You do everything like a girl!

[Samantha B L]

Well, you are a girl Karr. A leopard cannot change it's spots ya know or a CD her mannerisms. Some women are way too touchy, no?

Karen,if you have a lot of effeminate mannerisms you can't help it and there's no point in doing a lot of contrived stuff to cover it up. I found out about five years ago that I gesture like the women selling jewelry and stuff on QVC and I smile gushy smiles like old aunt Hortense. And I've heard myself on tape recorders. I talk slow and swishy. I've found it's way too much trouble to cover up for this kind of stuff when I'm out in the cold,cruel world in drab so I don't. I practically have to rehearse in front of mirrors in order to do it. Besides, reform-a-CD-school is too expensive and it's over 45 miles from here. It's none of my business but I think your wife will be OK in a day or two.

[Andy66]

Well, you are a girl Karr. A leopard cannot change it's spots ya know or a CD her mannerisms. Some women are way too touchy, no?

Exactly. And you can put a saddle on a pig, but that don't make him a racehorse.
I don't know what that means but it cracks me up.
Aw heck, too much needless drama here. Anybody up for running away and joining the circus?

[angpai30]

Karren,
You are an inspiration to all who have similar situations going on in their own home. You're wife and you are very adorable together, but I do have to agree that there must be something wrong somewhere and the Cding is near the root, but most likely not the problem. She may have had a bad day and saw that you were acting real girly and or more than normal and it added to her "Bad Day".
Who knows maybe you are changing and acting more girly and you just don't realize it. On the other hand you're wife may be over reacting needless to say that talking would help to put out the fire, but in order to do that you have to find out what kind of fire you are fighting; if you are going to get anywhere with this fire spreading at an irregular speed than you need to figure out what kind of extinguisher you need to use.
Ask questions like: does this really have to do with me being more girly or is there something deeper that I don't know about?
What effects you effects me and in order to resolve this situation I need to know what is wrong. I know you are hurting, but so am I because you are refusing to share with me how you feel and I am miserable because I don't know why you feel this way. I want to help so that we together can better our understanding and the situation we have now.

Hannah~~

[JenniferR771]

Thanks for sharing your comments, Karren. Here is a big hug for you and your wife. Treat her right. Love her--it will work out.

And yeah, my wife catches me sitting with my legs crossed and gets upset--she is so sensitive lately, LOL!

[Karren H]

To add to the "When you run out of gas" posts here: After refilling quite a few times and then when you finally run out of gas in the SF area, send me a message and I will pick you up for a Toot, Toot, grand engineer's time out on the town. I will also bring my old Toot book bag as a conversation piece. Please diregard the fishy smell, since I use it for fishing now. And, being that good engineer, I will recommend all kinds of ways to resolve your problem. Multiple options is the only way to go, unless one option seems to reign supreme. Good luck and I hope you hit someone hard on the ice after all that.

I'd move to San Fran in a heart beat... I love it there. And after a year when the money is gone I'd move back here! Lol. Wish I still had my old green book bag!

Btw, if you're still letting things surface, have you considered you may be more TS than CD?

Don't forget to talk talk talk, then listen

Ohh yeah... I'm 100% sure who I am... It may not fit any known labels but it is more toward the straight m2f crossdresser... With feminine overtones! Lol. Or is that undercurents... Underpinnings?

Florida's nice this time of year!
It does sound like it might be coming to a head after all these years. If I remember, she ain't too fond of Karren. I wish you well dear.

She is not a fan of my hobby sonce whe found out 3 years ago.. Ohh and Too friggin hot!!! Not movin south of the mason-dixon line..

[Presh GG]

Karren,
How in the world did you keep such a big part of you secret for How Many Years ??

If you had it to do over , What would you do? Tell early... hide better..
What do you think?

Sincerely,
Presh GG

[Crysten]

Funny - my wife and I never fight any more. Ever. I believe she's resigned to my crossdressing, whether she supports it or not (sort of 50/50 on that). We've learned to accept each other - and believe me, she has an EXTENSIVE list of her own issues I have come to accept.

You would hope that, being your wife, she would accept you as you are. It's amazing to me how people try and reject reality. Bottom line, it's just stupid. The reality is - you are who you are, and that's that. Denying or ignoring the reality of the situation just leads to stress, heartache, and fighting.

While I'm not a bhuddist by any stretch of the imagination, I've studied some of their philosophy over the years. Simplicity, acceptance of yourself, acceptance of the world, removal of stress (superfluous wants and desires) and an overall calm approach to life makes sense to me. I don't buy 90% of the rest of it, but incorporating these ideas has helped me a lot.

Example: when's the last time you complained about the weather? Does this make ANY SENSE? It's gonna do what it does. Learn to appreciate the REALITY of it, and you will never complain about it again. Same goes with people. If your wife would stop and say "I love my husband as a PERSON, and accept him how he REALLY IS" -- your situation with your wife would disappear.

To me, it's a shame that so many people waste their lives fighting against things they can't control, and can't change. People should learn to pick their fights carefully, would you agree?

[msniki48]

I don't try to act one way or the other... When in drab or enfemme.. It all feels the same to me..

