What does it mean when we say we feel like a woman

[Kathryn Martin]

I found the following quote:

Is there really such a sharp biological difference between men and women, a gender dichotomy? Or are gender differences artificially created by social norms so that “feeling like a woman” is itself something artificial? Does it merely mean that you feel comfortable fulfilling a female stereotype? That you have found a “feminine role” where you fit? Even if there is something chemical or physiological in your brain that is somehow female – if you have only ever experienced feeling the way you are (and not the way that, say, a representative sample of people of another gender feel) how do you know that what you feel is “like a woman” rather than just “like you”? I mean, how do you know that what you are feeling is specific to gender rather than to some other aspect of personhood?

The question posed is really are we simply superimposing societal stereotypes on "who we are"?

I think that my coming to the conclusion that I am more female than male is the result of observations I have made of both genders as they express themselves in our society.

Am I chasing the smoke of others or the reality of me?

What do you think?

Kathryn

[suzy1]

I think that’s a fascinating question. Unless we can literally go into a female body we can’t know. And even then it’s still our own mind in that female body. Think I will let the smarter ones here have a go at this.

My brain is beginning to hurt, SUZY

[kimdl93]

We ask this of each other every now and then. Sure, I'd like to say I feel like a woman. But I cannot know know what anyone else feels - male or female....all I know is the feelings I experience. Lousy answer, I know.

[minalost]

I think we can look at the differences between men and women three ways: hardwired, sociological, and psychological.

Hardwired: physically different. Women have periods, can get pregnant, give birth, and nurse the young. Men can’t. It is virtually impossible, with our currant level of medical technology for a man to do these things. So no, you can’t really “feel like a woman” in this sense.

Sociological: interact with others as a woman. Sure, we can dress up, we can alter our bodies, and we can learn to talk and act like a woman. In this case I believe that it is very possible to “feel” what it is like to be treated like a woman by society. I think that this is what most of us mean when we say we “felt just like a woman…”

Psychological: this is the hard one. So much of our psychology is affected by our “hardwiring” and our “socialization.” It is also totally subjective. There is no way for me to compare how I feel with how my wife (or Jessica Alba for that matter) really “feels” on or about anything. We can articulate how we “feel” but, in my opinion, words just don’t cut it to describe something this subjective. So, can we “feel like a woman” psychologically? I think the answer is: sometimes.

Just my

[AllieSF]

I don't think that I ever use that phrase, because I am a guy who enjoys dressing as a woman and who, at least for now, does not desire to be a woman. That being said, I really like how Minalost put it. Great question for others to ponder and understand.

[Kathryn Martin]

So, here the thing: if you'd asked me three years ago I would have just said I feel like me and gone on to describe to you what me is without resorting to gender classification.

How I experienced myself was not as a woman but as I, with all of it's facets. It is only in the comparison to either societal expectations of what a man or a woman is that I can actually say I am this or that gender.

This is a lot more complicated when it comes to physical gender. The weird thing is that it is actually the luck of the draw in the hormonal environment that the fetus is in which will actually determine the physical gender.

The psychological aspect is really truly the tricky one because as minalost says it is so subjective that in the end we all feel whatever it is we feel as "an I" but not in comparison.

I hope this makes sense

Kathryn

We ask this of each other every now and then. Sure, I'd like to say I feel like a woman. But I cannot know know what anyone else feels - male or female....all I know is the feelings I experience. Lousy answer, I know.

Actually putting your finger right in the center of the pie

Minalost : Just my 2 Cents

I love your money

[Kate Simmons]

Tough call but my guess is we say it because we don't feel like a man at the time. The most important thing I have learned, however, is to always be true to myself, regardless of who that "self" happens to be at the time.

[simplerhythm]

What does it mean when we say we feel like a woman....




It means we are doing Shania Twain karaoke!

[AKAMichelle]

WOW - this is a tough question to answer.

I think it would have to do with our perceptions of what being a woman is and comparing those expected feelings with ourselves.

[Inna]

Wow, Wow, existentialism! Way too philosophical...........that's why I like it soooo much.

What do we want out of this? Womanhood?

with all its cramps, heartache, mixed up hormonal emotions, child bearing pains, water retention, constant struggle to be pretty despite genetic predisposition, weight control restricting all the good stuff so that some dirty old fart can glimpse at me with desirable stare?

Reality ladies, reality!

Do I dream in gender specific colors?

I know that from my own experience decisions I make are learned gender specific responses conditioned upon me since my birth by societal pressure.

