I don't know if my Out Loud Voice failed me or protected me tonight, but it was guilty of something.
So, the ex invited me over for some food tonight, and being hungry and not wanting to cook, I agreed. We are on good terms and still asks me if I'm going to cut her out of my life. I told her no because she is still the best friend I have right now. She was visibly pleased. I have to give her credit; she has been very supportive. In the course of talking tonight and, well, I think we were coming to grips with some issues between us, it happened.
We started talking about "Danielle" and she said she actually likes Danielle more right now because I seem happier in that mode and we get our friendship back. Then she innocently and curiously asked what I would want for myself if no social anxieties or other factors like that existed, and I froze up and shrugged. I sensed no malice and agenda behind her question, but I was so taken aback by it. She tends to get me with those questions. I suspect part of her thought of my answer would really be because I know I caught a bubble in my throat that felt an awful lot like I was about to say, "I would live as a woman full time and transition."
So instead, I am posting that reply on the Internet... makes sense. At least I had a successful shopping weekend.
Dani G!