what have wifes got against cds

[vicky lee]

i am giveing you an update to my wifes views
as i said in previous treads we are separated so i telled her i was going on one of these complete makeovers which i really wanted to do for a long time now
she blow up at me then all the questions what do you want to look like a woman for when you had me she said i dont like it you haveing this makeover
thats ok ur not haveing it i dont know what to do i do love my wife still she was excepting so much at first but now no way no talking to her no meeting her half way or going it slowly what can i do
if i want my wife back i think its down to give it all up
and i know i couldnt help anyone been here before love to here ur views

[Brenda Love]

This sounds like your at a major crossroad in your life and you have a big decision to make! I would sit down and think "what do I love more CDing or my SO." for me it's an easy choice,dress in private and nobody gets hurt!.

Hugs
Brenda

[Tracy_Victoria]

Wifes don't marry guys because they dress up as a woman. even the ones that know.Understand/fully Accept there husbands dressing!

I woman marries a guy for love, (generally) therefore it's a massive shock to the system to find out the person they knew, or thought they knew, does this, ie question then arrise, do they really know that person at all.

Try turning it around, you come home early from work, to find your wife, dressed in a mans 3 piece suit, showing no signs of her bust, yet what clearly seems to be a manly bulge, sporting manly shoes, male wig, and fake beard. Would you not wonder what the hell was going on?

That why she does, if she finds out by chance you do this!

[Karren H]

I agree with Tracy_Victoria..... Must be a great shock.... And I don't blame my wife for any of her negative feelings!!! I'm just glad she still accepts me as her husband! And as long as I keep my "hobby" out of her face, she's a happy girl!! Were both happy girls!!

Love Karren

[melissacd]

Vicky,

I am going through a similar thing, my wife does not accept my cross dressing either. After 10 years of her knowing about it and me not doing it, I could not do it anymore. I had to start again. It is who I am and it is who I must be. The situation that I am in now is that she and I are starting counseling. She is totally against the dressing but has agreed to give this another try for the sake of the relationship. We are both in agreement that we have to come to some resolution on this to save the marriage, although we both also agree that if we cannot get resolution on this this time around then we will have to end the marriage.

I cannot and will not stop being a cross dresser anymore so that part is not negotiable with her, however, I am willing to work with her to define a frame work, a set of soft and hard limits on my cross dressing. If she can agree with that then we may have a chance of saving it, if she insists on me stopping the cross dressing then the marriage has to end. It is about that simple.

There are some who can give up cross dressing for love, but many of us cannot because it is too integral a part of who we are. I am in the second group and if being that type costs me my marriage then that is the price I must pay. It is not for everyone, but that is the way it has to be for me.

All the best in resolving your situation to a level that is acceptable to both of you. Remember that you have a vote in this too, it is not just her decision.

Huggs
Melissa

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Vicky,
Some women just cannot accept Crossdressing full stop. It doesn't make them a bad person and it certainly doesn't make them any less of a good wife than someone who has no problems with it and is fully supportive. I think like has already been said, you have to weigh up who or what is more important to you, but then so does she. I can't really give you any advice as to what to do because I dont know either of you personally and even if I did, what works for some doesn't for others. All I can do is pray that you will beable to work something out between you in order to continue your relationship.
I am firmly of the opinion that if you do truly love each other then there is no mountain too high to climb, and I hope that doesn't sound patronizingly simplistic.
I wish you both the best of luck and hope that you can sort something out.
Take care
BEV

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"]I agree with Bev but I have found out myself not something easily given up. [/SIZE]

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hi Vicky,
Some women just cannot accept Crossdressing full stop. It doesn't make them a bad person and it certainly doesn't make them any less of a good wife than someone who has no problems with it and is fully supportive.
BEV

There are many different levels of acceptance, my partner trys to understand and I think she does, she just she struggles with seeing my female image. I've always had her blessing and my like Karren, she okay with it generally.

Unfortunately some can deal with it, some love it, and some hate it. but what ever the situation normally it's true that the longer it is that they find out, the more hurt they are. and who can blame them really. they have been living in a lie!

[TxKimberly]

I should imagine that it would be a very rare girl indeed that grew up thinking to herself "Gee, I can't wait until I grow up so I can marry a cross dresser". Nah, couldn't see it. More likely, she grew up dreaming that some day her white knight in shining armor would ride up on a big white horse (preferably a Clydesdale) and whisk her away to a life in a huge home with a white picket fence. No doubt once there, she expected he would give her 3.5 children and ply her with roses and diamonds for the rest of her life.

OK, don't flame me, I know this is a bit exaggerated, but I am trying to make a point. Most people have dreams and expectations for how they expect and want their lives to turn out, and it's a fair bet that finding out your big strong knight would prefer to wear your princess dress than his armor, has got to be one hell of a departure from your expectations.

