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You may not like to hear it, but I am happy as a guy most of the time. Even after several years here on the forum, I just have no interest in going out, or in fem street clothes.
What some members do not [or can not] understand is that some of us have no need to ‘go out dressed’ we are very happy and fulfilled in our closet.
Let me repeat, very happy and fulfilled in our closet.
As for the word ‘closet’ it paints a picture of someone like me cowering in a dark place, filled with guilt, shame and wishing I had the backbone to go out dressed. How derogatory is that!
One member here is just downright rude about members like me not having the b***s to go out. [Yes I mean you who got that rather strong P.M. from me the other day]
So on behalf of all the happy members here that do not go out dressed can I explain to the others that some of us choose not to go out dressed. We have no need to go out dressed. If that makes us less of a C.D. person in anybody’s eyes then please P.M. me. I would like to have a chat with you.
And if you are going to say we are not supporting the move towards being accepted out in the big wide world, well you go ahead without me, O.K.?
No , love to hear it! I'm very happy as a guy too, that's why I'm Transgender and not transexual! ( OK for those with the different definition of transgender, I'm a cross dresser and not transexual)
I'm just very happy to get to be both guy and girl.
Suzy, Sorry, I'm not trying to be disrespectful with the term 'Closet' and only use it because it is commonly to describe keeping one's secrets to oneself. It's applied to us, gays, and all kinds of people with personal secrets.
And I'm not saying you don't have the right to keep your secrets to yourself. I am just curious about the different perceptions we have about how the rest of the world see's us. I ask this question of the members here who stay in as I believe their thoughts will be the strongest feelings of persecution . I ask them to compare their feelings with my experiences to get an understanding of how they feel, not to drive them outside of their comfort zone. And also I want to see the responses of people once they think about the question, some have already indicated that it has sparked an interesting thought process.
Last edited by JessHaust; 04-11-2012 at 03:01 PM.
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YEA Suzy1!!! I think she speaks for most of us "closet' girls!!! We are happy the way we are. I am also happy to hear that Jess is happy as a cd, and guy too!!
Tell me Jess, how many years did it take you to go out? Had someone told you before you were ready or before your partner knew (assuming you have not told every partner in your life right off the bat) that you "should" go out in public, what would have been your reaction? This is where you will find your answer.
Everyone meanders along the path at their own rate, and also some of the paths diverge based on different personalities, different life circumstances, and different needs. Please accept this.
Also a word of warning for everyone: although civilized discussion is always beneficial, if this thread morphs into another ugly and flame-filled debate about "out" vs. "in" (we've had our fair share of these), I will close it.
Reine
My wife has known for 35 years, I told her when we started dating. I was closeted for the last 50. If some one had told me to go out and that there were actually other people like me out there I would have jumped at the chance. The only reason I stayed closeted was because i thought I was alone and had no way of finding others.
How have I been going out? First time I ever dressed in full makeup, wig dress and all was Nov 5, 2011, halloween party at my house. Next was 2 weeks later, went to the movies. Then 2 weeks later I found the local CD group and have been going out several times a week ever since.
Once I discovered that there were other people I did jump at the chance, just wish I had found out sooner. Maybe if I had found this forum sooner, and somebody had asked the right questions.....
And please lets keep this light. No wars here , just honest questions and honest answers. Nobody, especially myself, is trying say any of our opinions is better than anybody else's, We all do what we feel is right in our own situations and that's exactly what we should do. I really just want to know how we all feel.
Last edited by JessHaust; 04-11-2012 at 03:56 PM.
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Spot on.
C'mon, Jess. You had 50 years? Then maybe the rest of us are entitled to a bit of time.
I finally came out to myself only about 5 months ago. Now I would like to get out in public, and perhaps some day I will. But I'm not pushing it. I'll take it at my own pace. I need time to get comfortable with myself first.
One of my main considerations is where I live: a very small town where I'd stick out like a sore thumb if I were recognized, which I undoubtedly would be. It might make sense for me to move to a larger place. A TS friend of mine recently concurred with me on this. So perhaps that's what I'll have to do. I'm considering my options, but I will go at my own pace.
Jess, your question is valid and there's no reason not to raise it. But two provisos: you've stated that happy comings-out outnumber the unfortunate ones by about 100 to 1. Not so sure of that myself. I'd want to see some scientific data.
