How long have you hidden your crossdressing from your wife

[kristinacd55]

32 years TOO long. She found out in 2007, and things are soooo much better now that she knows! Whew, what a load off my chest....

[KandisTX]

Wife #1: I didn't tell her until we had been married a year.
Wife #2: I told before we moved in together.
Wife #3: Met me while I was out enjoying a night as Kandis.
Wife #4: Told her three days after we met almost 15 years ago.

(First three marriages ended when wives left of their own accord without telling me they were leaving. Wife #1 used my CDing in teh divorce to ensure her getting sole custody of son. Wife #2 threw out all of my stuff, about 10K worth of femme clothing and forms and wigs. Wife #3 left one day while I was at work she packed her stuff and took off for some guy she met on the internet.)


Kandis

[allisonrn06]

My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for going on 9. I told her before we were married about my fem side, and her initial reaction was that I could keep my fem stuff, but she didn't want to see me in it. For 5 years I kept it hidden from her, because that's the way she wanted it. About 3 years ago, I set up some alone time for the two of us at Halloween, and dressed as a maid for the occasion. It opened up communication about the subject, and I found that sometime in the preceding years she had accepted it. What a wonderful day that was!!

[susancdd]

My wife has known for years and is supportive and very encouraging. Hiding it would have hurt her deeply.

I hid mine for 10yrs, the length of our marriage.
I told here about a year ago, and now she wants a divorce.

I told her because she had an affair.

I told her so we could try to save our marriage, and me wanting the CD'ing to go away.

But she says that is noble, but she doesn't want to be married to me ( crossdresser). Her quote: We are who we are, and will cannot change.

Me, I'm a gentile person, maybe my femine side is stronger than my male side.
She, she wants a manly man, "somoeone who has hair on their knuckles" Someone who makes her feel safe, someone who is, well a 'real' man.

I've hidden my CD for about 30yrs from everyone.

-Susan

[sherri52]

Both my wives knew early and both hoped it would end. It didn't

[Helen_Highwater]

Reading many of the replies posted and not just in this tread has made this mid 50's closeted CD think about what happens when retirement rolls around.
The many opportunities I have to dress ( I work from home much of the time) will disappear as my wife will also leave the world of work at roughly the same time. Do I risk telling, revealing my secret and losing all that has gone before between us, or stay more deeply in the closet and miss out on that part of me that is Helen.
It does prompt the question of, even being married for in my case 30 years, why I and so many other members here cannot know how our so's will react.
We share so much else, down to knowing what wall paper they will like, but can't predict their reaction to the revelation of a part of us that's shaped our relationship for so long.
Better the devil you know?

[JulieK1980]

I hid it for our first three dates. Now I hide nothing....

[Shayna Ashley]

I hide my cding from my wife for about 7 years. I finally realized that I just had to tell her even though she would leave me. I was surprised to find out that she is going to stick by my side. We even went to therapy together and we came to an agreement that I can dress as long as I am open about this with her. I can't hide any of my girlie stuff from her and I have to tell her that I went shopping. It is kinda hard for me, but I am trying.

[Brianna in Hose]

I hid my crossdressing from my fiance for about 19 months after we started dating. We've been together two years at the end of the month. She told me that she would like for me to quit by the time we get married in a little over a year. She thinks that since I quit chewing then I should be able to quit dressing. She doesn't want anything to do with it and doesn't realize that this is something that I just can quit.

