Ask-a-gg

[ReineD]

I have owned uncomfortable bras that I looked forward to taking off ... some were too tight around the torso, some had underwires and pinched on the side, some were made of stiff lace-like material with no give, some had padding in the wrong places. I didn't wear these bras much.

For the most part, my bras are comfortable and well-fitting and so I don't really notice when I have them on ... unless it is scorching hot outside, in which case not wearing a bra is cooler.

I have a friend who hates all manner of bras. She also hates to wear shoes, her feet feel constrained and heavy in them, and she prefers loose, light clothing. She grew up in a hot climate so I guess it all depends on what a person is accustomed to.

Edit - sorry I forgot. I don't spend any time in the morning choosing a bra. My bras are similar and at any given time, I own no more than a few of them. The only consideration is to not wear a dark bra under light tops.

[Kelly63]

I want my wife to meet Kelly but not sure how much she wants to see? Do you think it should full dress with makeup and wig or just dress. I rarely do full makeup and wig. I am just worried if it's just dress it will just look like me in a dress and shock her?

[ReineD]

Kelly, you need to ask your wife. Everyone is different. Ask her if she wants to first see a picture of how you present normally.

In my experience, rare is the woman who will want her husband to look more feminine than he is inclined to, unless they are both going out in public together and he looks obviously like a male who is wearing a dress, which garners too much immediate attention and makes the experience awkward. On the other hand, some wives do feel awkward seeing their husbands just wear a dress. It all depends on what they think of the CDing to begin with. So, you should most definitely ask her.

[Kelly63]

Thank you Reine!

[Di]

Hello ladies-

My question is one of the overall experience of being female day-to-day. I hear a lot of women say they can't stand wearing bras, and you'll see in the forums here that most of us love them because of the connection to femininity. One of my friends believes that a bra is one of the least feminine parts of her wardrobe because they are not comfortable to her.

What are the like to wear when you have your own breasts supported? Is it more comfortable with or without? How much thought goes into selecting a bra each morning?
I think you need them when going out to look put together but it's the first thing I take off when I get home...... And it takes like one sec to pick which one depends on strapless and or light or dark clothing


I want my wife to meet Kelly but not sure how much she wants to see? Do you think it should full dress with makeup and wig or just dress. I rarely do full makeup and wig. I am just worried if it's just dress it will just look like me in a dress and shock her?

Why don't you just ask her? We would have no idea how much you have explained to her and her take on it. Please do not just ta da show up dressed and ask her if she would prefer to meet Kelly with makeup ect Or maybe ask her if she would rather see a picture first. Good luck but please talk to your wife ... What another Gg might think might not be what your wife will think ... Everyone's different and like I said ... We have no idea all the discussions you've had about this till now and her feeling on it. Wish you well

[cdtraveler]

First of all thank you for your input here it's a treasure. As a way to provide context for my question, I wil share that I've been out to my spouse for 4 years now she found.out after 10 yrs of marrage by finding aink to this site left up on the pc. ) but in a dadt mode of communication, which I hate. I dress every week but only when she's out and the kids are at school (I work from.home). So she knows I dress.then but mostly a bit of make up, or a panty/ bra set mostly due to time constraints. My main question is this ....she still fears I'm gay or will some day wish to transition.and so I think she feels that if she doesn't discuss the topic it will either go away or she at least."would be encouraging it". I've reassured her, we go to couples .and gender conselng and even the therapist has tried to eeassure her but to no avail. She has in some ways become more willing to acknowledge my need to dress but still only brings it up if I purchase something or someth8ing else brings it up. I so want is to be more at ease about it. Would love for instance to be able to say make a fashion comment on someone on say the bachelor show's fashion but i guess bc i've never done it before she's put off by it. Just hate the ackwardness of it all. So do I.bring it up.more? Or just deal.with this being the way it is? Im therapy I've been encouraged to be more self accepting but it's hard to let my gaurd down for fear it makes her uncomfortable.

