Told the daughter

[TxKimberly]

Well, I took a little bit of a plunge today. My (almost) seven year old daughter once again asked me about all of the pretty clothes and shoes in my closet and I just couldn't take it anymore. I sat down for a little bit of a talk with her.
"Tell me the truth, why do you think that I have pretty things in my closet?" I asked her.
"Ummm . . . because you like to admire them?" she said, clearly very serious and not joking. That actually set me back a second. Come on, a seven year old coming up with a phrase like that on her own?
"Would it bother you if daddy likes to wear pretty things once in a while?" I asked her.
She sat there quiet and looking embarrassed for a second.
"Well, I think you would look pretty silly. You would look like a boy!" she said. 'Well, if it comes down to looks, this ought to set her back a step!' I thought to myself as I pulled my all time favorite pic out of my wallet and showed it to her.
"This is daddy." I told her as I handed it to her. Her eyes got big as plates as she looked at it and then looked at me.
"I'm very surprised! You look very pretty Daddy!" she said and then handed it back to me.
"Do you have any other pictures?" she asked. I had one fairly recent pic on my cell phone and showed that to her also.
"I'm very surprised Daddy. You look very nice daddy!" she said again, still looking at the picture.
"Thank you baby!" I told her and gave her a hug.
"Now you have to be very careful not to tell your friends or teachers at school." I told her.
"Because they would be mean to me?" she asked.
"I'm afraid that they might be sweetheart. A lot of people really wouldn't like daddy if they knew I liked to wear pretty things sometimes and they might be mean to you because of it. Oh, and I wouldn't say anything to grandpa either." I told her.
"Because he doesn't know?" She asked.
"Right, he doesn't know and wouldn't like it."
"Does Mommy know?"
"Yes dear, mommy knows all about it." I told her.
"OK." she said. "Wanna go play Mario Brothers?"
"Sure!"
Just like that, it was over . . .

Of course my wife doesn't know I've flat out told her yet and THAT might get VERY ugly! Still, it had gotten to the point where it was silly to act like she was just suddenly going to stop asking me about it, and I didn't want to lie to my daughter. How can I tell her that it is wrong to lie if I tell her lies - especially lies that she will eventually catch me in.

[Starling]

Right on, sister!

Lallie

[CallMeMeg]

It's all comes down to being true to yourself. I'm anxious to see how this plays out. I hope you let us know!

I have sons. They just don't go into my closet. If they did, they'd see that one side is women's clothing. I've had years to think about what to say, but I don't know yet.

[Chickhe]

Kids that age...they suck all the information in and file it away... they keep asking until they get an answer, but once they have it, they move on. I have a kid a little older than that, I'm not so worried about them getting hurt, more like loosing friends or missing out on play dates because their parents object, but as they get older they have the skills to pick their own friends... I actually think most kids would get a kick out of it and would think it is cool and halloween might become non-optional for me. My kid has seen me dressed on halloween and the first thing she did was grab my balloons and say they are soft like mommies!! (right in front of the baby sitter too!) ...I use halloween as a cover...to make dressing a fun event so the conversation can be ...daddy dressed as a girl, but it was for a party. Note, I have no plans to go full time, but dress on my own...no life style changes...just typical father figure.

[PretzelGirl]

Good for you Kimberly. I believe in the same thing. I have one daughter that doesn't know and if she ever asks, then she will know. We certainly can't be lying to our children. She sounds like such a doll too. Best of luck with everything that comes from this!

[Rogina B]

I was away for a week and my 8 yr old daughter showed me this AM that she had neatly put away my boy and girl clothes for me...I think you will be just fine...a LOT better than lying to her!

[DianeDeBris]

Hi Kim -- there are lots of reasons I enjoy and admire you, but one of the top ones is that you live with such integrity -- the way you approached this topic with your seven year old is just marvelous -- you showed her respect, you were truthful, you presented things in a way that was within a young child's comprehension, you were loving and you were unswervingly her daddy -- I am happy for you and so very proud of you!! Hugs -- Diane

[Daenna Paz]

[SIZE="3"]WOW ... out of the mouths of babes ... ;^)

I wish I had been able to share with my daughters when they were young ... no real info back then ... I have no idea what I could have told them.[/SIZE]

[TxKimberly]

It's all comes down to being true to yourself. . .

Well yes and no. I'm afraid my children DO come before being true to myself. The thing is, she WAS going to catch me sooner or later. My choice was to be honest with her now or have a shocked daughter later.

[Asako]

I think my niece would ecstatic to know I crossdress but my nephew who idolizes me as if I were the coolest person ever...that's the making of nightmares from Hell for me.

[Christina Horton]

Good for you girl friend!!!! This is a very good step. I hope your wife will be ok with it but from what you have told us about her I think it will be fine besides the first " you told her with out me there" kind of reaction on her part. Once you explain to her why you told her then I think she'll ebb fine with it.
If I had a wife (whom would have to be ok before we got married) would see Daddy dress all the time growing up and would be normal for them.

Great shopping trips with your daughter I see in your future, Especially when she really gets into clothes LOL. You'll do more shopping then you ever did in your whole life LOL.

[princessmisti74]

Congratulations! While I still very new to the site, I must say that you have handled this situation with the diplomacy of a veteran. I have yet to come accross this with my daughter (although, I just KNOW it will happen). Maybe I can use to same style that you have. I am very proud of you andyour accomplishment. Bravo!!

[Danni Bear]

Kim,
You were right in telling her after she asked, and did so in a manner that she could understand. Children know when parents lie to them even if it's to protect them. Now you have a problem that I see coming in the future. A daughter that will want you and her mother to go shopping with her. At least till she becomes a teen and then wants her friends to help. Such is the life of a parent, Needed when they are young.