I also know that each time I have been driven by pure love (not lust) such came from non gender specific area, I suppose lets call it soul for the lack of better terminology. Every time I have used instinct or gut feeling it also came as non gender specific feeling of comfort and direction. So I suppose there are two separate mechanisms running, consciousness and subconscious. One, in charge of surface activity, without, and other internal center of self, within. When presenting to the world my girl I would be lying if I didn't confirm my lack of coordinated, fluid, genetic way of being female, on the other hand when I think or dream of being Alexia I truly in that instant am Alexia within as though genetic and natural.

I feel disconnect between those two layers of consciousness and hope to connecting them in some way, maybe it is impossible or maybe time will tell.

For once I must say though that after year of HRT my psyche is way balanced toward femininity that before. Confusion for the most part is gone but not entirely.

I will never be a woman, well........., not woman like GG with full credentials of life long experience, I will be *******, or malher, or what ever you want to call jelling of both sexes together such as hermaphrodite. What my brain feels like? I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and if I can't answer that, who can?

[Christina Horton]

I think that my coming to the conclusion that I am more female than male is the result of observations I have made of both genders as they express themselves in our society.

Science is observation with out interference . Gee I hope I spell that ok ?

How can we know....Well we (SEE) what the women , do , feel about something and react to it , talk about , like , dislike ,etc. We Look at how they do everything and they tell us how they feel etc. Now I don't know about you all but have been watching girl all my 40 years and I have a good idea on how they think. We CDs have a much better understanding on how women do feel and so on. Why cuz we have a bigger % of a fem-side then most men do. That by it self is a great start. Is that enough......maybe but to watch a women most of you life can give you a as I said good idea on IF you feel like a women or just want to wear the clothes.

If a women so confuses you that you never can understand what's in there mind or why they act that way then hun, I think you just don't have as much girl in you as you might like. You can learn to but that would take lots of work.

Like a kid who struggles in school and the kid next to him/her just breezes by with no real effort.

Some men like me have a harder time understanding why men behave like they do then understanding women. So I think that why we can say (I feel like a women).

Just my

[sterling12]

I can only answer for myself..."Your Experience may be different," as they say in all The Legal Boilerplate.

For me it's a feeling that is The Opposite of feeling male. There are times when I am dressed and doing some task, that I just feel a "sensation" that kind of runs up The Back of my Spine, and gives me The Shivers!

At that point, my mind always reminds me how really Girlish I feel. I'm aware of my body and it's actions, I'm aware of the feel of The Clothing I'm wearing, I'm aware of a "deep emotion" that doesn't even begin to feel like emotions and physical feelings experienced by my Boy-Self. Lets call it a "Hypersensitivity." It feels good, and it becomes "A High" that my mind and body seems to crave. One great Experience seems to beget another, although I would not call it an Addiction. I think it goes much deeper than that. Something very fundamental inside my very Soul. Something I'm programmed to be Seaking!

Course' everybody is different. I will be intrigued to see if any of us can enunciate what we feel with mear words. Somehow, I just don't think that's possible. My Guess says: "You'll know it when you feel it!"

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Toni_Lynn]

I think it means that we have listened to too many Shania Twain CDs.

On the serious side, I've never quite understood this aspect of things. I simply feel like me, warts and all, no matter how I'm dressed. I guess it because I've come to accept myself as a girl and can no more not be that than a lion cannot be a lion or a tree not be a tree.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Kathryn Martin]

...with all its cramps, heartache, mixed up hormonal emotions, child bearing pains, water retention, constant struggle to be pretty despite genetic predisposition, weight control restricting all the good stuff so that some dirty old fart can glimpse at me with desirable stare?

....

I feel disconnect between those two layers of consciousness and hope to connecting them in some way, maybe it is impossible or maybe time will tell.

For once I must say though that after year of HRT my psyche is way balanced toward femininity that before. Confusion for the most part is gone but not entirely.


....


I will never be a woman, well........., not woman like GG with full credentials of life long experience, I will be *******, or malher, or what ever you want to call jelling of both sexes together such as hermaphrodite. What my brain feels like? I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and if I can't answer that, who can?

Certainly we do not ever have the kind of physical symptoms that a GG has. However, I have a constant struggle to be pretty, not handsome, PRETTY, I have struggled with my weight, struggled with the width of my shoulders and the lack of hips, waist and behind. And I have found that these struggles are very much like the ones that my sister, my spouse and women in my life have. In addition I have struggled with this weird "prohibition" that I cannot be pretty but only handsome.

The thoughts expressed here are very much along the lines of bringing together the layers of my being, the gelling of the two souls in my being. I guess I am trying to understand whether they are simply one. Not two but just one, Kathryn.

