How to discuss your dressing?

[Sweet Sabrina]

Looking for some advice. I am out to my wife and a close friend of ours but no one else. Well except for here of course. I recently was doing some work on my father's computer, cleaning viruses and such. Long story short, I discovered some pictures of him fully dressed. Mainly in lingerie and not revealing but was enough to kind of floor me I had never gotten the impression that this was even a remote possibility. My question is should I confide in him that I know and that I also love to dress and explore my fem side? I wasn't snooping around the pictures came up in email attachments that had been infected. I don't want to embarrass him but would like for him to know that I am the same way basically. Any ideas?

[SamanthaS]

Only you know your father. It must have been quite a surprise to find your dad dressed, and is one of "us" Do you think your mom knew/knows?

[Christina Horton]

Well what you can do is tell him YOU dress and see if some day he'll tell you he does to. Or after you tell him and show him pics of you dress up you could tell him that you found the pics of him and that its ok... But only you can decide what you want to do. He's your DAD. Good luck!

[Melissa Rose]

I would not let him know you saw the pictures. He should own the decision whether to tell you or not. Also, he may feel you were snooping even though you were not.

Perhaps now it is easier for you to tell him about yourself; however, don't assume he will be fully accepting. He may be very embarrassed and feel guilty about his dressing, not reveal he does, and react to yours in a negative way. I would tread lightly until you get a better sense of his views and beliefs, and there is some time between you working on his computer and your reveal so he does not make the connection. You will know when the time is right. You have been handed a good opportunity, but don't go rushing into it without surveying the landscape first.

[Wendy_Marie]

Wow, tough call.....If you have a close relationship with your Father then I say go for it. If the photos came up from e-mail attachements then he has obviously put himself out there and isn't relegating his female self strictly to the closet either.

[Barbra P]

As Samantha stated, only you know your Father well enough to know how he would react. I’d probably say something like “I ran across some pictures while working on your computer and I now realize that I inherited more than your (insert good looks, brains, etc).” Something like that could be the ice-breaker without sounding accusatory or judgmental. If your Father wants to pursue it the ball is now in his court. Mom might be a whole other ball of wax, depending on whether she already knows about your Father's cross dressing, or whether she is in the dark.

[Stephenie S]

My advice? For what it's worth (and it's free, so you be the judge), let sleeping dogs lie.

Do you imagine crossdressing sessions with your dad? Well, it ain't gonna happen.

Were you to plan on coming out to the world, then of course he will find out. But in general, people don't want to know about any possibly embarrassing stuff you inadvertently find on their computer. This might go WAY south fast.

S

[wadevikingfan]

i would say---tell your dad....that you were working on his computer and accidently came across the pictures...and then tell him that you like to crossdress...i think the more people you tell, and the more people that know, the easier things will be for you...if i where in your shoes, that is what i would do...

[Joanne f]

I am with the NO votes as it will embarrass him and there is always the possibility that there had been other pictures on there at some time which maybe very embarrassing for your father and he will not know if you have seen them or not so i would leave that well a loan, but if you feel that it gives you an incentive to be more open about yourself and you would like to be then leave it a while and do something in a small way and see what the reaction is , i say leave it a little while because it would not take a master mined to add 2&2 together to realise why you have picked now to say something .

[msginaadoll]

I am a firm believer as well as let sleeping dogs lie. It could make him feel highly embarrassed. If you feel the need to tell him about your dressing thats another thing.

[abigailf]

I would love for my kids to find out. They are younger of course but I sometimes leave clues around. I thought wearing womans jeans, tees, and pajamas around the house would be a dead giveaway, but man, kids can be clueless.

I don't tell them outright because my wife does not want them to know. Is it wrong that I leave clues ... possibly, but it may equally be wrong that we keep a secret life from them.

Someone suggested this already, you should tell him that you dress. That is something about yourself and your decision.

You can then give him some time to come clean and if not, maybe ask him about the pictures. Who knows, maybe he is a member of this forum. Did you see the URL in his history?

Or, change his home page to be CD.com so when he gets on the computer he will see it, see if he joins up

[kimdl93]

I probably wouldn't bring anything up with him. Your relationship is as father to son. As long as it works that way, why confuse it. Of course, if the general discussion were to some day occur, just let him know you love him in his entirety.

