Crossdressing and male attraction

[whowhatwhen]

I wouldn't say that, bisexual means you're attracted to both sexes en femme or not.
Are you attracted to him? Just his penis? The act of submission?

It is very complex though, it may require lots of deep soul searching to discover the truth.

[Sammy]

Needless to say I've agonized over these questions for years

- "what am I?"
- "is this a sexual fetish or something deeper"

I haven't found an answer. All I can say is that the term "CD" is very loosely defined and that reading this thread has made me feel that I'm not alone. I'm not weird (ok maybe I am, but that has nothing to do with my crossdressing ).

Thanks you all for sharing.
Sammy

[Mythic]

I myself am not really attracted to men. I accept I can be attracted to men that look like women. I am physically attracted to the female form. If the guy has a female form other parts don't seem to bother me. But I have not actually been in that type of situation so I can only speculate how my body will act in that moment.

[Cassandra86]

Heres where im at on the subject. I consider myself bisexual . Let me try to explain without giving to much details. Im not necessarly attracted to men, do i think some men are good looking sure but i dont want to date or kiss one. But i do like having sex with one well im in cd form and being submissive when we have sex. Now the weird thing is the guy has to be straight so to say not gay. I also have the best of both worlds cus my spouse finds it a sexual turn on when im dressed up! She also likes being the dominant one. Now when in male form no guys for me but i do like transgender females. I find them really attractive i think because a lot of times they are more femine and take extra time to look beautiful then a lot of ggs. Again just my opinion

[Elizabeth]

...
"no silly you just have a fetish and like pretending to be a woman". I really don't want to be one full time. I think having sex with a few males showed me I was not gay and probably not even bi-sexual because I only liked certain aspects of being with a man.
...

I remember when I used to tell myself that. It worked for a long time.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[ShoeziQ]

This is a great thread!
I feel this way exactly. I think part of it is the time and energy it takes to dress up. And also that, at least in my wardrobe, the clothing is a bit more sexy. I may cover up with a denim skirt and a button down shirt, but the feel of what's beneath is still a turn on.

Maybe it's because we have already crossed a gender boundary?

However it works out, I wouldn't classify myself as gay. I do know I'm up for more "alternative" options when I'm dressed.

Anyway, great thread, keep it up!

ShoeziQ

[susan lewis]

Being dressed and having a man take you out is wonderful. I want the world to see me as a wife, girlfriend etc.. It is such a turn on to have a man tell you how sexy you are. I can get get physically and emotionally turned on to men. I prefer women but I could be with the right man for the rest of my life.

[Shulove]

Being dressed and having a man take you out is wonderful. I want the world to see me as a wife, girlfriend etc.. It is such a turn on to have a man tell you how sexy you are. I can get get physically and emotionally turned on to men. I prefer women but I could be with the right man for the rest of my life.

So well said! The thought of being feminine is to me the best turn on ever. If I was honestly treated as a women... I would not care about the sex of the person that thought of me as a girl. If it was a man, well hell, I'm good with that! But then again I am bisexual. I prefer women, I love them, I want to be one. But yeah, some guys are just ****ing hot! Can't help it and I wouldn't want too. I think my world would only be half as much fun if I limited myself to a strict half of what I find sexy now, I'm just working on myself to be the sexy person I know that I am!

Hillary

[Sandy Michaels]

Being dressed and having a man take you out is wonderful. I want the world to see me as a wife, girlfriend etc.. It is such a turn on to have a man tell you how sexy you are. I can get get physically and emotionally turned on to men. I prefer women but I could be with the right man for the rest of my life.

So well said! The thought of being feminine is to me the best turn on ever. If I was honestly treated as a women... I would not care about the sex of the person that thought of me as a girl. If it was a man, well hell, I'm good with that! But then again I am bisexual. I prefer women, I love them, I want to be one. But yeah, some guys are just ****ing hot! Can't help it and I wouldn't want too. I think my world would only be half as much fun if I limited myself to a strict half of what I find sexy now, I'm just working on myself to be the sexy person I know that I am!

Hillary

i could not agree more with you gals!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Toni, I'm a male that loves to dress as a lady the best that I can and have no attraction to another male.

[julia marie]

Being dressed and having a man take you out is wonderful. I want the world to see me as a wife, girlfriend etc.. It is such a turn on to have a man tell you how sexy you are. I can get get physically and emotionally turned on to men. I prefer women but I could be with the right man for the rest of my life.

Susan, my feelings exactly. When I'm dressed (sometimes when I'm not) the thought of a guy viewing me as a woman is a real turn on. I doubt that it will happen, but I'd love to be presenting as a woman and be able to dance, chat, walk and touch with a guy. Even if it didn't go further than that, it would be great. Maybe it's about wanting to be flattered, to have someone want you in a way that could never happen before.

