Honest feedback/constructive criticism

[Moe GG]

Do you really want it?

I'm mainly referring to the picture and video section, that I spend most of my time on here browsing through.

As some of you will have noticed by now, I'm not afraid of expressing my opinions or fear becoming unpopular, but the last thing I want to do is to hurt someone's feelings for nothing.
I know you put a lot of time, effort and pride into some of your looks and I'd hate to come across as mean or overly critical.

I see a lot of sugarcoating and posts of encouragement, tips on improvements, no matter how apparent they may be, seem very rare.
It's not like I don't understand why that is. I believe it's very important to help each other build up confidence and make others feel good about themselves, and those pictures are often a very sensitive, personal matter.

I sometimes decide to let "if you don't have something positive to say, then don't say anything" rule.
That doesn't necessarily mean that I think someone looks terrible, it just means that there are things I think can be changed for the better and I feel posting without mentioning that is a bit hypocritical and superficial.

There's also the fact that we all have different taste and they may find "helpful tips" tiresome if they're happy with how they look.
Basically, there are all sorts of traps you can walk into, even if you have the best of intentions.

So to sum it up, what I'm wondering is.. When you post pictures, what kind of feedback are you really after?

[kimdl93]

Here's my approach. I haven't offered constructive criticism to pictures in the pic/vid section, mostly because I usually reserve my comments to what I think are well deserved compliments. I follow the ...dont say anything rule otherwise. If someone asked for comments, however, and I felt I had something constructive to offer, I'd want to pose it in the most positive manner possible...and maybe send it privately rather than post publically.

All that being said, I suspect that people asking for feedback would welcome any that could be helpful.

[Christina Horton]

Now this is just for me , but when I ask for an opion I want the truth. Even if it hurts my feeling. Like If I asked " do I look like a women " I truly want the honest response from everone.

Like I have told my all of my girl friend in the passed " if you don't want my hosest opion then don't ask me cuz I will give you it ". Hummmm maybe that's why I'm still single.

[Moe GG]

When I do give my opinion and try to help someone with a few tips, I always try to do it in the nicest possible way without sugarcoating it. (I've had feedback from several of you in private that confirms that I go about it in an acceptable and caring way, so that's not really the problem.) *Phew*

What seems to be the problem at times though.. Is that some post their pictures only wanting positive feedback, and if that's what they really want... then I don't want to piss on their parade by being too honest, so to speak.
If they really do want advice though.. Then I'm more than happy to give it, as I would love for them to look their very best.
Very few specify why they're posting certain pictures, if it's just to show off, to help improve their look etc, which makes it very difficult to know how to approach it when posting.

Some ask me my opinion in private, that of course removes all doubt, but I'd still like to help others look even better, and frankly, if I hadn't commented in a way that some people liked in "public", they wouldn't have asked me in private.

I guess I'm just feeling a little bit conflicted here, I'd really like to contribute and help in any way I can.. But while some are grateful, others are bound to take it badly.

(And thank you to those who decided to pm me rather than post here, if I didn't honestly want to know what you think, I wouldn't have bothered creating a thread.)

[msniki48]

When
I guess I'm just feeling a little bit conflicted here, I'd really like to contribute and help in any way I can.. But while some are grateful, others are bound to take it badly.

(And thank you to those who decided to pm me rather than post here, if I didn't honestly want to know what you think, I wouldn't have bothered creating a thread.)

Moe, this forum is truly diverse, and the dressing is done for many different reasons. So I agree with you that we must choose our words in comments and constructive critisism...[ewww spelling] Some are wearing a dress in house use only, and some are trying to prepare a look for the outside. i try to be complimentary either way...if they are asking for advice...i might PM them to get a better understanding as to what they are trying to accomplish with the ensemble or overall look.