[Secret Drawer]

I have been a closeted CDer for over 30 years. After 10 years of marriage, I still couldn't find the nerve to "bring up" my CDing to my wife. For one thing, she wants a "manly man" as it were. Also, there was a few times where I wanted to at least breach the subject through conversation and she had negative responses. I wanted to dress for a particular halloween, and before I even told her my plan she was saying that halloween is just an excuse for guys to dress like girls, its so stupid... So I was always under the impression that my CDing was necessary to keep in the closet.(to keep my marriage intact).
Well, she found my stash (or a bit of it anyways), and laid it out on our bed, and when I got home from work and saw it there, I of course had my heart in my throat and was thinking OH #"^&. She asked me what it was, so I simply said it was a "fetish thing" and no, it wasn't some other womans stuff, it was in fact mine. She was actually relieved, and literally didn't seem to care other than to comment that it might have been better to tell her straight out then her to come home to me in one of her dresses!
None of the details matter as much as the absolute relief and peace that I gained from being "outed." This could possibly be the greatest feeling I've ever had. It is like a validation of self. I told her that I have been doing it since I was like 8 or 9 or thereabouts. After that long with no one "really" knowing, its just a crazy relief I've got to say.
Now two things are in my head. One is that if I happen to get caught by a friend or neighbor, then she already knows, its not as big a deal. Second is how to get her more involved, that is where this forum can really be a benefit.
I feel sorry for and don't want to be a "out of site out of mind" married CD.

[Bernadina]

Hide?? Full disclosure for both of us within weeks.

Wonder what she's hiding if you have secrets?

[NikkiBeth]

[SIZE="2"]I kept it from her, for about 1 year, she has known for about 13 years. She wants no part of it. When she goes away she knows that I allow Nikki to come out. She just want's no surprises laying around when she comes home.[/SIZE]

[Sarah_GG]

My SO kept it from me for about nine months. We were already living together. In fact, I found out before he told me because I found some negatives. I came to this site to find out the best way to let him know that I knew.

Before my SO told me I thought his 'absence' was due to being hung-up on his ex. When he did finally tell me - possibly urged on by my painting his toenails and proffering my undies to wear - it brought us much closer together. He respected me enough to share his inner-most secret.

The thing that's helped me most has been the support and friendship offered by people on this forum - CDs, GGs, TG, FTM, MTF and TS... - I would urge anyone who has told, or is thinking of telling, to direct their SO in the direction of this forum. There are other websites out there that are NOT supportive of CDing. If an SO suspects anything believe me she will be doing research on the internet. The chances of her ending up here - a supportive site - are the same as her ending up on the other one that has the word 'wives' in the title.

[MJ]

i kept it secret for 21.5 years. then she found out and 5 days after she found out i was told to pack up my things and get the hell out...

[ellenwannabe]

We've been married for 6 years and she knew I prefered and dressed from the waist down every day with passable female clothes but does not really approve of it, just tolerates it Ellen

[Abbey Lane]

This wife it is now 12 years we been married and she knows I wear nice womens panties every day but has no clue about the rest of my crossdressing secrets. My first marriage was for 15 years and she never knew anything at all. So been in closet and no one knows.

[Dee2U]

As has been stated by others, being in the closet can be by degree. I tried to speak early in our marriage (>30 years ago) when the cding was highly sexualised. She was put off by it and we never really discussed it. I have kept it in the closet ever since and dont really know what she knows or thinks. I do feel that she is against it. During periods when we have not had sex often enough for her (other reasons), she has asked if I have gay tendencies or have fooled around on her in a half joking, half real way. I can honestly answer that I have never cheated with men or women, so for that part it is good to be honest. After a recent extended out of town trip she did ask me if I wore her panties (that was the extent of our talk so many years ago). I denied it out of anxiety and because of issues we have discussing anything serious. To me that means she has suspicions. What do you all think?...Dee

[charlytuna]

I told my wife after a few months of dating and that was over 31years ago and still happy. I feel that hiding cding from her is like cheating on her. Be up front with her and be truthfull and have a happy married life

[Christina Horton]

I have hidden it from her all her life.....That's cuz I'm not married . So I would say she does not know....yet

[Annaliese2010]

Hell yeah she "knows" and so it goes... she's the reason why I do it, and do it oh so well. Expression of my perfect hatred for the hell that she created. Stupid fcing b#tch; gd idiot! Lingering in this endless limbo; forever in-between. What she TOOK can't be replaced, happiness erased. Pretty soon won't be my "wife", now or never 'cuz... it's my LIFE!

