Ask-a-gg [Archive] - Page 2 - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Bethy

10-02-2013, 11:12 AM

Ahh yeah I do get what you mean because when me and my OH were only friends I had a boyfriend that I couldn't tell and he saw one message from my now OH and he thought I was cheating on him with my then CD friend and it was a bit awkward trying to explain to him that no im not cheating its just that he was a CD'er and the message was completely innocent, so I do get how you feel, maybe you could try and talk to your OH and explain that you would feel better if you could talk about it to your friends and family? Just try and give him that bit of confidence to be more open about it? I know how hard it can be with the secretive side to it so the best you can do is support him and hope that he becomes more comfortable with it, enough to start telling well trusted friends, im lucky really because my OH has told all my friends and family about it so we are more open with it, its just annoying that CD'ers think they have to hide it because of what society is and isn't accepting of

Cynthia GG

10-02-2013, 07:01 PM

hi there!

so i am a cd too.

my question is - what do GG exactly like in the cds? Is it the appearance, confidence or feminine appearance? Because as far as I have heard, most women prefer masculine men.

Confidence!! Confidence is always attractive!!

As for me, I also like the feminine; I find crossdressing attractive, as long as the person is OK with having a male body. It's true, a lot of women go for masculine. Just remember that everyone is different, so don't assume that all women will prefer a very masculine man. Even when I am attracted to men who don't crossdress, I prefer them to be of slight build and graceful. Rugged masculinity generally turns me off, and I don't think I'm the only woman on Earth who feels that way.

TheMissus

10-02-2013, 10:49 PM

Cynthia, I don't like rugged either, lord no. They often have their own issues going on, lol.

I guess masculinity to me is a quiet confidence, a comfort in knowing who you are, a tendency to lead and yes, open the bloody door for a girl every now and again, lol. I guess I prefer the James Bond type of masculine. I'm young yet old enough to be old fashioned!

So i guess CD is a turn off for me not because of what it is, but how it appears. I can't help feeling the person who needs to do this isn't comfortable in their skin, if that makes sense? This isn't very attractive to me personally. I love confidence ALL the time - not just when someone dresses up as someone else.

Of course, what I think is masculine is totally subjective. Someone else might think of enormous arms and full beard! It doesn't matter if you're happy :)

ReineD

10-02-2013, 11:31 PM

Rugged masculinity generally turns me off, and I don't think I'm the only woman on Earth who feels that way.

I agree, everyone has their cachet. When you think back on all the kids you went to high school with, likely most are in a relationship now and they all managed to find appropriate mates for themselves. :)

... and not every male was super macho, and not every female was a beauty queen. :)

chatbuddy1987

10-03-2013, 06:06 AM

Confidence!! Confidence is always attractive!!

As for me, I also like the feminine; I find crossdressing attractive, as long as the person is OK with having a male body. It's true, a lot of women go for masculine. Just remember that everyone is different, so don't assume that all women will prefer a very masculine man. Even when I am attracted to men who don't crossdress, I prefer them to be of slight build and graceful. Rugged masculinity generally turns me off, and I don't think I'm the only woman on Earth who feels that way.

I have not reached to the point in my life when I can confidently someone who I am. I am not super-macho, and when dressed - i can become less aggressive, and I do feel like being an asexual person. May be its true when they say that one has to first accept himself/herself, and only then he/she will be accepted by others. :brolleyes:

cdmorganashley

10-11-2013, 04:29 PM

ReineD

10-11-2013, 05:57 PM

I found it a bit unsettling in the beginning even though seeing my SO was perfectly normal to me. Go figure.

MatildaJ.

10-11-2013, 07:13 PM

I find the avatars interesting, and they do help me start feeling like I know people a little better.

10-11-2013, 09:05 PM

For me it is nice to put a face to the poster.

TheMissus

10-11-2013, 11:44 PM

Some avatars are a little unsettling. Even as the wife of a CD I still do a double take when I see a grown man in wig and frilly skirt or whatever. My first thought when I first saw this was 'he is surely nuts.' Hence the reason I try not to view my H this way. My brain can't compute what I'm seeing.

I know more now though, and realize that most here are smart, kind people who just want acceptance for who they are, warts and all. I get that. We're all weird in some way and anyone who disagrees is the weirdest of the lot :)

Sandra

10-12-2013, 03:31 AM

Doesn't and never did bother me :)

Bethy

10-14-2013, 05:52 AM

I don't find the avatars weird in fact I like seeing the different looks people go for, I guess im so used to my OH dressing that seeing other people doesn't phase me, to me its interesting to see all the different styles :)

Presh GG

10-15-2013, 11:26 PM

Depends on the avitar.
This forum is very well administered [ Thank You ! ] but a very few have gotten through for a short time in very inappropiate 1/2 dress [ long time ago ]
There are some very nice avitars, and if someone is bothered , they could go elsewhere.

Please Bethy , what is an OH ?

Presh

Ellanore G.G.

10-16-2013, 05:50 AM

OH Think its" other half"

Bethy

10-16-2013, 10:10 AM

hey Presh, yeah Ellanore is right its Other Half :) basically the same as SO (Significant Other) x

ReineD

10-18-2013, 01:21 AM

I wear heels for dressier outfits and ankle boots with slim jeans. I wear sneakers when I go to the gym, work boots when I mow the lawn, and rubber clogs when it's raining outside. I wear sandals in the summer: flat with shorts or casual skirts and heeled with dresses.

My heels range from 3-4" to flat. I tend to wear the flat shoes/ankle boots/sandals during the day time.

I do not own any platform shoes. They would bring my height up to 6'2.

10-18-2013, 07:03 AM

I wear heels for dressy events and depending on what I am wearing most days flats or ankle boots. Have knee high boots for the club:D Sandals in the summer.

Bethy

10-18-2013, 09:51 AM

I wear heels/boots for the way they look mainly, they can be comfortable for short distance walking but if im walking too long they make my feet hurt but hey at least they look good! :P plus for me wearing heels/boots make me feel more confident and I do walk more confidently when im wearing them and I love wearing my ankle boots with my skinny jeans :) x

Kimberly Renee

10-23-2013, 12:54 PM

Sandra

10-23-2013, 01:56 PM

does it bother you that some men equate being a real woman with body parts, hormones or lifestyle? Or do you laugh it off and think to yourself "they just don't get it".

No it doesn't bother me I just laugh it off as they really don't get and IMHO most of it is fantasy.

10-23-2013, 02:51 PM

GG's - does it bother you that some men equate being a real woman with body parts,

It does not bother me.....I just roll my eyes :brolleyes: and think they just do not get it.
Whatevers ever:heehee:

ReineD

10-23-2013, 05:59 PM

GG's - does it bother you that some men equate being a real woman with body parts,...

Yup.

Or ... think to yourself "they just don't get it".

I do think they just don't get it. It's the man in them speaking, I'm afraid.

I found a pic of a piece-meal woman a while back. It's how I feel when I read some of the posts in here ... a bunch of disjointed body parts:

213126

Tearose48

10-23-2013, 08:48 PM

No more than it does when Movies, Magazines and Newpapers do it. They are following the mold that society has already establish. It is kinda hard to get mad at them for that. I do like that my CD BF does try to listen when I explain that there is more to it than that and give him examples. He will never completely get it, but at least he tries for me.

Gigi

10-29-2013, 06:35 PM

sometimes this kind of thinking does bother me a little. just like a man we are greater than the sum of our body parts, just looking like a woman doesn't really mean you can understand the things that we go though everyday. once in the shoe store my SO made a passing reference similar to, "if i were a woman, i'd wear heels everyday!!" well, i just laughed, of course he didn't mean any harm but it made me feel like maybe I was less than his expectations because I absolutely don't wear heels everyday. And I'm sure if he did wear heels everyday he wouldn't really like them either. They hurt your feet and sometimes you have to hustle to the store before they close and carry lots of things around and heels aren't practical for those times. I wear heels often when we go out but during the week i don't.

We also had a discussion about what feeling feminine means to one another. I was very intrigued by his response, mine was that I feel most feminine when I am maybe getting dressed to go out, out of the shower, or when we lay together and he holds me and I feel safe and loved and wanted by him, sort of protected. He on the other hand had a much different feeling, his was more "treat me like a woman means to be almost overpowered or dominated or to be handled in a certain way" or something to that effect (he doesn't treat me that way so i didn't see the connection there). Anyway. my general impression is that many crossdressers have this view and it makes many of the gg's laugh because we know what it is like -- and it's pretty far off base at times.

Hanlie

10-31-2013, 08:58 AM

MatildaJ.

10-31-2013, 10:10 AM

Does he have traits that you normally do not find in other men? Is he more caring and considerate, more supportive or understanding, or do you accept him as he is because you love him? Would you rather like to have the same person without the CDing or is there some positives?

I like that he's interested in talking about the role gender plays in our society. And I like that he's a caring & generous person. But I knew him as a great guy for twenty years before I knew about the cross-dressing, and I don't see the wonderful traits as growing out of his cross-dressing.

Now that he wants to cross-dress more (and more openly), he has become more self-absorbed & obsessive, and less considerate of others' feelings. So the changes are all on the negative side, from my perspective.

binx

10-31-2013, 12:36 PM

ReineD

10-31-2013, 12:42 PM

Yes, my SO is caring, considerate, sensitive and understanding. But, I do not see these as qualities that belong strictly to CDing men. Other men in my life that love me or with whom I feel a deep friendship (my father, my brother, close male friends) are also just as caring, considerate, sensitive and understanding toward me and their other loved ones.

I accept my SO's gender fluidity because it is a part of him and I love him/her. I cannot imagine my SO being any other way. :)

10-31-2013, 01:57 PM

I think the traits that make me love him and her are what I would look for in a mate and nothing to do with cding really,
But with your question
. Is there anything about yourSO's CDing that you regard as positive
I thinks we have alot of fun sharing all this together and can make for a very intimate relationship.

Mssusan

10-31-2013, 02:28 PM

Am interested in the opinions of the GG's. Recently, I saw a statement of "my breasts are growing, I'm a real woman now!" and "I can't wait to go full time and be a real woman!" I've seen other posts along similar lines. (I'm not pointing fingers as I've probably said similar things myself)

GG's - does it bother you that some men equate being a real woman with body parts, hormones or lifestyle? Or do you laugh it off and think to yourself "they just don't get it".

Sometimes it bothers me; they are missing out on the fun times of pms, and menopause. Most of the time I don't care.

Hi,
I guess this question has been asked before, but my search has not revealed the desired results. So to the GG's, here is my question. Is there anything about yourSO's CDing that you regard as positive? What I mean by this is, does he have traits that you normally do not find in other men? Is he more caring and considerate, more supportive or understanding, or do you accept him as he is because you love him? Would you rather like to have the same person without the CDing or is there some positives?

Thanks in advance for the replies.

Hanlie

I think there are men who are kind, considerate, and caring who do not cross dress. I am sure there are men who cross dress who are unkind and inconsiderate.

I knew about my guys cross dressing before I met him, and it is one of a long list of features. I think he is the way he is (kind, considerate, caring) for other reasons.

To me, the benefits of being in a relationship with a cross dresser include mutual enjoyment of clothes shopping, indulging in beauty rituals together, and raiding "her" closet for a few key pieces that fit me.

Gigi

10-31-2013, 08:16 PM

Hi,
I guess this question has been asked before, but my search has not revealed the desired results. So to the GG's, here is my question. Is there anything about your SO's CDing that you regard as positive? What I mean by this is, does he have traits that you normally do not find in other men? Is he more caring and considerate, more supportive or understanding, or do you accept him as he is because you love him? Would you rather like to have the same person without the CDing or is there some positives?

Thanks in advance for the replies.

Hanlie

My SO is unlike any other man I have ever met. He is very loving, understanding, sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful...he's truly a beautiful soul. I love all those things about him -- a lot of things about our personality are similar. I don't however think that he is this way because he is a crossdresser. I think that it is all relative and he is the way he is because that is who he is and crossdressing is just a facet. I think everything about a person is based on two things, genetics and life experiences. Nature AND nuture. so i think that to say he is this was because of his crossdressing is false. I think that everyone has things about their personalities that make them unique, I accept him for who he is -- flaws and all (and i don't include crossdressing as a flaw). I don't think he'd be the same person without his crossdressing so I wouldn't want him not to be. I do agree with some of the other girls in that inherently i feel there is a selfishness associated with crossdressing to an extent. But I feel that my SO is very good about when I tell him my feelings and keeping things in balance.

Sonya

11-13-2013, 01:36 AM

I enjoy reading this thread from time to time. My question to all the beautiful GG’s here is this:

Why do you think female to male cross dressing isn’t as common as male to female cross dressing? I know that there is a Transmen section in this forum but post and thread counts there is just a small percentage of male to female cross dressers section.

Thanks in advance for all the replies.

Silentpartner GG SO

11-13-2013, 05:15 AM

Hi Sarah
speaking totally off the top of my head because I cannot get inside the head of another female but I think it could be a number of reasons -
my first theory -most women dont tend to think of clothes as changing their persona - I dont feel any less female or feminine in a pair of old jeans & T-shirt than I do in a frilly dress.
my second theory - women are far more free to wear whatever clothing they like - personally I dont own more than one dress and no skirts at all - they are just not practical for my lifestyle - nothing to do with trying to be a guy or look like a guy, trousers and jeans are just way more comfy for me -however unless I was to put on underpants and cut my hair real short and wear a stick on moustache, I am never going to be mistaken for a guy
third theory - how do we know there are less women to men crossdressers ? just because there arent many on this particular forum, doesnt necessarily mean there are fewer of them, my personal view is that 100% straight women dont tend to feel the need to talk about clothes the same way that male to female cross dressers do so maybe that is the same with female to male crossdressers - maybe the are just comfortable with what they do and dont feel the need the 'share' their experiences and fantasies in the same way
just my take in it - but what do I know - I am 100% female and dont wish to change that

ReineD

11-13-2013, 10:53 AM

FtMs in general tend to NOT crossdress, even though they may go through a period of experimentation when they first discover who they are internally. It is also not sexual for FtMs and they aren't enamored with male clothes in the same way that MtFs are enamored with female clothes. I don't think that FtMs go through "blue fogs" like the reverse for MtFs. And so FtMs tend to just present in a way that reflects who they are, all the time. In other words, most are closer to being TS (transmen) where the clothing really isn't a big deal. If there is any hiding from parents and such, it tends to happen rather early in their lives after which they do eventually resolve this, and are free to be who they are all the time.

If you look at the numbers on this site, you'll see that the vast majority of posts and threads here are made by the crossdressers. The TS section is much smaller, as is the FtM section.

I dare say that many transmen are also entrenched in the lesbian community (at least the ones that I know personally), and so they already have a measure of support.

11-13-2013, 11:28 AM

My thoughts on this.....it is not about clothing for them it is about being the male they have always felt inside. And here in our local trans-family group there are many transmen in our group.
They seem to figure this all out early .... there is no back and forth they tend to live their life as a male.

Silentpartner GG SO

11-16-2013, 09:12 AM

Hanlee thats a pretty impossible question to answer really, the OH is who he is, and has always had the CD element so how could I possibly know if he would still have exactly the same characteristics if he wasnt a CD'er?

I think the other GG's have answered as well as is possible - some men are kind and considerate and some are selfish and mean - and some of those in both categories are CD'ers - personally I dont think the CD'ing side of a guy necessarily has anything to do with their other qualities or lack of

ElizabethTaylor

11-19-2013, 07:08 PM

Great question. It doesn't bother me from a gender bias perspective but it does from a practical aspect because it sounds like the girls don't know what they are getting themselves into. The girls I know who are transitioning haven't used this expression around me. I've mainly heard girls say they are going full-time at such and such a date. For anyone who is considering going full-time especially those who have never presented as a woman publicly, I caution them about discrimination they will experience as women and violence against women. I let them know that yes being a woman is a lot of fun but it's a lot of work and risk too.

I love being partnered with my CD. I love the sexual expressiveness and role play, the willingness to explore new ideas, and the incredible level of acceptance we have for each other. Much of this can be attributed to his CD lifestyle. For example, he has received much judgment in other relationships about dressing, which has led him to believe that much of love is being accepting of each other. The gender role reversal also can lead to fun bedroom play that would not be likely with a non-CD.

Susan.

12-10-2013, 07:52 PM

To the GG's who approve, support or even enable their CDing spouses: What do you think might be your characteristics that you all have in common?

My ex-wife was a don't ask, don't tell person. She was not supportive but let me dress in her presence on occasion. She had many good qualities like being a nice and kind person, but I guess I am looking for characteristics deeper than that. I am looking for characteristics that might point me towards a wonderful GG that I hope to meet one day.

