I have had periods of not dressing but they seem to be happening less and less now!I cant see myself without being able to dress(even if it is mostly underdressing).I have purged quite a few times but have decided that I wont this time and just keep favourite items and not overbuy!(not real easy though!)
Pattie
You can never quit crossdressing, it is not a bad habit, crossdressing is an internal part of who we are, it is a part of our person just like being left handed, unfortunately because we are taught that boys dont wear dresses we try to suppress that part of our personality, for some of us the results can be devastating, we suffer from guilt, depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and inability to cope with life, and suicide. I did quit cold turkey to save my marriage, and as a result I went into a severe depression that caused me to lose everything. I did not dress for 12 years, after my marriage failed and I had lost everything that I had, I turned back to crossdressing, it was crossdressing that has brought me out of my severe depression, and now I am rebuilding my life, and I am the happiest I have ever been in many years.
We know that we have no definate certain examples of 100% long-term quit or cured CDs.
We know that many people who just plain try end up developing mental illness, depression, suicidal ideation and a number kill themselves. That even when quitting has failed that these mental health issues can then continue onwards for some time.
Therefore while its an individuals human right to decide to try and quit we should consider this:
* Trying to quit is gambling on winning an extreme-odds lottery where not-winning causes life-threatening harm. It is playing slow russian roulette.
* Mental Illness symptoms harm family and friends. Someone who accidentally develops mental illness is not responsible for that harm but choosing to try and quit knowing the odds is essentially choosing to risk that harm to others.
* Anyone reccomending or insisting on a CDs quitting or suppression or hiding etc of CDing once they are told these odds is knowingly risking almost certain guaranteed harm to the CDer and their entire family and friends. Even harm to their workplace!
So this leaves us some unsettling but as far as I can see inescapable conclusions:
* Even trying to quit is Immoral and is as exactly as ethically dubious as any other self-harming choice such as knowingly taking addictive harmful drugs like cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines etc as well as playing russian roulette (in front of your family) or habitually driving dangerously in a way likely to harm yourself and others.
* Anyone asking them to quit or severely restrict CDing is as immoral and unethical as a drug dealer in that they are for their own short-term benefit encouraging or demanding the other risk their life for almost guaranteed long-term harm. They are asking someone to risk their mental health and therfore their quality of life, their actual lives and the consequences upon all people connected to them.
* General social unacceptance is a life-and-death matter with every single person being responsible for acting to achieve it or they become culpable for the results.
Wow... that puts many SO's in a bind because as difficult as it may be for them to accept they actually have a huge moral and ethical obligation!
It also puts anti-CD people and in fact anyone who objects to CDing as being as bad as drug lords, murderers etc.
For that to be the case of course they must have been informed that quiting has an indescribably low chance of success if any at all while mental illness is highly likely. Once so informed these people, no matter how hard it may be for them to understand or accept, become morally and ethically responsible.
From what I've read quitting cd'ing is possible, I'm not sure I buy into that though myself, theories are just that, theories.
Basically if you really wanted to quit cd'ing, you'd first have to integrate the two sides of you into one with a happy medium. The male side would have to be dominate in this new "integration" and you would be able to express your 'feminine side' in other forms besides the actuall dressing. Good luck if you want to stop, that idea's not for me.
I don't have that link that I read this on, it was of no use to me.
I quit smoking 18 years ago. Nothing like having a by-pass and lying in a Hospital Bed for two weeks with a collapsed lung will influence you more to quit that habit! But yes, at times The Urge comes back.
Much like people in AA, I never make the claim to be a "cured" smoker. First thing that those folks at AA Meetings do is give their first name and acknowledge that: "I'm an alcoholic."
And by inference, I'm would also acknowledge that I'm transgendered. I will be a Crossdresser until the day I die! I could "abstain" from wearing femme clothing tomorrow, but I would still truthfully be a crossdresser.
When we work toward self-acceptance we are doing the same things as Those folks in AA. We acknowledge whom and what we are. It's Amazing how well that simple idea works for so many different groups of people.
