When I found out last April that my Husband was a CD, I had NO IDEA the very worst part of it would be his family.
My H's parents and uncle just finished up a fairly long family holiday visit. We took them out to a restaurant where we saw a GG and her CD partner, who were later met up with another CDer. This all happened a few feet from our table and my in-laws looked on with great interest.
The uncle kept calling them "flamers," and I would correct him. Over and over. Then the next day, my father-in-law, out of the blue said, "I am glad none of my sons are gay." I assured him that were that the case, he would surely love his sons unconditionally anyway. Throughout the trip, his mother bristled uncomfortably with disapproval over her state's recent gay marriage acceptance. And she pretended to get scared in Key West when we strolled past gay bars and drag queens.
I believed all three of them are good, compassionate, and loving people. I believe that should the day ever come that my H is brave enough to come out of the closet, they would embrace him and immediately change their behavior. But they also find this sort of gay and tran bashing quite amusing among themselves. And if I get defensive at all, they seem to think I am just being a sanctimonious liberal hippie (who are always fun to tweak), and they will make even more jokes to get a rise out of it.
I only realized just this week how this sort of behavior has been a major presence in my husband's life - I honestly never noticed before. Perhaps I used to laugh with them, an idea that now makes me a little ill to think about it. But now, it is SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to watch this play out and keep my mouth shut. My husband is really good at "playing along," but I know this must deeply hurt him.
How do you guys handle this sort of thing? And how do your wives manage not to slap your insensitive friends or family members when faced with such behavior?