Mssusan

12-10-2013, 10:06 PM

I'm not a spouse but I am responding to Susan's question. Based in what I've read and my own experience, I believe that supportive, accepting GGs have a few qualities or personality features in common, either at the onset or after time:
An open mind in general
A healthy ego/sense of self confidence
Common sense; a guy dressing as a girl is not a sign of the Apocolypse
A desire for their CDing SO to live life authentically and be happy/at peace/his best self

I think having an open mind and accepting that not everyone lives the same way is the best indicator.

MatildaJ.

12-11-2013, 12:24 AM

I would guess most of us are open-minded about other issues: we have friends who are gay and we think they should have the same rights as everyone else. Maybe some experience with other cultures, to understand that the way we were raised is not the only way to live.

12-11-2013, 09:39 AM

Agree
Being open Minded

I'd always thought of myself as an open-minded person. I had no patience with anyone who put down anyone because of their race, religion,gender or sexuality.I was at odds with my father even at a young age over ( what I saw as his views on everything being either black or white) he could not see beyond his own set of values.
Being open minded opened me to find a great love.:love:

ReineD

12-11-2013, 10:58 AM

I'll chime in here with being open minded and I'll add: at a personal level and not just with ideals. ... Be aware that some people are liberal when it comes to arm's length experiences ... they accept and embrace all races, religions, and gender/sexual diversity, until it's in their own back yards. In other words, there is no guarantee that an open-minded person will willingly enter a relationship with someone who engages in cross-gender expression, or be happy when their son or daughter marries outside their ehthnicity, etc.

Sarah21

01-17-2014, 08:12 PM

Hi Everyone.

I have a questions for GG's please.

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?

01-18-2014, 11:25 AM

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?
No one would ever say that to me as I am in a relationship with someone who loves me for me and vise versa.
So pretending someone might say that to me......still would never happen as I would not be anything but myself and we make sure we keep on the same page.

MatildaJ.

01-18-2014, 01:06 PM

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?

Since I wasn't socialized to be a man, and don't look like one, I don't think I would be able to act like one very convincingly. But if I woke up in a man's body through some Freaky Friday situation, I think I would try to muddle through as best I could. I would tell my husband what happened and we would work together to find some way of dealing with the situation.

ReineD

01-18-2014, 02:10 PM

I wouldn't know how to Not act like a woman. I tried to walk as a man once and the result was laughable.

Cynthia GG

01-23-2014, 08:16 PM

Hi Everyone.

I have a questions for GG's please.

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?

I might be able to pull it off for a while, but I would be MISERABLE. Self-expression is important to me, and my "self" is feminine. That's why I support freedom of gender expression. If there is a part of you (or all of you) that wants to act or dress as a woman, I think you should be able to.

(as to the "how long" part of your question: after a few months, I think it would adversely affect my psychological health.)

Darkdymond

02-11-2014, 10:49 AM

I can't say how long I would last but I sure would be miserable. I could dress like a man for a while, I'd probably really enjoy it and get into all sorts of styles. But I couldn't stop acting like a woman. I'm a very role orientated woman, and I know that sounds bad, especially up in here, but I'm being me. It was just the way I was raised I guess. But bottom line is I'd go a bit crazy :p My SO would go crazy if he couldn't CD, I get it and he's very patient with me when I primp too!

Dejah

02-14-2014, 03:48 PM

Hi Everyone.

I have a questions for GG's please.

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?

I'm female first off...I cannot change that. But I can be gender fluid, at times, so maybe a week? Though I cannot do somethings without assistence that a genetic male can do.....maybe a day?

Silentpartner GG SO

02-18-2014, 01:55 PM

Hi Everyone.

I have a questions for GG's please.

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?

I dont act like a woman, I am a woman so I would have to make a concerted effort to try and act like something else as everything I do in my life is done as a woman. As for dressing like a woman, I dont - I wear gender neutral clothing - jeans, T-shirts, flat shoes etc. I wear comfy clothes not glamorous clothes.

Tinkerbell-GG

03-04-2014, 04:42 AM

Hi Everyone.

I have a questions for GG's please.

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?

I think I'd muddle through the not dressing part indefinitely as it's just clothes and not really an issue for me personally. But the acting part? I don't act - I just AM a woman. I wouldn't have the faintest clue what that means really, but I know even less about being a man so I guess I'd last three seconds and would give up and go back to being me. I'm apparently very feminine by nature, according to others, though I still don't really get that. I'm just me, and that's a woman by birth. Anything else would be an act.

kittypw GG

03-04-2014, 03:34 PM

Hi Everyone.

I have a questions for GG's please.

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?

I don't understand your question. I am a women so I would be one no matter what I wear. I don't know how to "act" like one because I am one. Next question.

Ria Lynn

03-05-2014, 08:37 PM

Hi Everyone.

I have a questions for GG's please.

If you were told that starting tomorrow morning you couldn't act or dress like a woman, how long do you think you could last?
Considering that I've always fit in better with guys than girls, I'd probably manage well enough.

Brittany CD

03-06-2014, 09:05 AM

Ria Lynn

03-06-2014, 10:35 AM

Hi ladies, a question; lipstick on the win glass, long hair getting in our eyes, pantyhose tearing, and heels making the feet uncomfortable. I don't put put up with it often for obvious reasons, but how are you ladies able to deal with the downsides of the lady life so often?
For the lipstick on wine glasses, I switched to lip stains. If you get one that's a long-last lipstick and not something that actually stains your lips, all you need to get it off is a lip scrub (which you can make with olive oil and sugar). Apply it, let it sit for a bit so the oil can break up the lipstick, rub your lips together to scrub then lick or wipe it off. I can't really wear heels at the moment and I wear stockings instead of pantyhose, so I can't say much about those. Hair in your eyes is just something I've dealt with for so long I don't even notice, but it helps I have fine hair. In summary, either find an easier alternative/fix or just grin and bear it.

RuthM

03-10-2014, 08:55 PM

ReineD

03-10-2014, 09:37 PM

If you're going to wear lipstick, then it will come off on glasses. If you don't like to see lipstick on your glass then don't wear any ... or don't drink. :p

I have long hair and it doesn't get in my eyes.

I don't wear uncomfortable heels. My shoes fit properly.

Pantyhose runs? They happen, just like shoes get scuffed. Or makeup gets used up. Or batteries get worn down. Facts of life.

Silentpartner GG SO

03-11-2014, 08:36 AM

yep. pretty much what Reine said - nobody is forcing you to wear high heels, pantyhose or lipstick - I like comfort and to that end I dress accordingly.

PaulaQ

03-14-2014, 02:58 AM

A question for the genetic women - is a drinking straw an excellent solution to the rather crucial problem of "lipstick on the glass", or is it unladylike somehow?

Ria Lynn

03-14-2014, 10:12 AM

I've always considered it a great solution, not only does it save you from putting lipstick on your glass you also don't have to reapply as much. The only time I consider it unladylike is if you're slurping loudly. Just keep in mind that unless it's a dark straw you'll still leave visible lipstick on that too.

Sarah21

03-14-2014, 07:17 PM

I don't understand your question. I am a women so I would be one no matter what I wear. I don't know how to "act" like one because I am one. Next question.

Sorry if I phrased the question incorrectly, I agree "acting" and "dressing" were a poor choice of words.
I should have asked if you were told that you couldn't be a woman.

Sarah21

03-15-2014, 09:37 PM

Actually what I was meaning to ask had nothing to do with fictionmania or a fantasy land.
I'm questioning myself, confused and trying to come to terms with accepting who I am.
All my life I have been afraid to be myself and tried to conform to society's expectations.

I guess I should have posted in a different section but I posted here because I was curious how gg's would feel if they couldn't be their true selves.
I hope I haven't caused offense to anyone or if I have asked a silly question in the wrong section.

ReineD

03-16-2014, 02:35 PM

Thanks, Sarah. I'll focus on your question since it seems to be in earnest.

IF I was told tomorrow that I could no longer wear a dress, wear makeup, if I had to sport a man's haircut and find clothes in men's stores that fit, honestly I think I'd survive. The rest of me wouldn't change ... I'd still have my loved ones, my friends, I'd still enjoy the same interests, I'd still have my job, enjoy the same movies, books, etc. I get enjoyment out of my life from the people in it and the activities that I choose to engage in. And not by how I present.

Heck, most of the time I'm in blue jeans and I don't wear makeup anyway. I do have long hair now, but for most of my life it was quite short out of choice. I found it much easier to deal with short hair when my kids were little. And my finger nails? I consider it a pain to grow them and paint them. lol. Short and clean is the way I like them.

Hopefully I'd still be able to be attractive enough to a potential male mate though. I'm hetero and would not be at all happy if only women were attracted to me. :p But, I don't think this would be a problem.

Penny M

03-19-2014, 09:20 AM

Hi Paula,
I am a GG and a SO of a CD. I always drink out of a straw! And I am very girlie and ladylike! There are several reasons I drink from a straw; 1. It keeps your teeth whiter if you are a cola and/or tea drinker, 2. Since I am usually drinking water using a straw helps me to drink more than by just sipping. The more water I have the better my skin looks. I do have one exception to using straws, and that is any beverage with alcohol. It is most definitely not ladylike to drain the bottom of a cocktail with a straw. I will add the my SO finds lipstick on the rim of a glass very hot; so from time to time I will grab his glass and give him a nice puckered lipstick stain on his glass and hand it back to him. He loves that! Just my 2 cents.

BernieGF

03-21-2014, 10:55 AM

Hi,Sarah.
This is a difficult question to answer. I've never felt like one of those "ribbons and bows" girls. I've had boyfriends who expected that I should love all that stuff, but I don't. The fact is, I have sought out relationships in my life with people who are quite diverse, so that self expression is accepted. At some point, you have to do the same, but recognize that we all have to make compromises in our current society for purposes of safety, or employment,etc. I can't even wear my nose ring at work. I know that's not the same thing, but you get the idea. Having a few understanding people in your life makes a huge difference. People who really Will love you no matter what. Ultimately, it's about you,though. I've found most people to be far more tolerant than you might think.
Much love to you

Dutchess

03-21-2014, 02:10 PM

Actually I am with Reine on this one and it sort of merges with Kitty really . We would still be ourselves. I exersize ( no matter what I can NEVER EVER spell that word right, even if i copy and paste out of the dictionary) racing horses for a living . Every day, 30+ years .I am in mens wranglers and Ariat workboots with leather fingerless gloves,body armor, helmet and goggles. Yeah you can see my hair is long and blonde, but so are alot of guys , everywhere , so what . mine has to be braided and put up . Fingernails get glued on when I am going somewhere that it matters , which is rare otherwise very short so they don't get ripped off. I am as girly girl as you can get yet I dress and have to be as tough as the boys every day and NO makeup its part of the job. So in a way I am half way there already and I don't feel like killing myself because I have to look like that instead of a secretary on Mad Men. When I am actually ON the horse from a distance you cannot tell WHAT I am . I dress like a gypsy when not off the track . NOT like I am going to a funeral or wedding or a cheap motel. I am me, I like horses boys and music - and boys that play music ;)

Marcelle

03-22-2014, 07:58 AM

Hi ladies,

Before I ask my question I want to preface this with my situation. My wife is fully supportive of my dressing and has always maintained that I am still the same guy she married just dressed differently. Now I only spend about 25% of my time "en femme" and the remainder "en boy". We decided early on that when it comes to intimacy "all boy" with that I have no issues. Now the concern.

When I first started dressing around my wife it was with trepidation as I was not sure how her opinion of me would differ (EEK . . . my husband is wearing a dress and girl undies :eek:). We take one hour each week and discuss all things CD and she will request either boy me or girl me depending on the question. Intimacy has become a bit of an issue now. Nothing serious but not as frequent as it used to be. We discussed this and I asked her if my dressing was creating an issue with intimacy (i.e., she no longer sees the same guy even when I am "en boy"). She emphatically denied this was an issue and the problem lay with her physically as she is beginning menopause. So, I did not think anything of it and let it go.

However, the intimacy thing is still an issue and while she has on several occasions said it is not me or the dressing but the menopause, I can't help but wonder. I don't want to keep beating a dead horse with her and keep asking is there a problem when there is not. My question to you, is am I being a bit paranoid. Don't get me wrong we still have relations and when we do they are great and loving.

Not confused, just looking for a GG perspective on this.

Hugs

Isha

Sandra

03-22-2014, 08:23 AM

When I hit the menopause everything seemed to stop now it's when the feeling hits well I'll not go into detail lol,so I would say that your wife is telling you the truth and that it isn't you...and if you are still having relations then that should tell you something about her and that it's not you. Make sure that she knows you are there for her and I don't mean for the sexual side for everything, as going through the menopause can make some women feel really crap.

Marcelle

03-22-2014, 08:27 AM

Hi Sandra,

Thanks very much for your response. Yeah she is going through a rough patch right now emotionally and I try to ensure she knows I am there for her. But it is a bit of a balancing act as sometimes she wants me to be super supportive other times she prefers to be a bit standoffish.

Hugs

Isha

Sandra

03-22-2014, 08:33 AM

Yep can see all of that in me I guess you could say it's a bit like having two sides, I can go for months and feel great then all of a sudden all hell lets loose, I get nervy, everything is blown out of proportion and emotional and when Nigella comes near I can be a bit abrupt. Just keep what your doing and take the lead from her, if she's giving of signals that she doesn't want and supportive or cuddles etc then don't push it. Menopause is hard not only for the women but her SO as well as they go through it with them.

ReineD

03-22-2014, 10:25 AM

I'm with Sandra. You and your wife communicate well, so please believe her. Menopause can lead to changes in sexual functioning.

One possibility, however, is that your wife is subconsciously reacting to changes in the CDing but doesn't know it yet. If so, eventually I'm sure this will come to light and when it does, she will tell you .. there is nothing to gain by not discussing this. But until then, there is nothing to do but to keep the lines of communication open.

Note that by "changes", I mean possibly your wife's perceptions of shifts in your priorities and not the CDing itself, if you've had a period of rapid growth.

kittypw GG

03-23-2014, 05:26 AM

I have gone through menopause and have never had a hot flash either. My moods don't swing and my sex drive has actually increased because my estrogen level has dropped and my testosterone is at the high end of normal. It could be the cross dressing subconsciously affecting her feelings towards you? You did say she no longer sees you the same way. For me it was my marriage that killed my interest in men. I went through the dating scene and met a couple of guys who want to date me but they are boring and don't make me laugh. I just can't make an intimate connection with someone like that and I certainly don't need another man like my ex. You know your wife better than anyone so unless she has given you reason to mistrust her then believe her. I think it's sweet that you are concerned about it. Maybe you should try to make her laugh, take her on a few dates just man and women no cross dressing talk and see what develops. Actions speak louder than words. be an observer.

Marcelle

03-23-2014, 05:29 AM

Hi Reine,

Thanks much. My wife approached me yesterday as she has been having a hard time at work so we spent a better part of last night talking through her work related issues. My CDing did come up in the conversation but only in that she wanted to assure me she has no issues with it and still sees me as her guy. In her words she just needs to work through what is happening right now both physically and with work. When it comes to menopause I let her know I am here for her if she needs me and if she is distant I will respect that. WRT work, we spent a lot of time talking about ways to deal with some of the stressors and she seems a bit happier now.

Hugs

Isha

mykell

03-23-2014, 08:54 AM

ok long story short,
had reveal with MRS. in january, DADT result, shes at ease with comments ect. since but not directly with us, things are back to nomal,

today at breakfast i was busting chops, she calls me a nag and says i should have been the one wearing the skirt, door open "yes" or "no",
of course she is busting back.
i respected the i dont want to know nuttin i dont want to see nuttin agreement. so i made no comment,

should i still approach it this way or was that a foot in the door, dont want a back step,
any thoughts....

03-23-2014, 09:36 AM

Isha, I think since you both seem like you can talk about anything to each other:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thum bsup: She would tell you if it was anything else.

mikell, I would see if she brings anything else up....to talk about and not just a teazing manner.She might be sorting things out a bit in her mind and just by teazing you was trying to say...hey I love you.
If she says something else....then straight out ask her.

Jenniferathome

03-23-2014, 10:02 AM

Ladies, I have an ear piercing question. Now, setting aside your husbands or boyfriends, if you saw a 40 to 50 year old guy with both ears pierced, what is your first impression?

Mid life crisis?
Hipster doofus?
Cool as hell?

Something else?

Thanks

Ria Lynn

03-23-2014, 10:34 AM

Chances are that if I saw a guy of any age with pierced ears I probably wouldn't think much of it at all. What would influence the impression I get more than a guy having his ears pierced is the jewelry he chose to wear in them. It's basically the same way I look at women with ear piercings; I don't really think "oh she has pierced ears" so much as I think "those are pretty earrings".

MatildaJ.

03-23-2014, 12:06 PM

If I don't know him, then I don't know how long he has had them pierced. So I wouldn't jump to "mid life crisis." I might think either "cool" or "trying too hard to be cool," depending on everything else about his presentation.

If I do know him, and he just got them pierced, and he's my age, then, yes, "mid life crisis" would cross my mind. But now I'm used to everyone I know having mid life crises, so it wouldn't seem shameful or embarrassing. More like: "oh, hey, join the club!"