[Lucy C]

This is a really interesting discussion. I must say I have been struggling with thoughts very similar to the OP. I have a GF who likes to role play" and now I associate pleasure with "that" and it starts to make you wonder what the real thing would be like without the rest of the body attached. As they come connected it leaves mixed emotions and confusion about my own sexuality.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I don't think it has a whole lot to do with CDing...it's up to how that particular man is. Let's put it this way...I've never seen a "glory hole" in female bathrooms. But, I have seen them in male bathrooms.

It has been shown by people interested in sexuality that men are much more likely to engage in casual sex. A lot of studies focused on men being more interested in casual sex because men have sperm, which requires little energy to make and is constantly produced. Women were born with all of the eggs that we will ever have...so, it is thought that we tend to be very choosy in mates...thus, women are less likely to engage in casual sex.

This is all generalization. But, it's what a lot of psychological studies have focused on with gender differences in mating strategies.

My SO told me of a study that found bi women are more likely to have casual sex...but, only with other women. The study basically worked by some stranger coming up to the participant in the study, and proposing sex. When men approached women for casual sex, women denied men 100% of the time. On the other hand, the men only denied casual sex 25-31% of the time.

The researchers proposed a few things. The first thing is that male were seen by women as more "unsafe" than other women. And, men also saw women as more safe. Thus, they figured women were more likely to accept sex from other women based on a perceived safety.

They also proposed men were more likely to have casual sex because the male orgasm is often pretty guaranteed and brought on quickly. So, women are a little less than thrilled with casual sex with men because they might not get anything from it. It was found in the study that men were perceived as being less physically capable than women to provide good sex. The men rated women higher in terms of safety and perceived sexual prowess. Women ranked men low in terms of sexual prowess and safety, but ranked women much higher. So, the researchers wondered what would happen if they gave the women a scenario of a good looking guy (Johnny Depp) and in their little story, there were hints it was going to be a safe, pleasurable encounter for her. Likewise, men were offered the same with Angelina Jolie. In these cases, men and women were the same in terms of going for the casual sex. Thus, they were saying women are just as likely as men to want casual sex when the mate is attractive, safe, and likely capable of pleasing her. This does still make me think women are more sexually "choosy." (And, I won't bore you with "choosiness" from females in sexual selection in animals). Is it that women are more choosy because it benefits them energetically in the long run? (AKA an egg take a lot of energy to make and so does 9 months carrying a baby). I'd figure so.

I'll ask my SO for the link to the study. He has mentioned the study twice, so I guess he's worried I'm going to go have sex with a girl behind his back lol. But, again, it's just a study. I'd agree that I probably wouldn't want to have casual sex with a guy. It would be no question that I'd turn some stranger down at the bar propositioning sex. It really is no surprise to me that 100% of the women rejected the men. But, it really did surprise me that only about 25% of the men said no.

So, as a whole...I don't think it's a crossdressing thing. I think men are more likely to engage in casual sex...but, a lot of guys have morals. Statistically, my sexuality shows I am more likely to have casual sex with women. But, sex isn't really a mashing of genitals and mindless humping for me...it makes me feel like a monkey in a zoo. (I actually saw two apes going at each othe at the zoo, and I immediately thought they looked like people in porn). I like to make things a mind/body experience, and I have the most pleasure from my SO. So, I'm not looking...wouldn't have casual sex with anyone. So, it's hard to generalize people like that.

But, it seems that the different ways that men and women experience orgasm and perceive safety has a lot to do with sexual choosiness...not so much crossdressing. However, if we are talking about MTF CDs, I guess they are statistically more likely to engage in casual sex. But, what if that person (maybe a MTF TG-person) had the same female thought processes on sex? If this person had the same brain chemistry as a woman in this sexual study, would the results be different? Would this person be more likely to be concerned about safety and the sexual capabilities of their partner? I'm guessing yes. I would think more female-identified people would be a lot like natal females in sexual encounters...so, probably less likely to go for casual sex. Maybe for the same reasons as natal females. But, this study in particular did not look at those relations. We know across the board (from birds to humans) that females are more sexually choosy than males (therefore, less likely to engage in casual sex)...so, it must be something pretty deeply evolved. You can't say it is the prudishness of women, because they are just as likely as men to have casual sex IF the partner is attractive, safe, and seemingly sexually capable. If this is so tightly evolved in females that we see results like this in a study, I am willing to hypothesize that female-identified (TG women) also have the same sexual choosiness. So, is the CD in question just CDing...or, is the CD in question actually just CDing because she was born in the wrong gender? If the is the first...then, I would guess just as statistically likely to have casual sex as other men. If the second...then, I would guess the statistics would look more like the female sexuality.