Karren

As you say, you act the same in both situations...

Either your wife was over reacting to your holding the basket...because SHE knows you crossdress....and thought others might pick up..[they probably didn;t]

or, I am surprised that the guys at work, don't make comments every once in a while about your less then macho movements.

I have been with my family laughing and giggleing, and all of a sudden my mom will go...STOP THAT, you're acting like a girl. [because she knows and doesn't want others to know because She will be embarrassed. [she is 80 and is in denial]

i'm just wondering

Being gender blessed [ the best of both genders] isn't about just wearing the clothes. Being Transgendered isn't about just getting dressed for a sexual fantasy, and then taking off the clothes. if this is you, you may want to take the next step and ask a therapist... i know i did. When Patti , my 1st wife [ she has passed] realized it wasn't a joke or fetish, there was a total different attitude.


hugs, I wish you well

msniki48

[Karren H]

Thanks for sharing your comments, Karren. Here is a big hug for you and your wife. Treat her right. Love her--it will work out.

And yeah, my wife catches me sitting with my legs crossed and gets upset--she is so sensitive lately, LOL!

I've always sat with my legs crossed femininily and she hasn't gotten on me about that... Yet.. That may be next..

Karren,
How in the world did you keep such a big part of you secret for How Many Years ??

If you had it to do over , What would you do? Tell early... hide better..
What do you think?

Sincerely,
Presh GG

I did a great job for the first 30 years of hiding it but a pink fog slip up and sloppy house keeping lead to my discovery... I would still perfer it remained a secret and never planned on telling anyone. If I had told early on I'm sure we would have never gotten married... Back then women didn't grow up wanting to marry a pervert... Not like they want to today either but times have changed...

[NicoleScott]

You play hockey like a girl. Ouch, that really hurts.

[Presh GG]

OK , this should be a PM, but here goes , and I'll give you back your thread.

Darn it Karren, You are not perverted [ thou I don't know you personally ] But you are bi-gendered which was probably part of what drew her to you in the beginning... But 30 years ago ? Seriously remember woodstock [ me too ] the anything goes years ? We're not talking the 50's here.

Maybe it's a west coast vs east coast thing ? [ I don't really think this ]

So maybe disclosure after the first year ? Do you think her reaction is more based on 30 years of lies than the fact there are bi-gendered people [ and based on averages ] there probably are some perverted ones,, But she knows you, loves you and is still there. Give the lady a little credit !
Do you really think she'd have left you when she found out? It's been 3 years, karren, and she's still there.

Anyhow, I admit to haveing been embarrassed when my husband girled out on occasion, But certainly not enough to end a marriage. I'm not proud of this but I'll probably be embarressed again... But that's life. I'm equally sure I've embarressed Tea on occation.


So back to the program.
Thanks for listening and I hope you find whatever is best for you.

sincerely,
Presh GG

[Laura Evans]

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Karen, I feel for you. If you ever decide to come to AZ (with your moisterizer) Stephanie and I will show you around and we can all carry our handbags however we want. Take care girl.

[Karren H]

OK , this should be a PM, but here goes , and I'll give you back your thread.

Darn it Karren, You are not perverted [ thou I don't know you personally ] But you are bi-gendered which was probably part of what drew her to you in the beginning... But 30 years ago ? Seriously remember woodstock [ me too ] the anything goes years ? We're not talking the 50's here.

Maybe it's a west coast vs east coast thing ? [ I don't really think this ]

So maybe disclosure after the first year ? Do you think her reaction is more based on 30 years of lies than the fact there are bi-gendered people [ and based on averages ] there probably are some perverted ones,, But she knows you, loves you and is still there. Give the lady a little credit !
Do you really think she'd have left you when she found out? It's been 3 years, karren, and she's still there.

Anyhow, I admit to haveing been embarrassed when my husband girled out on occasion, But certainly not enough to end a marriage. I'm not proud of this but I'll probably be embarressed again... But that's life. I'm equally sure I've embarressed Tea on occation.


So back to the program.
Thanks for listening and I hope you find whatever is best for you.

sincerely,
Presh GG

Yeah!!! I refer to myself as "perverted" in a respectful yet comical light... I figure I'm the only one I can call a pervert and get away with it! Lol. I think more than the crossdressing which is still a big issue with her is the lack of trust... its taken 3 years to gain some of that trust back but I seriously doubt I will ever get back to the place I was the day before the discovery, before I leave this place... "She who must be obeyed" still affectionatly referes to me as "the liar". A monicar I wear with pride.. Kind of like the scarlet leter! The big L....

I do remember woodstock and my mother warned me when I went off to college that if I catch you in any of those Vietnam protest I'm pulling you out of school.. So wild I was not. And we got 400 inches of snow up on Lake Superior so it was hard to get wild without freezing to death,... But easy to get drunk... Ask Allie!

Marriage like life is a constant strugle to keep it going in the right direction. At least it is for me..