Peace and Love, Joanie
Last edited by sterling12; 04-01-2009 at 03:05 AM.
yes i could and have.
but i would always miss it and did.
it's a big part of who i am as a person. it's like locking a big part of me away - a part that adds to me and makes me better i think.
Have you ever met a smoker who says they don't miss it, or at least suffer from cravings?
I have never been a smoker, but my mother was, and anytime I smell someone smoking Kools, especially if it is near a well chlorinated pool, I find myself inhaling WAY more than any respectable girl should.
If you are planning on "quitting" CDing "cold turkey," I will wish you luck, but I will also welcome you back in a few months. Seriously. Look around - you think we haven't all purged a few times? You will be back.
"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe
I don't know if it was cold turkey or just being preoccupied with something else...I didn't dress up for a good two years during my last 2 years in nursing school...It was probably because of all the school work crammed with all those hospital duties...It's not that I didn't have the urge though as I looked and envied my classmates wearing their white hoses and wedge shoes or this cute intern who always dressed "girly"...But when I got my degree then and the summer vacation followed BAM! My secret duffel bag came out again...So in my experience,cold turkey is not the way...
If you want to stop then you really can do it, go for it.
If someone else tells you to do it then you'll probably fail, your heart won't be in it.
I was told "stop it you'll go blind" or words to that effect, it included words like continued employment, family, friends etc but it was their need for me to stop and comply with society. I did stop, then I got sacked by them,. my friends vanished and the images in my head never grew dimmer and the thoughts only clouded my daily activities. Walking down a mall and spotting a nice dress brings it back, or smelling a great perfume and wondering what type it is, or seeing a lingerie shop and trying to look out of the corner of your eye so the wife doesn't see you.
As someone else said "repression.... becomes depression" or things denied become bigger than if you had them.
After nearly four years it is back, actually it never left it just had no clothes!The only difference is that this time I know what I want to look like and won't waste money on cheap alternatives. Purging is EXPENSIVE and a waste of resources, go green, environmentally friendly or whatever, just lock it away if you feel the need to stop and save a lot of money when you start again. :2c:
Freedom has to include the option of saying yes or no rather than "what do you want me to do?" In my case it only brought resentment and anger at being controlled and manipulated into complying with someone else's wrong theology, phobias, misinformation, and insecurity.
Kerry - out of the prison cell
Hmm--Then what I get from some of the responses here is that some feel that CDing is an addiction to self? Interesting.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Just sitting here in my flannel nightgown, eating a smoked turkey breast sandwich and enjoying the thread.
Cindy
Before I came here, there were periods of a few months where I'd not even worn a pair of panties... But the desire was still there. Not sure how strong the pull would have been if there was not a box in the closet containing the other half of me; But it's probably not a good idea to go that route - in the likely event that the desire wins you over, replacing all that stuff...Originally Posted by TrekGirl1701
('specially now, what with the forms and all
I don't think crossdressing is an addiction. I believe it is something we are born with. Addictions are learned behaviors that we do consciously. Whether they are physical or emotional, addictions take time to develop.
I know for me at least, I had a strong desire to crossdress before I ever tried it. Therefore it is a need I was born with. Now, that's not to say that it can't become an addiction. Like everything else, do it often enough and it may become an addiction.
My thoughts are that it is a need that we are born with. Over time, as we feed that need, the addiction may develop and we may find ourselves "needing" to crossdress more often and at higher levels.
Because we were born with the need and have felt the sweet rewards of crossdressing, I don't believe it is something that we can ever stop.
Okay, I'm rambling on......But that is my :2c: worth.....
Last edited by Samantha43; 04-01-2009 at 06:37 PM.
SamiLiving in feminine bliss
Thank you
[SIZE="4"]Hi everyone,
Thank you for all you replies and keep them coming they are very interestingI thought I was only a CD but really feel deep inside I am more TS. People have been asking why I just don't quit and I try to explain how I feel inside but they don't seem to understand. So keep your replys coming!