Secondly, I think you're falling into what I call the "St. Paul Fallacy": "What is true of me is true of the whole world."
Best wishes, Annabelle
I'll give my reason without trying to get too violin-y.
Basically my life is a mess, between depression and health problems I've painted myself into an awkward corner which I'm struggling to free myself of.
As such, at the moment my family is all I have.
I owe them everything especially for all their support when I've been sick.
The thought of losing them, and or having their perception of me permanently change is terrifying.
Especially when I don't know the answers to any questions they may ask.
I'm at least looking into therapy but being jobless, depressed, and broke doesn't lend itself well to crossdressing let alone going out anywhere.
I won't beat up anyone over questions though, it's all interesting thought that helps everyone learn and understand more about themselves.
Asked it before ,,,, MISTAKE 1) Get ready to get it good SISSTA ,, Just leave em alone DADT ,,, If they want to stay in let em stay . MILLIONS of reasons MILLIONS !! So you made it out just be happy . Cuz you wont win this one TRUST ME ,,, IM OUTTA HERE ,,,, LOVE & LUCK .
Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,
To anwer JessHaust's question:
I have no need to come out of the "closet", that's why I don't go out dressed up
For me and my wife, my CDing is a turn on (she's bisexual).
If I had any illusions that I could pass for a woman I'd maybe think about going outside dressed up.
As is, I have virtually no interest in going out en femme
But then there are other considerations:
I'm 6 ft tall and weigh 260 pounds (US womans size 20-22) and roughly built, very broad shoulders and so on.
I work on a fishing ship with 16 other guys staying out at least 4 weeks at a time, and if they find a weak spot to tease you on, you'll never hear the end of it
I live in a VERY small town where everybody knows everybody, if not personally, then by reputation
So going out dressed isn't at all attractive for me, and thankfully I have no need to do so
After browsing through this forum I feel blessed that my crossdressing is welcomed by my wife, I can only imagine the pain many of you feel, not being accepted by your partner
It may have nothing to do with courage. As Suzy so clearly described, we all have different needs and desires. There was a time when going out into the world was fairly important to me. I did it, enjoyed it, and that's that. I no longer feel that need. I am quite content in my closet. Staying in my closet gives me all the satisfaction that I need and I feel no need whatsoever to venture out into the so called real world. Doesn't make me a bad person!
Jess,
I love your posts and have genuinely valued what you bring, but I find this post one of the more difficult as it takes a certain stance that many could have difficulty with and I totally accept Reine's advice. My view is simple... we are all different. We have had different upbringings, life experiences, etc.. our reasons for doing what we do are varied and complex. I totally accept the rights of everyone here to live the life that they choose to. If I can help based on my experience and knowledge I will. I will also hope to learn from my peers on the site.
It sounds like your life has been different from mine.
Kaz xx
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This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
I have asked my husband at least a dozen times - do you want to go out dressed - and he has said every time, no, he has absolutely no desire whatever to go anywhere - he's very happy to do his own thing at home.
I'm with Suzy and Crissy on this one. I'm quite comfortable just dressing in my home with my wife, and that generally brings sufficient satisfaction. I'm curious about:
- Going out to restaurants and shops
- Meeting and sharing with other CDs
This curiosity has been stirred by this forum, but that doesn't mean I need to act on it. And if I do act on it, I will do so at a time and place that has essentially zero risk to job or family.
Isn't freedom all about doing what brings you satisfaction?
Miriam
Ok, I admit I'm a private person in general. There are many...I repeat MANY...idiocyncracies that I have and that I completely enjoy. It is very likely that I will never tell any of you here about them, and I'm certainly not going to inform my mother of them either! I'm sure that everyone here has something that they aren't in a big hurry to share with others!
So why is sharing our feminine selves with others even an issue (besides our spouses!)? Personally, I'm out to all those I have chosen to be out to, and I'm quite pleased with that stance. I really don't sit around wondering if others are concerned about whether I'm out to everyone, or if I'm "in the closet".
So, Jess, am I different from you? I don't know, and in all honesty, it's not an issue for me. How do I feel? I feel that my business is mine and no one else's. If I want to share something personnal, I will. If not, then I don't tell them. If Tina wants to go out to dinner, she will, and if she doesn't, I'm not sure how that's an issue? Tina is extremely happy. She doesn't compare herself to anyone (unless they have better makeup!!!! ) as far their social activities. Heck, I don't do that in male mode either! If someone wishes help in accomplishing some goal, we should all support them. Otherwise, is this kind of discussion helpful?