But I believe that while genetically we cannot become women we can in every other aspect be woman, not a hermaphrodite, not a sack of disjointed, conflicting personhood, but actually woman.

That is what I think of when I say I feel like a woman, what I am striving towards.

If a women so confuses you that you never can understand what's in there mind or why they act that way then hun, I think you just don't have as much girl in you as you might like. You can learn to but that would take lots of work.

You see women do not confuse me, men do. Since I am genetically male and have built a lifetime of behavior around that myth, it is that which I have to de-construct. But in the process I don't want to throw the good out with the bad. I do want to be who I am. Women I get, guys I struggle with.

Kathryn

[NathalieX66]

I'm still trying to figure that one out.

I don't have the physical parts in my pants to know what a woman feels like. I just like the esthetic aspect of female clothing. I like what I like.

Those on HRT experience something I never will.

[SusieK]

For me it's a feeling that is The Opposite of feeling male. There are times when I am dressed and doing some task, that I just feel a "sensation" that kind of runs up The Back of my Spine, and gives me The Shivers!

This matches my understanding of the best moments of CDing (though of course I can't guarantee it as it's all subjective). However, I doubt that this is what GGs feel about being female. I suspect that overall the sense for people of either gender who are fundamentally comfortable with themselves, would be classed as feeling normal. If you experience any kind of rush from CDing, then I would (reluctantly) characterise that as a male experience. It is only if/when any sense of an observer participating in an activity disappears that you could be approaching a degree of feeling like a woman (i.e. you're back to feeling normal).

I think that most of the time 'feeling like a man' for a man, and 'feeling like a woman' for a woman are probably pretty similar in terms of a sense of self without too much self-analysis.

The stereotypical differences in attitudes and emotions, are well covered by a long history of literature by and about both men and women. You can pick and choose which of these you emapthise with and which you just 'don't get' and decide where on the stereotypical gender scale you feel you fit.

The amazing human mind is also quite capable of harbouring opposing attitudes without contradiction or paradox. And it's also capable in some cases of triggering surprising shifts of emotional state with the simple addition of a few pieces of clothing designed for the opposite gender.

Is that feeling like a woman? I don't think so, but that doesn't make the feeling any less valid or important.

Once you change from the perspective of 'keep it special' and move towards 'make it mundane', then you may be in with a chance of feeling like a woman.

Susie

[Imogen_Mann]

My view (contentious as it may well be) is, that for a lot of us, probably 99.9% of us, when we say we feel like a woman, we're probably talking utter nonsense, and we in fact 'feel' how we imagine women feel about things and I bet.... I really do, that most women would probably tell us... We are quite wrong.

I'm not so sure I ever feel like a woman, I just feel like a cross-dresser and 75% of the time, hey... I'm happy with that.

[t-girlxsophie]

I truly cannot know what it feels to be a woman,I can only try my best to emulate them,and make the best feeling possible,There are (rare)times when I look in the mirror and I think hey! girl you look good and then I do feel feminine,but at the heart of it all I'm still a guy playing pretend

HUGS Sophie x

[docrobbysherry]

No matter how sexy or convincing I LOOK dressed, I don't FEEL any different!

My view (contentious as it may well be) is, that for a lot of us, probably 99.9% of us, when we say we feel like a woman, we're probably talking utter nonsense, and we in fact 'feel' how we imagine women feel about things and I bet.... I really do, that most women would probably tell us... We are quite wrong.

I'm not so sure I ever feel like a woman, I just feel like a cross-dresser and 75% of the time, hey... I'm happy with that.

THAT'S an answer I can understand AND relate to, Jayme!

Maybe THIS is what some mean?

" I'm NOT feeling my typical male self. I MAY be feeling more fem now?"

[Inna]

SusieK , right on!
Feeling being your self is just that, natural, without effort to fit any standard. How does it feel to throw a baseball, just throw and that's it, man would say. How does it feel to wear jeans, well you put them on and voile, they are on, no especial aspects attached. But for us CDs we venture into hyper sensitive sensual realm. Where wearing piece of cloth evokes eruption of heightened emotional response. I know the term, many of you will not like it, but there it goes, fetish. Attaching emotional weight to normally uneventful action.

[Kathryn Martin]

Once you change from the perspective of 'keep it special' and move towards 'make it mundane', then you may be in with a chance of feeling like a woman.

Susie

Thank you for all of it but this in particular

Kathryn

[Fab Karen]

I think it means that we have listened to too many Shania Twain CDs.

One is too many.

[Inna]

Man, I feel like a woman!