Andrea85
08-16-2011, 08:47 PM
It's to my cousins wife. I think I might be able to have an allie in her so thats why her first. Here's the letter I wrote to send her.
Annie, you probably don't recognize me, but it's Andy. My mom said she would tell everyone up there for me, but I feel like it's my place to tell.
Basically, I'm transsexual. What that means is basically it is a medical birth defect. In the womb, my body changed from female to male, but my brain did not. It stayed female. This has cause a great deal of stress on me my whole life. I knew this about myself at the age of 5, even though I didn't know it was a medical condition. Since I realized this, religion and fear made me hide it.
In Genesis Chapter 14, is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. That story made me repress this for several years. When it would rear its head, it would cause me to attempt suicide. Also being in the Bible Belt, and with the amount of ignorance that runs rampant, I was afraid to be me.
I prayed to God every night to either let me wake up normal or make me a girl. Neither obviously happened. I've been depressed since I was 5 years old, and never gotten to be happy. I remember hearing comments up there at a family get together about something about gay people being wrong. It may have been a joke, but it hurt me bad, and made me think that I'd never be able to come out to everyone up there.
Sorry if this is erratic and kinda everywhere, but I'm just writing what my heart tells me to.
A combination of thinking I'd never get to come out and be me up there, and the fear of telling my parents drove me to start cutting myself when I was very young. I still remember the first time. I was 7, sitting in my room, and cut myself on my thigh. Doing that almost released me of the pain and agony I was going through. I've tried to commit suicide multiple times over the years too. Guns, poisons, drugs, asphyxiating myself with bags, ropes, and car exhaist. I came close once. I cut my wrist in the Walmart parking lot. Nearly bled out. THe dr at the hospital said if I had gotten there any later I would have died. That wasn't the only time I tried cutting my wrists, but it was the only time it did damage. I still have the scar from it, and it about tears me to pieces thinking of it now.
In January, with the help of Tiffany (we're no longer together), I came out to my parents. They took it well and are very supportive of me. I've been on hormone replacement therapy for 3 and a half years now. What that is, is I take estrogen and a testosterone blocker to feminize me. I had been ordering from Canada and self medicating, which is very dangerous. If there had been any complications, I could have died easily. But now I have a prescription and am under Dr supervision. I'm also out to all my friends now too, and living as female.
The reason I'm sending you this and telling you is in hopes of having someone on my side up there. Also, a few weeks ago, I was sexually assaulted by my then boyfriend. I didn't sleep for 3 days because of that, and it made me question life again. While my best friend Tiffanee and her husband were here, I tried cutting my wrist again. She stopped me. That was a Sunday morning around 3 am. She and her husband Chris, at my request, to the Helen Ross McNabb Center in Knoxville. I went through a 3 day rehab there because of this. Tiffanee told me that it was either that, ot she was going to call the law and have them arrest me. I went, and did the 3 day program. I was put on a huge dose of meds for my anxiety, which always led to bad things, and almost had me turned into a recluse.
I know with what happened with Mamaw this probably isn't the best time, but I know me and if I don't get this out, I might slip back down again. I've been crying my eyes out trying to write this, and hope you understand. I just really need an allie up there so I can tell the rest of the family. If you never want to hear from me again, I'll totally understand and won't push this any further. Not with anyone else up there. Just with things right now, I feel like I can't come up there.
I hope you, Bubba, and Colton are doing well.
Love,
Andrea
Annie, you probably don't recognize me, but it's Andy. My mom said she would tell everyone up there for me, but I feel like it's my place to tell.
Basically, I'm transsexual. What that means is basically it is a medical birth defect. In the womb, my body changed from female to male, but my brain did not. It stayed female. This has cause a great deal of stress on me my whole life. I knew this about myself at the age of 5, even though I didn't know it was a medical condition. Since I realized this, religion and fear made me hide it.
In Genesis Chapter 14, is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. That story made me repress this for several years. When it would rear its head, it would cause me to attempt suicide. Also being in the Bible Belt, and with the amount of ignorance that runs rampant, I was afraid to be me.
I prayed to God every night to either let me wake up normal or make me a girl. Neither obviously happened. I've been depressed since I was 5 years old, and never gotten to be happy. I remember hearing comments up there at a family get together about something about gay people being wrong. It may have been a joke, but it hurt me bad, and made me think that I'd never be able to come out to everyone up there.
Sorry if this is erratic and kinda everywhere, but I'm just writing what my heart tells me to.
A combination of thinking I'd never get to come out and be me up there, and the fear of telling my parents drove me to start cutting myself when I was very young. I still remember the first time. I was 7, sitting in my room, and cut myself on my thigh. Doing that almost released me of the pain and agony I was going through. I've tried to commit suicide multiple times over the years too. Guns, poisons, drugs, asphyxiating myself with bags, ropes, and car exhaist. I came close once. I cut my wrist in the Walmart parking lot. Nearly bled out. THe dr at the hospital said if I had gotten there any later I would have died. That wasn't the only time I tried cutting my wrists, but it was the only time it did damage. I still have the scar from it, and it about tears me to pieces thinking of it now.
In January, with the help of Tiffany (we're no longer together), I came out to my parents. They took it well and are very supportive of me. I've been on hormone replacement therapy for 3 and a half years now. What that is, is I take estrogen and a testosterone blocker to feminize me. I had been ordering from Canada and self medicating, which is very dangerous. If there had been any complications, I could have died easily. But now I have a prescription and am under Dr supervision. I'm also out to all my friends now too, and living as female.
The reason I'm sending you this and telling you is in hopes of having someone on my side up there. Also, a few weeks ago, I was sexually assaulted by my then boyfriend. I didn't sleep for 3 days because of that, and it made me question life again. While my best friend Tiffanee and her husband were here, I tried cutting my wrist again. She stopped me. That was a Sunday morning around 3 am. She and her husband Chris, at my request, to the Helen Ross McNabb Center in Knoxville. I went through a 3 day rehab there because of this. Tiffanee told me that it was either that, ot she was going to call the law and have them arrest me. I went, and did the 3 day program. I was put on a huge dose of meds for my anxiety, which always led to bad things, and almost had me turned into a recluse.
I know with what happened with Mamaw this probably isn't the best time, but I know me and if I don't get this out, I might slip back down again. I've been crying my eyes out trying to write this, and hope you understand. I just really need an allie up there so I can tell the rest of the family. If you never want to hear from me again, I'll totally understand and won't push this any further. Not with anyone else up there. Just with things right now, I feel like I can't come up there.
I hope you, Bubba, and Colton are doing well.
Love,
Andrea