What should I do about my son?

[HelpNeeded]

Well pardon me, but I need to make this short and to the point. I do not want my son to get suspicious. You see, for the last 4 years after my husband and I split up it has been tough on him. While we have anything a family can ever ask for he still needs a strong male role model, I guess I am some what to blame. Either way I must explain; I know that my son has been trying on my clothes for quite a few years, but I never wanted to say anything, I was really afraid that he would be horribly embarrassed and break away. Well I am aware that he does this now on a daily basis, as well as looking on Crossdresser sites on the net. So what I want to know is what should I do? Should I tell him that I know his secret? Is there anything wrong with him? Can I make him stop? Should I support him? If so, how? I would like to add that I am very well to do. I would do anything to make him comfortable

[CharlotteSomers]

Wow. You're gonna get tons of replies on this.

First, there is nothing wrong with him.

If you want to make him comfortable, support him. Let him know that it doesn't upset you. Don't be confrontational. Talk with him and try to understand him. Chances are, he probably doesn't fully undertsand it yet either.

Don't try to make him stop, it won't work. If my mom told me she knew I was doing it and was supportive about it, I would have been much happier. If you get it out of the way now, it might be easier on both of you.

Good luck!

[Sharon]

It's your call. Sorry, but I don't know you or your son, or your relationship with one another.
I would like to suggest approaching him gently and non-threatening, but if I thought he would react negatively to the notion of you being aware, which is likely, then I would say to just let him be. Just be ready for hints from him that he might like to talk to you some day.
Be cool mom, there's nothing wrong with your son.

[Jeannie9]

Hello,

Depending on the age of your child I would suggest having him explore these gender issues with a counsellor. Not all CD/TS/TV are created equal and we do it for many different reasons.

Please do not be confrontational with your son. Invite him to discuss it with you either alone or with a professional.

But the most important is a little love will definately go a long way!

Remember as a parent you are setting the example of what type of adult acceptance he will encounter later on.

I'm sure others will post and you will have a better picture and what is going on.

Jeannie

[StephanieCD]

The world needs more proactive mothers (I assume) like yourself!

My points, boiled down...

No, you cannot make him stop. As far as I know no one has ever successfully stopped for good AND been a happy person. The longest I've gone is for a year - one long, shameful year. If you "make" him stop you'll force secrets deeper, breed shame, and probably create self esteem issues.

It doesn't mean he's gay - or straight. Most crossdressers are straight according to the numbers I hear.

Acceptance is the greatest gift you can give a person; especially one who does this.

There are several variations of crossdressing and you may not be ready for what you could find out if you had a truly open conversation with your son. Some people crossdress because it satisfies a sexual urge - a fetish, and it's mostly masturbatory. Some just like the clothes. Some feel they were born into the wrong bodies and want to be female - there is increasing evidence this could be true as the brain develops independantly from the body during gestational periods and the body's gender is determined after the brain begins development. This one comes in varying intensities... it could be anything. If you "go there" be prepared and open minded.

Know this: he's probably ashamed and extremely embarassed and even moreso scared someone will know. If you do - approach him with care. It is extremely sensitive. I've only told 6 people in real life, ever. Including shrinks.

The strong male role model thing might be important but don't tie the two together. This isn't a nurture issue. It's just something that he deals with and most likely would be doing even with superDad in the house.

If you truly want to support him and you do talk to him about it - offer him your ear. Perhaps a therapist's ear. Offer him a safe place - just like it sounds you already do. Offer him privacy and space. Tell him you'll always knock first and do so. It's just a part of him... like if he wanted to be a dentist or something completely foreign to you - it's just him and he's figuring it out, too. I've been doing it since I was 5 and I still don't know why.

Tell him you love him. Not love him "anyway" - just that you love him.

It's nobody's "fault."

He's ok.

Congratulations on being so forward thinking that you'd come to us for advice in helping your son be happy. That's wonderful! He's got a good Mom, I'll bet.

[Celeste GG]

I'd just tell him to go out and get his own clothes and stop wearing yours! Just like I have to with my daughters. They don't tell me anything either.