Thank you for being here and being a part of this forum.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

When I do give my opinion and try to help someone with a few tips, I always try to do it in the nicest possible way without sugarcoating it. (I've had feedback from several of you in private that confirms that I go about it in an acceptable and caring way, so that's not really the problem.) *Phew*

What seems to be the problem at times though.. Is that some post their pictures only wanting positive feedback, and if that's what they really want... then I don't want to piss on their parade by being too honest, so to speak.
If they really do want advice though.. Then I'm more than happy to give it, as I would love for them to look their very best.
Very few specify why they're posting certain pictures, if it's just to show off, to help improve their look etc, which makes it very difficult to know how to approach it when posting.

Some ask me my opinion in private, that of course removes all doubt, but I'd still like to help others look even better, and frankly, if I hadn't commented in a way that some people liked in "public", they wouldn't have asked me in private.

I guess I'm just feeling a little bit conflicted here, I'd really like to contribute and help in any way I can.. But while some are grateful, others are bound to take it badly.

(And thank you to those who decided to pm me rather than post here, if I didn't honestly want to know what you think, I wouldn't have bothered creating a thread.)

Moe, I have enjoyed reading your posts..

If someone is posting just their avatar, then there really is not a reason to do anything except praise it, or don't say anything..

If someone posts a picture online, it can be for many reasons...if someone specifically asks for tips., then you must take them at their word...any bitching from that person is just silly...as far as the what do you think of my pictures type questions???

perhaps the responsse should be what do you want to hear???

I have posted pics in the past, and generally only ones I liked, and I hoped that someone would mail me and say YOU LOOK LIKE A WOMAN!!!...but that opinion should be honest tho....and what is it with the DIGITAL 10x cameras!!!???? lower resolution is a good thing!!! lol

So....i think its really thoughtful for you to just ask the question, and by the simple fact that you asked we can all know you have empathy and that your nature is to be helpful and thoughtful...thats a great thing

Tips away~!!! thats my vote.

[Mitzi]

Wow...I've been wondering how to post this without seeming tactless

For me, the "fluff" that follows a picture post is a bit uncomfortable. Sure, I like to be told I look nice, but seeing many of the comments on other people's picture posts, I know many are more or less "obligatory" responses.

So, lately for my infrequent picture posts, I tend to look for ongoing threads with a relevant theme where they can be slipped into.

Mitzi

[Super Amanda]

Wow, I love to read your posts! When I first began to post pictures years ago, in one of my very first threads, I posted several pics, and asked for "brutal honesty" on how I looked. Up until the Internet, I had an idea that I looked OK as a woman, but really needed to hear what others thought about how I looked, being in the closet back then and all...
I was soooo proud of myself for the first dozen or so comments. Judging by them, I should have be living full time, and as a Super Model, no less! But finally, a few people began to give me some real opinions, and they were not all sunshine and lollipops.
I was told that my wig looked "fake" (it did), that pictures and real life are two totally different things (they are), and that I may never "pass" to some people (also true). It stung a little, sure, but I was able to improve my look greatly by taking some of the critiques to heart.
Also I was glad that someone was willing to bring me back down to Earth, because honestly, all of the "compliments" had me ready to leave the house, but I would have not had a good experience at that time if I did, because for me, going in public with a cheap wig is something I will not do. People would have laughed at me, most likely, which I can deal with now, but then it would have been devastating.

I think it's a disservice to anyone to falsely inflate their ego, especially to trans people. We (transgendered in general) are so affected by what people think of us sometimes that I think its important that we all be honest to each other, that way when someone really is blowing the proverbial smoke in a upward direction, we can pick up on that.

On the other hand I've seen picture threads where the OP asks what we think, then says "But NO negative comments please!!" Those ones I tend to not touch with a ten foot pole, because I will not lie......

[jolanda_trav]

I realy do agree with Amanda

... When I first began to post pictures years ago, in one of my very first threads, I posted several pics, and asked for "brutal honesty" on how I looked. Up until the Internet, I had an idea that I looked OK as a woman, but really needed to hear what others thought about how I looked, being in the closet back then and all...
I was soooo proud of myself for the first dozen or so comments.......

When I had my first comment, I realy felt a thrill. But later, I realise that positive critisism is good.

If you do not want to give it public - which I sometimes do - you can sent a PM.