[Teresa Ann]

Here is a thought under dress and let the lace hem of your panties show or a bra strap and let him bring it up, that way you are out to him and see where it goes. He will be able to save face and than you can have a long talk. good luck

[Kate Simmons]

I think that would have to be his personal decision of whether or not to share it with you Hon.

[Eryn]

He asked you to work on his computer with the knowledge that the photos were there. Although he may not have specifically wanted you to find them he didn't take any action to hide them. I don't think he considers it too deep of a secret.

If you decide to pursue this, the first message you should be sure that he understands is that you accept _him_. This is far more important that "I do it too."

[barbara gordon]

By telling that story here you may be letting him know anyway! If your dad is savvy enough to post pics on the net- then he may know about this site. If he does , we might stumble on your post sooner or later . You can give him a hint on the forum - like some code that he will recognize , and you might get a response .
It may be better to discuss it "girl to girl" instead of as "son to dad" . He might have forgotten about the pictures on his computer , or thought they were gone . I think it is best not to bring up the pictures at a family barbecue etc. He might be humiliated to be outed by his son -as his son's father . ...but might be better able to discuss at a common ground.

[t-girlxsophie]

Maybe we are missing the obvious.could it be your father was well aware that you would find his pics when he asked you to fix his computer.maybe he is going through the same turmoils that you are.I know this must be difficult trying to work out where to go from here after all father and son is one of the more important relationships in our lives.I hope it works out for you

Sophie

[Paige.]

From another perspective. My dad doesn't know I have been with CD's and I have no intention of telling him or of "coming out" to him if you will. I love him to pieces but I think he would either kill me or just die of shame thinking it was something he did wrong if he found out. Even though I know he would still love me I can't do it. I realize this is not the same as your situation since he is also a dresser.
But, your father has a secret which you were not a part of. He asked you to repair his computer because he may be computer illiterate and didn't realize that you would find access to his personal emails. I bet he never shared with you the nights he had sex with your mother. If he wants to let you in on his private life leave that decision to him.
Paige

[Tammy V]

I would leave it alone unless you thought it would be some sort of bonding moment or something you could share as father/son. Which may be a stretch, but at least if he ever catches you out or something you wont feel nearly as bad about it.

I wonder if you saw him when you were young and it influenced you or if there is something genetic in him that was passed along. I doubt it but its an interesting concept to explore.

[Fab Karen]

your father has a secret which you were not a part of. He asked you to repair his computer because he may be computer illiterate and didn't realize that you would find access to his personal emails. I bet he never shared with you the nights he had sex with your mother. If he wants to let you in on his private life leave that decision to him.
Paige

RIGHT, don't leap to assumptions that he wanted you to find these pics.

Someone else talked of being seen in womens jeans- jeans are ubiquitous in society, people don't pay enough attention to note "oh look, those are WOMENS jeans!" & some womens jeans don't look that different from mens anyway.

"I wonder if you saw him when you were young and it influenced you or if there is something genetic in him that was passed along."
Seeing your father crossdressed wouldn't influence you to become one. And being TG isn't passed along to offspring by TG parents.

[Joann Smith]

i think i would talk to my dad about it .....because he is the only on you get ....and he will not be around forever ...

joann

[Shari]

Leave it alone.
If you want to tell him about yourself, go for it but don't even hint at what you know about him.
No good can come from it.

[SheriM]

I'm with Paige here. Leave it alone. You don't know the details of his dressing such as if your Mother knows, etc. At most, you could drop a hint but leave it up to him and ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD KEEP HIS SECRET.
SheriM

[Paige.]

I think you have two separate issues or questions to resolve.
1. Should you tell your dad about your dressing?
That is entirely up to you if you think the timing is right.

2. Should you confront your dad and tell him you saw his pictures?
No, he is the one to make that revealing decision. It's his stuff. Respect his privacy and don't use
it as a crutch or excuse to tell him the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[Tina B.]

I see it as a simple question. Do you think telling your father will A. bring you closer together, having shared this, or B. drive a wedge of unconfortableness that the two of you may never recover from? anything less than this two points and it gets easier to decide. You know him, which do you think will apply?
Tina B.