Let's do a study

Article mentioned here: http://www.psychologyinaction.org/20...-so-different/ (I'll go look for it in the peer-reviewed database if I actually get back on campus).

Fascinating. Thanks for the link Shan. I read the first part and then wondered if CDers or TGers would think like women and turn down casual sex then read the second part.

I think a study would be interesting. I wonder what the results would be?

I guess I'll just have to hope that only people who are viewed unsafe and unattractive will hit on my husband from now on. *smile*

[rata]

I came across this the other day about autogynephilia. It helps explain why / what fantasizing about being with a man as a woman if you are not a homosexual transgendered person.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blancha...alism_typology

[Beverley Sims]

Wow! after reading parts of the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blancha...alism_typology I am starting to understand that my sexual orientation was probably not odd when I was twenty.
See, you learn something new every day.

[Maria 60]

Now that we are on this subject it brings me back to halloween 2001. We were at my in laws house with a few family members and the neighbor came over and wanted us to dress up and we would go to friends houses and surprise them. So we dressed up and of course i dressed in my mother in laws cloths and who was a monster and clown and off we went to friends houses. We drove around and made about five stops and the neighbor said he wanted to make a last stop at a friend that he works with. We went there and we sat down and had a coffee and all the time i could see at any chance he could get he was trying to look up my skirt. I had my mother in laws cloths on that my wife made a bit more slezzy her pantyhose and her pink granny panties. At that point I felt like a women, and at one point when I caught him looking up my skirt I closed my legs tighter and we had eye contact and he had this look like C-MON let me look up. So we finished our coffee and me being the one who wakes up first in the morning I started walking to the front door, he walked up behind me and said it was nice to meet me and said he couldn't believe how much I looked like a women and then without any warning he lifted my skirt and he put his hand on my ankle and moved his hand all the way up my leg and even gave my butt a little grab and told me that i have great legs. Just like a women I pushed his arm away and pulled my skirt down in a fem way. We left and when we were driving back to my in laws house i could still feel his hand feeling my leg and i was so aroused. When i got home my wife asked me if i got a thrill from that guy feeling me up. I didn't think anyone seen, she said she just caught it. I am very open to my wife and i told her I got aroused by it and she said she Knows that i don't like men it was that at that moment i felt like a women. My wife kind of made it feel ok but it kind of scared me. I have no attraction to men but at that moment and only at that moment i felt like a women. So going back to your question I have no attraction to men but at that moment it felt alright. I guess. So I don't know what that makes me.

[femaletrouble]

I would like to be treated as a woman an for me to even consider bein intimate with a man i think that i would realy like to try it with a man i dont know how i would feel afterwards proberly it would make me feel disgusted with myself but the trouble with me is im so bad mixing with people i do not like the thought of men as in the sense gay but when dressed totally en femme an in the mind frame of a female i think i would give in to the whole exprience of bein a woman.

[StacyPump]

This topic is so fascinating to me, and judging by the number of responses, it is interesting to many others, too. And I want to thank everyone for participating in this discussion, and especially Toni and Reine, for expressing so eloquently, some ideas that it just took me 5 or 6 sessions with a great therapist to arrive at. Autogynephilia. I totally get it.

What I have found, is that the reason I enjoy the thought, and the fantasy, of having sex with a man while I am in the female persona, is the same reason that I cross dress in the first place: I feel special. For many complicated, inter-related reasons, perhaps genetic, perhaps experiential, probably some combination of both that no one will ever understand, I feel pretty and sexy and special. It's my own personal arena. I don't have to compete with anyone while I am there. The idea that he (he = the anonymous, faceless penis) finds me attractive, and I make him aroused, makes me feel attractive and desired and special.

I think this might be similar to Toni's experience, and many others, from what I am reading. And, I can't express how grateful I am to have found this forum, and threads like this, to help me know that I am not alone, and I am not so crazy. I am SOOO grateful for this gift. But I'd also like to address another one of Toni's original questions: How do heterosexual cross-dressers, with spouses or SO's, deal with this reality?

I don't have any great answers to the question, and I invite others to please contribute their experiences here [and please IM me if you care to have a more personal discussion about this], but I'd love to share my experience, so far.

My wife is aware of my cross-dressing, but is not completely comfortable with it. We do have the blessing of having been great friends before we were married, and so I feel comfortable being very honest with her. We do share our fantasies with each other, and we both have shared very non-traditional fantasies with each other. In the coming days, however, I plan to share with her, the fact that while she was recently out of town for a few days, I purchased a toy, with the intention of dressing up and getting as close to the fantasy as I could possibly get, without involving another person.