Sandra

03-23-2014, 02:09 PM

I probably wouldn't even notice but if I did, I wouldn't think anything.

ReineD

03-23-2014, 02:23 PM

Jennifer, it would depend on how well he'd pull it off. Some guys can rock pierced ears, while on others they look goofy. If he pulled it off I'd think, "How cool!" (but then I've always thought rocker guys were sexy :)). If he didn't pull it off I'd get the impression it was a mid-life crisis thing.

Mikell, sorry but I don't quite understand your wife's reaction at breakfast. I don't know what motivated her to say that you should be the one to wear a skirt. Was she being honest or sarcastic? I agree with Di, ask her what she meant.

kittypw GG

03-23-2014, 04:16 PM

When I see a middle aged guy with just pierced ears and short guy hair I think cool. When I see a middle aged guy with long hair and pierced ears I think A. Immature B. cross dresser or both. My eyes would pan to the hands to check out nail length.

mykell

03-24-2014, 08:28 AM

hi Reine,
was teasing the MRS. about the choice of breakfast she prepared,
of course she teased me back,
since my reveal i question some of the comments as things have returned to more normal,
so i guess the question is- is this a Freudian slip, or her feeling totally comfortable,
and would i be wrong to give the honest reply given the DADT status, dont want to muck up the water....

ReineD

03-24-2014, 02:09 PM

Mikell, we don't know your wife. You should ask her what she meant.

giuseppina

04-01-2014, 10:50 PM

This is a question I have resulting from Donnagirl's thread

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?211767-Cause-or-Effect

I know there are genetic ladies out there who think crossdressing leads to transsexualism including hormones, SRS, BA, and FFS. The empirical evidence says otherwise, but the fears must be dealt with in a sensitive manner.

Would it make any difference if your husband/BF did some formal gender testing administered by a qualified and licensed individual specialising in this sort of thing resulting in the verdict, "Has some feminine tendencies and thought patterns but not sufficient to qualify for the process of transition?"

04-02-2014, 11:32 AM

I know there are genetic ladies out there who think crossdressing leads to transsexualism including hormones, SRS, BA, and FFS. The empirical evidence says otherwise, but the fears must be dealt with in a sensitive manner.

Would it make any difference if your husband/BF did some formal gender testing administered by a qualified and licensed individual specialising in this sort of thing resulting in the verdict, "Has some feminine tendencies and thought patterns but not sufficient to qualify for the process of transition?"

I think most GGs go through worrying about all this when they first find out after things calm down and things do not escalate‎ alarmingly and there us openness , talking, understanding between the couple.
If the hubby says they do not know- well that still is NOT the end of the world.
You still might have the odd GG that gets an idea in stuck their head and no matter what the hubby says So I think formal gender testing would not help in this case as they would poo poo any results anyways. There just are black and white people people in this world....unbending and their way or the highway.
Most the GGs I know do not dwell on this ( after the first trying to understand)
but it is more about love and the quality of the relationship
and Cding really becomes a none issue.

ReineD

04-03-2014, 01:00 AM

Giuseppina, good gender therapists don't decide for the transperson whether he or she "qualifies" for transition. They simply evaluate the person to make sure there are no co-morbidity issues and they also screen for any underlying mental disorders that might make a non-TS believe that he is TS.

At any rate, it is my experience that time helps more than anything else. A SO is more likely to think her husband is on his way to transition as long as he keeps raising the bar and/or hide things. If things are all above board (no lying and no surprises), and stable for some years, then I think that most GGs will relax and believe that it is not going any farther.

Brittany CD

04-08-2014, 11:21 AM

04-08-2014, 02:20 PM

Hi ladies

I agree with the idea that a guy should let his girlfriend know he is a crossdresser, but what I want to know if why being aware of this is very important and why many women would be freaked out or turned off my her man dressing in women's clothing. Keep in mind I'm a guy who dresses up for fun

I think telling is important when you start seeing things are getting serious......that way the few that would be dead set against it have the choice to continue the relationship or not..
I do not agree many would be freeked out.....in our local group and on this forum, most GGs I meet are more freeked out about the not knowing for most is the hardest thing for most to get over.
In alot of cases I think the dressing starts out as a fun thing done once in a while but for some ( I think most) it develops into a big part in someones life and then they are scared of telling.
So my :2c: tell when it starts getting serious go through the journey together find out then if you are compatible ....before things get deeper and deeper, kids, life and so on.:love:

karyn2000

04-08-2014, 09:07 PM

Has anyone here had their legs done with laser hair removal? I've had other areas done and it took a long time...over two years to really get things completed. I'm wondering if using the Tria Laser would help with regular laser visits to speed it up.

LouderThanWords

04-13-2014, 07:34 PM

i'm not sure if i'm posting this in the right area, but it just occurred to me that it might be a really weird experience for a gg to come onto this forum and see all these avatars of men dressed as women... i mean to me its really cool and seeing others willing to share a personal pic of themselves makes me feel more comfortable being here and contributing, but i'm wondering if the ggs on the site find it creepy or weird or who knows what... anyway i am just curious and would be interested to hear some responses...

At first it was a little weird, but I'm still new to the world of CD (via my SO). But after a day or so to adjust to the idea, I've actually found the pictures to be great! I haven't seen my SO dressed yet, but the avatars are helping me to imagine what my SO might look like dressed. It's also been interesting and eye-opening to see how diverse this community is!

Mimi

04-14-2014, 06:26 PM

The questions I would like to ask the ladies are these:

1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
(a) Before your relationship became very close
(b) Before marriage/moving in together
(c) Afterwards.

2. How did you find out?
(a) He told you directly
(b) You found his female clothing
(c)Otherwise.

3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
(a) Disbelief
(b) Disgust
(c) Fear
(d) Hurt
(e) Rejection
(f) Pleasure
(g) Anticipation
(g) Relief

4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
(a) Stronger
(b) Weaker
(c) Over

5. If you had found out sooner would you have
(a) Stopped the relationship right then
(b) Tried to come to terms with it through negotiation
(c) Embraced it whole heartedly

(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?

If you are comfortablw with what I am asking, or not, for that matter, can you let me know?

Finally, can I offer you and your ladies a heartfelt thank you for being here.

Mimi

04-14-2014, 06:31 PM

1. I found out about 20 years into the marriage.
2. My spouse told me directly.
3. Fear was probably my biggest emotion, along with one you left out--confusion and apprehension (which is different from fear, in my opinion).
4. Overall it has made our relationship stronger.
5. I think I would have embraced it, as long as my spouse had proceeded at a pace I was comfortable with. As it is, we have proceeded at a good pace for me, so I've been able to embrace it and accept it.
6. If I could advise a woman, it would be to educate herself with what it means to be TG, and to keep honest and open communication with her spouse. I would also tell her that setting fast and hard limits will only make things more difficult, as it will keep her spouse from being able to find equilibrium. The desire to expand the boundaries without the ability to experiment will just make the desire stronger--if the spouse can experience dressing and going out (safely and responsibly), then it won't be such a forbidden temptation.

I am comfortable discussing this, and it's wonderful that you want to know more about our perspective.

04-14-2014, 09:47 PM

karyn2000 -
never personally knew any GGs that have gone for laser/ but I am sure there some...sry do not know.

1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
met here

2. How did you find out?
see above

3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
( non of your choices we met here /

4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
very close....taking this journey together can make for a very close relationship]
5. If you had found out sooner would you have n/a

(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?
Happy you are here to learn more BUT know all the things you read most likely does not pertain to your hubby/ I know thats my case so do not freek out. Talk to your partner.
Know It will never go away it is just a part of your hubbys life although he prob tried to deny it even from himself so the best thing is to compromise.....find what works for you both even if it is DADT. Although when you find out after yrs of not knowing.....make it clear NO LIES from here on out so you can get over the feeling of being betrayed . Although you feel now it is impossible it is not.....you still can have a loving relationship again and they still are the same person you loved....you just now know everything. One important thing do not lose yourself sometimes after you know the hubby goes overboard ( we call it pink fog) BALANCE is the key Talk and talk some more:hugs:

ReineD

04-14-2014, 11:40 PM

To Anonymous:

1. I found out as we began dating.
2. He told me.
3. When I found out, like Mimi, my reactions were confusion and apprehension.
4. I think that the CDing has made no difference in our relationship. We would have the same level of intimacy and devotion if my SO did not crossdress.
5. I did find out right away, and my feelings for my SO were already strong enough that I was willing to learn about it and make it work within our relationship.
6. I'd advise her to have an open mind, find out everything she can about it, talk to her SO at length to determine what his end-point might be (for most CDers, it is perfecting an appearance to the point of going out, if they feel they can get away with it), before deciding whether she can live with it or not.

To Brittany, it's important to be aware of this because there is no room for any secrets in committed relationships. There are many reasons why women are turned off. The most common are: religious upbringing, a belief in crossdresser stereotypes, a lack of sexual attraction to feminine men, and/or the nature of the CDing itself if it is a fetish (few women like to be in a committed relationship with a man who gets sexual pleasure from something or someone other than her).

To Karyn: I have not considered laser for my legs. I don't have enough hair nor does it grow fast enough to warrant it.

kittypw GG

04-15-2014, 06:50 AM

1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing

It started with him wearing my underwear as a funny/kinky thing. He lead me to believe that he never did that kind of thing before me. I don't actually remember when I knew how serious his cd'ing was . over time I would do his makeup and would pick out a few dresses for him to own. I had no clue, I just tried to accept what I could

2.
(c)Otherwise. see above

3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
I didn't have any feelings about it in the beginning. Like I said I was clueless. I accepted because I didn't know not to. Over time he exhausted me with it and neglected our relationship.

4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship

(c) Over

5. If you had found out sooner would you have

(b) Tried to come to terms with it through negotiation

Sadly this cd thing consumed his brain and the whole relationship became about it. Anytime I asked him what he wanted to do on a weekend it was always cd. I just wanted him to just once say I want to take you out for a good time like a "normal" couple. Sadly I was the only one making compromises so that he could cd.

(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?

I would tell her to talk to him and get to the bottom of how much this is on his brain. I would tell her actions speak louder than words. He will not tell her the whole truth. I would tell her that this is a very difficult relationship to be in and she should do some serious inventory about the kind of person he is. I would say TRUST YOUR GUT. If you are confused about his feelings he is probably lying. I would say compromise, communication and respect for each other is key. If these are lacking, the relationship will most likely fail.

Finally, can I offer you and your ladies a heartfelt thank you for being here.

Has anyone here had their legs done with laser hair removal?.

I have never known a women to do this. Most of us are mothers and use our extra money on our children and family. Not on expensive cosmetic treatments. Most go for inexpensive treatments so that we don't feel guilty about taking away so much from the family.

Wildaboutheels

04-15-2014, 07:32 AM

I hope this has not been asked before?

Any of you ladies ever feel "inadequate"? [from reading a lot of the advice here] That you are not lady enough? Or that you are not doing your hair or nails right? Worry that you might be busted out in the RW as a MtF crossdresser? Maybe your hands are too big to belong to a GG. Or your voice too deep? You don't walk correctly in heels .[I think one of the heel experts here said a woman needs to lead with her breasts. Any of you GGs do that? Or have any female friends that do?

Me, I think a GG can be "feminine" sporting nothing but a silly smirk on her face and wearing nothing but a well worn burlap bag and a beat up pair of flip flops. Throw in a little twinkle in her eyes and she could be mesmerizing. To me at least. Obviously, I am no expert on the matter...

Seriously, the whole "feminimity"/must do X to "pass as a female" has to wear on you?

LouderThanWords

04-15-2014, 12:09 PM

Oh yeah! I can't walk in heels to save my life and it makes me feel super self conscious and like I'm less of a woman because of it. I also have a masculine name IRL so that gave me a lot of grief until I was in college and then started loving it.

MatildaJ.

04-15-2014, 12:39 PM

For Anonymous:

1. We were both kinky when we met – we had a shared interest in BDSM which brought us together. I did know that he had some pumps and a maid's outfit, but it seemed like a very mild fetish compared to the ones we shared, so I wasn't concerned.

2. In the last few years (after 15 years together), his CD interest accelerated rapidly -- first he wanted to dress me up (as ultra-feminine) and then to dress ultra-feminine himself. I found out about his increased interest because he told me.

3. My reaction: when it was just panties, I was amused and not upset. When it evolved into him wearing full outfits with forms, wig & makeup, I felt grief and loss. My catastrophizing brain went straight to the belief that he was transsexual, not just a CDer. I felt that I was losing the man I married, and this new woman was showing up to take his place. I felt anger towards her, as I expected that she was going to "kill" my husband, the love of my life.

4. So it weakened our relationship, because I started to picture my life after divorce. I had never done that before. It was, however, calming to process through the grief and come out the other side to acceptance. If he transitions, and if I don't feel love for that future persona, I will be okay and I trust that we will manage to co-parent together anyway.

4 (part II): Since getting to the point of acceptance of whatever the future brings, my husband's pink fog has abated, and his dressing is now well within what I can live with. He says he has no intention of transitioning, and he has not shown any interest in HRT. Having weathered this storm (so far), it now feels as if our marriage is strong again, although it was definitely educational for me to process the possibility of living on my own after all these years together.

5. I don't think I would have married & had children with someone I believed might transition in the future. But he has never believed he would transition; so if his CDing had been more frequent at the beginning, perhaps dating him for a couple of years before getting engaged would have given me confidence that he wouldn't transition.

6. Advice for another woman: slow down the relationship. Don't make any permanent decisions until you have a handle on how he feels about his male body and how happy he is in his body. Don't marry someone who is unhappy about their life, and don't expect issues to go away after marriage.

7. Yes, I'm comfortable with your questions. Thanks for checking!

@Wildaboutheels
I have always felt somewhat inadequate – my body and my behaviors don't measure up to society’s expectations of what a woman should look like and how she should behave. But over time I learned that most women feel that way, and that in fact it is a mark of being female in our society to feel inadequate. So then I didn't feel so inadequate anymore :-)

ReineD

04-15-2014, 02:27 PM

Any of you ladies ever feel "inadequate"? [from reading a lot of the advice here] That you are not lady enough?

Feel inadequate as a woman or in my femininity? NO!! I did, however, wonder how much my SO valued me compared to the CDing for some time in the early stages of our relationship. This was when my SO was expanding all aspects of the CDing: presentation, clothing, social sites, outings, etc. It sometimes felt as if I was optional to the relationship, as if my SO valued the CDing so much more than me. Eventually everything stabilized though, and now it's all OK.

Seriously, the whole "feminimity"/must do X to "pass as a female" has to wear on you?

Big time! :p I hate to read the idea that many women "don't pass". :rolleyes: In my view, this is akin to saying that many women fall short of CDers' expectations in the beauty department, as if this is what defines a woman.

Greenie

04-20-2014, 04:02 PM

mtf member with questions for the GGs
The questions I would like to ask the ladies are these:

1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
(c) Afterwards. After moving in together during college.

2. How did you find out?
(a) He told you directly
He told me initially about a pantie fetish. It progressed from there

3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest

(c) Fear of the future and confusion about what this all meant. When I found out that it was more than panties, I felt hurt, betrayed, confused, upset, angry. A lot. When I found the porn I was disgusted.

4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
It has made it harder. It is something we are working though. Dressing doesnt change him, but it is something that is "not normal" and figuring out how to normalize it has been hard.

5. If you had found out sooner would you have
I want to say that I would have been accepting with open arms. Honest? I don't know. I would never search out a CDer as a partner. We had been together for 4 or 5 years when I found out. We were invested. in the beginning? I might have not stayed. Not sure really.

(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say?
This life is hard. But people cannot change who they are. I think this is a part of them. It doesnt make them more loving, caring or anything else. A lot of times i think CDers think they have better qualities becuase they are CDers. I think that those things are not related. If you love the person you are with, the clothes they wear dont change them. Work through it, becuase the person you love is still there.

If you are comfortablw with what I am asking, or not, for that matter, can you let me know?

Yeah thats fine. We like answering questions that help people out.
.

Tinkerbell-GG

04-21-2014, 07:28 AM

The questions I would like to ask the ladies are these:

1. Did you find out about your partner's cross dressing
(b) Before marriage/moving in together

2. How did you find out?
(a) He told you directly

3. When you found out about your partner's cross dressing, which of the following emotions were strongest
(c) Fear...and if I'm honest, disappointment.

4. Overall, has your partner's crossdressing made your relationship
(b) Weaker - it's hurt how I see him and it sucks. I don't even understand my reaction as I'm so NOT this person. But there you go.

(However, I will say that coming here has helped A LOT and we're doing much better, if at helps :))

5. If you had found out sooner would you have
(a) Stopped the relationship right then. I hate even thinking this but I know it's true. It would have been the respectful thing to do.