Danni

[Persephone]

Well yes and no. I'm afraid my children DO come before being true to myself. The thing is, she WAS going to catch me sooner or later. My choice was to be honest with her now or have a shocked daughter later.

One more proof of what Diane wrote!

Hi Kim -- there are lots of reasons I enjoy and admire you, but one of the top ones is that you live with such integrity -- the way you approached this topic with your seven year old is just marvelous -- you showed her respect, you were truthful, you presented things in a way that was within a young child's comprehension, you were loving and you were unswervingly her daddy -- I am happy for you and so very proud of you!! Hugs -- Diane

Right on!

From the way you quote the conversation, it is obvious that you did the right thing. And it sounds like your daughter is totally mature and very wise for her age. I told my son when he was 12. He's been very, very good with it, although at times I think he's not too glad about it. He does love it though when he goes to occassional Rocky Horror shows; he gets a real kick out of saying, "Dad, can I borrow some heels and can you help me with my mascara?"

Way to go, Kimberly!

[Christina Horton]

He does love it though when he goes to occasional Rocky Horror shows; he gets a real kick out of saying, "Dad, can I borrow some heels and can you help me with my mascara?"

Way to go, Kimberly!

He may have a little CD in him too just has not come to think of it. YNK!

[Miranda09]

A courageous step Kimberly, but your daughter seems to be a very astute youngster and, your're right, better you tell her on your terms rather than her find out about it accidentally.

[Marissa]

Kimberly, that is great how you approached the whole situation.. and gave warnings of an ugly world that we have at times.. I know you may have a battle with the Mrs..when she hears how you opened the door for your daughter..but as you have handled many situations with dignity and assurance, I'm sure you will do just fine.

Thank you for sharing this as others will face the same issues..

Hugs,
Marissa

[yazooey]

Hey Kimberly,
Let me introduce myself as a Kimberly travels reader. And an avid one at that. Your daughter seems incredibly bright and ultimately very sweet. I like how she approached you, "Dad" and poked and prodded for an answer and she got one. A very honest and protective answer. You are an awesome father. You knew she was on to you and that she was much too wise to accept any BS from daddy. I love it. You are very honest and protective and all the things a great parent should be. I am envious. I hope that I can be that way when I have children. Good for you girl!

[Leslie Langford]

Kimberly,

Sounds as if you handled this situation very well, all things considered.

Having these types of conversations with our children when they are very young do tend to blind-side us, as they usually come up at the most inopportune times. Just like having THE talk about sex with them for the first time (and no, "Go ask your mother" is not the preferred answer, even if the temptation to do so is overwhelming ).

Actually, your daughter's nonchalant reaction reminds me of a conversation I had with my own daughter when she was about 12 years old, and out of the blue one day asked me what oral sex was. Well, despite my utter surprise and initial shock at her directness, I was able to recover quickly and managed to explain it as delicately as I could while still being factual. And as I was hemming and hawing my way through my convoluted answer, she suddenly interjected with "Oh, you mean like a blow job?". To which I sheepishly replied "Yes, something like that", and with that the conversation effectively ended and we seamlessly moved on to another topic, just as you and your daughter did .

That said, you're far from being out of the woods on this one yet, Kimberly, and the big elephant in the room remains what your wife's reaction to all this will be. My gut feeling is that it ain't gonna be pretty, and there will be a verbal beating/tongue lashing after the excrement hits the ventilator. I strongly suggest you don't do a Tiger Woods here and take the initiative yourself before she gets wind of this talk first via other means. Put your story and the reasons why you did what you did together in a logical and coherent manner, practise your speech until you can recite it backwards, catch her in a good moment, take a deep breath and then proceed - all the while preparing to assume the fetal position as necessary once the fireworks begin Better to do it this way than dying the death of a thousand cuts, and I'm sure that once the emotions and drama subside, she will also see that it was for the best overall, that honesty really was the best policy here, and that you simply addressed the inevitable in a forthright manner with no one being traumatized in the process.

And if you do find yourself singing in the Vienna Boy's Choir once the dust has settled...well, as a crossdresser, that would be an upside to that particular outcome, right? .

[Mary Morgan]

Now that is one precious, mature seven year old.

[Patricia Johnson]

I, like others, am totally blown away again by you and the way you handle your life and the unapologetically truthful way you live your life. I await each post you bring to the table and I know of all your travels this one here posed( for you possibly) the most stress. You handled this so wonderfully and your daughter is such a treasure. Thank you again for sharing and just being you in this very trying situation.

[nehapriya]

i wish i had a daughter like urs

[Raychel]

Well yes and no. I'm afraid my children DO come before being true to myself. The thing is, she WAS going to catch me sooner or later. My choice was to be honest with her now or have a shocked daughter later.

I am with you there Kimberly, Wife and kids come way before myself. You definitly did the right thing, The timing was there and she was ready for an honest explaination, That is proven by her reply "OK." "Wanna go play Mario Brothers?"

Just goes to show you. Kids are very accepting of everything as long as there is true love there.

[Shelly Preston]

Congratulations Kimberley

You and your wife have an amazing daughter

I do hope your wife does not get upset by the fact you have told your daughter ( I think it may be a good idea to tell your wife quickly )

[Samantha Thomson]

txkimberly i got a 10yr old daughter to and she seen my clothes make-up etc she has ask me a few times if there her mothers but i kind of beat around the bush telling her i finaly told her sumer last yr and like yours ask if mother new told her yes but her mother and i have not told her that we both like men and women dont know when we will tell her that but you know kids they find out one way or the other cant hide from them but one thing that is sweet my bd is coming up and over herd her ask her mother to help her go out shopping and get me a bra,blouse and skirt for my bd that sweet well ok that it samantha