They don't want to discuss intimate details with their mother, but still need to know that the have understanding and support. I know my daughter is not a virgin, but we have not discussed it. All I said was that I am too young to be a grandmother! And she knew, that I knew. All I got was "It's alright Mum, Im not stupid".

Buy him some stunning lingere or little black dress for christmas and leave it under the the Christmas tree.

This will just let him know that you know and aren't freaked out about it. then he will know he can talk to you any time.

Celeste

[Rhonda Callahan]

I agree with everything said so far, and I'll say it again, unconditional love is the key to a good relationship here. There is nothing wrong with your son ! I think it's safe to say to him that you're there for him, and open to always talk about anything, and that you'll always love him, no matter what. If he decides to open up to you about this, he will. Be aware as to his habits of possible dressing, and go out of your way to not catch him, just always give a heads up to him as to your whereabouts, and when you;ll be home, knock first on his door, and be prepared to ignore it. You'll do fine if you don't make a big deal out of this. He's exploring his gender, his sexuality, and his puberty in general, and you just need to be there to catch him if he falls. LOL

[HelpNeeded]

In responce to Celetes statement, should I really buy him his own things...?

[Vivian Best]

Hi Helpneeded,

I can relate my experiences over my lengthy life and maybe that can help you decide what is the best route for you and your son. First, he should be cautious of some of the sites on the net. Many that are suppost to be crossdressing are nothing but sex and porn sites. I've been a member of this site since earlier this year and for the most part it is clean and has worth while discussions on the subject of crossdressing and it's many facets. If any one gets out of line there is a whole line of members that will bring the issue to resolution. This is the only site dedicated to crossdressing I personally would recommend.

Now, I have been crossdressing for over 55 years! When I was a preteen I was scared to death, confused, embarrased, worried and any other word you can think of! I didn't know why I dressed (and still don't) it was an inner urge that had to be fulfilled. I didn't know where my dressing was leading me. Was I homosexual? Was I transexual? I flatly didn't know.

I lived a very confused life until my mid forties when I finally realized that I was going to have to accept myself as I was or I was going crazy or worse. There wasn't information available then as there is know.

With my years I have accepted myself and that I'm a crossdresser and that is the extent of it. I love to wear women's clothes. I would wear women's underwear all the time if it were practical which it isn't. My wife knows about this side of me but has some problems dealing with it.

How does this help you! I suggest you discuss with your son what his feelings are. There are things in life you can't control, your split with your husband or your son's dressing. I know I can quit dressing any time I want to because I've done it a thousand times and probably your son is the same way. Possibly you son doesn't know why he dressed. There is something inside inside of us that makes us do it.

One way you can open the discussion is to buy him two or three feminine items and give them to him as a gift and this can open the way for some discussion. He will probably continue dressing whether you want him to or not. You may have to establish some guidelines for him that protects him and you. Such as never going outside dressed unless he is with you or never wearing feminine things to school. There are people out there that just don't understand us and will resort to violence.

First and foremost there is nothing wrong with you son. I personally feel that he and I were made that way. Some feel environment causes it, some feel that it is genetic and other's feel it is a combination of both. I really don't know. I know I have been dressing since a very early age even before my memory of past things focus.

You have contacted a good place to get suggestions and advise. There are many here that are capable of very sound advise. Good luck with your son and please let us know how things come out. And most of all, introduce him to our site. He has to be either 16 or 18 to participate, it's in the by laws of the site. He can still read and learn from others posts if he is younger than those ages.

Best Wishes,
Vivian

[StephanieCD]

You don't think it'd be weird buying him something of his own? From his Mom?

I thought of that, too - the unspoken way of telling him you're ok with it... but would it be weird? I'm trying to imagine what it'd be like to get a dress or something from my mom - things I use primarily to (excuse me) get off...

Maybe something sort of "safe" like... um... a gift certificate to an online women's only store? Or nail polish (and remover!)? Or a make-up basics set (I would have killed for one in my teens)... but definitely not panties or something THAT personal, in my opinion. I like the idea though - maybe with a vague card; I'm here for you if you ever want to talk... or something??

It's tough - I'm really trying to help, too. Please, do, let us know - this site could be a nice resource for you, too - there are female members that love crossdressers here, too!

[HelpNeeded]

I have decided that I will bring it up gently with him in the morning.. wish me luck.

