I don't care if I pass just that people treat me like a lady....How bout you?

[Christina Horton]

I over the past 2 years have been going out fully dressed and have tried to pass with no luck. Until I went to my 20th high school reunion and the people there thought I was someone's wife or girl friend. So I think I can pass at like 50 % of the time. Do I care anymore if I pass........NO.

I have written a thread about this but it seem like It is still on everyone's mind so I will say what I think is the most important to me at least.

Since I don't pass , I have the philosophy that if you don't pass and people see you , and IF there experience with you is a good one , then they come away with the experience as better person and expand there acceptance of us and others like us more.

I have never been rude with anyone so I think that the people that have "Clocked" me and have talked to me have had a good experience and there for if they talk about me to others will say something like....
" I saw a nice lady , well It was a mas dressed as a lady and she was so nice and sweet......"

For those of you that are not out or whom are but worrie so much about being clocked I would say if you think about your outings as a way to educate the public then it will be more fun and who knows you might just go out JUST to talk to strangers EH!!! I know I do !!!

When it comes right down to it if we want people to except us we need to let them know were here and that's up to us girls that don't pass and don't really care if we do.

I took me about a year of going out dressed (when I could get out) to figger this all out , so I don't expect anyone to go at my pace , but one day we all have a great realization that we don't need to pass to be happy or to do a perfect job on makeup or what we wear , but just to be ourselves is more then enough to make us happy.

That is not to say I did't want to pass 100% , just that since I could never pass 100 % even with surgery I am happy with who I am and how I look. I think I make a pretty women and that's what matters. If I fined a girl friend to share my life I will also hope she think so to.

So is your CD life surrounded by your need to pass and does it make you mad if you can't . If so look at it from my point of view and you just might be a happier girl or guy after you do so. Hugs to all and above all "DON'T WORRIE BE HAPPY"!!!

[Rianna Humble]

For the most part, people just accept me as I am, although I did get one young jerk yelling out "Oh look a c**k in a frock!" the other evening.

Some people tell me I'm pretty as a woman, but I've spent so long hating my body that I can't see it myself.

Like you, I just want to be accepted and if I can show someone that T-Girls aren't some kind of spawn of the devil, then so much the better.

Also like you, to a great extent, it doesn't matter to me how others perceive me, I am done with pretending to be a man.

[MsJanessa]

yep--treat Me like a lady--and obey My every command---lol--after all I don't demand much, just that they cater to My every whim

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Christina
the best part of your attitude is that you are setting yourself up for good things, little moments, pleasant surprises, and those magical connections when you feel accepted for being yourself

when i learned that my best response to teenage girls reading me, or to a sales assistant gawking at me was a big smile and wave or hello, it literally changed my life

you can't change reality, but you sure can enjoy your own reality as best you can.

[Nicole Erin]

Hmm, well, honestly for me -
Passing is maybe a 50% of the time thing, I have found that acceptance is much less stressful. I mean once accepted, it is easy to be yourself. With trying to "pass", there is the constant threat of "what if my cover is blown?"

Being nice and sweet is a good thing, we all know just how nice and sweet an Erin is, now don't we. CHRISTINA?! I said, "Don't we?" (taps foot)

Passing is the main goal for any "out" CD or TS, but if that is not really an option, then acceptance is the next best thing.

Consider this - some TS who pass really well may have lost a lot of family and friends in the process.
If it came down to "accepted but non-passing" or "rejected but passing", which is really the greater evil?
I have "accepted but non-passing"

[Loni]

i would be on cloud 99 and 1/2 if i could just be accepted and treated as i am. but i still look like a old guy in a dress. working on that part.

i never do expect to be "one of the girls" but to be treated as one would be so great.


.

[Nikki A.]

I agree treat me as I present and that is all I ask. So far I've had no real problems and when I do get the double take or long look I just smile or go about my business.

[Kate Simmons]

To be honest Hon, I don't care what other people think period. Theirs is just an opinion, just like mine or yours.

[IamSara]

That is a great way to look at it. Thanks I will remember that as I go about.
Sarah

[ellenwannabe]

very well written and I agree that when we go out we do it because we want to be ladies and it is nice when we just blend in and so long as we don't incite riots or be treated meanly I guess it is a good outing - when I'm out I am a lady and really don't care what anybody thinks anymore - just enjoy the experience - Ellen

[sherri]

Being treated like a woman (sometimes I'm a "lady", sometimes I'm not ) is always nice and honestly, there are people out there who are sensitive and kind enough to do just that. But when someone can't quite seem to muster the tact or make the "leap", I'll settle for just being treated like a civil human being. Anything less tends to get my dander up.

[Richelle]

Well said. I do not pass all the time, so when I do not I just want to be treated with respect like every other person.

