I'm not positive but I think Thera might be confusing you with ThisIsBob and a thread over that-a-way
I'm not positive but I think Thera might be confusing you with ThisIsBob and a thread over that-a-way
Thera you are so off the mark it is alarming. You have absolutely no idea how gid affects individuals.
I highly doubt either one enabled each other or even took advantage of one another. Look at another way. Angie allowed Steph
To be herself and that freedom allowed her to achieve some level of balance. At that point the fog lifted and steph was able see with clarity there was an element missing that caused her distress. She took steps to alleviate the distress but that comcort level
Was outside the comfort level of her wife. Whether they can remain a married couple will depend on their induvidual comfort
Levels. Gid affects each in different ways and we all deal with it in our own comfort level. What is obvious from.both members they lo e each other and are looking for a way to keep their marriage intact. To suggest otherwise is disingenuous.
iris
It is hard to read your posts Thera
They have so much ignorance, ugliness and malice that its hard to reply other than to say that I pity you for how badly you hate yourself
In her defense (?) It's hard to fault a person for not understanding TS issues. There are not very many of us after all, and there are people walking the planet who still think homosexuality is a choice.
I meet people everyday who think that I just decided to become a woman one day. I don't even bother explaining what it really means to have GID, it's like trying to explain why I'm so cute.
Yes, it's hard to fault a person for not understanding.
It is VERY easy to fault a person for not understanding, not listening and ASSUMING they somehow are the supreme authority on the subject.
It wouldn't be an issue if the people who didn't understood actually had the audacity to LISTEN!
Edit: Especially when... you know... they are right in front of someone who might actually know a little bit more on the subject than them...
Last edited by Bree-asaurus; 10-30-2012 at 08:49 PM.
You got that right ,,,Why are you so cute ? But anyway ,,Back to the splaing ,,, If we did that we wouldn't have time to do nothing else ,, I think the only people that deserve an exsplanation are the most important people in our lives ,,The rest can just look it up on the internet ! Now ,,, Tell me how did you get so Cute >??
Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,
To answer your question:
1.) I never cross-dressed in my life; after I decided to transition I dressed appropriately.
2.) I began the long process of bringing my body into congruence when I was nine years old.
I threw out my male clothing the night before I transitioned and that was that.
So I am afraid I fail to see your point.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
So anyway, you have choices:
1. Not accept Steph's needs, which might (or will?) cause the two of you to break up, or cause Steph to stay in the marriage but be deeply unhappy.
2. Accept Steph's needs to see where this will all lead.
If you choose option 2, one of two things will happen:
A. Steph will cease to be frustrated with his current inability to be herself and she will eventually find a balance given your needs too. There will be a separation between male and female lives, since this is the only way that someone who is not fully TS can live in our current society.
B. Steph will eventually decide that she is TS and will want to live full time. If this happens and you are not OK with being in a lesbian relationship then you will divorce.
So. If you do want to attempt saving your marriage, the only viable option is (2A), because each of options (1) and (2B) will spell the end of your marriage. This will mean a great deal of stretching and deconstructing gender (moving away for the idea that all people are either fully male or fully female) on your part and I don't know if you can do this or not. But, it is necessary if the two of you will find a way to stay happily married, where both your needs will be met.
Blah! I hate typing something like this in the TS section, because I know that many TSs do not believe in the idea there are varying degrees or different types of gender dysphoria.[/QUOTE]
This is the arrangement many of us have. I have a separate apartment, separate lives and separate relationships with other friends who know me mainly as my femme self. IT CAN WORK.
Snow
There are many transsexuals that have never crossdressed (of course there are many crossdressers that never crossdressed!!)
First off, if you want to get into an argument, you need to understand your terms... you are misusing the concept of hypocrisy and because of that you really don't make a point that is understandable...
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There is a distinction between the act of a genetic male putting on women's clothes (crossdressing) and the idea that a person is a crossdresser... guys that wear girls clothes on halloweens are crossdressing but they are not crossdressers..
You enjoy something called cisgender priviledge...you are blessed and you don't even know it.. you are blessed with the firm unquestioning knowledge that you are female...(btw so am i)...unfortunately i don't share your priviledge and its had a brutal impact on my life.. a crossdresser is a cisgender person too...altho it can be a fantasy to "go all the way", its not a real wish, its not something a person will go forward with because they know they are male, and they are in fact, ok with being male...they are cisgender...
People that are crossdressers, or in a crossdressing marriage do not share the experience of transsexuals... Things like setting dressing boundries and having limits of feminine expression are appropriate or not based on each relationship...
and whether you can see it or not, advice (no matter how well meaning) to a couple dealing with transsexuality that is based on the experience of a crossdressing couple will doom that couple...Things like boundries are going to be counterproductive for the couple.. i can't blame you and others for not getting that..its not in your experience..