(6) Briefly, if you could advise a woman who has found out the her partner is a cross dresser, what would you say? (This isn't related to my personal situation but it's something I've observed) I'd suggest she ask her partner if he knows who he really is before he starts involving 'her' in their life. If not, I'd suggest she walk the other way and never look back. Living with someone who doesn't even know the simple facts of who they are is a relationship death sentence and I'd say that of any person, not just a crossdresser. Figure out who you are FIRST!

If you are comfortablw with what I am asking, or not, for that matter, can you let me know?

Finally, can I offer you and your ladies a heartfelt thank you for being here.

PS: Wild, a big NO to all. I guess this is about the old 'passing' issue spoken of here - something I'll never get as unless you're TS I still don't see the point - surely there's a place in this world for men dressing as women? There should be. Then everyone can walk and talk as they already do and that's got to be more natural!

Jenniferathome

04-22-2014, 07:45 PM

Ladies, my wife has recently joined (wifeofjenniferathome) but feels she has nothing to contribute. Her chief reason is that she is comfortable with me and my cross dressing and she also does not want to offend any cross dressers (yes, she is actually married to me ;-). Many of you are in the same situation. So what do you get out of your participation here? And for you women who are not in the comfort zone, why should she participate? Thanks and I plan on showing her the answers you provide.

04-22-2014, 08:53 PM

Ladies, my wife has recently joined (wifeofjenniferathome) but feels she has nothing to contribute. Thanks and I plan on showing her the answers you provide.

:wave2: wifeofjenniferathome. I hope you will join in. I have found all these yrs I have made such very close friends and there is always something you might want to talk about or hear other takes on things because I really only have here to talk to others that will totally understand.

I hope I help and that is my intent and prob the main reason I stay is to talk to the new GGs that come here to see if as a couple they figure out how to fit this in their life ( what both are comfortable with) and it does not have to be the end of a relationship. Those are my reasons for being/staying here.

Wild you asked

Any of you ladies ever feel "inadequate"? [from reading a lot of the advice here] That you are not lady enough? Or that you are not doing your hair or nails right?
No never have....I am just me and only care what my sweetie thinks , But I always have been a confident strong woman.

Greenie

04-22-2014, 10:29 PM

wifeofjennifer!

Please you have so much to contribute, your husband has helped me a lot in my journey to acceptance, I think that as the successful wife of a CDer you have a lot to share. You can also tell us if jennifer is blowing smoke up our arses and if you actually exist. Just kidding Jennifer you know I <3 you.

I still struggle with this realization that my fiancee is "different," but am trying hard to be the most accepting and loving person I can be. One more person here to help other GG's know that there is a future is great. I have seen many GG's come and go in just the last year but you can help.

MatildaJ.

04-22-2014, 11:38 PM

Hi wifeofjenniferathome! Some days my husband goes beyond what I've gotten comfortable with, and then it's nice to have someone to talk to about it. I can't talk to my friends & family, because he's not out of the closet, so I come here. Just hearing that other people are dealing with similar issues usually makes me feel better and more able to cope with whatever threw me for a loop that day.

After I had been reading for a few months, I also started wanting to provide that same comfort and understanding to other wives or significant others who are even newer than I am to all of this.

That said, I'm someone who likes reading blogs & websites, and participating in the discussions. My husband isn't like that, and he has never bothered reading here or any of the non-CD web discussions I participate in. So if this doesn't appeal to you, I'm not sure there's much point in trying to make yourself participate. Just know that we're here, if you ever do want someone besides Jenniferathome to talk to about all this.

ReineD

04-23-2014, 01:29 AM

Hi WifeofJenniferAtHome, so glad you joined!

I hope you do decide to join us and participate. We can never have enough GGs! :)

At first I was here for support but now I'm here to help other GGs come to terms with the crossdressing and to do this as realistically as I can. There's no point sugarcoating things, on the other hand it is possible to have happy relationships with husbands who crossdress. I hate to see relationships break up for a lack of understanding on a wife's side, or because a husband gets lost in Pink Fog to the point of jeopardizing his marriage.

Sandra

04-23-2014, 10:54 AM

WifeofJenniferAtHome

You could help a new GG who is struggling, a few words from you could make a lot of difference to her. Also at times some of the cders get ahead of themselves :) and a lot of us GGs put them in their place and a lot of them thank us for that.

Jules Spirit

04-23-2014, 09:07 PM

WifeofJenniferatHome

We would love to have you as a part of this community because you have so much to offer and, really gain, too, if that's what you want. Your SO is a great voice of reason here, and it would be a wonderful insight to many to hear from the other side of that relationship. Looking forward to getting to hear from you and hopefully, getting to know you!
Hugs,
Jules

kittypw GG

04-24-2014, 04:07 AM

Jenniferathome's wife,

You have a very unique relationship that is very successful. You can share your thoughts on how you got to this point. Most of us have no one to talk to. The Cross dressers have lots of resources at their disposal and there seems to be a huge gap in the support and resources for us. I think you could be a great resource and your words will have value beyond what you can even imagine.

Tinkerbell-GG

04-24-2014, 05:06 PM

Wifeofjenniferathome,

I would love you to contribute here! Your husband has been such an honest and helpful source for me in a place that can often hold much fantasy. Sifting through the nonsense to find actual useful information can be difficult and if he wasn't here, there'd be a lot less worth reading! Your thoughts would be even more important to those of us GG's who still struggle with all this. I would love to hear your side, how you came to find this a non-issue, what you do on those tough days when it does irritate you. If it helps, we could even start an Ask WifeofJenniferatHome thread!

Your voice here would be much appreciated. PLEASE come and talk to us all :)

FAB Forum Mods

05-03-2014, 12:04 AM

I have a question from an anonymous CD member who would like to hear from the GGs who do NOT dress up in fancy "girly" clothes on a regular basis. The question is this: How do you feel on those occasions when you DO dress up in special or fancy clothes? Do the clothes make you feel special or sexy, or do they make you feel uncomfortable and stressed?

Mimi

05-03-2014, 12:18 AM

I'm definitely a jeans or black leggings type of girl, and I prefer flats. If I'm getting dressed up for an occasion I truly expect to enjoy and I'm looking forward to it, and I also like the outfit I'm wearing, then I might feel pretty or at least like I look decent. Nice jewelry is far more interesting to me and makes me feel good, special or pretty more often than clothing. If I'm wearing heels (rarely), then I tend to be stressed out by trying to keep my balance, and handle the fact that they are pinching my feet. I don't do at all well with clothing that is uncomfortable, no matter how nice it might look. If I don't like the way something looks on me, or it just isn't my style, I feel uncomfortable and stressed. However, I do own a few dresses that are really pretty, and are comfortable to wear and go with my very nice pair of black flats. I can't really describe how it makes me feel other than perhaps competent, or just satisfied that I'm dressed up and feel good about it. As for feeling sexy--I'm kind of past that age where I worry about whether or not I'm turning heads, but a few decades ago, I did enjoy dressing in a way that I felt showed me off, even if it was more casual, and I could feel sexy and pretty in a pair of jeans and a camisole top. Looking back, even when I was younger, I preferred sexy jeans and sexy tops to dresses and skirts.

ReineD

05-03-2014, 12:53 AM

I'm in blue jeans most of the time. I live in a small town and no one else gets dressed up. Although I like pretty clothes (I have an eye for good design), I dislike being over dressed for my surroundings. So my "dressiness" is limited to well fitting jeans, cute sweaters, and stylish shoes (not over the top). In the summer it is usually casual knee length cotton skirts or capris, cute tops, and sandals.

I do, however, enjoy getting dressed up to go out when I go back home to a major city for a visit. A girlfriend and I usually go out together. Or, should my SO and I get to the city for dinner here. I think that people respond well to both men and women who are well dressed, and so when I dress up I enjoy the validation. But other than that, once the clothes are on they don't feel much different on my body than what I wear daily, meaning that the focus for the evening is on the people I'm with, the people around me, and what I'm doing, more than how a particular fabric feels on my skin.

My makeup is the same whether I'm doing day-to-day stuff or going out, which is very light.

Like Mimi, I never buy uncomfortable clothing. My shoes fit well even if the heels are high, and I refuse to spend an evening tugging away at a skirt or arranging this and that in order to feel comfortable. I much prefer focusing on the people and the events than on my clothes.

In my younger years I worked in middle management in an office, in a major city. I had a good income and preferred classic designer clothing to the trendy stuff. I wore heels, hose, silk dresses, skirts, and tailored suits daily, and to me, the clothes were just work clothes. Everyone else dressed that way. We'd go out to dinner or a bar in the evening, and my clothes just carried me through. Again, it just felt ordinary.

<Edit> As to feeling sexy, yes, I do enjoy appreciative looks from my SO when I dress that way (I don't wear those clothes in public :)). When I was younger and going out with the girls, I did dress more to be attractive to men, and I very much enjoyed it when I was successful at it! :D

MatildaJ.

05-03-2014, 01:47 AM

I'm one who feels dorky and awkward in sexy outfits. Mostly i like forgetting i have a body, so calling attention to my body makes me uncomfortable.

Ellanore G.G.

05-03-2014, 03:28 AM

It depends on the mood im in.
Sometimes I can get dressed, and I truly dont feel sexy
although I have a really good hour glass figure for a 50 year old lol
But its the way my H looks at me that makes me feel sexy.
If i have to dress I bring flat shoes and put these on after a few mins.
I would never ever dress up girly unless I really have to.
I run / jog a lot so im mostly in running comfy gear.

Sandra

05-03-2014, 11:29 AM

I honestly cannot wait to get out the clothes and get the makeup off...it's just not for me they don't make me feel uncomfortable or stressed I just don't like being dressed up to the nines.

Silentpartner GG SO

05-03-2014, 02:12 PM

I dont even own a dress so getting glammed up is really not something I do at all. I always like to make sure my hair, make-up and nails are ok though. I much prefer comfy clothing that - as others have said - doesnt need constant adjustment to feel comfortable.

To Jennifer's wife: please do join in, I am sure you will have lots to offer and as the wife of one of the most sensible, down to earth, 'normal' CD'ers here you must surely be a very rational and tollerant person. :)

Elkeliini

05-04-2014, 05:31 AM

I have turned nowadays to a feminine dresser 24/7! not girly though. But I wear dresses on a day to day bases when going out to shop or dinner. Work clothes are a different story as well as home clothes college trousers and t.shirts... However in party mode, I wear the same clothes as in normal town mode combined with heels and make up. it makes me feel quite glamorous even though it is the same dress. I guess it is the heels that does it for the feel and its the make up that does the finishing touches. I don't wear make up during the day, sometimes when going out to town for shopping. Jewelry I don't wear much in general and modest in all occasions. I rather have a few quality pieces than a lot of glitter and glam from the 1 dollar store. The final cherry on the cake is when I curl my long hair. That makes me feel like a princess ;)

Tinkerbell-GG

05-04-2014, 10:49 PM

I dressed up before kids, though I wasn't wearing a cocktail dress or anything - just the usual nice fashion of the moment. Now it's not practical to wear dresses and heels (I don't wear those anymore as my kids would escape me, lol) and to be honest I don't miss the dressing up as life is just more comfortable and simple now.

When I do get dolled up for a night out with a girlfriend, I guess I do feel sexier and better about myself even if I do feel physically a little uncomfortable and miss my jeans and flats. As I wrote in another thread, part of the allure is knowing I might turn a male head or two, or the hubby's if he's lucky :) So wrong, I know, lol. But my friends and I readily admit a little flirt here and there in between school runs and snotty noses is good for the soul.

Which reminds me, it's been forever since we did that!

05-05-2014, 05:31 AM

I used to dress up in suits and dresses for work ( heels) but nowadays I wear jeans or skirts and more casual shoes for everyday.
Dressing up is fun sometimes
How do you feel on those occasions when you DO dress up in special or fancy clothes? Do the clothes make you feel special or sexy, or do they make you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Feel special but really can not wait to take them off lol.
Just always feel like me.

Jamie Lynn

05-10-2014, 07:29 AM

Hello Ladies!
I would like to add some more jewelry to my meager collection which only consists of a pair of triple pearl/gold dangly earrings and a couple of dollar store pearl bracelets. Do you buy according to "what you like" (with no regards as to whether the item will go with a current outfit), or "what you think might look good with a given outfit", or a combination of both? I know we usually don't buy anything that we don't like but I'm wondering if there's a "system" or "correct" way to buying jewelry.

Also, Bracelets...........typically worn on only one wrist or both? Is there some "rule"?

Thanks for your help!! :)

MatildaJ.

05-10-2014, 11:16 AM

I used to buy jewelry if it was pretty or interesting, but now I mostly am trying to fill gaps -- if I have outfits I like, I look for particular jewelry that will look striking with that particular outfit.

ReineD

05-10-2014, 12:20 PM

I don't have a lot of jewelry, but I have enough variation in necklaces (3 or 4 different lengths) to go with any neckline (there are just so many possible necklines that a top can have). I also have earrings of different lengths to go with different necklines. Most of my jewelry can go with everything that I wear ... either gold or silver and in neutral colors if there is a stone. I will avoid, for example, buying bright pink earrings just to go with one bright pink top. This is not practical for me, and is also too "matchy-matchy" (not interesting).

You can wear bracelets on either arm, and in any combination and style that you like. You can even wear multiple rings on each hand if you want to.

I stay away from the glitzy bling type jewelry. It looks too gaudy for me, especially on someone past college age. And I think that a woman CAN wear too much jewelry. Less is more in my book, for example if I'm wearing a more elaborate earring, I'll forego the necklace. Or, I'll forego the necklace if there is some embellishment on my top. The eye needs a focus point to go to and when there is too much, it takes away from the possibility of a stunning effect.

HalleysComet

05-10-2014, 04:54 PM

I definitely do both. I have some "statement" necklaces that definitely don't match with a lot or that I just have to wear a solid shirt with, and I also have more simple short necklaces with a small pendant on them, or a more simple long chain necklace. If you're only buying a few staple pieces for yourself, it's probably better to just get more simple things that you can match with more items of clothing. There's definitely no correct way of buying jewelry, you're drawn to what you like but you have to be practical sometimes too.
In terms of bracelets, you can definitely wear on both wrists. For me personally, I always wear a watch on my left wrist, so I tend to only wear bracelets on my right wrist. There's no rule that I'm aware of, but I'm also no fashion expert haha.
Fyi- Not sure if they have these stores where you live, but I get a lot of really cheap jewelry at forever 21. I got a pack of a few bracelets for $4 yesterday, and I've gotten necklaces for $3. So if you want some stylish things that aren't too expensive, that can be a good place to look!

Jamie Lynn

05-10-2014, 08:18 PM

Thanks a bunch on the jewelry info, Ladies! I will shop with confidence now! :)

Confucius

05-13-2014, 03:26 PM

Why do nonsupportive SOs do this??

I was reading some posts at another forum where women rant about how the problems they have with their CDHs. There seems to be three major themes:
1. Why did they conduct this deception against me for so long? This is generally followed by saying that they couldn't have been heterosexual and they have serious mental problems. (Actually most CDs did not tell their SOs because they never told anyone. They tried and tried to heal themselves, and they hoped it would go away once they got married. By the time they tell their SOs it is because they have decided not to fight this anymore.)
2. Then the women blame themselves for their man's condition. They believe they should have been able to fulfill all of their man's sexual needs, and if their man is getting gratification from cross-dressing then he must be cheating. He is using objects as a substitute for his need for human intimacy. (Actually most cross-dressers have been this way long before they hit puberty. This condition was hard-wired into their brains before they were conscious of their sexuality. So its not merely a matter of fulfilling a sexual need.)
3. Finally the women see their husband's female alter-ego as competition. They'll say, "He's a narcissist - he is in love with himself as a woman. How can I compete against that?" Then they give their cross-dressing man the big ultimatum, "either 'she' goes, or I do." (No cross-dressers would ever have this "either/or" perspective. They want both/and. They want their gg to participate in their cross-dressing adventures. They fantasize about shopping, and socializing with their wives when they cross-dress.)

If more women would understand that this condition is (1) not part of insidious deception, (2) not their fault, and (3) not their competition, then we (cross-dressers) would have much less problems with non-supportive wives. Am I missing some other major issues? I would be interested in your perspectives and interested in your recommendations about how these problems should be resolved.

MatildaJ.

05-13-2014, 08:46 PM

@Confucius,

I don't think my husband's cross-dressing is some huge deception; I don't think it's my fault; and I don't think "she" is my competition.

Nevertheless, I don't like spending time with her -- it feels to me like spending time with a new person, someone I don't particularly like. She does not feel like my husband. She feels to me like a different person, like that annoying colleague who you wish would just quit already. I get less time with my husband than I want, but as time goes by, that bothers me less and less, as I get used to living my own life, while my husband does his own thing.

I still get enough time with him that I'm not deeply unhappy. But I'm definitely less happy than I used to be in this marriage. We'll see where it goes; I can feel myself adjusting to the idea of living without him, if it comes to that.