[Hannah]

Hi

Hope I am not too late. Your son is lucky to have you as a Mum. I speak both as a son and as a father of an 8 year old boy. I would love to have been able go through my younger years without thinking I was the only person in the world who did this strange thing. It is very lonely, and brings with it a lot of emotional baggage. We all have different bags and some have heavier bags than others.

Just a suggestion for a way to bring the subject up "gently" as you say. There is a film called "Ma Vie en Rose" it is Belgian and sub-titled. It deals with gender issues through the experience of a young boy.

http://www.sonypictures.com/classics/mavieenrose/

It may not provide the answers, but after watching it yourself you may decide to try and watch it with your son. See how he reacts and you may have the right moment to broach the subject. You can start by talking about the film which will give you a chance to explore his understanding of the issues (and your own understanding).

I agree with most of the postings following you plea for help, athough I am not sure that being presented with a pair of knickers for christmas by my Mum when I was 16 (not sure of your son's age) would have done anything except leave me in a state of mortified denial.



best of luck to you and your son

Alan

I sign with my real name because what you are dealing with is so important and real that using my fantasy name just doesn't seem appropriate.

[Val Tan]

I have decided that I will bring it up gently with him in the morning.. wish me luck.

Good luck, HelpNeeded. Let us know how it turns out.

[CindyB]

So what I want to know is what should I do?

Open, honest communications is the only way but be patient. He may not be ready to completely open up and that's ok. Let him know you are there, understanding, and above all else, you love him. Let him know that you are willing to assist him.

Should I tell him that I know his secret?

Yes, but I would not refer to it as a secret. I would start off the conversation as, "Son, I love you very much and will support you 100% but I am aware you like to crossdress and that is perfectly fine. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with crossdressing and I'm here to help, not hinder".

Is there anything wrong with him?

No!

Can I make him stop?

No!

Should I support him? If so, how?

Yes! Take him shopping, help him reach his full potential (makeup, wig, etc). If he is uncomfortable being dressed around you, schedule times for him to dress where you are away from the house for a specific period of time. Surprise him with some nice clothes, undies, etc.

I would like to add that I am very well to do. I would do anything to make him comfortable

Buy him a corvette. All crossdressers love corvettes

[Marlene4a]

My advice:

Don't suppress him.

[Lily_gg]

As others have said, I think it depends on *why* he crossdresses...

If it's because he likes dressing up and so on, then fine - you can easily support him by buying him his own things etc.

If he does it for primarily sexual reasons, you buying him clothes would be like you buying him a porn mag - probably greatly embarrassing for both of you! If this is the reason he does it, maybe a generous allowance to make sure he can go and buy his own stuff and not use yours would be appreciated?

And whyever he does it, it won't be because he lacks a strong role model - my bf has been dressing since he was a kid, he has brothers, and a typical strong-male type dad in a nice stable family. No sisters.

Hope it's going ok for you!

[eleventhdr]

Your son is discovering his own identiyt at this point. What did you say he is four now or something. well I say leave him alone. Or at best encourage him to discover this side of himself It is not going to harm him to know that he has a femenine side. Oh if only back in the 50's little boys ahd been allowed to do this there were be far less of us so messed up today trying to sort out who and what we still are to this day. What the heck is wrong with having both aspects of yourself in one person. It is most likely always there in boys who know of it and are allowed to and encouraged to experiment and know of this. And besides what real hram is there in this it is a very complete and harmless way of being. There are far worse things in this life and old world then being transgenered cd transexxxual or what have you and if and when you would discourage this at such an early age you might drive him to other pursuits that would be a lot more dangous down the road. I would stop and think real hard on this one. And if you do not want him to wear your stuff. Buy him some of his own he very probaly will thank you later. I know if I had been allowed to do this I might not be still stuggling to understand who and what I am still today. That's all for now Suzy!.

[Sandra H]

Most are assuming that he is wearing your cloths because he is a CD. But as we know from other web sites including the one being promoted on this by WHP “Wearing her panties” that there are men/boys who wear women’s clothing for sexual fun and gratification. So firstly you need to know why he wears your cloths. I say this because if your son is wearing your cloths for sexual fun, then he could very well grow out of it as he turns to more “normal” sexual thrills and fun. But if he is wearing because he feels more normal in women’s clothing then he will have this feeling for the rest of his life.