Just askin.
That's how I feel.
Rather funny my first post is why I am not 'outing' myself in the world. Trust me, I would love to be able to play video games/role playing games (err...I should clarify I mean Dungeons and Dragons type role playing, not daddy/babysitter role playing), or even be able to be dressed and play a good game of Monopoly. But I am a private person, my girlfriend and one other person knows my dressing and they also understand it also is a great therapy for me. Are there points were I could scream to the heavens who and what I do? Of course, I think we all hit that point just like at one time or another have gone through purging of our fem clothes. But for now I am just looking for other crossdressers where I can speak freely, and from looking at other posts here everyone here is treated like a family member, lots of support. And for this I say bravo! For those who are out in the public, I give you the biggest applause. And maybe in the future I will come out of the slightly opened closet door and come out with my heels a clicking, until then I stay on the carpet so my heels don't make noise.
Was it Roosevelt who said that the only thing that we have to fear is fear itself. Coming out to family and friends is a big thing. I was on the other side of this when a fellow student decided to come out while going through counselling in preparation for SRS. Some people found it very hard to accept and I still remember their comments.
Jess, the simple answer to your question (I came out, no problems, why is your life different?) is that my life is different, my situation is different. The answer was in the question. I know FOR SURE that I would lose my job. I know my boss (THE company boss), I have for over 20 years, I know his attitudes about people different than himself, and have seen him act on those attitudes. I have said this before and some people have said things like "Who would want to work for HIM? Get another job." or "You have rights." "You have recourse." etc. I have a good job. It pays well, I'm good at it, and I like it. I wouldn't want to end all that's good by coming out. It's not lack of bravery. It's being smart, knowing my situation and acting best for my family.
Also, I have no compelling reason to come out. Happy in the closet.
Last edited by NicoleScott; 04-11-2012 at 07:29 PM. Reason: typo
For me I think it's my fear and my wifes fear that keeps me in my closet. I used to think that I would die if someone fond out. I think I was somewhat ashamed I thought there was something wrong with me. Them I fond this site and started therapy and fond out that I'm not alone and that there nothing wrong with me. I've got more work to do in therapy and I have to wait until my wife is ready. I think we underestimate people, for me it took me forever to love myself the way I am so it make it hard to believe that other will love that side of me.
Hugs, Janelle
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" Anais Nin.
Live, Laugh, and Love Yourself!
I think one word sums it up for me : FEAR. I have a lot of fears that I need to overcome and it's a slow and agonizing road to travel. I have been out here and there before, quick runs to the mail box (inside the same building), I have drove around under dressed (hose and heels), and even went out once fully enfemme on halloween. the desire to do more and go out more ( especially because of halloween) is always there but the fear keeps me inside.
I have just accepted this side of me myself. For the longest time I tried to deny it as just a really wild pantyhose fetish (which is still that way sometimes) but I came to terms that this is a part of who I am, it isn't going away, and I really do feel more relaxed and comfortable when en femme . That being that I am just now accepting this, I feel it's too soon to try and hope that others will accept also. I have the same fears a lot of girls have posted before me. I also still have a lot to learn and this forum has been both a god send and a curse at the same time.
There is a ton of useful information here from make up, clothing, advice, Friendship and the list goes on and on but then there is also the pressure sometimes. The pressure to be out there, to say to hell with the world, tell everyone and anyone, try it on at the store etc, etc, etc and personally I am not ready for any of this. I am not saying that it isn't right nor that it's not the path I should be walking but it takes time to actually reach that path and until your fully at ease with every aspect of your being the FEAR will keep you huddled in that closet which at this time, isn't all that bad
Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!
Jess is like Henry Higgins who wonders, "Why can't a closet CD be like me?" Well, you may view yourself as a model to be emulated, Jess, but in point of fact every person is different. We come into the life with different energies, different imaginations, different desires. We find satisfaction in different results. Maybe people just don't want to be like you.
I do. I want to be as self confident as jess everyday of my life. She's a lot braver than I am for sure but even more so she is completely true and at ease with herself which I am sure A LOT of us wish we were also though I am not speaking for anyone in general but myself.
Like you stated, we all have our own path though and will chose which route we want to take.
Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!