Confucius

05-14-2014, 10:29 AM

JessM thanks for your thoughtful response.

It sounds as if your husband's personality changes when he crossdresses. That is something that doesn't happen to me or many others. I just see myself as a man in a dress. I really don't understand the need to use a female name, or change into a feminine personality. I understand that many crossdressers inadvertently finds that their personality changes. They become more chatty, display more social empathy, and are overall nicer persons. If so, then I believe that is due to the oxytocin neurotransmitters. I believe we have our brains hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. Then the brain releases a host of transmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) which are responsible for the sensations of well-being, gratification, pleasure, comfort, and bonding.

I believe that for a healthy husband/wife relationship there must be continual open lines of communication. The wife should set the boundaries for her husband's crossdressing, and the husband should do his best to live within her tolerances. I would expect my wife to let me know whenever something disturbs her, and I would honor her judgement.

I think you should let your husband know that his female alter-ego is annoying, and that his male side actually has a more pleasant personality. Tell him you would appreciate it if he maintained is male personality when he wears a dress. I like Grayson Perry as a good role model for crossdressing. He is an accomplished artist in England (winner of the Turner prize as well as appointed a Commander of the Order of the British Empire) and is married to an accomplished psychotherapist (Philippa Perry). Here is a link to an interview with Grayson where he expresses many of his thoughts - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G-2rgFLYzo

Hope this helps.

MatildaJ.

05-14-2014, 11:35 AM

It's not the dress that changes him, it's the wig. And he knows how I feel, which is why he doesn't wear the wig much around me. Without the wig, he still feels like a man in a dress, and he acts like my husband.

But with the wig, he seems to feel like a woman, and he acts like a different person. He enjoys feeling like a woman, but I don't enjoy being with her.

Overall, I think we have a balance that works okay; I just know that I can't predict the future (because I never predicted we'd be at this point), so I don't take our future together for granted any more.

I believe we have our brains hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. Then the brain releases a host of transmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) which are responsible for the sensations of well-being, gratification, pleasure, comfort, and bonding.

Suppose you were spending time with someone important to you, whether spouse, old friend, parent, child, whatever -- but instead of them bonding with you during your time together, you got the feeling they were bonding with their own alter-ego ("actual contact with a female"). Can you see how that might be off-putting?

Confucius

05-14-2014, 01:39 PM

Thanks JessM

Earlier you said, you did not consider your SO's alter-ego as competition, yet in your last message you indicated that "she" actually WAS your competition. That is disturbing.

I understand that some crossdressers actually do fall in love with their female alter-ego and consider "her" needs as a real person (autogynephilia). If that is the case then he does need some professional help. He needs to be aware that you feel like his second love. He needs a little reality check to make sure his priorities are right - you should be the most important thing in his life. The situation reminds me of Charlotte von Mahlsdorf's autobiography,"I AM MY OWN WIFE". It is one step away from being a transsexual.

Keep the lines of communication open with your SO. Ask him about the changes in his personality associated with wigs. See if he feels "contact with a female" only when he wears a wig, or with other clothing (dress, lingerie, make-up, etc.). Talk with him about your insecurities with his apparent love relationship with his own alter-ego, and the possibility of him being a transsexual. Ask him if he would be okay in a relationship where YOU set the boundaries and limits to his crossdressing. (That's what I do, and it seems to work.)

I hope everything works out for you. Life is an adventure. Enjoy the ride, and keep in touch.

MatildaJ.

05-14-2014, 05:28 PM

Nope, you misunderstand me -- I don't compete with "her" just as I don't compete with my husband's work, or any other way he chooses to spend his time.

You are the one who proposed that neuro-transmitters in a cross-dresser's brain let the CDer "bond" with his female alter-ego. I found that disturbing as an idea -- did I misunderstand you?

He's not in love with "her"; he enjoys being "her," the same way he might enjoy dressing up as a Klingon, learning to speak Klingon, and spending money traveling to Klingon conferences. Or dressing up as a Renaissance knight and going to Ren Fairs, or dressing up as a Civil War soldier and going to re-enactments. It makes him happy, and it doesn't hurt anyone. But it doesn't interest me, and so it means we share fewer interests than we used to, when he didn't have this interest.

Obeying your wife's boundaries may work for you. In my marriage, it wouldn't work for me to set boundaries for him. (We have a kinky BDSM relationship, where he is my dominant and I am the submissive.) I'm not interested in setting boundaries; I want him to do what he wants. But I let him know how I feel, so he can take that into consideration. As I said, he doesn't wear the wig around me much, because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. But if we go out together when he's dressed, he has to wear the wig to feel comfortable, so then I just suck it up and deal with going out with "her."

I'm sorry my situation disturbs you, but I'm not personally disturbed by our arrangements and I don't feel "insecure." Our lines of communication are open and fully functioning. I agree that life is an adventure -- but adventures aren't always delightful picnics. Sometimes they involve danger, and sometimes they involve loss.

Thanks for your good wishes.

LittleMissJoanna

05-14-2014, 06:19 PM

Hi JessM, and sorry for jumping in on your conversation with Confucius but I wonder, would it make a difference to you if your cross dresser husband was completely passable as a woman, what if he had long hair and not need a wig and just by doing his hair, could change into convincing woman, would that change your perspective on the issue you have with spending time with 'her'? Is it the fact that you find the whole CDing thing a little too absurd, like fun for laughs but a little pathetic to see your loved one pretend to be someone he's not? Thank you for your honesty :)

Nope, you misunderstand me -- I don't compete with "her" just as I don't compete with my husband's work, or any other way he chooses to spend his time.

You are the one who proposed that neuro-transmitters in a cross-dresser's brain let the CDer "bond" with his female alter-ego. I found that disturbing as an idea -- did I misunderstand you?

He's not in love with "her"; he enjoys being "her," the same way he might enjoy dressing up as a Klingon, learning to speak Klingon, and spending money traveling to Klingon conferences. Or dressing up as a Renaissance knight and going to Ren Fairs, or dressing up as a Civil War soldier and going to re-enactments. It makes him happy, and it doesn't hurt anyone. But it doesn't interest me, and so it means we share fewer interests than we used to, when he didn't have this interest.

Obeying your wife's boundaries may work for you. In my marriage, it wouldn't work for me to set boundaries for him. (We have a kinky BDSM relationship, where he is my dominant and I am the submissive.) I'm not interested in setting boundaries; I want him to do what he wants. But I let him know how I feel, so he can take that into consideration. As I said, he doesn't wear the wig around me much, because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. But if we go out together when he's dressed, he has to wear the wig to feel comfortable, so then I just suck it up and deal with going out with "her."

I'm sorry my situation disturbs you, but I'm not personally disturbed by our arrangements and I don't feel "insecure." Our lines of communication are open and fully functioning. I agree that life is an adventure -- but adventures aren't always delightful picnics. Sometimes they involve danger, and sometimes they involve loss.

Thanks for your good wishes.

PaulaQ

05-14-2014, 06:31 PM

Is it the fact that you find the whole CDing thing a little too absurd, like fun for laughs but a little pathetic to see your loved one pretend to be someone he's not? Thank you for your honesty :)

@JessM - A followup question to LittleMissJoanna's - is it that when your spouse presents as fully female, and her behavior shifts to "girl mode", the dynamic between the two of you changes in various ways that aren't comfortable? For example, if you enjoy being with a "large and in charge guy", but instead sometimes have to deal with an "giggly insecure teenage girl" instead, that would be uncomfortable for many women, and the bdsm aspect might suggest you are getting less of what you might want from the relationship, at that moment. (This wouldn't be limited to kink though - I know my own wife wanted to be married to a "John Wayne" type of man. A woman of any sort simply wasn't going to cut it with her.) Am I on the right track here?

MatildaJ.

05-14-2014, 07:30 PM

would it make a difference to you if your cross dresser husband was completely passable as a woman

I don't think so. I fell in love with a particular person, who walked and talked in a particular way. I don't believe we ever really get access to other people's souls -- we only know their personas, the way they present themselves. The more he looks (and sounds) like a different person from the one I married, the less connected I feel to him (even if inside, he's the same).

In contrast, changes due to aging are slow, and I don't find them hard to handle. But going back and forth between male & female presentations is hard for me. (Again, it's not the dress or the panties or the shoes -- it's when his face changes because of the wig, and when he speaks in a higher register to pass.)

I know my own wife wanted to be married to a "John Wayne" type of man. A woman of any sort simply wasn't going to cut it with her.

He's never been a John Wayne guy, but yes, as a guy he carries himself with confidence and I like that. I'm not attracted to the tentative, insecure, badly socialized woman he sometimes presents as. Maybe over time his female persona will develop more self-confidence, and I'll be able to tolerate her better. But mostly that's up to him. I have an actual teenage girl in the house, and although I put up with my husband's crossdressing, I'm not able to act as his mother, his sister, or his BFF.

I also wanted to say that I don't think I should be the most important thing in my husband's life. Adults need to look out for their own needs. Loving myself is my first job, because I can't love anyone else if I don't love myself. And similarly, my husband needs to love himself (even the parts I don't care for) before he has can feel healthy and strong enough to love me.

Andrea Chenowith

05-14-2014, 10:32 PM

I tried to post this with a quote of the relevant post earlier today, but teh intertoobz had other plans. I have a question for the ladies about wearing pantyhose. (Well, equal parts question and straw poll...)

When wearing pantyhose, is it considered "proper" to also wear panties with them? As an only child I obviously never heard the etiquette one way or the other, but in my dressing, I've always preferred without. When I suggested the idea of going without to my wife, she thought I was nuts. I always thought that the cotton gusset was there for a reason.

ReineD

05-14-2014, 11:39 PM

Why do nonsupportive SOs do this??

There can be dozens of reasons. They don't want a divorce for financial reasons, or because their children are young, or it is against their religious principles. Or they hope that the CDing is just a phase. But, no matter why these wives choose to stay, they must then rationalize the behavior. They don't realize that the CDing is a need to express a softer self, they think it's a sex thing. Or, it may even be a sex thing for their husbands.

To answer your three points, I think it is natural for a wife to feel upset if her husband hadn't told her earlier. The CDing is a pretty big thing, even if the CDer doesn't think it is. I also think it is normal for (some) wives to blame themselves. Even Ross Geller in the sitcom Friends, blamed himself when his wife left him for a woman. Last, if you've never been married to a CDer who went through a period of Pink Fog, where within a short period of time just about everything else took second place to the CDing (or so it seemed), then I can see why it would be difficult for you to understand why a wife would feel that she must compete with the CDing for her husband's attention. We have some wonderful husbands here who are considerate and who do a great job balancing everything. But, there are some CDers who don't and chances are, the women who complain the loudest are married to some of those CDers.

would it make a difference to you if your cross dresser husband was completely passable as a woman,

I don't think this would make any difference to a non-accepting spouse. If a spouse has it in her to accept, however, I should think she would prefer the non-fetish/non-street-walker wear, an absence of the platinum wig, and makeup that doesn't look painted on, if this is what you mean by passability.

When I suggested the idea of going without to my wife, she thought I was nuts. I always thought that the cotton gusset was there for a reason.

Have a look at the following article. Near the end, it mentions why women wear panties. If you don't have any of those issues, then go without. But I should think you'd want the underwear to hold things in?

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/health/ditch-your-panties

Melissa_59

05-15-2014, 08:11 AM

Nevertheless, I don't like spending time with her -- it feels to me like spending time with a new person, someone I don't particularly like.

Why do you not like "her"? Is there something in particular? I might be completely wrong but it seems as though you accept your husband being dressed as another person, so what is wrong with this 'other person' that you don't like? I'm curious because I have someone I'm in a relationship with and I came out to her (before the relationship went any further...) and she seems to be ok with the idea, but she's never met Melissa. What I don't want to do is become "that annoying other half" to her that turns her off and makes her unhappy.

Thanks,

~Mel

ReineD

05-15-2014, 09:15 AM

Why do you not like "her"? Is there something in particular?

I won't answer for Jess, but I can tell you why other wives have said the same thing.

Some of the CDers who become preoccupied (or seemingly obsessed) with the CDing, act like teenage girls. It seems as if it's the end of the world when they break a nail or if the hair isn't just right for example. They (some) get into hissy fits when things don't go their way and it seems as if all they want to do is talk about and do girly things. Some of the CDers actually change their behaviors when dressed (they become all gushy and "tee-hee"-like). And most wives don't want to be married to someone who behaves like a teenage girl. One GG told me once that she would not choose to be friends with high maintenance genetic women (the women whose priorities seem to be the shopping, the grooming, etc), and so why should the wife appreciate those qualities in her husband.

MatildaJ.

05-15-2014, 09:22 AM

What Reine said is valid for me too -- "she" isn't a teenage girl, but she's not a competent, confident woman either.

Also, it's creepy that she has all my husband's memories and tends to touch me casually the way my husband would: she doesn't feel the distance between us that I feel, because I'm not the one who looks different. She acts like we're married, but it's weird being married to someone I don't know.

(That aspect doesn't seem like it would come into play if your new relationship meets you in both guy and girl form from almost the beginning, and gets regular doses of both. In that case, my main advice would be to follow your new partner's lead as far as topics of conversation, avoid talking too much about makeup/fashion, and try to project confidence and happiness in both modes as far as possible.)

Andrea Chenowith

05-15-2014, 06:58 PM

Have a look at the following article. Near the end, it mentions why women wear panties. If you don't have any of those issues, then go without. But I should think you'd want the underwear to hold things in?

I get the going completely commando part. In guy mode, I'm the same way. I'm just curious as to whether my wife's wearing both panties _AND_ pantyhose is the norm or part of her conservative upbringing. Do all moms tell their daughters that they should wear panties with pantyhose, or is that just the peculiarity of my MiL?

As to the effectiveness of just wearing pantyhose, I've found that I have better luck avoiding seam lines and unsightly bulges without panties. That may just be my anatomy and build talking, though...

MatildaJ.

05-15-2014, 07:35 PM

It's not peculiar to wear panties with pantyhose. I think most mothers tell their daughters & sons to wear underwear every day, regardless of what outfit they have on.

In high school I wore panties against my skin, and pantyhose or tights over them. When I was a poor student, I learned that putting the underwear on over the pantyhose / tights could help prevent them from sagging down at the crotch. When I started dating guys with real jobs, I got my first garter belt, and learned to put on the garter belt first, then the panties, so I could go to the bathroom without undoing my garters. Lately I tend to buy thigh-highs, and then they don't affect my underwear decision.

ReineD

05-15-2014, 09:44 PM

I'm just curious as to whether my wife's wearing both panties _AND_ pantyhose is the norm or part of her conservative upbringing.

My point was that many (most?) women do wear panties under their hose for the very reasons outlined in the latter part of that article. It has nothing to do with being conservative and everything to do with hygiene. Since you don't have those issues because you are a genetic male, you can get away with not wearing the panties if you can find another way to hold things in.

Andrea Chenowith

05-16-2014, 05:37 AM

It has nothing to do with being conservative and everything to do with hygiene.

Gotcha... Thanks!

Melissa_59

05-16-2014, 08:49 AM

What Reine said is valid for me too -- "she" isn't a teenage girl, but she's not a competent, confident woman either.

Jess, thank you and Reine both for your answer, I appreciate it. I don't think for one minute that I act like a teenage girl or anything like that but my SO will have to be the judge of that. She hasn't met Melissa yet, I'm both anticipating and a bit tentative for that first meeting.

~Mel

Stephanie Miller

05-18-2014, 01:28 AM

I have a question that has been beat to death on other sections - but to me I would rather get advice from the Gg's only. Since it your prospective that I will be dealing with - not just experience other CD's have been through. As some of you well know, I am unfortunately put in the ranks of being single. Now I have no intention of striking out immediately into the dating world since I do not want to drag anyone down with me during the rebound stage. I am going to try and hold of a year to find myself first. BUT.... when I do start dating I want to be honest from the get-go. So it is the old favorite question again of "When" to tell about this part of my life. I can put adds in Match.com, eHarmoney & Craigslist etc. explaining all about my male self and end it with an oh by the way.. :) (Of course a picture of the TWO of us could be optional in order to peak curiosity)
just to see who bites. That way there are no surprises for anyone and they all know up front. I could date someone and let them get feeling for me where they will be will to "accept" this part. (Acceptance really never lasts in most cases). Or Invite someone on a date as a "typical" male then inform before saying good night. (Probably a better chance of winning the lottery than a second date. Right?) So tell me girls... how would you have liked to have been told - that gave the best chance of success - if the tables were turned and it was up to you to tell?

Kate T

05-18-2014, 06:47 AM

Originally women wearing "pants", at least in recent history, began as essentially a political / social statement by the Suffragette movement notably. These women didn't necessarily want to express their masculinity, they wanted (quite rightly!) to have the same right to vote as men.
So when as a woman you wear trousers, or maybe a mens cut shirt or tie, do you have a particular reason for doing so? And how do you FEEL when you do so? Do you feel less vulnerable, more respected, or no different?
Genuinely just curious about GG answers.