Jolanda

[Kathi Lake]

The whole "posting pictures to be ogled" thing is one of the reasons I usually never post my pictures in the Photos section. I'm not looking for "getting" something (compliments, etc.). Instead, I kind of feel that I'm kind of "giving" something. Now, before you all throw down the "narcissistic, stuck-up, bragging twit" flag, let me explain:

Although all of my friends here are pretty far apart - I mean, Stoke Upon Trent, where exactly is that?! - they know that I've been known to go shopping once in a great while. When I shop, I take pictures to show my friends here what I bought. Normally, when you get a group of girlfriends together to shop, everyone sees what you tried on, what you bought and more. As far apart as my "girlfriends" here are, we just can't do that, so I post my pictures in the main thread. That way, I can "give" them an update of my adventures, with pictures included. Basically, I don't post my pictures in the photos section, because I don't want to hear how pretty (or ugly, as the case may be ) I am. I just want to share with my friends where I am in my look, my shopping, my life.

I hate to admit it, but I also post my pictures as a sort of "proof." I have had some PM's accusing me of everything from photoshopping my head on a real girl's body to never leaving the house dressed - essentially "inventing" my adventures as a sort of "TV fiction." I post pictures to show that it is ugly ol' me out there, having fun.

Does that make sense? Did I just go totally off-topic? Sorry to the admins if I did.

Kathi

[aggi123]

kathi, you clearly cut and paste that post from somewhere else. =P

[LisaM]

This is a very difficult issue for a lot of us. I don't know if there is a perfect answer for everyone.

I'll start by saying that I haven't posted any pictures and asked for criticism. It is not my thing and I can't imagine ever doing it. That being said, lots of people do and I really haven't come to a conclusion on what they type of criticism they really want.

I think some people want constructive criticism and others don't. I think that some people just like posting their pictures no matter what they look like. The problem is that I can't tell who really wants constructive criticism and who is just getting a thrill posting.

So that leaves me in a position of only leaving positive feedback on those posts where I think it is deserved and actually wanted (again this has to be subjective on my part).

Personally, I don't like leaving negative feedback---

[Staci G]

Tamara, You have to be one of the sweetest people in this forum, I covet your comments and take them to heart as well as some bad comments I have had on some of my pictures. I do sulk afterwards and have been known to remove pictures in a hurry. It does hurt when you see some folks getting 5 or more pages of complements and others might get a few, but I know there are many on here that look great and are very passable I for one am not one of those. When I ask for opinions I feel I am setting my self up for hurt but thats a chance we all take when we post. If you have any Ideas for me to better my look I am very happy to use the information if I can, if someone just gets negitive and throws out critisim without advice then thats not needed on here where we are vulnerable to being hurt. So to sum all this rambling up I think the policy of nothing good to say then say nothing is not the best approach, if someone can help then by all means help, with that said the help needs to be true help not just "how could you go out looking like that? get a wig"! Or soemthing to that effect. Thanks ya'll Love ya..

[Shelly Preston]

I dont post many pictures at all

Why to people post pictures
some are just looking for the support because they can not post their pic anywhere else
Some need the ego boost of being told how good they look

Most replies try to focus on the positive parts of any photograph

I know if I want an honest opinion I make the decision to ask a few selected people who I know will be honest but tell me where I need to improve

Its like most advice you listen but don't necessarily take the advice given

[UASIANGAL]

Reading this thread made me think of my photo posts. I don't think I asked for any criitique but I would not mind them. Almost all were compliments which I loved but I did get some suggestions or observations which I thought were valid and I would go "fix" that. I am my own worst critic and I would not put my photos up unless I really worked to look my best. Now not everyone post with that in mind and not everyone wants to be critiqued. The standards can be pretty high if a Supermodel is what you are after. Lots of sugar and honey coating here and maybe some of us are delusional but we entertain and support it all if it is not harmful to anyone. So really, I would not comment unless asked to but I will not give false compliments.

