need advice

[shybi]

hi girls

how do i start this one iv'e been wearing panties for a few year and just started to wear my bra my wife has ordered me some heel i have got skirts tops stockings i want to dress more but i have 3 daughters that dont know i'm a cd how do you even start to think about telling them. i would really love to shave my legs but with the girls at home i'm just to shy to do it.
any advice my sisters could give me would be a great help



wendy xx

[docrobbysherry]

How, and at what age, u should tell your children has been discussed here quite a lot. It is my opinion that unless u feel the need to go out dressed or express your fem side in public in some way, u needn't tell them. If u become too casual about your dressing at home, they may find out without u telling them!

I haven't read a post here that would allow me to tell my relatives about my dressing without delving into some details that I feel r too personal to reveal!

[Kittyagain]

I agree with Sherry. Let them grow up first. The children may find it acceptable but their friends may take advantage of the situation at your children's expense. Growing up is hard enough.

Kitty

[Shaila Storm]

Hi Wendy, I concur with Sherry. nothing good will come out of doing what you want to do if your not going out dressed. You have 3 girls and if they are very young they may not notice but on the other hand if they can reason that may cause friction in the household. Its a good thing that your wife is supportive helping you and all but you need to remember that it is the home and I don't think you would what to shock your girls. I know what your going threw but for me the best thing is to do it gradually .

[shybi]

sorry i should have said all my girls are teenagers with the youngest being 16 and the eldest 19


wendy xx

[jenniferj]

I think there are two issues here:

1. Should you tell your daughters?
2. Should you shave your legs?

I would generally say "no" to the first - it is a very personal thing for you and they just don't need or want to know.

I would say "why not?" to the second. How often must your daughters see your bare legs? Wear long pants when they are around and they will never know.

just my tuppence,

-jj

[Sandra]

We just told our daughter, she was 14 at the time, that her Dad liked to wear women's clothing, her reaction was "Yeah I knew there was something, oh and can I borrow some of your clothes"

Only you know what their reactions might be...just one thing if you do tell them, don't expect them to keep it a secret, if you want it a secret fine, but don't put that pressure in your kids.

[Ellyn]

Telling them has the risk of upsetting your current relationship with each of them. It could result in alienation of one, or even all, of them. Keep the lid on the jar.

[kimdl93]

I have to put myself in the minority here. To hide this from your kids is not necessarily going to benefit your relationship or protect them from some sort of harm. Its more likely that, like Sandra points out above, that they will observe some things. And given their age, they may already have an idea that their dad is not exactly like every other one. Discuss this with your wife first of course, but then be thinking about the kinds of questions they may have. When you're prepared, you may want to start talking to them as smart and maturing individuals.

[Christina Horton]

Ok a few questions you need to answer.
1) Is you wife ok with you telling them?
2) Are you going to want to dress in the house when there there?
3) Are you going to dress fully in the house only?
4) Are you going to want to at some point want to go out dressed ?
5) Are you thinking you'd like to dress full time some day?
If no 1 is yes then its up to you two.
If 1&2 is yes then you should do UT so they don't cone home and SHOCK!!
IF 1,2,3 are yes then you need to.
If 1,2,3,4 are yes the do it.
If all are yes the of course tell them.
What your going to tell them may not come as a shock to them cuz they may know now. If not suspect something now.
Kids nowadays are much better at understanding this stuff then we did as kids. The web has made that so easy to find and understand.
I may not have a wife or kids but I do think they'll be fine.

Oh ya like it was said once you tell someone , even family , its out there so......

[sissystephanie]

My late wife knew that I was a CD when we married, and she was totally acceptive. We decided not to tell any children until later, and our 2 offspring did not find out until after my wife died 6 years ago. They were both in their 40's then. They did not care that I was a CD, as long as I did not dress, at least outwardly around them!! If your wife agrees to it, I would tell them now!! They will understand!!

[MackenzieMarigold]

sorry i should have said all my girls are teenagers with the youngest being 16 and the eldest 19


wendy xx

In my opinion, you should wait until they're adults. Children will oftentimes be far more close-minded than adults tend to be. Your daughters may be open to it, but I think maybe you should really weigh the risk versus the potential of a good outcome before you do something for sure.

A simple fact is they don't NEED to know. This isn't like you being a felon or a heroin addict. You're not hurting anyone, and this doesn't affect them. You're you. And you'll always be you. Your daughters are your daughters. What you do in your personal time is your own business.

[DanaR]

My wife knew about my cross dressing and was okay with it. When my youngest daughter was about nineteen, she found out after finding a letter that my wife had written to me. My wife and I used to dialog writhing letters back and forth. After finding the letter, she immediately called my wife at work and confronted her, then told her two sisters. Her older sisters were okay, but she went ballistic. For a time, my youngest daughter would have nothing to do with me. Her older sisters thought that she was trying to break my wife and me up. It was a very bad time in our relationship; which has taken years to mend. Prior to her finding out, we were very close.

My advice is not tell her. I've always felt, don't tell anyone unless they need to know.

