I've had issues determining whether or not im truly attracted to men, or am just curious on what it would be like to be in bed with one. I mean, I do find some men handsome and have caught myself staring at them... I have friends that support me either way, which is great, but I just cannot come to a conclusion on my own.
Maybe i'm just in denial?
Does anyone have any tips on figuring out what it is you truly look for?
Thank you
Melanie Iglesias is my Spirit Animal
Anything's possible, but if we let possibility stop us we'd never leave orbit - Exedore
To answer your question, it could just be curiosity, or it could be some form of latent bi/homosexuality. If your urges usually arise from while you're dressed then probably that's your feminine side making herself known. The question then is; how comfortable are you with that? Because if you're okay with it, I'd say don't be afraid to experiment. 'cause, well, how else are you going to know?
My love is god; let's go get a slushie . . .
Could it be also that you're looking for acceptance?
That's why I'm in favor of marriage equality - it's so hard to find love and acceptance in this world, I think we need to allow anyone to validate it.
I agree with Plasibeau, how will you know if you don't try? Whatever you do, be careful, though. Don't throw yourself at the first person that comes along, but choose wisely, even if for a hookup. Make sure you're clear with the person, that you're a crossdresser, not a woman, so there's no surprises for them.
Good luck!
Hugs,
Ann
my only advice is to try it....be with a man...dresed either way...that is how i tested the waters with my curiousity...and i enjoy it..its all good..variety is the spice of life..and my first expereince was not all that pleasurable...but, after that first time i enjoy it...
Oh wow Veronica. I'm in the same situation. I just want to know how it feels to be a woman in that type of scenario. I know I prefer women but I am curious about this side of me. My feminine side seems to take over alot when it comes to this. If you feel like chatting to someone in your situation drop me a line hun. I'm sure we can figure things out together.
And I think you're really pretty and if there are guys into that they would definately be into you
@ Plasibeau, it usually does arise from dressing, but the thoughts enter my head more frequently, even when im not dressed (ie. when im just standing in line at the office to register for a class, and i see this white european guy). and yea, ive thought about experimenting. i've grown more accepting to the possibility. im just worried about how ill feel after the makeup, clothes, and everything comes off., will i be happy? will i feel like throwing up? Definitely won't know until i just try.
@Ann Carpenter, I think thats right. That im looking for acceptance. But in my mind, im thinking, shouldnt i be already be happy with the friends that know and accept this aspect about me? I guess what im looking for is something more than that.... and believe me, i've come close to going home with a guy that flirts with me while im at the bar. It's hard to say no, but i want to be smart about it and not jump right in.
@ wadevikingfan, thats what im leaning towards on doing..
Thanks Mikayla, ill definitely be messaging you later.Originally Posted by mikaylafaye
Oh wow Veronica. I'm in the same situation. I just want to know how it feels to be a woman in that type of scenario. I know I prefer women but I am curious about this side of me. My feminine side seems to take over alot when it comes to this. If you feel like chatting to someone in your situation drop me a line hun. I'm sure we can figure things out together.
And I think you're really pretty and if there are guys into that they would definately be into you
Last edited by Nigella; 09-01-2012 at 01:21 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts
Melanie Iglesias is my Spirit Animal
Is there a Significant Other that needs to be taken into account in this?
I think we owe it ourselves as people to be open to what and who we really are. I am one those who also 'fantasises' at times about being with a guy but only if I am in what I call Kaz mode. A lot of us here have been in this place. I have no interest in guys if my Kaz side is not expressed and I think it comes from seeking that more complete female experience... The trouble is I am a biological male and so it is impossible for me to truly feel this.
In my regular day to day 'drab' world, I have never been attracted to guys, but yes... I have got into a place in my head where I think... if I was a girl I would think him attractive... I have had endless debates with my wife about this... what do women see in guys? Most guys just repel me in every shape and form - including me at times!But some...? I had one gay experience in my 20s... but it did nothing for me and I just felt silly.
The last few years I have been really engaging with my Kaz side and these thoughts have deepened... but oddly what I would want in a guy as Kaz is different from what I would have thought a few years ago...
It is intriguing. I have no intention of experimenting, but if I was young I think that I should... but be careful... as men we see men in a certain light... as a woman, I suspect they are very different...
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
It mostly has to do with your feelings for a person. Then, truly, does it matter if they are male or female especially if they feel the same way about you? Love is love.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
@sandra, no, no SO in my life right now.
@Kaz, i actually just talked with my friend about just trying to be more accepting of who i am. He told me that things are confusing for me right now because im trying to put things in black and white. He advised me to just live in the grey, and embrace myself. Unfortunately, the thoughts about how my family would react is the greatest problem im facing. It would break my heart to break theirs... and i think thats where more of my confusion and frustration lies...
@Kate, yea, most definitely... im just scared to act on it..
Melanie Iglesias is my Spirit Animal
Veronica a good friend of mine says "it's only sex and it'll wash off".
Hi Veronica,
As long as you are safe, there is nothing wrong with what you choose to do assuming you are single. I think this is a fairly common fantasy as part of our idea of being a woman. There was a terrific thread, which I can't seem to find, posted a few months back. If my memory serves me, it was posted by an SO whose spouse experimented with this and the reality did not live up to the fantasy. If anyone can find this thread, please link it.