[My Lady Marsea]

You're like all my kind of girls. I too, over the years of being 24/7, most times really don't give a Rats A__ if I like pass or wutever in general. At least I have no problem with myself and have learned to luv myself which I never did in my other life. I do, most times like look in the mirror after I'm done each day and think "hey girl, you're not a bad lookin' bitch, you just look like a older girl that's been around the block a few times. Inside I am a girl and really proud of myself for having finally gotten my act together after spending the largest portion of my life screwed up.
Yesterday, at the nail salon I got an honest comment from one of the girls there that knows I'm like a T-Girl. She said "Marsea, your makeup is always so nice." I get similar comments or wutever concerning my way of dressing and younger actions and attitudes from sales girls. I do get called "ma'am" a large percent of the time I guess more on the way I carry myself than if I pass or not. The main thing with me is that I would not like undo any of what has taken place with me over the last three years or wutever.
Once each of us gets over what society make think, and just go ahead with your pursuit of happiness, you don't obsess with the "passing" part so much.

[AKAMichelle]

I too don't and won't pass. I don't worry about educating anybody. I just want to be accepted as a person and this is who I am.

[SusanLCD]

Like most of you, I won't ever truly pass. I do hope that I will blend in.

As a man, I have always been shy. I cover it by over-extending myself and using humor when interfacing with others. I've become somewhat comfortable with that method of responding to others that I meet as a man. This has resulted in the circle of friends, acquaintenances, etc. that I have in my life. (Except for the part about being shy, this is probably true of all of us.)

So, when I consider passing/acceptance as a woman, I'm searching for a level of comfort in interfacing with others that I'm not worried about how to respond to them as the woman I'm presenting. A confidence that I won't respond inappropriately when talking with them. A pleasant enough manner that they will feel as good about meeting me in that mode as they would anyone else. That may be called "acceptance", but, it includes both their acceptance of me and my own.

I haven't achieved that, yet.

[Elsa Larson]

When out as Elsa, anyone who looks at me twice will clearly see that I am a crossdressed male. IF I dress appropriately for the occasion and location, most people do not give me that second glance.

Yes, groups of teen girls always spot me BUT only because the sharp-eyed ones point me out to the others.

Here's what I'm happy to overhear: "He has such pretty hair and nails." "His dress is really cute." "I wonder where he got those shoes?"

SO unless everyone around me notices me immediately, I consider that I am "passing" to some of them.

BTW, I'm 6'1" and 275#. I have the advantage of my own long hair and nails.

[t-girlxsophie]

I have long realised that I will never Pass as a female,would I be happy to pass yes of course I would.I at least do try my best to look as nice as I can and I think rather than pass I would say I blend as long as I dont show any fear

Even though i dont pass I am luckier in other respects,and Its those that I focus on,My wife is always telling me how good I look,as long as she still thinks that then I am a happy Girl

[CourtneyBleu]

Unfortunately, there are a lot of asses that won't treat you like a lady unless you are passable.

[msniki48]

So is your CD life surrounded by your need to pass and does it make you mad if you can't . If so look at it from my point of view and you just might be a happier girl or guy after you do so. Hugs to all and above all "DON'T WORRIE BE HAPPY"!!!

Christina, over the past year i have watched you truly blossom as a lady.

your outgoing personality has guided you in a healthy direction. as Kaitlyn Michele also said you are setting yourself up for good things.

I hope to someday be and think like the both of you, for i feel that you both have truly moved on in a good direction.

as for now....i am still in my own way. but i am trying to think and learn through your experiences.

[BRANDYJ]

I would not venture out in the world if I thought I did not pass. Therefor, I don't go out into the world dressed. I wold not be able to handle the jeers, laughing, insults, put downs, or confrontations of any sort. Also, I never like to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me. Some would, so I don't present myself in female mode
Does it bother me that I don't pass? No, I accept it as a simple fact. Sure, I'd love to be able to as I'm sure most of us would.

[Andy66]

Christina, I love your attitude, and I think you make a wonderful and pretty woman.

[victoriamwilliams1]

Well said! It took me about 2 years to figure out not to worry about what people think, I am near 7ft tall and yes I do pass about 50%-60% of the time and it is more about how you dress than how you look. I have seen all types of women and I have seen them from masculine to alpha female!

You know your passing when people say, "You look just like the lady I work with!" I have had that on a few times and I would like to meet her!

I am now telling people to be yourself and acceptance starts with yourself and will project outwardly to the people.

[Christina Horton]

For the most part, people just accept me as I am, although I did get one young jerk yelling out "Oh look a c**k in a frock!" the other evening.

Some people tell me I'm pretty as a woman, I've spent so long hating my body that I can't see it myself.

Ok first of all, That person that said that is human trash. Plus he may have been wanting to do what you do but lack the courage to do it. When someone yells out that kind of thing its there prob not yours.
Second , I'm a plus size girl and I don't hate my body, I need to lost weight but I don't hate it. I'm Healthy and happy.
Third, We look in the mirror and we see us in a wig and makeup. Until we like ,NAY love ourselves we will always "not see it". If YOU think your pretty then guess what sister you are pretty and people will sense that and will treat you like it. So go through life and hate your body and "not see it" or love your body and "SEE IT EVERYDAY".

Christina
the best part of your attitude is that you are setting yourself up for good things, little moments, pleasant surprises, and those magical connections when you feel accepted for being yourself

when i learned that my best response to teenage girls reading me, or to a sales assistant gawking at me was a big smile and wave or hello, it literally changed my life

you can't change reality, but you sure can enjoy your own reality as best you can.