YMMV

[pennylee]

our kids helped with the laundry. when they started going out, they "borrowed" my underwear 'cause it was nice and fancy unlike theirs. NEVER had a problem with them knowing I wear panties all the time and other stuff upon occasion

[*Vanessa*]

geezz, if you are going to wear panties, then shave your legs! How does one keep a secret in the family home? << Rhetorical

[brenda b smith]

Well I Guess ill have to agree I wont tell my children till there grown up and on there own

[prettytoes]

My daughters are 22 and 27, and I feel no need to tell them.
As for the leg shaving...I will warn you-once you do it, you will never want to go back to hairy! I shaved mine for the first time last week, and there's not much that feels better than freshly shaved legs! Well, I guess I can think of one or two things!

[Ann Thomas]

Those are good questions you've brought up. So far, my son knows, and I told him when he turned 18. Good thing, because I found out he's been doing it also, so it was a great bonding time for us, especially since he'd lived with his mother the prior 8 years after the divorce.

I've not yet told my daughter, and for good reason. Two and a half years ago my ex was killed in a car crash. They both deeply appreciate me being there for them now more than they ever did before. I also don't want my daughter to think that I'm trying to be a part time replacement for their lost mother. I talked with my son a couple of days ago about telling my daughter. He thinks she'll be fine with it, as she tends to hang out with plenty of alternative type friends already, who are very accepting of nearly everything. So, my fears my be without merit, and I should tell her.

Overall I think kids here are far more accepting of alternative living than in my generation. It's rather refreshing.

As for the shaving, like prettytoes said, once you start shaving, you'll never want to stop. The feeling is great! I have been shaving now for something like two or three years, and will never go back to hairy legs. Hiding them from my daughter has been challenging, though.

Ann

[Danni Renee]

I started shaving my whole body in the Spring and I have not stopped since! I was really nervous about my daughters seeing me shaved but I took them to the pool, put on my swim trunks, and just did it. There is no way they did not notice but neither said anything about it. I think you could probably shave your legs and even if your kids do notice, I doubt they will say anything. I had planned on telling mine that I just liked being this way if they asked but again they did not. Of course, the belly ring was a little harder to explain......

Danni

[Launa]

I don't think anybody will say anything about the shaving, so don't come out and tell them. Not sure how old your daughters are but if they're teenagers like mine and they do catch you with no hair, you can just say you were getting your face, brows, ears, throat waxed and you took it a bit further. Thats what I'm going to say, I just got waxed last night. Nobody needs to know if your shaving or waxing or however your removing the hair. I also think its a bit different for this next generation to accept men with no hair or not no the difference as they don't look at it as such a big deal. My daughter was telling my wife that the high school boys are now taking everything off except for the hair on the arms. So it might not be a big shock to them the like it is for people in their 30's,40's or whatever age. As far as the dressing goes, I wouldn't do it in the home or volunteer any infromation that you don't have to. If they find out later on then you can tell them straight up whats going on.

[celeste26]

The issue as I see it is this, If you can feel completely normal while dressed and there is no residual guilt then it will not make the slightest difference. But if there is any scent of being less than natural, essentially lying to them (without words) then wait. Because eventually they will know anyway it is incredibly hard to keep something like that secret but if they 'get' the idea that you are some how a different person while dressed it will bother them. But if they can just see their father dressed differently then its just like any other clothes you might wear.

[Kathy4ever]

Only you can weigh how your daughter might react. Just remember once you open up the bottle it an't be closed back. I don't see the shaving being a big deal unless you are throwing it some ones face. Been hair free since last december. my neighbor asked why and that is the only comment I've been given. Wife still thinks I'm weird but I just try to epilate when she is a sleep.

[SmileS12]

Everyone is shaving these days. You have to decide how important it is too you. If it is very important, you'll just do it. You'll tell them straight out, just as if you were going to go do something else you enjoy. You don't owe anyone an explanation on why you do what you do, except of course, your spouse. But sometimes your 16+ teens should know just to make you comfortable. It would be very uncomfortable to me to get caught by one of my children, I would rather just tell them. But at the same time, this is something your spouse should know before you do it. If you didn't talk it out with her first, I think it could cause relationship issues. Her being present even when telling them, to help with the straight face explanation would be helpful, I'm sure. But you have to make this decision IMHO together. Most teenagers are still trying to figure themselves out, and sometimes you being open to them, helps them talk those things over with you, that they may never came to you in the first place, thinking you wouldn't understand. Realizing you are open to hearing what they have to say also changes a lot. So weigh this out, and then make your own decision.

Toodles,
Eve

[Rianna Humble]

My wife knew about my cross dressing and was okay with it. When my youngest daughter was about nineteen, she found out after finding a letter that my wife had written to me. My wife and I used to dialog writhing letters back and forth. After finding the letter, she immediately called my wife at work and confronted her, then told her two sisters. Her older sisters were okay, but she went ballistic.

Do you think that her reaction could in any way be linked to what she might have perceived as you lying and hiding things from her? The bond of trust between a daughter and a father can be very strong, but so can the reaction if they feel that the trust has been betrayed.

To the OP, your wife and you know your adolescent daughters better than we could ever hope to do. I would definitely suggest that you talk this through with your wife and ask her how she feels about the idea of telling your daughters, then listen to her feelings! If she agrees it would be a good thing, then you can discuss with her how she feels you should broach it with each daughter and when.

I agree with others who have said that you could still shave your legs even if you don't tell them about the cross-dressing. If they ask and you haven't "come out", just say that you prefer them that way.