Tinkerbell-GG

05-18-2014, 07:36 AM

Stephanie, they're just going to have to like it. It's really that simple. I see so many stories and read pages of advise here about how to help a woman accept crossdressing. Forget all of that and find someone who LIKES this about you. Yes, you're very limited and most women won't be interested. Thing is, when you find that 1% woman who loves you for you, you won't be here complaining of DADT. More importantly, you won't be falling in love with someone and then unintentionally hurting them by just being yourself. I don't think anyone here means to do this and I know your hearts break as much as ours. And ours do break. Sometimes very badly.

So please, be kind, be honest, and tell her on the very first day. x

05-18-2014, 08:56 AM

Stephanie , I usually say date a bit and see if there is a connection and then before it goes any further or starts to get serious spill the beans. To me that is what you do dating getting to know all about each other.Esp true dating in your local area unless you want to be out to everyone.
But I like your idea of putting it out there on dating sites. :thumbsup:

Wondering what you mean by acceptance does not last in most cases? I know some GGs say....well they said it was only wearing panties ect and now it is xyz. So being as honest as you can because you want a relationship where you both can be free to be yourself.Best Wishes:hugs:

Adina.....I just recently bought a shirt from the mens dept because I needed a plain white shirt to go with the rest of the outfit and the womans were not as long as I wanted .Did not care what dept it came from....and feel nothing except feel like me wearing my shirt.Wearing pants, skirts or whatever just feel like me.

MatildaJ.

05-18-2014, 11:55 AM

@Stephanie, how much of the time would you like to be en femme? Now that you're living on your own, how much of your at-home time do you spend en femme?

I would figure out that percentage -- and don't rush, take a few months to get past any pink fog, and see where you end up of your own free will. Then, if you like to be en femme 20% of the time, post a profile on OKCupid and other dating sites with 20% photos of you en femme. But if you like to be en femme 50% of the time, post photos where half of them are you en femme. Etc. You don't want to minimize the cross-dressing: you want to get the full story across as soon as possible, and attract people who want you as you are. To the right person, this is a feature, not a negative.

And if you eventually want to spend 50% of your time en femme, then go out en femme on half your dates with a new person.

@Adina, I feel like myself in pants. Tough and competent. In a skirt I feel like I'm wearing a costume.

ReineD

05-18-2014, 03:45 PM

So it is the old favorite question again of "When" to tell about this part of my life.

Had my SO told me about the CDing shortly after we first met, I think I would have eliminated him from my subconscious list of potentially viable romantic connections. I would have thought him interesting, but as a friend only and I don't think it would have gone further. I assumed that CDers in general either wanted to be women, or wanted to be with men, or were into the fetish big time and this would have been too much baggage for me to pursue, I believe. But as it was, we knew one another for three years casually (we used to be regulars at a local coffee shop and over time my feelings for him developed). So by the time he told me, the first week we were dating, I had already fallen for him enough to be willing to learn more and to not entirely eliminate the possibility of a romantic relationship. And then things took off from there, the chemistry between us was strong.

This is why I recommend developing a relationship with a woman first, to see if there is any chemistry, before telling. If you notice there are sparks, then by all means tell her and don't wait too long. Hopefully you will be good at reading the cues ... on the other hand, if there are no sparks likely the relationship will not develop?

That said, if you join a dating site you will be showing your profile to women who are already there expressly looking for a romantic relationship. And not to get other GGs my age mad at me, but if you are middle aged there are few available men for women in that age group (compared to all the people in their 20s looking for each other :)). So these women might be open-minded, more so than if you just met someone by chance outside of a dating site. But, I still think the CDing might be too off the wall for many women, depending I suppose on how much they want to be in a relationship.

Also ... depending on the dating site, I gather from others' experiences here that if you post pics of yourself en femme, you might get hit on by Admirers?

So when as a woman you wear trousers, or maybe a mens cut shirt or tie, do you have a particular reason for doing so? And how do you FEEL when you do so? Do you feel less vulnerable, more respected, or no different?

I don't wear men's cut shirts or pants. I wear tops and pants that flatter my figure and I don't wear ties although I do wear decorative scarves sometimes. I also don't wear sneakers outside of the gym. I don't dress up often because most of the places I go to are very casual and I do not enjoy overdressing for the venue. I don't like calling attention to myself. I wear mostly blue or black jeans in the winter, for ease and comfort. I do tend to wear casual skirts in the summer (knee length or maxi which are in style right now), or casual summer dresses, because I refuse to wear shorts outside of doing yard work (I'm past 50), and pants are too hot. I also dress down my skirts and summer dresses with flat or very low heel sandals, unless I'm going out to a fancier place in the evening.

When I need to dress up (dressier skirts/blouses or dresses and heels), I do not feel vulnerable nor do I feel more respected. I just feel as if I am properly dressed for the occasion. When I dress up I do feel treated differently than when I'm not, but this is likely due to the environment. Staff at fancy restaurants for example treat their customers differently than the guy at the taco place counter. :) If I'm going to a wedding, other than people generally being on their best behaviors and more sociable, guests are dressed like me and we all treat each other pretty much the same as if we were all going to the pizzeria together wearing jeans.

One thing to mention ... I frequently visit my home town (a large metropolitan city) during the summer. Maybe it's just me, but I do feel underdressed when I'm dressed too casually downtown.

So how do I feel? I feel the same, no matter how I'm dressed. I forget how I'm dressed once I'm out doing things (unless I'm not dressed for the venue and compared to others there) and I focus more on the people and what I'm doing. I honestly think that only crossdressers feel vulnerable when wearing dresses because men are not accustomed to the freeing sensation between the legs?

fem_gal

06-11-2014, 02:24 PM

so you dress according to the situation and what you feel is appropriate however do you have a better half and how would you go about dressing how you feel if you can barely get the significant other to get you panties let alone dresses.

ReineD

06-11-2014, 04:16 PM

That's a loaded question, fem_gal and there is an entire forum here devoted to finding an answer. It's the age-old quandary: how to get the wife to accept so the CDer does not have to hide.

I'm afraid there is no simple answer since everyone and every relationship is different. You could start by having an honest talk with her about your needs, and let her know that if she doesn't want to be involved you will respect this, but you do need the time and space to dress. She'll have a lot of questions so it might be helpful for you to read many of the threads in this forum first, to help you with the answers.

And of course you could always tell her about this site. We do have a support section for the wives and girlfriends:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum

MatildaJ.

06-11-2014, 05:06 PM

how would you go about dressing how you feel if you can barely get the significant other to get you panties let alone dresses.

why not just get your own clothes, and wear what you like? Why do you feel it's your significant other's role to get clothes for you?

06-11-2014, 10:39 PM

Not sure...just guessing from your post....it does not sound like you talk to each other about the cding. So if that is the case start there.Your needs/ her needs and get some understanding between you both.

And agree with Jess....why would it be on your wife to buy your things? From your post it sounds like it is your thing and not hers .

Ciara09

06-12-2014, 02:52 PM

I have two questions for ggs about how you relate to crossdressers

First question is how would you feel about socializing with a cd platonically? Especially since you know most CDs have at least some sexual response to cding, does it make you uncomfortable to think that the cd you are with may have a hidden sexual agenda? I think some crossdressers do get turned on by the idea of being on a girls night out with ggs and I was wondering if this is something that would disgust you, make you uncomfortable or would you be ok with it? Also if the cd told you explicitly that it's not sexual, would believe them or still be skeptical?

The second question is about how you feel about our use of the word "feminine." I posted something that I realized was sexist where I characterized my own helplessness in certain situations as "feminine." It got me thinking about what that word means to me and how I use it, especially since I often describe myself as "feminine" in terms of my behavior and mindset. Also other CDs post about feeling feminine at certain times. I am wondering what does it mean for an actual woman to feel feminine? Do you feel good about being feminine, insecure about your femininity? Do you dislike the way you see crossdressers talk about femininity? Do you think we have a accurate concept of femininity?

Thanks ggs!

MatildaJ.

06-12-2014, 04:20 PM

Yes, I dislike the way most crossdressers talk about "femininity."

I think other words serve the purpose better - expressing more clearly what it is you feel, without declaring that your feeling is natural for all women. So consider whether you mean "vulnerable," "sexy," "adorable," "graceful," or whatever, but try to avoid the lazy short-hand of "feminine"/"femininity."

Just my opinion!

ReineD

06-12-2014, 08:01 PM

I agree with Jess, feelings are not gendered. Both men and women can feel vulnerable, both can be strong willed, both can feel shy, both can be angry, both can be competitive, and the list goes on. I do get upset when CDers think that being helpless or passive, or sexy even (men are sexy too), is being feminine. I certainly don't feel helpless or passive. It also bothers me when CDers refer to themselves as women when they are dressed. This just seems too out of touch with reality. But, I do understand it when CDers say that putting on women's clothes makes them feel more feminine than they feel in male mode.

You ask what it means to be feminine? I can only speak for myself, but I feel feminine no matter what I wear or what I'm doing, even if I'm mowing the lawn. This is because I am fully aware that there is a stark contrast between myself plus the other women I know, and men. It's like there is an "us" and "them" camp, and the fundamental differences between the two are the sexual/physical characteristics, including hormones, and how those hormones affect behavior. If there were no men on this planet for me to compare myself too, I don't think I'd have a clue what feminity means. Also, my femininity is enmeshed with my female gender identity. This in turn means that I very much identify with my female body, which does things that males can't do. It's not about "looking feminine" since anyone can put on wigs, makeup, etc, and as mentioned, a woman can be feminine in blue jeans and an old shirt when she's painting the bedroom.

Your first question: I would not feel comfortable going out with a CDer as a friend, if I thought that he was getting off sexually on the experience. This would make me feel used. But I know a lot of CDers that I enjoy spending time with and I know it is not sexual for them. If I was going out with a group of GGs and there was a CDer present with a sort of glazed look in his eye and acting all weird, no I would not believe it if he said it was not sexual for him. lol

MatildaJ.

06-12-2014, 08:10 PM

Maybe I'm somewhere on the gender spectrum, towards tomboy, but I've never felt feminine. So I don't know, Reine, if I'm an 'us' or a 'them' in your system. I feel human, but not especially white, or middle-aged, or female, or maternal, even though I fit in those categories.

ReineD

06-12-2014, 08:22 PM

Jess, maybe you and I have different definitions of "feeling feminine". To me, it does not mean "feeling girly". It rather means being a woman, which I know I am down to the deepest fiber of my being ... no matter what I wear or how I look.

I know women who are much girlier-looking than me, and others who are less. But in my opinion, "girly" (which can mean sparkly heels, elaborate eye makeup, girly dresses, etc) is just one of many styles that women can adopt, for example biker chick (not girly at all), accountant style business woman (I'm not talking about the male version of a sexy secretary look lol), girl-next-door, sporty, hippie chick, streamlined style (a very basic aesthetic), steampunk, even tom-boy, and I'm sure tons more styles that escape me at the moment. So no, feeling feminine in my opinion has nothing to do with adopting any of those styles. It just means being a woman (as opposed to being a man) and knowing it.

MatildaJ.

06-13-2014, 12:30 AM

But usually when people say "that's a very feminine dress," they don't just mean "that's a dress." And "he's a feminine man" isn't a just an oxymoron. In fact, it makes more sense to speak of a feminine man than to speak of a feminine butch woman. In my experience, "feminine" seems to mean a particular way of being a woman.

06-13-2014, 07:36 AM

My :2c:
Surface femininity would be all the shoes,dresses ect
I think it is just being me.... the energy I give out being real .....me being me makes me feminine.
No matter what I am wearing or what I am doing.

When cders say it.....I think they might be saying they feel sexy, helpless or passive But to me none of that defines being feminine

In yrs past used to show up at group outings to show support for the girls and never thought of anyone it just being a sexual thing going out:sad: that would have creeped me out.

ReineD

06-13-2014, 11:09 AM

In my experience, "feminine" seems to mean a particular way of being a woman.

I think I understand what you're saying. There's a thread that touches on this in the TS section and I responded this morning that I have a friend who is not girly (or you might say, feminine) looking. Her face is angular, her body lacks curves, and she feels that because of this she looks ridiculous in makeup and the girlier looking clothes. And I agree with her, just as I would not think that a 6'2, broad shouldered woman would look good in a short pink tu-tu.

But, my friend identifies fully as a heterosexual woman, and in this respect she is as feminine to me as any other woman I know, just by virtue of being a woman. She is my best friend and we relate like sisters. She is loving, kind, nurturing, on top of having killer analytical skills.

So I think that you and I may have different definitions of what "feminine" means, and that's OK. I mean a fundamental femininity that has nothing to do with how we look, even if we are competitive and work in a predominately male field.

On the other hand, I would say that any birth-woman who identifies as a guy is not feminine.

MatildaJ.

06-13-2014, 12:34 PM

You know women who aren't gentle & sensitive & curvy, and you still consider them feminine. But (per Wikipedia <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Femininity>) our culture sees those women as less feminine, the more aggressive, angular, and non-heteronormative they are.

My issue with the word is that it tends to make it easy to forget the distinction we're talking about. When I say a woman is butch or aggressive or non-nurturing, people hear "less feminine." That should be "less stereotypically feminine," but I think it's inevitable that when people hear an unqualified "feminine" they understand it to mean "stereotypically feminine."

So all I'm saying is that rather than having to say every time: "by feminine, I mean like-a-woman, not stereotypically feminine," I encourage people to think about what they actually are trying to convey with the word feminine, and say that instead. Usually, they don't just mean "like-a-woman." Usually they have a particular, stereotypical trait in mind.

ReineD

06-14-2014, 12:20 AM

So all I'm saying is that rather than having to say every time: "by feminine, I mean like-a-woman, not stereotypically feminine," I encourage people to think about what they actually are trying to convey with the word feminine, and say that instead. Usually, they don't just mean "like-a-woman." Usually they have a particular, stereotypical trait in mind.

I totally agree with this! I also believe, as you pointed out above, that it would be refreshing to hear CDers say, "I feel vulnerable, sexy, adorable, graceful, or whatever", instead of "I feel feminine".

And I agree with you that when people think "feminine", they have the girly stereotypes in mind. I don't know if you disagree with this in principle or not, but I do. I personally have a much broader definition of feminine. I don't adhere to the stereotypes. The fundamental difference between feminine and masculine to me boils down to differing sexual characteristics (primary and secondary) that include hormones and the effect this has on behaviors. This is what I meant earlier with "us" and "them". No matter how another woman may look, talk, dress, behave, etc (even if she is squarely built and works in a male dominated field for example), I know that she and I share something that I do not share with men, and so I feel that she and I are both feminine compared to the man. Generally speaking. If this makes sense. :p

MatildaJ.

06-14-2014, 12:27 AM

I agree with you in principle, but just don't like the word enough to use it much. I'd probably use female instead, in most cases.

Tinkerbell-GG

06-17-2014, 08:55 AM

I am also a GG who thinks the word 'feminine' is way over-used here. I don't know if this is because men have such limited emotional freedom so anything non-boorish is assumed to be female, which is clearly silly as we women can feel as boorish as the next guy and it doesn't make us male. What I do think is many here are just trying to experience the full spectrum of human emotions and for whatever reason, social restriction or brain wiring or whatever, these same emotions can only be felt if they're compartmentalised into gender. A man needn't feel bad about crying over a movie if his separate femme side did the crying for him. He couldn't possibly dance or giggle in a suit, but throw on a skirt and wig and suddenly he's free to twirl around the living room. It's almost like some psychological masculine preservation tactic. Now there's a mouthful, lol.

In fact, I often wonder if men were able to just feel and behave however they liked, whether there'd be much need for crossdressing? Feminism gave women the freedom to be who we want to be...what's the equivalent movement for men??

I guess I should ask the crossdressers this question, lol.

MatildaJ.

06-17-2014, 10:52 AM

The movement for men is also feminism: since feminists argue that everyone gets to express whatever traits they want, regardless of assigned gender roles, and try to reassure men that it's not humiliating to do things that our society associates with women.

ReineD

06-17-2014, 02:34 PM

What I do think is many here are just trying to experience the full spectrum of human emotions and for whatever reason, social restriction or brain wiring or whatever, these same emotions can only be felt if they're compartmentalised into gender.

I think this may be true for many CDers here.

But another consideration (I believe) is what some members mean by "feeling feminine". We have a lot of members here who describe feeling some sort of high or euphoric feeling when they dress similarly to women, and this is what I believe they think "feminine" feels like. The truth is that as feminine beings, we don't feel anywhere close to how they feel, since we are not men who feel a thrill for getting dressed. The CDer who started this whole discussion in post #416, Ciara09, describes it as being "turned on". I'm reluctant to say this is necessarily a fetish feeling, since people tend to think that "fetish" means having a sexual outcome and I have no clue whether the members who experience this high or are turned on, necessarily end up with sexual gratification each time. I personally have a broader definition for fetish than just doing something for sexual gratification.