Thanks,

Amanda

[lavenderblues]

I like to be as feminine as I can in everything. Except sex. I'm straight. I like needlearts, girlie movies, even stereotypical stuff like housework. I'd like to have some online gg friends who I could correspond with regularly. So basically my question is would any of you like to write, and also, does anybody know where I could put an ad to find woman who like that I crossdress? I'm even thinking about normal dating sites, but nearly everything seems to be location specific, and I only want to do online for now. I've also thought about penpal sites but haven't found any decent ones. I can't crossdress as often as I'd like as my wife is not keen on the idea. Please let me know, it gets kinda lonely always hiding it.

Haha well I hate housework... and I'm not extremely feminine, but I'm a gg who would love to chat with you! :) Since I just joined, I can't private message you, so I hope you see this!! :)

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Hello ladies-

My question is one of the overall experience of being female day-to-day. I hear a lot of women say they can't stand wearing bras, and you'll see in the forums here that most of us love them because of the connection to femininity. One of my friends believes that a bra is one of the least feminine parts of her wardrobe because they are not comfortable to her.

What are the like to wear when you have your own breasts supported? Is it more comfortable with or without? How much thought goes into selecting a bra each morning?

I can definitely see it being a "the grass is always greener" kind of thing! For myself, I only wear bras when leaving the house, once I'm home the bra is gone (and so are my pants!) For the day-to-day, it's kind of a necessity I don't think much about. Unfortunately I'm self conscious about the shape and placement of my breasts so I really only ever feel any pride and confidence in how they look when I'm wearing a good bra. So I get very uncomfortable for most people to see me without wearing one. I wish I had nicer boobs, but, what can you do...
As far as the comfort/discomfort of bras, there are definitely some factors that go into play there. As a 46C/D, I think I'm more likely to have comfort problems than thinner women and women with smaller breasts might. Issues with the band being too tight, underwires jabbing into your arms (which means your cup size is too big), underwires jabbing into your belly if you've got one... I always have to pull my straps back up... and I'm too lazy to wash them often enough so I have a ton of them and those babies can be expensive and then they get all worn out... haha.
Once in a while though, on a good day, if I'm wearing a low-cut top and a good bra, I have some boob pride and it does affect my feeling of confidence and my connection to my femininity. I certainly am happy I have larger breasts, especially being overweight, so I have no shame when my smaller-breasted friends jokingly wear my bras as hats (ahh college!) or leaving them out where people can see them.
It's funny when I finally started dating men, and I found out that they didn't really care at all about what I wore for a bra... they appreciated what they could see during the day for cleavage and if they were getting my shirt off, they just wanted the bra gone too, haha. So after shopping for cute bras and stuff and then finding out really.. you're shopping for yourself... pick something that fits right, and that YOU like and that's all that matters! I'm sure there are guys (and women) out there who DO like to stop and admire a girl's bra (I do!), a lot of guys really don't care! :-p
As far as picking it out in the morning? 1) is it clean? 2) will it show through whatever shirt I'm wearing? Then again, my effort for picking out ANY clothes in the morning is 1) is it clean? OK, good enough. I'm very low maintenance...
I don't know if that was at all helpful.... hopefully?? :-/

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For all GG, well I have a rare feeling, maybe is normal in hetero crossdressers, I get excited when I feel more feminine that a GG, I love change rolls, you know like the fact that I like to think that a GG is more masculine that I.
its not she needs to be very masculine, I mean she can be a normal femenine GG but I get excited that even then Im more femenine, more delicade.
Once In a fight with mi ex girldfried she tell me: you're like the girl in the relacionship! Obviosly she want to ofend, but I get so excited!! What do you think GG????

Haha oh my goodness! I get so jealous (playfully, not seriously) when men are prettier than me!! So many people here are more feminine than I am! So I'd love to think by just being myself it would make someone feel more confident if they feel more feminine than I am! With all the effort that so many people put into it, and how important it is to them? Hell yes, be proud of yourself!! And it's also not too much for ANYONE to ask, CD or not, to feel that their partner is taking care of them, doting on them, treating them like a "lady", everyone deserves to be someone's treasure!

[ReineD]

I so want is to be more at ease about it.

You can't make a wife become more at ease with the CDing if she disapproves. Comfort levels only improve in time, with lots of open and honest communication. You should tell her that you would like to discuss fashion with her and ask her opinions, and ask if she minds acknowledging this is an interest that you would like to discuss. Hopefully, eventually she will see that it's about fashion for you and not about wanting to transition or dating men.