Thanks,
Robyn[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"][SIZE="2"][SIZE="2"]
[SIZE="2"]Mistake at birth, should have been born a woman[/SIZE]
No, you might be able to quit for a few days, weeks, months, or even years. In the end it will always come back. It's best to just accept and embrace it as a part of you. Trust you'll feel much better and save yourself a lot of stress and misery.
It depends on the person and situation, I was able to quit my cigarette habit cold turkey, I smoked a pack a day for 10 years but I did substitute it with food (the good thing is now I am a hell of a cook) but I do miss it from time to time I just know it’s a nasty habit that is bad for me.
Crossdressing is different, not really an addiction but prt of who I am and I can stop doing it cold turkey and for long periods of time but that does not mean I’ve quit, it is just the situation forces me to do it and I am sure a lot of ladies here can relate.
For me situations that force me to stop can be going on tour and having to share close, cramped quarters for a while with a bunch of other people or going to visit my folks and staying with them I am sure the possibilities are endless but I do find that if I go long periods of time without CD’ing, like Rachel said, suppression begets depression.
From personal experience, (real personal experience) I can tell you - you may
be able (if your spouse is demanding you to) to stop crossdressing for a
while, BUT you can never stop forever - IT WILL RETURN and when it does,
IT will come stronger than ever - IT WILL - whatever you decide to do, DO
NOT PURGE your wardrobe ( I did and I'm sick over it ) - You may need or
want in the future - Actually, I can say, you WILL return - it is inevitable.
JoAnne Wheeler
"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"
Anytime someone says "cold turkey", I get hungry for a sandwich.
I've tried to quit many times. I've gone years without dressing. But Cindy's always hiding in there, waiting to come out again.
As Mae West said, "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it". It strikes me as impossible to go "cold turkey" on yourself, without possibly the most dire of consequences. Be yourself - who else can you be?
Lady's, I've stopped for a while many of times and a couple of times when I thought It's over it's not and almost purged it all. Never will I do that again. I believe we all get to the point we just want to stop for a while and take a break from it. This is apart of our lives not our lives. I guess for some of us it is.
Jannette H
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Thats it!! I believe.
You can quit dressing but never lose the need or desire. I tried during 8 years
of marriage but found myself fantasizing frequently and then being sneaky.
Hugs,
Helen.
I knew a bulimic girl who purged every time she ate cold turkey. It did nasty things to her teeth. After seeing her smile, I got to tell you I wouldn't recommend purging cold turkey.
Last edited by Cindy Lynn; 04-01-2009 at 11:56 AM.
As others have said I think it can be done. My dad at the age of 53 years old decided to quit smoking. I remember that day very well. I was working with him, he threw the cigs on the desk and said that is it, I am not going to smoke ever again. He never did.
The times I have stopped dressing was not what I would have considered an effort on my part to stop or quit. I just went through a period where I did not dress, or only wore under garments. I have purged a couple of times after a long time of not dressing. I went a long time between the time my daughter was born up to when she about 12 or so. I did purge then, but I did not have a great deal of stuff. I seem to be a lot more active now with my dressing than in most past times. I have also purchased more things like forms, and am going to buy my very first wig this month. I guess I was always then more statisfied with just underwear. Now that is not enough! So I don't see me looking at quitting anymore!
Enjoying the softer side of life!
I believe this sums it up pretty well. With the right incentive, you can change behaviors. Now would the desire go away? Probably not.
It is all about choice. Income taxes - you choose to pay them or not pay them. Don’t pay them and there are consequences. But paying them is still a choice.
Any one not dressed right now is choosing to not dress. Perhaps they don’t feel like it. Perhaps the consequences are too high.
Choices and will power. Strong survival mechanisms.
Hugs
BekiJ
For the record, I don't miss or desire cigarettes one bit. They turn me off when I smell them. Yuk. CDing, when I tried to quit, was like trying to quit looking at hot girls.
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