Annette,
a suggestion....if you wish to assist your wife then by all means do so. BUT...don't just take her cash or give her a check. Call the Judge and ask him if its ok for you to "help her out". You don't want to get into trouble and/or if the court is aware your assisting her it goes a long way in your favor.
No way would I cave in and take her back not after the way she talked about you.She doesn't love you she just wants your money.
She apparently does not manage money well so thats not your fault.
If you want to help her out fine but tell the court its a one time gift and its putting a strain on you financially to do so.
Hi Annette,
Everything has again been stated, that I myself would have contributed. Damn this difference in time zones.
I watched and heard over years, my dad physically abusing my mum until I was 14 years old and stood in between them. I got introduced to the living room door for that gesture but the beatings stopped. My mum stayed with him until she died in 2002.
It is strange how we as human beings, seem to even consider staying in or going back to such hurt, but people do. Please, please, please for your sake alone, stay away. You're doing fine now going forward.
Sorry to lay my history on your thread, but I hate to see a fellow human re-trap themselves because we have such a grand ability to remember the good times and let the bad fade in our search for happiness.
Reb x
Last edited by reb.femme; 07-10-2013 at 12:38 PM.
My Dad used to tell me that there were three sides to every story: your, theirs, and somewhere between, the truth.
Not knowing your life, or hers, I wouldn't presume to tell you what you should do. But, I can tell you what I would do in your place: stay out! If the situation and the break-up were that bad, do you really see it getting any better, especially since she is already issuing directives?
Before you can love another, you must first like yourself
I Aim To Misbehave
Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!
The reason for the guardian ad litem is because she has been deemed legally not competent. So the GAL is to look out for her interests. So, any divorce would have to be approved by the GAL. That renders the likelihood of said divorce improbable at best. Not to mention the added costs.Originally Posted by AllieSF
I already have a support judgement. I get to pay but without the satisfaction of being shut of the ball and chain.
Rents Due ? She needs to call the Landlord not you ,, Put the Hammer down an Let it Roll partner ,, There's more places to live than Hell !!
Thanx Jennifer,
To be honest... I wish I knew.
Tracii,
You pegged that one.
Annette
I have been living out of my truck for 8 years now. It isn't much of a life. It is more like being just another accessory. She gets most of what I get from my military retirement and VA benefit and the IRS takes another big chunk. So at this point there isn't enough left for my own place.
Someone also said that maybe I still love her... I have been used since "I do". The sex was pretty good but that doesn't make up for everything. She has apologized before and went back to being worse than before. So no there aren't any feelings left.
The rent issue has another side to it... She lives in my son's apartment (that she selected for him because he was to lazy to get out and do himself). I cut them both off. So she had to use the money she gets from me to pay his rent. If it doesn't get paid, he gets evicted too. Nice catch 22. I should have mentioned that before maybe.
Much as I suspected you all are confirming what I have come to believe.
All my life I have been the rock, provider, steadfast, and reliable. It is hard to step away from that to look out for number one.
Annette
Last edited by DAVIDA; 07-11-2013 at 06:15 AM. Reason: please use the "multi-quote" button.
You know what they say about the man who works late and a lot. "If a man would rather be at work, you know he's not happy at home". When my wife asked me if she wasn't accepting of Maria when I told her if we would still be happily married for 27 years, I responded probably not. I guess you know how I feel about you situation. Stay focused and remember what ever you decide the most important thing is that you are happy.
Hiya Annette.
I think you said yourself - she doesn't accept you as you.
And is happy to abuse you when she doesn't need something.
The life you would want - that's the one you're looking for, as you wander.
Stay strong, be you, and drink less.
Learning to be me - the best me I can be
I think you are still nothing more than a wallet to her. Danger
Thank you all,
Thanks for the honest if not brutal (lol) feedback. That is after all what I asked for and expected. I think it is fair to say that you have confirmed what I already knew. I just needed the affirmation to bolster my resolve. I value what you have said and keep it all in mind.
Thanks again
ps I don't drink but the sentiment seemed to fit the situation.
Last edited by Annette Todd; 07-11-2013 at 05:50 AM.
Your title to your post says it all in a negative way; " back together ". Yes, together you go backwards. If your post is accurate, she has not changed at all in accepting any of 'her', so what would be the logic to sharing lives? Be patient, the right woman will come along, and lay off the booze; crutches break too.
Based on your profile picture, you are still young as in middle aged...maybe thirties. One of these days you will partially retire from long hauling and maybe do short hauls. When you do, you will want to start that house and home you look for now. And you will want a stable, non stressful environment. You have made the effort in this pass relationship but she will not change. Stay in forward gear and do not back up to the way things were. Give yourself an opportunity to find a better SO. Get a lawyer although you may be avoiding that because she will try to use CDing against you in a divorce.
Actually sugar daddy, but without the sugar. Don't go back.
Anette,
You did take her advice to "stop all the crazy stuff" a year ago when you got divorced. Why would you break back into prison?
Laura,
You are too kind. I hit the half century mark last year with another b day just around the corner. Some day my life will settle down, that is true. I sure don't want to be an OLD trucker.
This should not in any way prevent a divorce. If her court appointed rep won't agree you sue for divorce. The judge will award it to you I'm sure. Get a lawyer. Do nothing without a lawyer.
Hug
Rita
A person should wear what he likes to. And not just what other folks say. A person should be who she likes to. A person's a person that way!
~Marlo Thomas~
Don't even THINK about getting back together. It would be a big mistake, IMO.
Carol
There's one word for a woman like this -- abusive. You said it yourself. She used you as a wallet and harassed you constantly, then went all "I can change" when it was convenient for her. Classic emotional abuser.
I think you know it, but you need to cut ties to the maximum extent possible -- if you can, completely. You don't owe her anything.
Annette - take Rita's advice and get a lawyer. The GAL must look after your wife's best interest, but he cannot force you to be in the relationship other than for monetary support.
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.
The best thing to remember, he emergency is not yours anymore. Make it take some effort on her part and I guarantee she already has someone else to leach off. For someone doing the asking she has a lot of demands. Run the other way as fast a you can.
Chickie
I think twelve months separation would help make up your mind.
She does have a carer to help her.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Is her disability physical or mental? I just don't understand why you can't sue for divorce. There is not a chance in hell that you will ever be a couple again. Since you are traveling, it may be possible to establish residence in a more hospitable state and sue from there. She has likely claimed that you abandoned her and the court, not hearing your side, has made you financially responsible for her in lieu of the state.
ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!
"The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)
Take care of yourself. What brings you peace and happiness is what you should do. I'm tied to a settlement as well. She has made things very difficult. But I choose to make the best life I can. I hope you can as well.
"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts."
-- Albert Einstein
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