When people have challenged the advice of some crossdressers (this is the ts forum, its our house..that's where steph and angie brought this up), the reaction was incredibly nasty and came from a place that we transsexuals are used too...a place of hatred and ignorance...are you trying to side with the people that are doing that?? i hope not..that's not the impression i get from you
If all i know is how to cook spaghetti noodles, i'd tell you the best way to cook a steak is throw it in a pot of boiling water..and in any case, i would not walk into your house and tell you how its done and act like a troll when you show me how the broiler works
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If you really care about Steph and Angie, then you owe them the respect that they mean what they say here...Steph's post did not talk about questioning who she was..she knows...and like most of us she is very upset to know...thats why here title was about trying to accept it... its about trying to accept what "is", and not trying to figure out what "is"...
The approach of setting boundries will not work. It will push the transsexual faster and deeper into the rabbit hole.. The approach that at least has a chance is to let Steph express her femaleness, reduce or mitigate her GID to the point where Angie can feel like her husband is still around, and Steph can feel like Steph...this is a difficult balance, and for many balance is unachievable, but its a loving and caring way to try to keep the marraige intact...
This is the huge difference between transsexuals and pink fog..folks that dream of femaleness as part of their own gender journey are not transsexuals, and contrary to many statements here, they do not ever seriously question whether they are male or female...they may come into this forum and talk about it, they may post fakey posts about hormones and having breasts, and its brutal on their wives because it raises the spectre of transsexuality but they are not SERIOUSLY considering transition (the wife has no way to really know this..which is a big problem that i have no answer for other than for the husband to get his act together)
...I'll bet you a nickel Steph would do anything right now to BE a crossdresser
I assume you're referring to our perceived "attitudes" about cross-dressing yes?
I didn't cross dress (outside of bedroom play a couple of times) at all until 2009 when I began to put the pieces together. I was already out as gay by then but believe it or not I never realized that I could actually pretend to be a woman. This very forum is what made me realize I didn't have to pretend anymore, to be a man. I never wanted to be a trannsexual. I wanted to be a woman since I was tiny, but I just didn't think it was possible. There is something very powerful about interacting with people who have lived your own experience.
I give CD's a hard time because I have CD friends that I adore and some of the creepy weirdness that I see posted here make me embarrassed for them and I feel protective. While I may not identify with them, I think they're pretty neat. I tried to be one, and even called myself one for a short time, but the "fun" of dressing up faded in only a few months time. So for a while, I was a CD that didn't like cross-dressing. LOL
Your question is rooted in the idea that being a TS is merely the end of the road for a CD, and that is not true at all. If you could hang out with a few TS girls, you would understand what I mean.
Last edited by Badtranny; 10-31-2012 at 08:54 AM.
So I made a boo-boo
I guess not Iris. GID? Is this a justification.......I wonder
Thank You Professor, Of course I hate myself.........When I screw up or sit back and read all this bullsh*t and not say anything about it.
Now there's a "T" I prefer. Im a troll....................yeaaaa. I ain't purty like you'all.
Thera
Thera part of the Bull as you call it is your assumption that any gender dysphoria must be "the fog". It's just not that simple (that's putting it mildly).
I take it that you are referring to the CD-bashing that occasionally happens here, and you're not insinuating that TSs are not really TSs?
I also don't like to see groups of people put down other groups. I think the world would be a much nicer place if we all learned to understand and accept our differences, and it would be utopia if we could even celebrate one another's differences.
But, not everyone puts down CDers here ... just a handful. That said, the other thread was closed and I question the appropriateness of bringing that discussion into a thread where husband and wife are trying to resolve their issues.
I don't know if you realize how insulting or even hurtful your "boo-boos" are, not to mention the fact that they detract from the issue at hand. This may be all a little game to you (I'm referring to the giggle smiley), but you're in a thread where a couple is having serious issues and I, as a member, would appreciate it if you could put this into perspective.
Last edited by ReineD; 10-31-2012 at 11:11 AM.
Reine
with people like Thera around i miss Kate
Thera, or what ever your real name is, if you think its all bullshit why don't you go away, no one wants you here anyway.
Where are the mods when you need them?
I was basically forced to cross dress for about the first 17 years of my life. My parents wanted a boy, but what they got was me. I am not holding a grudge though.. how could they have known?
The ever so loving Reine
This is a serious issue for me. A man is deciding whether to follow his feelings and visions of grandeur and forget the the woman he made a promise too. Are you OK with that? I call that irresponsibility.I feel that either way steph decides too go(from what Ive read) she's the one going to get hurt. This deal sucks and you know it.
The smiley giggly guy was to myself for blending threads.
Put a cork in it, April or whatever your name is.
I like you and that why Im here
Thera
It's ok, we ALL know what you are about, the point you think you are making and the point you are actually making are exact opposites..pls continue
What you think is clever is nothing but being a clown...if you are actually serious, you are terribly ineffective at making your point.
For ts people, you are an excellent illustration of what we are up against in the world.
The sad part about this is the thread will most likely be locked soon. It was meant to help Steph and her wife get through a difficult time. I would expect these type of posts from the non TS members from people on the street but not here in a forum that deals with transgender people.