[sonia_dargency]

I had the house for myself one day and took pictures for the first time, out of 50 or so, I was surprised to love the way I looked on a few of them. (I rarely like the male me in pics)
I also learned a lot from the other ones...

so I posted one as my avatar - major step - and was happy. I had one compliment and that felt great. (I took it off because I gave the link to the forum to my wife.)

I know I could do a million things to look better, but for now I work to BE better.

[cindychan]

I've been harshley critized for having cheap wigs in the past. When I first posted on here and I must say it sucked and was discouraging but then I realized they were giving me advice on how to look more femme so that inspired me save money and buy better wigs.

Reasons why I post picts:
1. When I get something new (feedback, ect)
2. Feeling Artsy with scenery and lighting
3. To let my fellow Cders know that I'm alive and doing fine
4. To inspire others to share their C/ding adventures
I don't think people are out to put us down but rather help us stay afloat in the cyclonic Ocean of trangenderism wheather it be commplement of critisism.

[Danielle76]

I'm in agreement that people should be honest with comments, not sugarcoat things too much.

Same principle that if I've got a piece of food or sauce on my cheek, a good friend would tell me, not politely ignore it. Granted any criticisms given should be as respectful and diplomatic as possible, but I've definitely seen some that are just flat out lying, it seems.

[Joanne f]

I think that you should take into account that everyone has a different way of doing things and may want a different look to someone else plus a criticism on the Internet can seam like a very cold one whereas if you were stood next to someone and offered advice it would be seen in the right context so in my opinion criticism on the Internet is not wise. (but i may be wrong)

[Karren H]

Feel free to lie to me and tell me I'm pretty when ever you want... The truth.... I can't handle the truth.... And if I wanted the truth... I'd ask my wife... "Crusher or dreams".

[Super Amanda]

I think that you should take into account that everyone has a different way of doing things and may want a different look to someone else plus a criticism on the Internet can seam like a very cold one whereas if you were stood next to someone and offered advice it would be seen in the right context so in my opinion criticism on the Internet is not wise. (but i may be wrong)

Absolutely, but when one is asking for opinions from the Internet community, then what? I'm sorry, but if someone asks for opinions, how could they possibly get seriously upset when opinions are exactly what they are getting?

[Joanne f]

Absolutely, but when one is asking for opinions from the Internet community, then what? I'm sorry, but if someone asks for opinions, how could they possibly get seriously upset when opinions are exactly what they are getting?

Because there is a very good chance that you would not know if they were upset .

[EllieOPKS]

Maybe for some people, posting a pic in a thread is their virtual way of stepping out the front door for the first time.

If someone asks your opinion, their is nothing wrong with honesty, other than delivering it in a disrespectful tone. Someone that gets 2 or 3 responses from a pic that has been posted can read into it what ever they may. Most times I don't respond to posts that I read simply because a lot of responses have been sent and my view point has already been addressed.

just my 5cents worth (adjusted for inflation)

[Super Amanda]

Because there is a very good chance that you would not know if they were upset .

Then that begs the question WHY THE HELL ASK FOR OPINIONS IF YOU DO NOT REALLY WANT THEM?. Seriously, don't ever ask for ones opinion if you aren't prepared for just that.

[Kathi Lake]

Moe, we not only want it, but we need it - myself, especially!

If you think of the hours and hours that women have thought about their appearance, experimented with their appearance, and practiced all the skills necessary to perfect their appearance, and then contrast that with us poor guys who are waaaaayyyy behind the curve, you will see that we need your criticism, your help, and your thoughts.

Some are indeed of the opinion that "if you don't have anything nice, . . ." but to me, honest, constructive criticism is nice. If it is from a GG, then that is doubly-nice to me, as you are the ones with the experience to home in on certain things that I may miss.

I am the type of crossdresser that is not satisfied with partial dressing. When I dress, I am attempting to be the best woman I can be. In my inexperience - not to mention the fact that it is hard for me to see the girl in the mirror, and not the guy - I may not see things that you will. I love the comments from my sisters here, as I believe that they truly help me become better at this wonderful thing I do.

Kathi