Busted !!

[Cara Allen]

Pardon the french but dammit I hate this sometimes, why do I have to be a CD? Why can't I just be a normal guy who lives a normal life?

So here's the short of it, I live at home, in my parents basement. I'm home alone today so naturally I'm all dressed up, no wig or makeup though. I thought I heard someone in the house so I get up to investigate and as I'm going over to the door my cousin is coming around the corner. I slammed the door in his face but I know he got a quick peak. He lives in a different state but is in town and came by to deliver a couch with absolutely no heads up or no warning whatsoever, just showed up. This kid is like a brother to me and I awkwardly got dressed and helped haul the couch inside, feeling the tense awkwardness between us. He was with his fiance' who was waiting outside in the truck. We didn't speak a word about it and I feel completely freaked out and embarrassed that he saw me dressed in womens clothing.

After the couch was in the house, we kind of said some awkward good byes and he was off. I sent him a text apologizing for the incident and asked him not to tell anyone. He text back and said that he didn't really see anything and that he didn't need to know and also said he wouldn't say anything to anyone about it.

I feel like crap about it, I hate being caught like this but this is really only the second time I've ever been actually caught and seen in drag, ever. I don't know, maybe it's a big deal because I'm making a big deal out of it. Maybe I'm over reacting, I don't know but it's causing me a lot of stress here. It is what it is and I can't change the past. But it's hard for me to let it go and not think about it. It's eating me up inside, why do I put myself through this?

Last things first... You put yourself through this because of your guilt. Simple truth is that you are ashamed of what you are, Jill. I don't mean to be mean honey, but be honest... if yuou were proud of being a CD, you wouldn't feel guilty. It might even be funny! Go easier on yourself, please?

Also, there was good news in your email, too! You have already crossed the bridge of bringing it up. Fortunate for you, you seem to have "come out" with someone that is at least understanding. It might make you feel better to at least explain what it is with you...

You are not a freak, honey. You are someone with great legs!!!

I have a very weird and somewhat scary Busted! story, so if you are weak of heart (like you won't read it after I said that!) you possibly should go to the next message.

My father was a very uncommunicative person who also was a physical abuser.. not sexually, but a beater.

I started dressing at a very early age (2 or 3?) and never stopped. When I got a little older (I was probably 10 or 12,) I would make breasts out of water baloons and dress in my sisters clothes. I had the most amazing places to hide the water baloons... under my bed, (alright...maybe that was not that creative) or in the water tank of the toilet. (Do you have any idea how cold that water is???!!! Go and check...Dare you!) I would wake up at two or three AM and go and play dressup. I don't know what woke me up, but like clockwork, I did. Dressing in my gender was a very calming experience and one night, I went back to bed and fell asleep in a tulle slip (that frilly material that makes little girl skirts stand out, like a poodle skirt.) I remember waking up some hours later to discover my father staring at me from the doorway. I don't know what happened next. Believe it or not, I went back to sleep. After I awoke, I remembered that it happened. We never talked about it. It never came up... but I knew that he knew.

That kind of thing, when you grow up, is good for at least 6 therapy sessions...

Cara

[ronna]

Lissen up, Jill, every time you dress up you risk getting caught.
That's part of the thrill, isn't it?

[Cara Allen]

Lissen up, Jill, every time you dress up you risk getting caught.
That's part of the thrill, isn't it?

Not for me! I have enough stress in my life! The best times I have had were when I had the place to myself for a week or so, and I could do whatever I wanted without the fear of getting Busted!

[Jill]

Getting caught has at times been part of the thrill but not by your younger cousin who you think of as a brother. I understand that everytime I dress I run the risk of getting caught and at almost 30 years old, this is only the second time anyone has ever actually walked in and seen me dressed, I am very careful.

In further discussion, I am a little ashamed of who I am and what I am, I'll admit it. Why? I really don't know.

[TxKimberly]

Well Jill, given recent events in my own life, I feel your pain lady! It sounds as if he has made a sincere offer to keep it to himself so I think I would let it go unless he has questions. If he does have questions, you might as well be as honest as you can with him. I dont know about you but I'd rather have someone have a clear picture of what I am than let their imagination go wild.

Good luck and take care!
Kim

[Megan70]

Pardon the French but dammit I hate this sometimes, why do I have to be a CD? Why can't I just be a normal guy who lives a normal life? ......

Posted by charlie90802
"Jill, I rather look at this dressing as an addiction. We can't really stop. Even therapists say it is very hard to stop. So we go and say we will be tough, purge our clothes,
through this?

The above statement are true and I tried to make reference to those exact things last week in a thread but it came out wrong, was totally misinterpreted by all, and I got crucified. I was speaking for myself. I know what you mean when you ask yourself "Why do I have to be a CD?". This parallels by unfavorable comment that being a CD is a Curse... BUT TO ME ONLY!, this is not a generalization of painting everyone with my brush.

For all the wonderful times we can have feeling dressed and feminine and exploring our other side so easily, incidents like this you mentioned just trump it and cancels some of it out sometimes.
But We girls always seem to bounce back, purge clothes are re-bought, those emotional, sexual and deep psychological feelings keeps coming back as they always will.

I've often asked myself if I turned back the clock to 8 years old and never dressed, how different would my life be now. How many others would not be affected by my dressing. But in the end i always come around to believe that through it all, good and bad, busted or safe I would have been missing a wonderful experience that i have enjoyed to the hilt all my life and Ii give my loving wife great homage for her acceptance to it.

I agree with most everyone here Jill, let it pass and move on. Sure you'll remember it and have body shaking flashbacks ( like I still do on being caught fully dressed twice), but you've got a great group of supportive sisters here to offer you their sincere kindness.

Respectfully,

Megan

[Jill]

I just talked to my cousin on the phone. We just made light, casual conversation, talked about his brothers and his business mostly. We didn't talk at all about the incident that happened yesterday, which is totally fine by me. He was really cool and we talked casually so I think everything is all good. Like I said before, he's like a little brother to me. I have experienced a lot of grief over this incident but I think it's going to turn out ok.

[Jill]

Just a funny thought I had, I think we should have seperate forum just for incidents where people have been caught or busted. We should call it BUSTED!!

[jonnie64]

Sorry to hear! I know exactly how you feel!

Something similar happened to me when i was 17. It was a holiday (don't remember which) I was home from school and mom was working. I was spending the day in pantyhose, heels and bra when a friend decided to pop over. He didn't knock however, he came around to the back of my house and looked through the window..........I was mortified! He didn't tell anyone, but needless to say he kept it hanging over my head until he moved out of town (thank God) six months later.

And BTW, you are just as normal as anyone else. Don't beat yourself up over this!

[Sinthia]

Sorry to hear that your cousin dropped in unannounced and saw you dressed, but that is bond to happen to all of us. My father-in-law came in my house one morning and saw me dressed. One of my brothers, a neighbor, etc. The sky did not fall on me when it happened. I just say that it is something that I like to do, and would appreciate it if they did not tell anyone about it. Speaking in person instead of a letter, or email, is always prefferential. You can get their feelings and they will seem more at ease.