I really have no idea what does or does not "go against YOUR nature", let alone Sara's (and, please, no TMI!). But if you want to generalize about sexual roles or whether specific sexual acts are "within the nature" of women, then I suggest you first visit your local "alternative lifestyle" coordinating committee or club and see who is initiating what.Originally Posted by JamieTG's~SO
Your experience isn't true for all. My experience as a CD isn't true for all. Nothing in that says/implies you shouldn't share your experience.
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Hello Sara
Reine has it right. Scott may be rather scared right now about where this is taking the two of you.
It's important not to push him too far out of his comfort zone. I can only guess from what you've written that he is outside his comfort zone at the moment.
If after a reasonable period of time, say 6 months, things haven't changed much, perhaps it would be a good idea to consult a duly qualified and licensed gender therapist.
Ive really not got time to read all of these posts.
Sara, first of all welcome, youve come to the right place.
Your original post described 80% of what happened with me and my fiance, different circumstances, but all the emotions seem the same.
I promise you one thing... Right now, he's pooping himself that you will leave him, and he's probably strugling with 15 years or more of guilt, shame and fear.
You just gotta be there for him, if he starts to talk, let him. He will probably begin to ramble about it as Im guessing youre the only person he's told, he's got a lot of backed up, repressed feelings and they have to come out, so please dont stifle this, regardless of how bored you may get of hearing about it.
He needs you more than you can know. The turmoil in telling you really only shows how much of a dilema it was for him to tell you
Tell her> lose her. Dont tell her> live with shame, guilt and fear, she might still find out for herself, so still lose her.
You will get there, just stay honest with eachother.
Best wishes you two!
x
Samantha -x-
HI Sara,
I just wanted to say what a wonderful woman you are.
I am sure I speak for alot of CD who could only dream of having such a supportive partner.
If you have a twin sister, or a sister for that matter I'm free for a date anytime.
I know things are difficult at the moment, but with the understanding and support you are showing Scott I'm pretty sure you'll be able to work through any difficulties you face.
Thanks for your posts, it's been a pleasure to read them.
Hi Sara, I want to welcome you to our home. I won't try to add to all the good advice that others have offered. But I will say this: In my opinion, if love is there for the both of you, and you both put your relationship before everything else, then things will work out. It takes time. Not just for you, but for your guy too. This is all new to the both of you. There is many things that will come up and will need to be discussed. Boundaries will need to be set and agreed upon. No rush...just try to enjoy each other as you always have up until the time he added to your knowledge of who he is. He's trying to find a balance of being your man and yet being his fem self when he needs to. Many of us worry about what our GG's think of us when we show this feminine side. We think we need to keep out masculine side above all else. And in doing so, we may clam up or even try to avoid all talk of our desire to dress.
It's hard being the man a woman wants and to be a woman that we want to be sometimes.
Sara,
wow the response to this thread is incredible. I'm sure you have gotten an incredible amount of feedback from everyone.
My only question to you at this point is whether you've told Scott that you've signed up here and whether he's decided to check it out. You might want to caution him in that event because if I were him and I came here and saw this thread, I would Freak!!
Seriously I probably would not like a bunch of people discussed me, or my habits and more importantly my relationship. well maybe that's just me.
Like I said before good luck.....
Isn't that what a large number of threads are about? People's relationship with their SO, how to tell, what to do if the SO is less than 100% supportive? The biggest difference here is that Sara's thread is about how she can support her SO and make him feel at ease being with her en femme.
I think that Sara did a wonderful thing starting this thread and asking the questions that will allow her to understand what her bf is going through since he came out to her.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
To just being on this site you are opening up a parts of your life to others sometimes without you even realising it , to ask for and sharing knowledge or experience of a subject that can affect relationships sometimes has to be a bit personal but i am sure that we all have the respect to understand this and that anyone coming here for any type of help will understand this and that the SOs of partners who are looking for help will also understand this as it is done to make life more happier and not to belittle anyone . you have to admire anyone who looks for knowledge so that they can help someone else who is struggling in life with something .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
....eagerly awaiting the results from the other night........