I would have thought that it also depends on the reason why that would be the difference between you saying that you know would either be a help or and embarrassment to him. If he dresses like us because he feels natural then he would be embarrassed but also relieved to have an understanding mother to help with his need to dress. However, if its because wearing your cloths gives him a quick sexual thrill then it would be nothing but embarrassing, it is like you saying you know he masturbates while reading porn mags. In this case just leave it. If you want to help in this case and stop him using your clothing for this purpose then you could get some of your old clothing and ask him to throw them out for you. Most likely he will keep them and would now have his own cloths to wear without the fear of getting caught.

I hope this and the other replies from other girls have been of help. I wish you luck and by seeking help from people like us means that you are a caring loving mother.

Take care.

[DebbiAnne]

If he dresses because he likes the way the clothes make him feel, then get him up early for the early bird specials with stores that open at 7:00 am and get him dressed as a teenage girl, if he don't have long enough hair or a wig, then best bet is to find a small wig shop near your town a have a private fitting, the wig makes the girl, then get her ears pierced, some basics to go out in public & if she has your help, I'm sure you'll both be fine, I'm 6'2" and was out all day yesterday in a skirt & shopped along side women buying jeans, skirts & earrings. Never a comment or feeling I was being ridiculed, & I'm sure I felt more comfortable than men who were looking at women's clothes. Trust us, letting your child know you are supportive will take a a huge emotional load off your child, many of us, such as myself don't get support from our spouses and have to dress behind their backs, and emotionally it's rough. They say 1 out of every 10 men is a crossdresser, then you see how many people join this site, so go figure. Keep us updated, a good hug & support goes a long way, we're here for both of you!

[DonnaT]

I hope things went well this morning!

You had some good advice. A loving understanding parent is the best "medicine" for him, since there is no known cure for crossdressing.

One thing I didn't see mentioned was reference to his visiting crossdressing sites online. You should ask him to show you these sites, so you can monitor what he is reading. There are some people on these sites that are what we call trolls. They'll give bad advice without regard to the harm it can do. And some site are pornographic.

If he has any questions about his own gender or what he finds online, he should feel free to discuss it with you without repercussions or embarrasment.

Note that if he is just a crossdresser, then I don't think a therapist will be needed, as you sound pretty smart. However, if he tells you he should have been a girl, or he thinks he is a girl in a boys body (and there's nothing wrong with that), then do take him to a well qualified gender therapist, not a general therapist.

Also, make sure he keeps his dressing safe. You know all the stories of bullying that go on.

And don't take him out enfemme (crossdressed) unless you both are ready for it, let him set the pace and if you think things are moving too fast, your the parent and have the right to set limits for his saftey. If you go out, do it away from your hometown at first.

[HelpNeeded]

Well we ordered pizza and brought it to our house. I slowly brought it up, he didnt talk for a few minutes, than he said, "Does it matter..?" I said of course not, and than he half smiled. Well we kept talking about it, I am going to the mall sunday to pick him up some stuff, than we can go together. Now I have a sun, and a daughter

[Bernadina]

Wonderful. That's really exciting. Enjoy the time with both your son and daughter.

[Sandra H]

Well done, I am very pleased that everything has turned out fine. As you say you now have a son and a daughter. If your son is like me and most “girls” here you will benefit from him wanting to spend as much time shopping as you do.

I wish you both the very best and I will be thinking of you both. You seem to have a lovely son/daughter and the only reason for this is that you are hi mother. Well done once again.

[Lucy Coleman]

Now I have a sun, and a daughter

I wish all 3 of you the best, if only more parents were as open-minded as you the world would be a better place.

[racquel]

not anymore,it seems, from your last post.i was truly gratified to read how you handled such a sensitive issue.you are to be commended.i finally told my mom twenty years after i had started and i really feel that we are a lot closer now than before.honesty will always draw people closer i have found.as for the male influence it does not matter.i had a strong father,three brothers,numerous uncles and i started dressing early and will always.i am now forty seven and when dressed i'm moms daughter,in drab her son.you are on a strong path and the future is promising to be unlimited.enjoy