I bought a life-like male anatomy toy, and then got all dolled up, and spent the evening with my toy, doing everything to that toy, and with that toy, that my fantasies have ever imagined. And I had a wonderful evening. I really let go, and completely enjoyed myself.

What I hope to do, is to tell my wife about this experience. To tell her about my feelings and my desires. My hope, in my heart of hearts, is that we will be able to share this experience. Is that she will be, even more, a part of my journey. That I can look at her, with open heart, mind and soul, and say, "this is me". And that she can be part of my soul journey...and share my toy! I think we would both enjoy it!

I will write back to let you all know how it goes.

Anyway, thanks, each of you, for your honest, heartfelt input.

[docrobbysherry]

Autogynephilia. One of the things I've discovered about myself since coming here about 5 years is; I r one of those! Still working out LOTS of other issues, tho.

Another is; despite my early fantasies about being with a man when dressed, I'm not gay or bi. I figured out that I'm straight. Because EVERYTHING about men, especially a penis, is a TURN OFF for me.

One other note: There's a HUGE difference between fantasies of being with men and actually doing it! Since the OP has been with men and likes penises, I DON'T BELIEVE SHE'S STRAIGHT! My opinion only!

[StacyPump]

But that's the whole thing. There is SOME difference between the fanstasy of enjoying the faceless penis, and the desire to be in a loving partnership with a same-sex partner. What is the difference? I have NO idea. I can't pretend to understand it. But there is some crazy, un-literal, hazy difference. Dontcha think?

Wow. What an amazing, diverse community this is.

[ReineD]

But that's the whole thing. There is SOME difference between the fanstasy of enjoying the faceless penis, and the desire to be in a loving partnership with a same-sex partner. What is the difference? I have NO idea. I can't pretend to understand it. But there is some crazy, un-literal, hazy difference. Dontcha think?

Yup, it's the difference between having one's sexuality being internally focused as opposed to focusing on the mutual benefit of the give and take and truly wanting to please and be pleased that exists BETWEEN partners.

It's a form of object oriented fetish, except the object is one's own self as the image of a woman. There are a number of fetishes where people also have difficulty experiencing mutual sexual satisfaction with partners, unless of course the partners are also equally into the fetish but in reverse, for example a Domme/sub relationship:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_paraphilias

I'm speaking strictly about AGP. If someone is transsexual and she hates all of her male physical self, then she will feel better about herself sexually as a woman and sex will then be more fulfilling for her. And so she will be able to enjoy a sexual/emotional relationship WITH her partner whether this partner is male or female (depending on her sexual orientation).

[laura.lapinski]

Autogynaphilia. Yes, this is me too. I completely understand what others have said, and it is so nice to know I am not alone in this, and its nice to know it has a name. I have also found that when I am in love, I don't think about crossdressing. I am satisfied, so I think it has something to do with having someone that you love and cares for you, and for whom you also care for equally. I've found that when I am distressed, such as losing someone who I am in love with, the desire to cross dress, along with its associated fantasises arise.

[jenny76]

I don't know if I have Autogynaphilia or if I'm truly attracted to men.. It really can be hazy. I think actually being with a man can help .. or maybe just imagining yourself being in a real relationship with a man, would that make you happy? I think it would for me, and playing the female role, but I haven't tried it yet, so til then it just feels blurry

i could not agree more with you gals!

yea, they did say it so well!

[GinaD]

My desire to be with a guy was very gradual. In general, I didn't have any interest in being with a guy, but gradually gave in to the experience when a friend revealed he was gay. Since I liked him anyway, I went with it. I enjoyed the experience and realized although I prefer women, when en femme I have been attracted to men I found interesting, and on a few occasions was perfectly happy to play the female role as I like it to be for me. I don't feel attracted to men on a daily basis though.

[Christie Camelle]

I'm the type who plans Halloween months in advance. I usually have an elaborate costume such as the Joker or Freddie Kruger for example. This year I have decided to unleash Amber on the world as my Halloween costume. I have a male cousin who loves Halloween just as much as I do. I love him and his wife dearly. One night last week my SO, Gina, and I decided to show them my ” costume” for this year. They gave no idea that I'm a CD. His wife is very critical but she loved meeting Amber. She even have me some pointers! Gina was loving this and Amber was giddy. Anyway, as a joke, I sat on my cousin's lap and kissed his cheek. He had his hand on my thigh and grabbed my ” boob”, playing up my joke. Oddly, although I'm not attracted to him, it felt good. I wanted to lay my head on his shoulder. I refrained though. I guess I fall under the autogynophilia label. The feeling was wonderful. I felt so feminine and Gina smiled the whole way home.