I'm sure this analogy must have been made here at some time, but imagine your wife came to you and said she wants to grow a beard and get her head shaved? I don't know about you, but that is NOT the picture I had in my head for the wife I would someday grow old with. I MIGHT be able to adapt and accept this, but I can assure you I would NOT be pleased or delighted at the idea.

Kim (Trying to see it from the other side)

[vicky lee]

once again i have to thank you all for ur replys
i have not long ago phoned my wife and shes comeing over so we can talk about
it least thats a start i would like her to join the ggs section on here to talk to others about it well will see how it gos let you all know what happens
thanks again to all of you

[MJ]

Hi Vicky,

Some women just cannot accept Crossdressing full stop

. It doesn't make them a bad person and it certainly doesn't make them any less of a good wife than someone who has no problems with it and is fully supportive. I think like has already been said, you have to weigh up who or what is more important to you, but then so does she. I can't really give you any advice as to what to do because I dont know either of you personally and even if I did, what works for some doesn't for others. All I can do is pray that you will beable to work something out between you in order to continue your relationship.
I am firmly of the opinion that if you do truly love each other then there is no mountain too high to climb, and I hope that doesn't sound patronizingly simplistic.
I wish you both the best of luck and hope that you can sort something out.
Take care
BEV

i am sorry to hear that but . bev is right my wife could not accept it either now i am single . i wish you the very best but you can't stop dressing
just go and have your make over and have fun, life is too short you only live once if you don't you will regret it , good luck
hugs Marissa

[Joy Carter]

I cannot understand a spouse who wants to control a situation with the "Me or the highway" attitude. I mean, they couldn't have loved you unconditionally enough to want to at least work though this some how.

[Amanda Jane]

I don't know about wives, but I do know about women, and they value honesty. They have a much easier time if you are up front about it and tell the truth from the start, so that they can choose if they want it in their life. What happens all to often in these situtions amounts to a fait accompli. No body likes that. Wives adopt a 'my way or the highway' attitude, because that is pretty much what you presented to them. Or worse, you are changing the rules in the middle of the game. Again, who likes that?

[melissacd]

I can cannot understand a spouse who wants to control a situation with the "Me or the highway" attitude. I mean, they couldn't have loved you unconditionally enough to want to at least work though this some how.

It may be hard to understand, but unfortunately there are many wives out there who have that attitude. As said earlier, it does not make them bad, it just means that it is something that they did not bargain for in their life. In as much as I am saddened by my wife's lack of understanding and do not want to separate, I have to accept that her life view and my life view may have diverged in big measure because of my dressing. She and I each have to make our choices based on the context of the current reality.

[melissacd]

I don't know about wives, but I do know about women, and they value honesty. They have a much easier time if you are up front about it and tell the truth from the start, so that they can choose if they want it in their life. What happens all to often in these situtions amounts to a fait accompli. No body likes that. Wives adopt a 'my way or the highway' attitude, because that is pretty much what you presented to them. Or worse, you are changing the rules in the middle of the game. Again, who likes that?

Yes, you are so right and I have had to temper my thoughts about this with that in mind. It is why I feel that separating may be the right answer, because it is not fair to force her down a path she clearly does not want to go and it is not fair that I should not be able to go down the path that I need to go down. Sometimes, in a relationship, it is just time to say goodbye.

[Tracy_Victoria]

I don't know about wives, but I do know about women, and they value honesty. They have a much easier time if you are up front about it and tell the truth from the start, so that they can choose if they want it in their life.

Sorry thats a Myth!

My Partner will admit to having fallen in love with a voice on a phone (as did I) we started dating and when I know it was getting serious I told her. She has tried over 14 years, yet in that time she has seen me dressed no more than three times. Knowing does not make it any easer, if anything it harder, as it is a two way tug, wanting the guy, not wanting the dressing! Dispite knowing, dispite giving me space, dispite trying for me, we both know deep down she would prefer I did not do this.

it's not a Yes I'll accept it, or No he crossdresses so I'll dump him situation, the feeling run deeper than that for most!

[Kate Simmons]

I had to honestly stop and consider this one, leaving tolerance to the side. I was thinking what I would do had I been born a genetic woman and learned my dear husband of 5 years, the manly man I married liked to dress in women's clothes. Not an appetizing meal for sure. I took it one step further. Let's just say I was a M T F TG person who had successfully transitioned and integrated myself back into society and saw myself as a "normal woman". Would I automatically accept my SO's crossdressing? Not necessarily. I say this because I have a friend who is exactly that way. She has transitioned and will not allow her SO to dress, even though he is a CD because she wants a man who is a man, not one who is part woman. You never know how people are going to react.

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Well my wife likes me and encourages me to be Sasha Anne. But I don't know why. Not braggig just asking.