Thanks,
Deb
Debby
Excellent Advice! As others have said, just be careful. Make sure that anyone you meet knows you're a genetic male, be sure to use protection if you "decide to go all the way," and, don't expect too much from the guys. The ones who date transgenders suffer from all the same sort of male performance hangups as the ones who date genetic females, and the type of guy you see coaching his kids in Little League or at the Peewee Football league game, the 40ish ones who are 35-40 pounds overweight and drive a ten year old Chevy SUV, are more or less typical. :-)Veronica a good friend of mine says "it's only sex and it'll wash off".
There's fantasy and then there's reality.
Fantasy SELDOM IF EVER MATCHES UP TO REALITY OF DAY-TO-DAY LIVING
Fantasy is best left in the relam of fantasy ~ while staying well grounded in the World of Reality...........................
Have I fantasies of being intimate with men? Yes I do ~ But I know that for me, myself and I? That's just an extension of my FEMININE PERSONA as Dana. Nothing more and nothing less. To be in a relatonship with a man? T'ain't no way Jose! Not because of this or that and the other. Not because I've trepedations about what society may say or judge. But because relationships ~ any relationshps with anyone ~ there easy to get into ~ can be hard to maintiain ~ require a hugh investment of time, effort, energy, and more often than not money.
There's that! And then other than a "validation" (read that having my parking ticket punched) its nothing more than an extension of my feminine persona.
Deb, I have been looking for it but obviously can't remember enough detail... I'll keep looking!
Veronica... what I do remember about the post, as does Deb, is that he tried it and it was such a let down. Dana and others have also highlighted this... However... There are a lot of things I wish I had tried when I was younger to find out myself instead of being 'steered' away. And you do not have to tell your parents anything until you are in a position to tell it the way want it to come out...
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
If you ever do it, it's all about being very close with someone and feeling cherished, not used. It is a good feeling if can find that rarity.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I think I'll add a little to my original reply to Veronica. The fact that she is attracted to guys in either guy or girl mode does away with the "bi when dressed" fantasy. She does have to start out slowly to see how it goes for her. Being careful and using protection if it goes further than touching and kissing is a given. She also needs to stay away from horny guys that just want to get their rocks off. She needs to find somebody nice she is attracted to and take it from there.
I have long had the fantasy of being with a man in bed. I have never seen a man that I've been attracted to, but the fantasy is still there. I'm single, so, no worries there. It's a side of me that I would like to explore.
Well, first things first. If you are in an exclusive intimate relationship, then you need to consider the potentially adverse consequences of trying any new intimate relationship, whether with a woman or with a man. On the other hand, if you are single and unattached, then you certainly have the right to try to reach some conclusion on whether you really want to be with a man or whether that thought is just a wild and crazy fantasy.
Assuming that your situation permits experimenting, there is no good reason why you shouldn’t experiment. Certainly you cannot resolve that question through abstract thought alone. If you experiment, then you will figure out rather quickly whether that option is right for you. How much satisfaction did you get from it, compared to what you’ve gotten from other varieties of sexual intimacy? No one except you can assess that. Your emotional responses might be strong and positive; they might be weak or negative. Presumably, what you truly look for is the quality of your experience.
As long as you’re not harming yourself or anyone else, you can try different options and seek to learn from your experiences.
Best wishes, Veronica!
Veronica....its a question that many wonder (including myself) but only YOU can decide what you are looking for. We can all give you our opinions, thoughts, and circumstances, but it is going to have to be your wanting or not wanting to try and experiment that will give you a true answer. I hope that you find it, or you can just be like many of us and just "wonder"
I Think you should try going on a date with a gentleman. Something nice and normal, see how things feel. You'll be able to tell fairly quickly whether it's some fantasy attraction or a real. I do recommend not sleeping with them on the first date that is if you want him to call you again. I've been dating men for about 2 years now I've finally found a great guy who's cool with me no matter my dress. That's the key the guy has to also like you for who you are in order for any type of relationship to develop. Well good luck
Happy Dressing
Very interesting thread. I have had the same thoughts myself.
The advice here was very good. I will take all of it in consideration if I ever decide to act on this desire.
Links to more pictures
http://www.flickr.com/photos/50841807@N06/
I used to have this question myself. I decided to have an encounter with someone I knew though and discovered that I enjoyed both men and women. This may be what you need, it may not. Just know that if you decide to have your own encounter with a man, use protection, be honest, and don't be afraid to stop if you need. Unfortunately, the truth is hard to come by with it smacking you in the face.
When I was young and was told I was gay because the world didn't know what they do today. I went on a few dates with a guy. What I quickly realized that I was not gay and that ended the experiment. While he was everything a girl could want it wasn't what I wanted. I nver went to bed with him. He was gay and liked me, but we both realized that he wanted a boy friend and I wanted a girl friend. It was fun to be treated as a girl we had a lot of fun on the dates doing the role play. It was fun wearing the cute and sexy clothes while having someone caressing you. I could easily pass and had guys hit on me, but they weren't what I wanted either.
It taught me that while I liked being a girl in form I wanted to be a guy sexually.
I've thought of writing about my experience because it might help others.
If you are in a relationship with a GG, one of the first things they will ask is if you have ever been with a man. If you actually try being with a man, and go back to women, you can not ever tell them (honestly) that you have not been with a man. That may make trying to find and establish a relationship with a GG even more difficult for you. Some folks feel incredibly guilty and ashamed afterward and regret they ever did it. For some it may open doors that they later wish they had not opened.
Think things over very carefully and make sure it is right for you and that you can live with the consequences, before you do something you might regret later.
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