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
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i'm interested to hear the results of this chat as well. and JamieTG's~SO - i am glad you also shared your experience. although everyone does have a different experience, each one is valid and i'm sorry that the others jumped on you so harshly for sharing yours. i too had a negative experience with my CD-turned-TS and though i have much to share about that time i don't wish to annoy the others with my experience - it's just one of many. another CD here put it very bluntly but correctly when she suggested that if Sara isn't happy with a CD for a partner and wants a macho guy to run for the hills. any relationship that involves a person with unresolved gender issues is bound for trouble and it's not silly of any of us to warn or share our experiences with both positive AND negative outcomes.
Sara, my partner was a CD and came out to me in much the same spirit as your Scott did. we were both nearing 30 at the time, (we're the same age) and are approaching our 34th birthdays soon. i was just as accepting as you were at first and thought i was going to be cool with it. however my sweetie reacted much the same way as your Scott and it never got any better. no matter how many girly items i bought her or how understanding i tried to be, it was clear that she did NOT accept herself and had major issues with it. this in turn caused me to start hating it and not wanting to deal with it every time she got dressed and miserable - the two went together like lovers.
i'm going to be honest with you in saying that IF your partner has got a major gender issue then your pleas for romance while he is dressed will be completely ignored. Scott will need to see a gender therapist if his cross-dressing continues to be like this because if it continues and communication with him does not ease his distress, the relationship will ultimately suffer for it. unfortunately he will ruin it if he can't find a way to accept himself for whatever he is, whether that be CD or TS. you have expressed the same disdain and fear that i did about my partner becoming TS, though mine had more of a self-terrifying element to it (zero guesses as to what my problem was, it's all over my profile) - but at the time that i was dealing with Amy's reality my nightmare about her being TS actually came true. i hope yours doesn't because you sound quite firm about not wanting a transsexual girlfriend. i would hazard a guess that Scott is also terrified that you think this and probably with good reason if this goes beyond dressing up for him.
you're probably scratching your head reading my response and seeing my gender identity.sorry about that, i confuse a lot of people. i have not always identified as FTM myself and i was just like you when i first came here looking for support. i am still with Amy now but we have broken up twice during this time because of the issues with acceptance on both sides. still praying that we'll work after all of this but prepared to wait for her anyway - been with Amy now since 2005 and still love her to this day, even though we both have these issues, lol.
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I have just recently told my wife also she is really suported of the whole thing. i wish you guys all the luck and it has brought my wife and i closer mentally and physically keep us posted.
Now wait a minute! We're here because we choose to be here and reveal as much or as little of ourselves as we feel comfortable. I am speaking from the perspective of someone who may not be comfortable sharing all of this with the world. He chose to share it with his partner, but may not care to share it with the "world". Just saying...
I'm not being critical of Sara who came here for some insight and some guidance dealing with something she is not necessarily familiar with, but I am putting myself in Scott's position. and that is why i made the suggestion that Sara needs to mention all of this to Scott. I know if I were Scott I may not necessarily like being discussed.
There's lots of good advice here and I'm sure you'll find it helpful. Perhaps I can add just a little based on my own experience.....When I first told my wife about my crossdressing 3 years ago she was extremely upset. Much more than I ever expected. But we agreed our marriage was worth saving and decided to work through it. We sought some professional councelling. No doubt in hindsight that had to be the best thing we could have done. After several sessions I began to understand my wife's fears and issues (which I had greatly underestimated) and in turn it helped her to understand more about my crossdressing and associated needs.
I know it's an old cliche, but the underlying theme was about compromise and time. We both needed to meet somewhere in the middle but this was a slow process and I had to allow her plenty of time to adjust. Perhaps in time you may accept Scott's dressing but he needs to understand where you are coming from too. In the meantime....little steps you feel comfortable with...and don't let anyone rush you...For what it's worth, my wife still does not want to see me dressed...but she has helped me to buy clothes and jeweller....to both of us, that is a huge leap forward from where we were 3 years ago. And we're still making ground a tiny bit at a time. Keep the lines of communication going and all the best of luck to the both of you.
darla_g,
i am not saying that your viewpoint is wrong , in fact it is a valued one which should be taken into account as it is something that can also affect relationships , it is finding the right balance that is sometimes difficult , how much information do you give out and to who to get the right information you need .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
How did the talk go? We all want to know!
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It looks like Sara disappeared. I hope it all went well.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
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Hi Sara, I want to say that I think you are being a superstar in how you are dealing with this. But I'm also thinking that the sooner you tell him about your posts here the better. He may be upset about it, but the longer you keep this from him the more likely it will be a bigger issue. Secrets from each other are never healthy to a relationship.
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