But, a word of warning. If your wife is not in the habit of commenting on other people's fashions with her female friends (if these things are not a priority for her), then it is not likely she will enjoy these conversations with you. Also, if you do begin to feel more comfortable discussing other people's fashion choices and making comments about whether or not you would wear this or that outfit, be careful to not overdo it lest your wife get the impression that's all you think about. There's nothing wrong with thinking about outfits occasionally, but women whose lives revolve around looks, fashion, hair styles, etc, do give the impression they are rather shallow.

You might instead ask your wife if she would look at women's clothing catalogs with you sometimes so you can both discuss your likes and dislikes, maybe once every few weeks. Most GGs past the tender ages don't allocate a large chunk of time thinking about their looks and fashion choices. We shop when we need stuff and then we forget about it. When I'm out doing day-to-day stuff or even when I'm at a nice restaurant where women are dressed up, it simply doesn't occur to me to look at what another woman wears critically. If you asked me when I got home what that woman ahead of me in the check-out line was wearing, or the woman who sat at the next table in the restaurant, I honestly would not be able to give you an answer. lol.

[Jenniferathome]

Here's silly question for you all. It's about dress sizes but not about how whacky they are, we all know this.

I am typically a regular 12 but I am losing weight for race season and now pretty much fit into a 10 most of the time. But, in some of my favorite designers, it seems like 8 is their "largest" size. 8! I don't think the world is getting smaller but do some designers kind of say "screw you" to the larger crowd? I never thought 12 was "big" let alone 10 but can the average woman possibly be a 4 or 6?!?! It really pisses me off.

I am curious how you feel when you see a dress you like but come to learn it is not available in your size, anywhere. Do you write it off to "who gives a crap" or do you think some designers are unrealistic?

[Nashmau]

honey since i am in the usa i feel so out of norm, my shoes are out of norm, my dress sizes are out of norm, in germany i was the damn norm. anyway very often the problem is these small sizes (and yes some women fit into it) are sometimes left overs, since all the normal sizes are sold out. i just say well, guess they dont get my money, there loss. but personally i am not very much into designer stuff.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Here's silly question for you all. It's about dress sizes but not about how whacky they are, we all know this.

I am typically a regular 12 but I am losing weight for race season and now pretty much fit into a 10 most of the time. But, in some of my favorite designers, it seems like 8 is their "largest" size. 8! I don't think the world is getting smaller but do some designers kind of say "screw you" to the larger crowd? I never thought 12 was "big" let alone 10 but can the average woman possibly be a 4 or 6?!?! It really pisses me off.

I am curious how you feel when you see a dress you like but come to learn it is not available in your size, anywhere. Do you write it off to "who gives a crap" or do you think some designers are unrealistic?

I would be pretty affronted that designers didnt want anyone fatter than a stick insect wearing their rotten clothes! If that's their attitude l wouldnt want to give them their money.

[ReineD]

I've noticed the same. Designer clothes tend to run 0 to 8 or 10, while regular clothes run 6 to 14 or 16.

I always took it this was a marketing ploy. Someone who fits into a 12 or 14 might be so thrilled that a designer dress size 8 will fit her, that she'll buy it! lol. I'm several sizes smaller in designer clothing than I am in stuff you get at Macy's. A few years ago I ordered some higher end clothing size 8 (which I thought was my size) online at a 70% off sale. They were all too big!

Jen, I'd just go to the stores and try them on, if you're looking at these clothes online.

I agree with Nashmau. Euro sizing works best, just like men's sizes ... by actual measurement, not an arbitrary "size" number.

Edit - another thing ... the "missy" sizes tend to not get up there in sizes, presumably because younger girls still have their girlish bodies. I have a hard time finding jeans in the missy department. Most of the sizes on the racks are too small.

[KrissyP]

So girls, help me out. My high heel experience is painful. I am talking about heels 3 inches and taller. The latest to cause a problem were almost 4.5 to 5 inches depending on how you measure them. I think they fit fine. I don't notice any rubbing or have red spots on my feet when I remove them, but the balls of my feet just kill me after a little bit of walking. Is that just the bone structure of the foot needing to get used to the physics of walking that way? I see many of you ladies walking successfully in high heels so I wonder. Of course the older ladies don't seem to wear them, so is it just a young girls game? I am not really heavy by the way at 5'11 and 155. Thoughts?