[Desiree8]

I am so sorry to learn of this rough patch, Karren. Didn't you get some grief recently over your nails being longer than your SOs?
From my perspective, it would appear she is envious. Let's face it; when you revealed your age on another post; I was stunned! You are a very attractive lady. Does she feel less attractive than you? I assume (& may be way off) she is approximately a similar age. Could she be feeling the loss of femininity due to the change of life? If so, and she sees you as a vibrant, (outwardly) happy, attractive younger-appearing woman; that could be a major threat.

As for driving until you run out of gas, remember this: No matter where you go, there you are. The root issues will not be left behind. I would strongly advise counselling. And the advice of "avoid these" is wise, in this case.

I know when I get frustrated beyond reason; the gym offers a great release. The machines don't care what I do to them! So, Skate on!!

Keeping you BOTH in my prayers,

[Persephone]

Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough spot, Karren.

My typically understanding spouse has also lately developed this "you've already crossed over, the guy is dead" thingy and it seems to be simmering somewhere underneath. And sometimes it seems that the more "guy" I try to be, the more firmly she latches on to her notion.

Will keep sending good thoughts your way.

I haven't driven off in decades... I did get 2 hours of good exersize walking the parking lots of a local strip mall...

You know that driving off is a totally guy thing, right?

[Karren H]

Karren

As you say, you act the same in both situations...
.......

or, I am surprised that the guys at work, don't make comments every once in a while about your less then macho movements.


msniki48

Ohhh I get it at work.... "Your such a girl". Or even having friend point me to the womens dressing room when on a mine visit". "there's you change room". Might have something to do with all the pink accessories in my office?

You know that driving off is a totally guy thing, right?

But I was twirling my hair as I drove away... Does that count?

[suchacutie]

I doubt any magic wand will solve this, and ALL of us are so with you on this since it is sooooo close to home! Since my wife and I found Tina together I'm on the other side of this coin. We were able to set the ground rules together and one of them was "she wanted her man when she wanted him".

I hear a lot of that from your wife in what you've said and I can't help but having the thought of retro-CDing! For those of us who never realized we had a feminine side and never had any overt feminine characteristics, consider how much time and effort we all put in to understanding how to be feminine when in drag. We study the walk, we study how to stand, how to sit, how to hold a purse, how to talk, how to deal with heels, how to do makeup and on and on and on.

Ok...you know how to do both very well from what I can tell. Is it maybe that your bride wants the "man" she thinks she married? Is that the crux of the issue? At least in public? Ah...yes...in public. So, if we can all learn how to be feminine when we want to, what if you are, in public, with your wife, masculine when she needs you? It might not take much and might make a massive difference to the point where she sees you trying for her and is then willing to talk about the rest. This might be the "meeting me half way" issue that you are just supposed to understand! Heck, maybe that's the issue too...you are so feminine, why don't you understand what you don't understand??? (I've always loved that bit of circular illogic!).

So, bottom line, play the man game in public with her...you might actually find it an interesting challenge and she might just appreciate your consideration!

no matter what, may the best be yours always.

tina

[msniki48]

Back then women didn't grow up wanting to marry a pervert... Not like they want to today either but times have changed...

Ouch! A pervert you are not! ok then again, i haven't checked your closet:


Hugs

msniki

[Sarah Doepner]

Ohh yeah... I'm 100% sure who I am... It may not fit any known labels but it is more toward the straight m2f crossdresser... With feminine overtones! Lol. Or is that undercurents... Underpinnings? ..

Karren,

The word is Underwear! Feminine Underwear.

That whole trust thing is so darn delicate. I know with my bride constant reminders of my neverending love, total respect and absolute dedication to her every need seemed to help a little.

[Genifer Teal]

'Till you run out of gas? You even drive like a girl. lol Just kidding. Anyone can (and does) run out of gas once in a while.

Gen

[QZ2]

Good communication does wonders. If she has a problem stewing it is important to get it out in the open. Same goes for you. And it might be up to you to start the disclosure by asking her the right questions.

Beat the ice, not the people.

Susie

[marcia pisch]

I tend to think that a confrontation might not be all that bad. I mean you can finally have your wife tell you how she really feels, and then you can choose what is best for you. May be she just needs to now how much you love her again. Or maybe, heaven forbid, you need to choose what makes you happy in you life. I wish you the best. I think I am going to have to make that choice soon, I hope not.

[Karren H]

I tend to think that a confrontation might not be all that bad. I mean you can finally have your wife tell you how she really feels, and then you can choose what is best for you. May be she just needs to now how much you love her again. Or maybe, heaven forbid, you need to choose what makes you happy in you life. I wish you the best. I think I am going to have to make that choice soon, I hope not.

I'll introduce you to my wife.... and you can confront her!!

[Andy66]

Back then women didn't grow up wanting to marry a pervert... Not like they want to today either but times have changed...

Well, there's creepy-perverted, and then there's fun-perverted.

[AKASadieGG]

Karren,

You know, I don't know you but, I do notice that you spend a lot of time on line... I think you are a very funny and great guy???? girl??? but maybe your wife would like some of the attention that you give to these forums. Maybe she feels a little or a lot neglected by you. I know I would, and do complain when my S/O is spending too much time online. Maybe you at some time could direct her here??? probably not from what I've heard you say but I wish you and your wife the best no matter what