[michellebesweet]

My personal view is that wives and SO's don't fully understand what we are feeling, because they are already women and have experienced the ups and downs, and wonder why we want to be like them. They don't understand the male perspective and how being fem gives us a sense of peace of mind and pleasantness. I also beleive, Wives and SO's think that we are stealing something from them, or depriving them on something from us. Things such as sex, emotions, feelings, time, and trust.

We just need to reassure them and not deprive them of these things that make a relationship work.

[sherell]

I think tracy is right. Think of it the otherway round. Learn to to do it in secret or be prepared to lose her.

[kathy gg]

Wow...I hate to disagree....where to start...

Okay no, I can never understand what any cd is feeling because I am happy to present as a female. But I bet the ftm's hae a pretty good idea....


Secondly I am not feeling that my sweety is *stealing* someting from me. I never have. I looked to date and eventually marry a cd...I did not look for this only to project negativity on anothe person.

So ....I just ask that people with these views please realize that there are a few of us gg's who dont' feel threatened, or weirded out ...or really anything bad because our guy likes to *sometimes* be a girl. There are actually quiet a few very cool and accepting gg's...even gg's liek myself on this forum that find statements like this, that paint very broad negative idea's on us all, to be a bit offensive.

I am actually very comforttable with who I am and where I am in my life. I completely support who my sweetie is. trust me, if I was not completely comfortable with this stuff I would not have looked for a cd.

SO..please....just dont' make asumptions about all SO's based on one persons bad expericne.

My personal view is that wives and SO's don't fully understand what we are feeling, because they are already women and have experienced the ups and downs, and wonder why we want to be like them. They don't understand the male perspective and how being fem gives us a sense of peace of mind and pleasantness. I also beleive, Wives and SO's think that we are stealing something from them, or depriving them on something from us. Things such as sex, emotions, feelings, time, and trust.

We just need to reassure them and not deprive them of these things that make a relationship work.

[tommi]

I think tracy is right. Think of it the otherway round. Learn to to do it in secret or be prepared to lose her.

I agree with Tracy_Victoria..... Must be a great shock.... And I don't blame my wife for any of her negative feelings!!! I'm just glad she still accepts me as her husband! And as long as I keep my "hobby" out of her face, she's a happy girl!! Were both happy girls!!

Love Karren

I know that Imust keep mine out of her face I only do it when she is not home ,Summer time is great because she goes away and I get weeks on end to myself.

[IMkrystal]

I Am Totally Confused and Frustrated From Your Responses!

Ever since joining CD.com I have been trying to get a consensus on how to better handle how to introduce this topic into a relationship. I concluded after reading many of your threads that honesty was the best route. I had gone through a relationship where I had kept this a secrete for many years before one day telling. I feel this had something to do with our breakup.

Taking the opposite route, I have posted to different types of dating sites, alternative and plain, and mentioned my interest in CDing. After being on these sites for more than 6 months, the number of response I have received has been a dribble.

Having recently posted this subject in this form "Web Site Dating”, One member suggested taking a slightly different tack, by indirectly suggesting this subject.

“At this point, if I was on a dating site, I would spin it as a positive thing since a dating profile is like a resume. I might say something like:

"I'm looking for a very open-minded woman who enjoys a guy who is able to be a man, but also is in touch with his feminine side. I'm a great shopping buddy and I fully understand the pains that a woman goes through in the name of beauty, if you know what I mean."

That leaves a bit of mystery for any potential daters”.

To tell, to not tell, or to just suggest, leaves many of us stuck, and paralyzed over what is the safest way to present this subject. If we can't decide, at least we have solace in knowing that many of us are struggling with this subject. Some of you have suggested it is easy to understand why women respond to us in a negative manor. After all, how would we feel if we found our "SO" wearing a man's suite or having a shave head? Women's Rights have existed and continue to advance today.
Maybe in seventy-five years, Crossdressers will be able to display their behavior without the associated stigma.

[Sandygal]

It's so hard to reply to this. Why? Because the act of crossdressing is so confusing to ourselves, how do we explain something to our SO when we can't understand it. I have had a tearful night with my wife after coming out to her after 28 years. Afterwords she gave me a hug and told me not to worry. She said 'I'm still here ,aren't I? It was a great relief to have someone to share my life long secret. Over the last 2 years she has seen tiny things. Maybe panties showing now and then. It will turn her off sexually for the day, but thankfully she isn't mean to me. I know she doesn't like it and I love her to much to wave it in her face. So yes I'm glad she knows, but I still stepped a little bit back into the closet. I'm still crossdressing like I have before. But if she catches me, I don't have the fear of her leaving me anymore. Then again if crossdressing is more important than your SO, then why keep it a secret? Life is so confusing.

[sonyinohio]

my wife knows supports and helps me get ready when we can which is very rare due to 2 kids and one on way but usally i keep something femine on at all times be it thongs or toes painted or even doing dishes in my heels