[Nashmau]

a lot goes into that. how is your footstructure, bones and tendons and muscles.

I for example cant wear anything higher then 1 cm, because i broke my middlebones 2 times, i had 19 injuries on my right ankle and 2 injuries to my tendons.

So any injuries on your side? an other thing is, that our feet usually try to roll out when we walk, we do try that in heals too, problem is, cant do that with high heels. that in return will hurt. basicly in heels you have to walk differently. watch younger girls in high heels, they usually look like deers, it takes time to figure out how to walk in them.

and an other tip, my mother used inlays for shoes, which seemed helpful to her.

[KrissyP]

no real injuries though I did have foot surgery about 8 months go. I think part of the issue, as someone reminded me, is that the shoes need to be broken in before they will be truly comfortable. I also put in a couple of cushion insoles and we will see how those work. Thanks!

[ReineD]

Like Nashmau says, some people have foot structures that enable them to wear high heels, and some don't. Lots of women (even young ones) choose low heels or flats.

Insoles or non-slip pads under the ball of your feet are a good idea. You might need to go a half-size bigger if you do this, you don't want the shoe to be too tight. If that doesn't work, you'll need to settle for lower heels.

Heels of a modest height (or no height at all) are supposed to be healthier for your back anyway, and so if you do decide to ignore the pain and continue to wear them, try to not wear them often or for a long periods of time. There are lots of cute shoes with a more modest heel. :)

[Di]

I wore heels prob every day ( work )and now more kitten heels or cute flats :( because of a accident and back injury)
But I remember when my daughters started wearing heels I started them out in the kitten heels and worked up from there.
Some peoples foot structure ect just does not make wearing heels a option.
Try the pads to relieve the ball pain and if that does not help there are cute shoes to be had without them being high heels. :)

[LelaK]

Who's GG? I have a question.

DATING
An old friend in another state is planning to introduce me to some women she knows for dating in a few weeks. I had a GF last year who didn't like me to CD, so I didn't do it when I was with her and it didn't bother me. It took me a couple months after she broke up with me before I started dressing again. So my idea is not to mention CDing until we're intimate. I thought then I could ask my date if we should share with each other any fetishes, fantasies and fears we have. And I would refer to CDing as my occasional fetish. Is there any reason that should not work?

[ReineD]

I actually think this is the best approach, Lela. Women are more likely to accept the CDing if they really, really, really like you, and this usually doesn't happen on the first date. So do go ahead and start dating again and when you feel that you're clicking with someone (when you know that she returns your feelings), then mention it. I won't comment on what to say though ... if it is fetish for you then you can present it that way, I suppose. Hopefully she'll be kinky too.

But if the CDing isn't fundamentally fetish for you, if you're instead thinking of introducing it that way in the hopes of easing her in, please don't. It's always best to be honest from the onset.

[Sandra]

If it was me I would want to know from the start and definitely not told until we became intimate. If you want to wait then do so but not until you're intimate.

[LelaK]

Thank you both for your comments. I like to be flexible about many things, as I like to be friendly toward good people. So, whether a person says they worship God or Satan, I don't jump to a conclusion about either one. People's meanings are often not what they seem superficially. But most people seem to prefer to jump to conclusions and assume the worst or best, based on such "window dressing", apparently because they don't like to have a lot of impressions in their minds left unjudged or undecided.

The definition of Fetish that I mean here is "a strong and unusual need or desire for something". I don't really consider it a definite need, but a desire, so I should more accurately say I occasionally have "a strong desire for something", namely, crossdressing.

So, I expect I'll go with the plan to wait until we're starting to be intimate before I ask my date if she's ready to verbally start sharing our main fantasies, fetishes & fears. However, I'm always open to better inspiration, in case any exists.