Thanks for that. Yes I have always looked at life with a "the glass is not just half full but Hay I have a glass" .

I wave or smile at people that stare or go up to them and talk to them. I find it's better if you confront them rather then just slink away .

I always try to enjoy life and that is sometimes a hard thing to do but it's a great goal to try for EH!

Being nice and sweet is a good thing, we all know just how nice and sweet an Erin is, now don't we. CHRISTINA?! I said, "Don't we?" (taps foot)

Passing is the main goal for any "out" CD or TS, but if that is not really an option, then acceptance is the next best thing.

Ahhhhhh sorry Erin I was not paying attention to you, What were you saying....

very well written and I agree that when we go out we do it because we want to be ladies and it is nice when we just blend in and so long as we don't incite riots or be treated meanly I guess it is a good outing - when I'm out I am a lady and really don't care what anybody thinks anymore - just enjoy the experience - Ellen

It is quite liberating to be free of fear . They talk about women being liberated and empowered , well we can feel the same if we only just believe we deserve it. And yes we do.....

I too don't and won't pass. I don't worry about educating anybody. I just want to be accepted as a person and this is who I am.

Just going out and not passing is Educating people when they see you and not just hear about us.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of asses that won't treat you like a lady unless you are passable.

Not so , now it might be the fact that I live and am Canadian but I have not been treated badly or heard of a sister being treated like that . I'm not talking about the stories here but from people I have met. Yes it does happen but like being struck by lighting or winning the lotto it's rare to have it that bad.

You think that they won't treat you like a lady if you don't pass , that's BS. people will treat you nicely only if you look like you belong there. If you look like you think your doing something wrong then YES they will be asses to you. Just show them your better then them and be nice to them, people who do stuff like that want you to get mad and when you look like you like it that makes them mad.

Christina, over the past year i have watched you truly blossom as a lady.

your outgoing personality has guided you in a healthy direction. as Kaitlyn Michele also said you are setting yourself up for good things.

I hope to someday be and think like the both of you, for i feel that you both have truly moved on in a good direction.

as for now....i am still in my own way. but i am trying to think and learn through your experiences.

Thank you dear , Yes I have had alot of revelations this past year and I can't say how much it has helped me be soooooooo much happier. You will get there and I know you'll be happy with it. Take care and love , live , life!!!!!

I would not venture out in the world if I thought I did not pass. Therefor, I don't go out into the world dressed. I wold not be able to handle the jeers, laughing, insults, put downs, or confrontations of any sort.Also, I never like to make anyone feel uncomfortable around me. Some would, so I don't present myself in female mode
Does it bother me that I don't pass? No, I accept it as a simple fact. Sure, I'd love to be able to as I'm sure most of us would.

"jeers, laughing, insults, put downs, or confrontations of any sort." I have never had anything even close to that ever.

If you want to go out dressed then find someone whom can teach you to do makeup etc. And you'll find that it's not as bad as you think. We all think people will laugh point yell insults yada yada yada , but the reality is most people don't even "see" you.

As for making anyone feel uncomfortable around you well , why would would make them uncomfortable by being you. It's not your fault that your a TG CD TS ETC. why should you live you life on there terms and not your own cuz that's what your doing. Live your life and let them worrie about there own life.

Christina, I love your attitude, and I think you make a wonderful and pretty woman.

Your too kind and I think you need very powerful glasses LOL. Thanks for that it's always nice to hear that.

When you except yourself you'll be much happier. SO be happy Don't worrie!!!!

[Rianna Humble]

Some people tell me I'm pretty as a woman, but I've spent so long hating my body that I can't see it myself.

I'm a plus size girl and I don't hate my body, I need to lost weight but I don't hate it. I'm Healthy and happy.
Third, We look in the mirror and we see us in a wig and makeup. Until we like ,NAY love ourselves we will always "not see it". If YOU think your pretty then guess what sister you are pretty and people will sense that and will treat you like it. So go through life and hate your body and "not see it" or love your body and "SEE IT EVERYDAY".

Thank you, Christina, what you say makes a lot of sense.

Although I would love to be at least 3 to 4 dress sizes smaller, I don't think it is just my size that is the problem.

My problem is that I learnt to hate this wrong body over roughly half a century and it is takes time to unlearn that. They say that "clothes maketh the man", but they neither makethed me into a man nor makethed me look more loveable in my own eyes.

Two days ago, I returned to the Council where, as Robert, I served for 10 years up until May. One of the senior officers is also one of the classiest ladies I have ever met - she told me how pretty I looked and complimented me on my outfit. I am starting, slowly, to believe that people are seeing what I can't yet see for myself. Hopefully, that is a first step towards what you suggest.

Apparently, since I came out at work, and especially since I started actively planning my transition, I have become noticably calmer and more at peace with myself. Perhaps the next step is to start to like the new me, then one day I might even be able to learn to love myself; but for now it's one step at a time.

[msginaadoll]

I think I pass very well as myself. I have not had any hassles while I've been out so have come to conclusion most people will accept me as me. Now who they see me as I really dont have a clue- mind reading is not my super power.