have the ideal female body. Your unhappiness will take its toll on you and your family over the years.

You could give yourself permission to live and breathe as much as you can as Katrina for a year or so, since you have your wife's support, to see how this fits with your family and your own psyche, and then make a decision as to what is best for you.

I do not know how common it is for non-TSs to feel this way:

Spending hours dressed is very comfortable, enjoyable and makes me feel like "me".

respect and sometimes jealousy are the only reactions I've had to a beautiful woman in many years

I'm not attracted to the physical image of a man (never thought "wow, he's hot") but the plumbing is certainly a turn-on.

[ikatrina]

......I wish there was a way to help people determine what they truly need.

Yes...no rule books in life. I'm fairly certain there are just as many stories and situations as there are members on this board....surely some common elements but everyone has a unique story.

But if you believe you cannot be happy being a man, then you owe it to yourself and your wife to come to this realization sooner rather than later. It is no good to settle unhappily in a man's life just because you feel you do not have the ideal female body. Your unhappiness will take its toll on you and your family over the years.

Thus the conflict. I've never said I was unhappy with being a man......I'm having difficulty in finding the correct balance to make each expression of me fulfilled.

I do not know how common it is for non-TSs to feel this way.....

These are certainly some of the aspects that make me wonder.....but as mentioned above I'm sure there are several girls here that share some, none or all of these feelings. I don't think any CD/TS is quite the same and we can't glean any constants.

The variety in situations makes our world so great, and gives psychologists a career.

[christinek]

There are a lot of tall Genetic Women, Kat Deeley, Allison Janney, many others too. Google it and see for yourself. They make ladies shoes in size 11 and 12 available in Wal Mart for such people.

[Roberta Marie]

My lost post included a very similar line of thought. In reflection over the years I've come to realize that I've never had the classic "girl in a man's body" feeling. Dressing is for expression and comfort. It's a way for the girl side of me (and all my feminine tendencies) to come out and enjoy life.

Gee I wish I hadn't lost that original post. It really did clear things up for me while I wrote it....which in a way was personally helpful even if it wasn't posted. Like a lost diary entry.

Do you other girls keep diaries?

I remember, as a little kid of 7 or 8, going to bed and praying that I'd be a girl when I woke up, only to wake up, look under the sheets and be disapointed. Then, after I hit puberty, I'd go to bed with that same prayer, but wake up in the morning and after looking under the sheets, breath a sigh of relief.

I've settled on the understanding that I'm "dual gendered", both masculine and feminine. It works good for me, to understand myself as being "in the middle". I'm contented. My wife is understanding. I'm in a good place. I dress to some extent every day. My hair, thinning as it is, is now shoulder length. I shave the parts that can be seen, and for Christmas, my wife took me to get my ears pierced.

At 5' 12" in my stocking feet, and after 26 years of humping hose and eating smoke, there's no way that I pass, but I've never really had a need to pass. I really like my guy parts, and so does my wife. I'm out in public 3 - 6 times a month, and I dress for me, not for others. I'm comfortable. I'm content.

Bobbi