[Di]

What I usually say is to tell when you determine its starting to get serious.
When a woman already has fallen for you it's easier for them to try to understand. But in the beginning not usually.
And agree with the fetishes talk IF that is what it is for you.
But if it's more ( like its a big part of my partners life and who they are and not a fetish thing) do not play it off as just a fetish.
Many wifes, gf of cders I know .... A common complaint is first they said it was to spice up our sex life, or its just panties or its just this and that . WHEN that was just an easier way to introduce it to them.And that back fires down the line ... When the truth comes out.
But by all means if that's how it is for you then say that.
Just be honest.... In the long run that's the most important, long lasting thing to a good relationship who accepts. You for being you.Best Wishes

[LelaK]

Thanks, Di. So far, I only have an occasional strong desire to CD. And, as I showed, that's defined as a fetish. Some say it progresses, but I don't know that it does. It has progressed for me when I'm alone, but it didn't when I had a GF; it regressed. And some have said they stopped crossdressing entirely. So I think it's honest for me to say at this point that it's a fetish for me. My self-image is more feminine, but women seem to like the way gay men dress, so that doesn't seem to matter.

[Annieenvelope]

I would want to know from the start that it was a fetish you had. I would not include fears though. Just fetish and fantasies.

[Magnetar GG]

Who's GG? I have a question.

DATING
An old friend in another state is planning to introduce me to some women she knows for dating in a few weeks. I had a GF last year who didn't like me to CD, so I didn't do it when I was with her and it didn't bother me. It took me a couple months after she broke up with me before I started dressing again. So my idea is not to mention CDing until we're intimate. I thought then I could ask my date if we should share with each other any fetishes, fantasies and fears we have. And I would refer to CDing as my occasional fetish. Is there any reason that should not work?

I would want to know from the start. If she isn't into it, and you've lead her on to the point where she feels comfortable being intimate, and you drop it on her, she will either feel manipulated into going along with it if she doesn't like it, or leave you, in which you've both just wasted a whole bunch of time getting to know each other. If this is a part of you, own it. Wouldn't you want to date someone who not only accepts but possibly even enjoys it, even if it means the possibility of taking a bit longer to find that particular someone? I mean, maybe not on the first date, like "Hi, my name is so and so and I wear women's clothing" but at least once you two have hit it off and have a connection, then bring it up.

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So girls, help me out. My high heel experience is painful. I am talking about heels 3 inches and taller. The latest to cause a problem were almost 4.5 to 5 inches depending on how you measure them. I think they fit fine. I don't notice any rubbing or have red spots on my feet when I remove them, but the balls of my feet just kill me after a little bit of walking. Is that just the bone structure of the foot needing to get used to the physics of walking that way? I see many of you ladies walking successfully in high heels so I wonder. Of course the older ladies don't seem to wear them, so is it just a young girls game? I am not really heavy by the way at 5'11 and 155. Thoughts?

That's something that comes with a lot of practice and experience with wearing heels. I can't stand wearing them, they always hurt and it's not worth it to me, lol. So I really don't own any pairs. I think I had one which I threw in the donate pile and believe I spotted in my husband's collection (we wear the same shoe size). It can and often does damage one's feet and tendons, as someone who wears heels constantly and doesn't stretch can shorten the tendons in the heel (not sure what they're called), and I've known plenty of older women who have developed corns so bad next to their big toe that they had to have surgery to file them down. Likely why many older women don't wear them anymore. Women will also complain about wearing them, even ones who wear them more regularly, and can't wait to kick them off at the end of the night. They even made ballet-slipper type flats that one can tuck into one's purse in case the heels need to come off, pronto.

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I am curious how you feel when you see a dress you like but come to learn it is not available in your size, anywhere. Do you write it off to "who gives a crap" or do you think some designers are unrealistic?

I write it off and look for something that fits. It's not just about size either, we all have different body shapes, so even if a dress is the same size, it won't lay right on everyone who fits that size. I knew someone who would complain because even though the dress would fit her, her boobs were too big. That's a huge complaint from larger-chested women, finding something that fits their boobs. We also learn more about what's more flattering about our body shapes than just looking at sizes (Men have this to a smaller degree. My husband gets picky about brands, like certain jeans fit him well and others don't look right, despite being the same size. Or a shirt in the same size from different manufacturers might have too long or too short sleeves).