Anyway, all this to say that I think at least some CDers mistake feeling some sort of heightened feeling for feeling feminine. They are both different things in my opinion.

It's taking a long time to answer Ciara's question, but this is a complex thing to describe. :p

Tinkerbell-GG

06-17-2014, 05:59 PM

I personally have a broader definition for fetish than just doing something for sexual gratification.

I agree. I see fetish as identity and sexuality and a part of a person's overall makeup. It's not just the sex act itself. Too many here forget how deep fetish (paraphilia?) can run. So when someone feels excited wearing a dress and says they're feeling feminine, they're definitely confusing the two. Women don't feel excited with being female and this includes all the 'trappings' that come with our assigned gender role. And no, even if we'd spent our lives on a deserted island with nothing but a fig leaf, it's doubtful we would feel the level of euphoria felt by many here when placed in a dress. Clothing just doesn't seem to affect the vast majority of women like it can men. Though, maybe we should put a girl on a deserted island and test this theory, lol.

As a GG, to me feminine means 'all things female'. For a crossdresser, I suspect it means 'feeling funny inside'. We are definitely not on the same page, are we? :)

Brittany CD

06-19-2014, 09:13 AM

Hi ladies.

I was wondering what you would say as advice to women that are struggling with having a crossdressing boyfriend?

06-19-2014, 09:40 AM

Hi ladies.

I was wondering what you would say as advice to women that are struggling with having a crossdressing boyfriend?

I would tell them it is NOT a choice but part of someone......so the best thing to do would see how this reality can fit in your life.

From DADT ( but giving your partner the space to dress) from joining in and everything in between.....be honest with each other and go at your own pace.

In the begining it can sometimes feels like a big deal....but you can have a normal,happy life....just be honest and respectfull of each other and find what works for you both.:2c:

Wildaboutheels

06-24-2014, 11:40 AM

How many of you ever remember [as wittle kids] trying on/wearing for any length of time ANY your father's or brother's clothes? If you did, do you remember it being "thrilling" in any way?

For the sake of simplicity, we will eliminate socks and gloves.

Maybe hats too?

Neckties?

MatildaJ.

06-24-2014, 02:27 PM

Men's hats have always been fun to pose in, starting with my grandfather's hats when I was little.

Also, wearing a guy's jacket feels like being hugged by the guy.

Nothing else comes to mind, until my husband got me to cross-dress for a party, with men's jeans & boots, binding my chest, and "packing." It was fun for a night, but I haven't been interested in doing it again.

06-24-2014, 03:08 PM

Way back being a child I played house, sometimes was a kid sometimes the mom and once in a while I was the dad....wearing clothes to play whatever part. ( we took turns)
None of it was thrilling.

A few years back Sherlyn and I was in a few shows to help out a drag Queen friend of ours ( we posted vids here of it)
Once a Sonny and Cher song....(I was Sonny and Sher was Cher)
another time a Lee Greenwood and Nancy Sinatra song and I dressed up as a cowboy and Sherlyn was Nancy Sinatra.
It was just for fun....and I did not feel anything really but thought ewww I am not cute as a guy lol lol
But never thrilling.

Tinkerbell-GG

06-24-2014, 10:49 PM

Wild, nope, never felt a thrill the couple of times I wore my fathers jacket and shoes when very young. I don't even remember it being a moment. I do remember them being huge though, lol.

kittypw GG

06-25-2014, 04:44 AM

I never had a desire to wear my father's things in fact I don't remember wearing my mothers things either. I don't remember having a "thrilling" feeling wearing anything ever. I have thought I looked really good in a particular outfit but thrilling? I don't think my mind works that way. That might be something others cross dressers can relate to.

Lorileah

06-25-2014, 11:11 AM

You didn't get a thrill in your prom dress or wedding dress? The thrill doesn't have to be sexual does it?

kittypw GG

06-25-2014, 03:53 PM

I'm being honest.......thrilling? No. I have been excited to go out in a new outfit because I look good but I get a thrill from talking to and interacting with people not clothes.
My prom dress and wedding dress were nice but again the thrill came from being with my date and my husband at my wedding. The thrill did NOT come from clothes it was who I was with and what I was doing like dancing etc. I think only cross dressers can relate to getting a thrill out of clothes. Not ever once did I ever get a sexual feeling from clothes either. Again it is thrilling the reaction I get from my partner when wearing sexy clothes. I like my bra's and underwear to match but it doesn't give me a thrill when they do nor do I feel disappointed when they don't match and sometimes I feel very sexy in ghetto underwear. Really I think getting thrills from clothes is a cross dresser thing.

MatildaJ.

06-25-2014, 04:22 PM

Yeah, I was excited while buying my prom dress and wedding dress, but during prom my attention was on my friends (and figuring out our post-prom party plans); at my wedding I was so sick of the dress and its weight when I had to keep standing and smiling for hours.

ReineD

07-08-2014, 11:33 AM

To Brittany CD: what Di said in #435, plus try to have an open mind and be willing to expand personal definitions of what is masculine and feminine.

As to feeling a thrill whether wearing my father's or brother's things, or wearing a beautifully special women's outfit (prom, wedding, cocktail dress, etc), nope it never happened for me. It didn't dawn on me to put on specifically my father's or brother's things, except perhaps a larger old discarded shirt to put over my clothes when painting, like a smock. I did have an outfit in the eighties with a shirt and tie, but it was decidedly feminine. The shirt was very form fitting - it revealed my curves, and the tie was a cute bright red silk number, that matched other red accessories I was wearing. I wore the whole thing with pale, very tight blue jeans.

As to feeling good about a prom or cocktail dress, I do like the way that some clothes look on me and I know that in our society women (and men) who have good figures and who dress well catch other people's eye since they stand out from the hordes of casually dressed people. And I do enjoy presenting an attractive image. But I can honestly say that I've never felt any thrill about looking my best. In my younger years I knew that certain outfits attracted men's glances (short skirt, plunging necklines, high heels, etc) and I did feel fulfilled as a woman knowing that I was attractive to the opposite sex. I take it this feeling is rather basic to our natures since after all we are fundamentally here to propagate our species. But if I had been in an exclusively all-female environment dressed this way I would not have felt the same degree of fulfillment, since I would know that other women would not look at me with the same appreciative eyes as men, except perhaps lesbians whom I had no interest in attracting. So this proves to me that what I wear has no effect on my well-being if I am alone no matter what it is, but knowing how others perceive me does have an affect.

Megalic30

07-24-2014, 12:37 AM

Hi ladies.

I was wondering what you would say as advice to women that are struggling with having a crossdressing boyfriend?

Well it would depend on who the women and the crossdressing boyfriend were. If the boyfriend was someone I didn't like and felt was bad for this person I would probably say something along the lines, “Crossdressing is the least of your problems with this guy.” If they were a couple I thought should be together I would probably say something along the lines of, “Ok here is what ya do. You buy him a maids outfit... No no hear me out on this... you buy him a maids outfit and tell him you want him to clean the house in this and only this. Win Win.”

How many of you ever remember [as wittle kids] trying on/wearing for any length of time ANY your father's or brother's clothes? If you did, do you remember it being "thrilling" in any way?

As a kid I never tried on my fathers clothes (he had terrible taste in clothing). I also never tried on my mothers clothes if I could help it. (She also had terrible taste in clothing and wanted to hand me down some of her old things) The only type of “Thrill” I ever got in men's clothing was when I bought myself some men's pajamas (for warmth and comfort) and realized I looked really cute in them.

You didn't get a thrill in your prom dress or wedding dress? The thrill doesn't have to be sexual does it?

I never had a prom dress or wedding dress. I did try out for home coming queen, (I wanted to put up posters saying, 'Make me your Queen and I will rule with an Iron fist'. But never got the chance. ) The closest thing I could say to that is a flower girls dress I wore to a wedding when I was six. I thought I was the prettiest thing ever and got so excited I keep trying to do cartwheels and back flips in it. After I kept trying to flash the boys in it I was not aloud to wear dresses anymore.

Presh GG

07-26-2014, 09:01 PM

I remember wearing my brothers lettermans jacket out , I just hoped people thought I was cool

My wedding dress I wore twice , once to get married and once for halloween... I can't imagine a heavy gown being thrilling..I can't think of anything more uncomfortable... but to each his/her own.

hope springs

08-16-2014, 11:21 AM

MatildaJ.

08-16-2014, 12:14 PM

My mind jumps around between feeling awkward and feeling smug (for being a cooler wife than most). Also, my brain is torn about whether to make suggestions -- I don't want to be the gender police. I calm that part of my brain by just answering my husband's direct questions, rather than volunteering any suggestions about his presentation. Generally, I wouldn't critique a girlfriend's outfit unless she asked me to, so that seems a good approach. I look for opportunities to give light compliments, just as I do with my girlfriends.

Tinkerbell-GG

08-16-2014, 06:19 PM

Hope my thoughts were 'oh lord, I am so not attracted to him right now. Will I ever get this mental imagery out of my head?'

Weirdest thing was, I didn't feel revulsion at the dressing per say, (perplexed, yes, lol) but I had this gnawing feeling that if he touched me like that, I'd have to kill him, lol. Anyway, long story short, I started to really struggle sexually even when he was in male mode (most of the time yet still I struggled) as I couldn't get the image out of my head. So now I don't see and he doesn't dress around me and this works.

These were only my thoughts, by the way, and plenty of GG's never feel this way. Your wife might be fine :)

ReineD

08-16-2014, 10:21 PM

I see the person that I love. I always see this person, no matter how s/he is dressed. CDing is not an issue for us.

08-16-2014, 10:36 PM

whats really going through your mind when you see your so dressed? Horror, indifference or just another day with my weird husband? Just curious what the mental state is, so i know how to approach the wife.
none of those thats for sure:eek:
I think I am with the person I love....just being us and enjoying life together.Be it having a day relaxing at home or going out and about.:love:

Sandra

08-17-2014, 08:11 AM

Yep Reine and Di said it all.

hope springs

08-17-2014, 12:52 PM

Hope my thoughts were 'oh lord, I am so not attracted to him right now. Will I ever get this mental imagery out of my head?'

Weirdest thing was, I didn't feel revulsion at the dressing per say, (perplexed, yes, lol) but I had this gnawing feeling that if he touched me like that, I'd have to kill him, lol. Anyway, long story short, I started to really struggle sexually even when he was in male mode (most of the time yet still I struggled) as I couldn't get the image out of my head.

Hahahahaha! Thats awesome about killing him. But i think the mental image of me dressed and sexual arousal is my wifes big one.

Thanks to everyone else, its comforting to know you feel the love now matter how they are dressed. My wife says she doesnt think about it while im dressed. Sort of a live and let live form of denial. We are only a few months into this, time will tell how my CD side and her interact

ReineD

08-17-2014, 12:56 PM

Sort of a live and let live form of denial.

I don't know that this is necessarily denial. I very much have a live and let live attitude with my SO, in fact this is why I am so accepting.

hope springs

08-17-2014, 01:50 PM

I don't know that this is necessarily denial. I very much have a live and let live attitude with my SO, in fact this is why I am so accepting.

She accepts but chooses not to think about it, ponder it, engage it, ask about it etc. Thats the denial part. She has said herself she is in a low level form of denial. Even so, we do hang out dressed and she offers input and advice. So a perhaps it would be more succint to say she is OK with it, but not all in. Which is fine.

SO1Adam12

08-27-2014, 07:50 PM

Question for the GGs. Whats really going through your mind when you see your SO dressed? Horror, indifference or just another day with my weird husband? Just curious what the mental state is, so i know how to approach the wife. I realize everyone is different but your input is greatly appreciated

As of right now, none of the above. He still has a beard, no wig, no makeup and no female persona so the other stuff doesn't even register anymore. It's easy for me to see the "guy" that I met. His CDing is sexually based (at least from what I can tell) and we don't live together so I'm not dealing with it on a daily basis.

kittypw GG

08-28-2014, 04:56 AM

Hope Springs,
I hope you really wanted honesty? ...... In the beginning I knew nothing about cross dressing and participated with little expectation. I did not know if I was ok with it or not. I just was willing to see how it went. Every time after the first the anxiety mounted. I had to prepare myself mentally especially as I became more knowledgeable about the topic and what it really meant to my husband. I had to prepare much like an actress playing a role. It was ok at the time because I considered it a temporary situation but it progressed...... It seemed that cross dressing was the only thing my husband thought about. I stopped asking him simple questions like "What do you want to do this weekend?" because there was only one answer. He never initiated any activity other than cross dressing. I became a weary anxiety ridden, trapped women. He never cared about things that were important to me so I just said to H#ll with participating in the cross dressing and literally the same with my marriage. It drove me to want him to leave. When I did participate I would try to push thoughts out of my mind and just be in the moment but there were times looking back at the event and think WTF??? What am I doing? What in the world is he thinking? Why would he really want to do that? I deep down knew he was gay and perhaps pretended that he was the girl and I was the man when we were intimate. Once he took on the female role and without going into detail I almost threw up in my mouth because I knew deep down he had either done this with a man or thought about it a lot. It made me feel creepy. It was always about him being her and her satisfaction. I just could not wrap my brains around it.

hope springs

09-11-2014, 12:06 PM

Thank you kitty, of course i want honesty. I can see how his obsession with CDing would overshadow other parts of the relationship.. in fact thats exactly what im trying to avoid. As of now, if im being honest, i think the wife is weirded out. So i dress once a week or so and talk girly stuff maybe 2-3 times a week.
So sorry kitty it was a destructive force in your life. I hope there are greener pastures ahead

Sarah21

10-17-2014, 09:40 PM

To the GGs.
Would you recommend this forum to a SO?
Does it scare you or make you more educated on the subject?
I'm thinking it might be both.

ReineD

10-17-2014, 11:57 PM

Sarah, I think it is both as well. We have a lot of posts in the CD section that can be misconstrued by GGs, who are apt to take everything literally. The only way this place can be educational for your SO, is if you ask her to show you the threads that concern her so that you can tell her directly where you stand on the issue being discussed.

SO1Adam12

10-18-2014, 09:57 AM

Yes it is definitely both. At first the support was great, then I started reading threads that scared the bajeebers out of me for several weeks, especially because my SO's CDing was escalating. Now, most of the time it's OK. I am learning to take a lot with a grain of salt but it can be frustrating at times.

Sandra

10-18-2014, 11:29 AM

Yes I would recommend this forum, but I would warn her not to take to heart all that she reads, and not to think that because Mrs Mop has said and done this that her SO will want to do the same.

It can be scary for new SO's who join here but also it can there is a lot of support and most do learn a lot here.

10-18-2014, 09:54 PM

To the GGs.
Would you recommend this forum to a SO?
Does it scare you or make you more educated on the subject?
I'm thinking it might be both.

I would recommend it to GGs and most our Fab members tell us how glad they are they found us. I do know alot of new GGs ....new to cding get freeked out by some of the posts in m2f / but after awhile see not all cders are alike and to discuss and have a open discussion with their partner.

Sarah21

10-19-2014, 01:09 PM

Thanks Ladies for the replies, I really appreciate it. Some great advice there.

Kate T

10-21-2014, 06:39 PM

OK, so this one might seem like a stupid question from a CD but here it is:

Why do / would you (i.e. GG's) wear a dress / skirt?

It is arguable that dresses really have very little function in terms of clothing. Pants are warmer and easier to work in. Short skirts are possibly cooler but Shorts are again much easier to work in and there is no problem with hems riding up or underwear showing if you don't keep your legs together when bending or sitting down. Both pants and shorts can be worn with short or long sleeve tops (though obviously the same can be said of skirts). It is abundantly clear that both pants and shorts can be made in a "feminine" style. Pants are often socially easier as well in that a good pair of dress pants and a blouse is probably the most versatile outfit i.e. you are less likely to be either "overdressed" or "underdressed" for a function per se. So what is the attraction of a dress? Is it a workplace requirement? Is it a social thing? Competition with other women for attention? Competition for male attention? Perhaps to enhance / express body shape to make you feel comfortable / proud of your body? Is it genuinely just more comfortable? Or perhaps (even likely) it is some other reason?

I am genuinely and seriously just curious.

SO1Adam12

10-21-2014, 07:58 PM

Adina

Where to begin....what I choose to wear each morning generally starts with !) what DOESN'T need to be ironed 2) am I in the mood for heels today? 3) what undergarments am I in the mood for today and are they in the laundry? 4) I'm bloated so picks 1, 2 and 3 are out of the question 5) what am I doing at work today (getting on my hands and knees to fix the copy machine? - quite possible) 6) haven't worn this in a while, I think I'll wear.... Just remember on hot days shorts are not always acceptable in the workplace wear as a skirt is. I'm in a n office where the airconditioning and hear are completely unpredictable so I keep a cardigan on the back of my chair.

