I can identify with a lot of what you wrote here Felicity. I am much older than you but instead of questioning all of this like you are, I tried to deny it. I have been married twice, and lived with someone else for a few years in between. Yes I thought I needed to have a companion, but it never lasted because it was never real. It was just an attempt to be like everyone thought it should be.
I have always been an outcast and a loner. I never had much in the way of friends going back to childhood. I was picked on and looked down upon. It took me 50 years to realize all of that wasted time was like that for me because I couldn't accept and embrace who and what I really am.
You are young enough to avoid that kind of mistake. Find a gender therapist and talk with them. It cannot hurt anything and may be the key to starting to understand who you really are. Coping is better when you know what you are coping with. I do not know if transition is right for you, and you probably do not know either at this point. Don't rush anything you have time to find out the truth that only you can know.