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First of all thank you for your input here it's a treasure. As a way to provide context for my question, I wil share that I've been out to my spouse for 4 years now she found.out after 10 yrs of marrage by finding aink to this site left up on the pc. ) but in a dadt mode of communication, which I hate. I dress every week but only when she's out and the kids are at school (I work from.home). So she knows I dress.then but mostly a bit of make up, or a panty/ bra set mostly due to time constraints. My main question is this ....she still fears I'm gay or will some day wish to transition.and so I think she feels that if she doesn't discuss the topic it will either go away or she at least."would be encouraging it". I've reassured her, we go to couples .and gender conselng and even the therapist has tried to eeassure her but to no avail. She has in some ways become more willing to acknowledge my need to dress but still only brings it up if I purchase something or someth8ing else brings it up. I so want is to be more at ease about it. Would love for instance to be able to say make a fashion comment on someone on say the bachelor show's fashion but i guess bc i've never done it before she's put off by it. Just hate the ackwardness of it all. So do I.bring it up.more? Or just deal.with this being the way it is? Im therapy I've been encouraged to be more self accepting but it's hard to let my gaurd down for fear it makes her uncomfortable.


I would continue to deal with it as is, and should she come around on her own with enough time, she'll let you know. She probably doesn't like the awkwardness of it either, and possibly deep down wishes she could be more accepting for you, but it still bothers her too much to see it. She's accepting of it in the sense that she is still there, and doesn't make an issue of your dressing. Maybe she thinks that your dressing while she's at work and kids are at school should be enough to satisfy your needs, and then she doesn't have to see it herself.

[ClosetED]

I thought I would post this thought here rather than the general section to reduce some of the disputes going on..

There have been several threads on wives of crossdressers being upset about finding out about the husband crossdressing and what this implies. Several of the GGs have been kind enough to also give their viewpoints. I am glad to here other viewpoints.

So I thought of these scenarios to get to the possible basis for the anger.
What if the secret was:
1) I have to tell you the truth - I like licorice and always have.
2) I always wanted a motorcycle and I want to buy one with 1/2 of the unexpected lottery winnings from my ticket. I will ride it every weekend and you can come along if you wish.
3) I used to play golf before we met, but once we got married there wasn't enough time or money to play. But with the kids gone, I really miss it and want to buy new clubs, join a golf course club, and play once a week with friends. It wan't the same playing miniature golf.

Would you be upset about these secrets? They are not socially unacceptable actions or preferences, so I doubt it. There may be issues with time spent pursuing their own desires. Did they lie about their hidden preferences/desires? They knew prior to the marriage and did not make an issue about it.

So is the difference in anger
1) How society and therefore the spouse thinks about wearing clothes and other aspects defined currently as feminine
2) what this implies about gender, 'lesbian' relationships, etc

I was accused of being delusional, but just want to understand other viewpoints. I am very logical and I acknowledge I don't understand emotional views well. Just the way I am wired, along with other oddities :)

Thanks for any input,
Ellen

[ReineD]

So is the difference in anger
1) How society and therefore the spouse thinks about wearing clothes and other aspects defined currently as feminine
2) what this implies about gender, 'lesbian' relationships, etc

Yes, this is why acceptance for the crossdressing is not the same as acceptance of someone who likes licorice, wants a new motorcycle, and wants to play golf once per week. The crossdressing is still ill-understood in our society, for the simple reason that there aren't a lot of people out there doing it, like the people who do enjoy licorice, ride motorcycles, and play golf. The vast majority of men have no desire to put on articles of women's clothing, and those who do are eyed with suspicion by their wives, who wonder why their husbands want to do this. Does he want to attract men, does he want to become a woman, does he have a fetish, does he have an addiction to female clothes or feminine beauty, will I be left behind, am I not enough for him, why does he seem to enjoy doing this so much more than anything else, what will people think when they find out, will people gossip about us, will my husband want to come out at work and to our friends and if this happens will he lose his job, will we lose friends, what if the kids find out and tell everyone at school, will the other kids make fun of them?