If it's not work it's usually about what is appropriate. For a formal or semi-formal even a dress is a must, just like a tuxedo or suit and tie is necessary for a guy. A business casual event maybe a skirt or slacks... honestly most of the time it has very little to do with being "girly" although I admit, sometimes it is. We can be girlie in a cute pair of walking shorts, a pretty blouse and flats. The difference is, I can go out in sweats and it doesn't affect my mood one way or another - it just depends on what I am doing.

It's all about the situation.

Katie_Did GG

10-21-2014, 09:25 PM

Hi Adina. It's not a silly question from anyone. I like to feel feminine and comfortable too. Living in a desert like region it's all about dresses. I especially like light weight sun dresses or halter style dresses. I'll add hose if we are going out.

Exception is deep cleaning with lots of kneeling and weird positions or painting. :O On the odd cooler day I will wear yoga pants for warmth and comfort. And if I am helping out with car maintenance it's jeans and a tee.

Bonus points for the reaction from my loving hubby when he sees me in yet another dress. :D

ReineD

10-21-2014, 11:21 PM

I dress mostly to fit into an environment.

If I don't have to go anywhere, I wear jeans and comfy sweaters. In the summer I wear a lot of very casual cotton skirts with sandals because they are cooler than jeans. I don't consider the mall, the grocery store, the bank, etc, places to dress up in. I don't dress up when I go out with friends for pizza, when I have friends over, or when I go to their houses for dinner. I do dress up if I go to a wedding, a classical concert, or a restaurant that is more than casual dining. I dress up more often when I visit larger cities than I do in the small town I live in now. In other words, I dress to blend. :D

When I shop for dresses, skirts, sweaters, etc, I do have an eye for fashion and I choose (obviously) outfits that are current, that appeal to me, that look good on me, that are good quality material (I'd rather have 2 good skirts than 5 cheap ones), and that are suitable for my age (no more short, short skirts and skin-tight tops, or shorts in the summer).

At work, I wear skirts and nicer sweaters or blouses, jackets, etc, to look professional. I don't wear high heels. There are plenty of very stylish flats or 1" heels around and I want to be comfortable. It's not cold yet, but this winter I plan on stocking up with a few nice pairs of slacks to wear to work.

Christina M.

10-23-2014, 05:05 AM

I have never been one to wear many dresses or skirts, but as I get older I am finding that I love to have a nice Maxi dress for those really hot summer days. I mostly wear a dress if I need to. Like going somewhere nice for dinner with my SO. I mostly wear what I like and that is tank tops and shorts on the summer (no farmers tan here) and nice warm clothes in the winter. The more comfy the better ;)

Amanda M

10-24-2014, 06:00 AM

Don't often visit this part of the form - silly me - but reading through a couple of the earlier threads about feeling feminine got me thinking. My wife and were talking a bit about this, and I came to the conclusion that when I dress, perhaps I do so to feel elegant, beautiful (dream on) and for some reason relaxed. As for feeling feminine, I wouldn't recognize that if I tripped over it. I simply have no real frame of reference there, except from the visual, which is an illusion anyway.

Any thoughts?

ReineD

10-24-2014, 11:53 PM

When I'm by myself, I don't feel particularly feminine or masculine. I just feel like me. This also holds true when I am in the company of other women. When female friends and I are hanging out somewhere and talking, it feels like I'm with people who speak a shared language. We may look and dress differently, but to me these differences are only superficial. Fundamentally we are of the same ilk, so I feel like "me" who is in the presence of a bunch of other "me"s ... not particularly feminine or masculine.

The society that I live in tells me that I AM feminine when I do certain things or look a certain way. I suppose this is true to an extent. I won't argue the idea that certain clothes are more feminine-looking than others, or certain ways of speaking, sitting, or sashaying down the street are more feminine than others. But, when I'm by myself sitting in a certain way and wearing these things, I feel no different than if I were wearing blue jeans and had my legs propped up on the coffee table while watching TV. I just feel like me.

I feel my "femininity" only when it is in contrast with something else, namely, masculinity. This is when the difference between myself and the male who is in my presence is emphasized. I don't feel as if I'm with someone who is in my camp, so to speak. I don't know how to explain it other than to say that the gender contrast between me and a male, this "thing" that is so difficult to define other than intuitively (vibes maybe?), is intensified when I'm in the presence of a male.

On a very few occasions in my life, I have been in the presence of women who've given me a "male" vibe. And I've been in the presence of men who gave me a "female" vibe. But I need to say that it isn't about the way they dress or how they look. It is deeper than that.

Sierra_juliette

11-09-2014, 06:40 PM

What goes through my head? Adoration, I love my husband, we are unique because I have known since we met that he CD, we met so I could help him pick makeup and clothing. I am sometimes amazed at how 'easily' he can become a she, how he can go from my husband to a beautiful woman. There is no shock or disgust, I love the calmness he carries when he dresses and I enjoy every second of it, wish there were more of those moments.

JayeLefaye

12-12-2014, 02:39 PM

Question: Do you ever wish you had a "Get out of jail free B-slap" card?...A "B-slap" was a prominent part of the TV show "How I Met Your Mother"....

I know that you are all here trying to understand, and offer your own understanding as "gently" as you can....And THANK YOU for that!!!...But honestly, even I wanna B-slap some of my fellow CDers sometimes when they fail to understand terms like: balance, boundaries, perspective, consideration etc....

This whole CD Thang is a learning experience for all of us involved....But still...Sometimes...."To the moon Alice"....

Edited to add: Xtra points to anyone who wants to answer; "Yeah, Jaye, I'd like to B-slap her, but am afraid that she'd enjoy the slap and want to incorporate a whole new element into our already complicated enough sex-life"...

Just wondering:-)

Jaye

cdncdwife

01-28-2015, 11:23 AM

Hi Sarah21. I'm a GG and new here. I started out on a smaller forum when my husband started CD and found it to be helpful, and a good place to bounce my ideas off other people. I WOULD recommend it, though some of the first reading I did here and my first experience with a Mod was very off-putting. Now that I've gotten to know some people it's better. I think it would be good to have a section just for new incoming wives of CD. We could bypass all the scary "Your husband is going to transition" stuff and instead ease into it slowly and give people hope that things can work out and the support to build their relationships instead of scaring them apart.

Adina, we wear skirts and dresses to feel more feminine or for a change of pace. I think the reason so many CD wear them is for comfort and to also appear more femme. You have to overcome a male bone structure by slightly exaggerating your hair, make-up and clothing and aiming for a very female appearance. I didn't realize that at first and it worried me as a wife that my husband dressed so girly, but now I can see why. If he wore jeans and a tee he'd still look like a man, but add the make-up, bra and wig and it's much harder to tell. If you like a dress, wear it. If you want a nice pant suit, go for that. Every woman has to find her own style.

brassieres

03-28-2015, 03:28 PM

Ladies, what is the best way to both tell you of a person's crossdressing, and what should they do to help you feel comfortable (if anything at all) with the crossdressing?

ReineD

03-28-2015, 11:12 PM

Speak from your heart and tell your truth. Please do not try to figure out what someone else wants to hear and limit your explanation to that.

As to what you might do to help her feel comfortable, you'll need to ask her what that is. We're all different, we all have different levels of understanding and tolerance based on lots of different variables.

Amber_Lynn86

03-29-2015, 12:45 PM

I have a question for you gg's. Is it relatively easy for you to spot a crossdresser? I guess ive outed myself to girls before, with stuff like.....i love your makeup how did you get your eyes to look like that?

ReineD

03-29-2015, 01:27 PM

It is for me. I've been exposed to the members of this community a lot plus I paint and draw so I'm familiar with the subtle and not so subtle differences between male and female physiognomy.

artsitdreamer

04-02-2015, 09:52 PM

I am new here I don't understand the nomenclature what is a GG and so on . . . ?

ReineD

04-02-2015, 10:37 PM

Artsitdreamer, have a look at this post:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162497-Some-Common-Trans-Related-Definitions-and-Abbreviations&p=2636748&viewfull=1#post2636748

Jenniferathome

05-07-2015, 09:57 AM

Hello Ladies I have a few fashion type questions for you all. When is a skirt/dress too short for you and when did become that?

First, to level set, as we are all different heights and widths, let's go with fingertip length as our baseline.

1) Is fingertip length too short for you?
2) Was it always that way?
3) If not always that way, what age did it become to short for you?
4) Whether you wear this length or not, where is this length appropriate to wear? Casual dining? Formal dining? Movies? Theatre? etc.
5) Where do you find your comfortable length today? (x cm/inches above kneecap or y cm/inches below fingertip)

Thanks,

ReineD

05-07-2015, 10:34 AM

I don't know what fingertip length is. Is it 1/2", or 1"?

A hemline became too short for me only after I observed signs of aging. Although I wear a size medium (at 5'9), over time my knees developed fat deposits (my SO thinks I am crazy), and I can see that my upper legs jiggle a bit when I walk. My muscles used to be toned. So because I don't like how my knees look and I don't like the jiggle, I feel more comfortable wearing skirts that hit at the knee. But, if I'm wearing opaque tights that hide everything, then I can go shorter by a few inches.

In the summer when it is too hot to worry about anything, instead of wearing shorts that are considerably above the knee I don't worry too much if the skirt hits 2 inches above. But, this is for casual day wear and I wear the shorter skirts (cotton casual) with flats. The shorter the hemline, the flatter the shoes for me. I will wear high heels with knee length hemlines or longer (or with pants) if I am dressing up to go somewhere.

As I approach my 60s, I feel increasingly uncomfortable dressing like a young woman. A lot of styles that are shorter are in my eyes more suitable for women in their 20s and 30s than women my age. It doesn't mean I cannot be stylish, I certainly don't dress like a grandma, but in my opinion there is a time and place for everything. I had my days of walking around showing off my legs. lol. I'm just not there any more. I'll leave the wolf whistles to the younger crowd.

Last, I'm tall for a woman and have a long torso, which makes a lot of sized 'regular' hemlines shorter on me than they are intended, which I notice is often the case with CDers. I shop for women's tall clothing when I can.

Jenniferathome

05-07-2015, 11:44 AM

I don't know what fingertip length is.

sorry, I thought this was a standard term:-). if you were holding your arms straight down and fingers straight the bottom of your skirt would meet there

ReineD

05-07-2015, 11:57 AM

Oh, OK. lol. I'm from a different country, maybe that's why I'm not familiar with the term.

Anyway, I just stood up to check it out. Fingertip length is way too short for me. But then I guess it depends on how long a person's arms are in relation to their torso. On me, fingertip length is about 6-8 inches above my knee, which makes the hemline more than halfway up the upper part of my leg! :p

Greenie

06-17-2015, 10:37 PM

Well my answer to this isn't fair. I wear whatever length I want because I am only 5 feet tall. Things are rarely ever too short. But I would say i need to be able to bend over modestly when picking something up. I am age privileged for this, no one blinks an eye at what I wear.

Babeba

06-29-2015, 11:41 AM

Fingertip length is too short for me, because I have a substantial booty and with that length of skirt if I bend over even the tiniest amount it shows my underwear and I don't like that. It's always been too short, although I did try to wear a skirt that length once. My mom was super shocked when she saw that.

If you can bend over flat without showing off your underwear, it's good to be worn in non-work situations. Just keep in mind that when your skirt is really short it rides up the backs of your legs when you sit down, which means you are basically putting naked legs and such where other people have had their naked legs.

I would say wear what makes you feel happy, comfortable and doesn't make it look like you forgot to put on pants.

alexa_steele

07-09-2015, 06:40 AM

Hey all! Wow...I cannot believe I've never seen this thread! Lol! I'm so happy and thankful that there are some understanding GG's to help girls like me! So my one question is what are 3 things that every crossdresser should never overlook when dresssing to pass?

ReineD

07-11-2015, 09:49 AM

Don't overdress or attempt to dress too sexy for your age and venue, not too much makeup (do put on makeup to mask male features but try to make it look as if you are not wearing any), and either wear a decent wig or grow your own hair. Also, take care to not have too large breast forms or hip pads ... try to maintain an average GG's bust:waist:hip ratio rather than the ideal or the imagined.

Good luck!

Stacie_Kimmi'sGG

07-12-2015, 03:28 PM

Makeup, Good Foundation and concealer, so that it does look natural, lipstick.
Outfits that make you feel good, fit properly , and your comfortable in...whether its leggins and nikes, or a dress & heels
Hair, growing yr own We found w/ Kimmi has made a huge difference , no more wigs. If a wig, a very natural real looking one, or try Extensions for an even more natural look!

07-12-2015, 06:47 PM

The ladies gave great answers on looking natural not extreme except at a club .
So I will talk about Not over looking looking confident..... The worst thing you can do is act all nervous and look around to see if someone is looking. Dead give away for people to take a second look ( which will make you even more nervous )
So the ones first going out/ hold your head high and own it.

Paulette

07-20-2015, 08:11 PM

When shopping for the perfect length dress or skirt, once you are in a dressing room and need to leave to get another size what do you do with your purse?

ReineD

07-20-2015, 09:25 PM

I bring it with me.

Same thing for gym locker rooms. If I'm not renting a locker with a lock, I bring my purse with me. Would you leave your wallet in an unlocked locker in the locker room?

Ninna

07-21-2015, 01:18 PM

For all GG, well I have a rare feeling, maybe is normal in hetero crossdressers, I get excited when I feel more feminine that a GG, I love change rolls, you know like the fact that I like to think that a GG is more masculine that I.
its not she needs to be very masculine, I mean she can be a normal femenine GG but I get excited that even then Im more femenine, more delicade.
Once In a fight with mi ex girldfried she tell me: you're like the girl in the relacionship! Obviosly she want to ofend, but I get so excited!! What do you think GG????

ReineD

07-21-2015, 04:02 PM

I get excited when I feel more feminine that a GG, I love change rolls, you know like the fact that I like to think that a GG is more masculine that I.

You're not the only one. I can't tell you how many times I've read this same sentiment expressed in the forum. I suppose everyone's tastes are different though. We are all attracted to particular characteristics in people (for example some people like blondes while others prefer brunettes, some people like skinny women while others prefer a woman with curves). But, it makes sense that some CDers would have a preference for partners and friends who make them feel more feminine.

I personally prefer men with long hair. This dates back to my teenage years in the 1970s, where guys with long hair were considered radical or rebels because they bucked the system. But a good female friend prefers men with short hair. She might prefer people who are less dissenting.

MissDanielle

11-03-2015, 06:08 PM

This may have already been answered upthread and if it has, I apologize. Is there a good resource for what style tops go with what style bottoms. My fav color is blue but should I expand by wardrobe selection choices to pink, etc.? Right now, I have to be very discreet due to my living situation before Danielle is allowed to come out full time.

ReineD

11-09-2015, 02:02 PM

There are no hard and fast rules. It all depends on your body type and the style or "look" you want to achieve (dressy, casual, dressy-casual, sporty, classic, punk or any number of styles there are out there). It's important to make sure that the tops and pants fit you properly and hit your body in their intended spots (for example don't buy a top that is supposed to hit at the hip but only goes down to your waist). Color and fabric coordination are also important but the rules for this are too varied and subjective for me to try to explain what clashes and what doesn't.

As to color preference, wear any color you like and that suits your skin tone: pink, blue, orange, olive, yellow, black, green, purple, and any of the hundreds of shades within each color, it doesn't really matter. None of us can advise you on color because we cannot see how the specific color looks on your skin tone.

Nikki Elle Wife

11-09-2015, 08:59 PM

My favorite resources are tried and true fashion magazines. I also try to look at what the window dressers put together in the stores. Finally, after lots of years of trial and error, I just know what looks good on me. Accentuate your best features and you will feel good in what you are wearing. Mine are thighs and breasts, so a lot of v-neck shirts and mid-thigh skirts/dresses are in my closet. Of course a combo of both is an instant favorite. Color/pattern wise, unfortunately plaid is all the rage at the moment.....

thatperson1551

11-11-2015, 06:55 PM

Hi everyone.I am so glad this is here:)
I have a question that ive been wondering but didnt have anyone to ask until now.
I got out of a serious relationship a little over a year ago and havent dated or been with anyone since then but I am starting to want to again. I didnt start to CD until after me and the last girl broke up so it is completely new territory to me. My problem doesnt lie in how to tell a girl when I start dating her because once I start dating I will not be doing this but with 2 exceptions... Over the past months I started to really really love thigh high/over the knee socks(i only own black or gray but many variations of each lol) and boyshorts of all kinds(the seamless/supersoft cotton ones being my favorite followed by the practical non revealing ones) and I wear both of these things under my normal clothes more days than i dont, and Usually wear them at the same time(matching of course though lol). I only wear pants since I am tall and skinny so its not noticeable unless im pantless. So my question is basically what if you just started dating a guy and he was wearing OTN/thigh-high socks and boyshorts, and would it be better if I didnt do it at all or just not the first time, etc?? Would it be a minor or major thing for you?
ty for your time if you read this.
lol