[HappyErica]

Mine found out with the first year of our marriage and she is fairly ok with it, we have a few rules but she is starting to loosen up more and becoming more accepting. She bought me about a dozen colors of nail polish this last Christmas, so I hopping for some bras from her next Christmas

[Jaydee]

We had been married for a little over 33 years when after a lot of soul searching, and reading here, I told her about six months ago. She was surprised and shocked. We have had many conversations since, and she knows that I occasionally underdress when she is not around, but she really hasn't asked the full extent of my CDing and definitely doesn't want to see it. She is still working from tolerance toward acceptance. I am not pressing the issue in the mean time. I love her very much and would hate to have my CDing cause trouble to the marriage

Jaydee

[Selene EV]

My wife found out after almost 15 years. That was 5 years ago and things just haven't been right since. I try to stay optimistic about things but after so long it gets difficult. I can't really say I blame her. A spouse should know the whole package when they say I do. We've talked to therapists in the past and we're seeing somebody now but things don't seem to get any better. I wish I knew then what I do now about crossdressing. I'm sure things would be very different. I don't regret being a crossdresser. I actual love being a CD. I do regret what I've put my wife through and the way things have turned out.
For those of you who have accepting wives, I envy you. For those of you who don't, I feel your pain. For those of you with the many near misses and the ones that think your wives will never find out, good luck (but be ready for the s**t storm thats coming when that next near miss turns out to be a direct hit).

[ReineD]

It's not just the hiding that hurts. It is the moving full speed ahead too.

I was told just as the relationship was taking a more serious turn. My SO hid nothing. We'd known each other as distant acquaintances for some years first. I supported her immediatly. A good friend's husband CDs and I had known them for some eyars and I also knew they had a happy marriage. So from the beginning, I was ready to accept and have fun with my bf in gal mode.

But, my understanding of the CDing was very superficial .. I saw it as an occasional need to get in touch with femininity, mostly in private. I read the TRI-Ess definition of the CDing and I believed it. I didn't realize just how crucial it was for him to experience this, and how deep it is, and how much of a priority it was becoming. So with my immediate acceptance my bf went full speed ahead with a wardrobe acquisition, a BeAll trip, outings all over the place, making friends online and in RL and posting pics, most without my involvement, minor body modifications, more wardrobe acquisition, pierced ears, femme haircuts, long nails, photoshoots, more wardrobe & Jewelry. During this time I felt left behind, as if I took second place. But I continued to support him every way I could. I didn't want him to feel I was non-supportive by telling him I was scared. So I kept silent. I also missed him. I became convinced he would transition. It did level off eventually, but now I'm afraid we've learned to not talk about certain things, the little things that come up. We don't even play together like we used to. We talk so much less now than we did in the beginning. So I feel a distance, a gap that continues to widen between us and it is making me feel very sad. In the past year, I've done my best to step back, to give him space. So now I think he prefers to go out alone than with me. He'll not dress for me at home anymore. It's been a long time since I've seen her. And now I'm wondering if there is someone else he'd like to meet eventually, someone smarter, younger, prettier, someone else who has a different flavor of baggage than mine. I also wonder if the next step is to prepare to out himself to his peers and students, since he was beginning to go out very close to home, and this would mean being fully out to everyone. I wonder if she is becoming TS. I'm not ready for this.

There seems to be so much that's not talked about and it is breaking my heart, because even though we do feel close, the distance between us is widening to the point where I don't know that we can get it back. I have tears as I'm typing this.

[kimdl93]

I never hid my dressing from my (now) wife. Its something we talked about at least 6 months before we were engaged. I just didn't want it to become an issue. Over the ensuing 10 years, I know our relationship has changed and as the kids moved out and we have greater privacy, I do dress more or less constantly...so that's a change...but I feel that we have a constancy in our communication. In our case at least, I'm not evolving away from her.

In reading Reine's comments above, you can appreciate the legitimacy of apprehensions or fears that we can't always know where CDing may lead, even in a tremendously supportive relationship.