My whole life since I was six has been spent somewhere in this timeline:
From age 6 to about 20, I had persistent wishes to just wake up one morning as a girl. When those dreams didn't come true, I would put myself to sleep at night hoping to be forced to be a woman by someone else/something else/some circumstance.
From 21 to 25 or so, I just stopped mostly thinking about it, though I dressed when I could.
From 26 to 30, I experimented some.
From 31 to 36, I just mostly dressed on weekends and was with a man for the first of 3 times.
From 37 to several months ago, I thought I had it cured.
And now, closing in on 39, I am finally starting to accept that this is a part of who I am. There is a woman, a large representation of one within me, or some other part of my existence that pulls on me all the time. It motivates me and scares me, helps me and holds me back.
I am not really sure why...but in answer to your question, I would reply:
All of the above.
Meghan