It wasn't too long ago when same-sex attraction and desires to engage in opposite-sex presentation and gender roles was viewed as a sickness or as a fetish. But now there has been more research, more people coming out, the laws have changed, many people have become more aware there is indeed a small percentage of people who have preferences that are different from the norm and these preferences don't cause anyone any harm. I think that now, socially liberal people are quick to accept the rights of everyone to have sex with whom they want and/or present in any manner that is comfortable for them, but there are still glitches when it comes to having a husband who wants to do this because this hits closer to home and the wife asks herself all the questions above.

[Sarasometimes]

Great reply ReineD, Do you think that most wives finding this out after the marriage would prefer an alcohol problem better than CDing? What about a former affair? the reason I ask is that I see both of those as issues that she is likely to be able to discuss with others and get support and empathy where i think many feel that they need to manage a cding husband on their own.
Thanks for all the time you spend here.

[ReineD]

Would a wife prefer being married to an alcoholic or a cheater than a crossdresser?

That all depends on the wife, her background, her level of education and understanding of the crossdressing, her age, her values, etc, and also the degree of alcoholism (some people abuse alcohol and can still be functioning), or some wives drink as much as their husbands, or if the husband had a one-time affair vs. being a serial cheater. One-time affairs can be forgiven.

Still, why must this be a choice. You're not planning on telling your wife that if you cannot crossdress, you will begin to abuse alcohol and cheat?

It is best to try to educate your wife about the crossdressing, what it means to you, what happens to you when you do not crossdress, and how it will or will not change her marriage or her standing in your community should she accept. See if somehow she can work out a compromise with you, if only to give you time and space to dress without her involvement if she does not approve.

[Sarasometimes]

ReineD,
Certainly the degree of alcohol addiction or the number of affairs are serious factors, i was more interested in how you feel about a wife of a CD likely to be able to share that development with friends and family members for support? I read an article in Psychology Today magazine about the stress factor when spouses learn of a secret their mate has kept. Such as a former non-violent crime or maybe being gay and how it then becomes their secret to keep too.
Thx, sara

[ReineD]

i was more interested in how you feel about a wife of a CD likely to be able to share that development with friends and family members for support? I read an article in Psychology Today magazine about the stress factor when spouses learn of a secret their mate has kept.

I wish I could help, Sara, but I don't know your wife. Some women have a stronger need to discuss this than others. I didn't need to tell anyone. If you tell your wife and she wants to talk to someone about it, she could always join this site and then the FAB section?

Also, if you tell your wife and she does share the information, she could share it with a trusted friend who wouldn't tell everyone, if this is your concern?

[Sarasometimes]

ReineD I was looking for your opinion about the likelihood of a wife getting support from those around her for a CDing hubby or if you think that would be less likely. I don't presently plan on a reveal with my wife, I just think that an added burden/complication for CD wives is the lower level of support than can rely on.

[ReineD]

Oh, of course the GGs here will support the wife of a CDing husband. And they equally support the wife of a transitioning spouse. All the GGs in FAB are here to support one another, no matter if their husbands are TS or CD. It's about finding the best possible coping mechanisms for the situation at hand and not who or what their husbands should be.

Sara, in the interest of not making this Q&A thread all about one person, if you wish to ask more questions on the topic of support for your wife, you should really just PM me.

[shyselina]

Why is it women are more accepting of men coming out as trans or cd than men? And why is it when we do they rush to see you made up and trying to take you out? Just from my experience.

[ReineD]

I wonder if women 3 or 4 generations ago would have been just as intolerant as men. They're more tolerant now in my opinion, because modern women have made great strides to equalize the gender roles. We no longer socialize our daughters to believe that men or women "should" stay on their respective sides of the fence in terms of educational attainment, work, separation of household chores, caring for kids, etc ... we're really quite flexible.

I think that men have been socialized to believe there is nothing worse than being considered a "sissy" by his peers ... although this may be improving with younger males. A lot of college kids (males and females) in my town dress rather androgynously. They wear the same clothes, have the same haircuts, and they believe in total equality between male and female. I do not see young guys specifically dressing like girls, and so I don't know how crossdressers would be viewed by their peers.

[Marcelo]

Dear Ask-a-GG,

I think we all agree that it's inappropriate for women to be flashing their panties in public.

I feel really shallow about this but I started crossdressing because I wondered how it felt when women got busted flashing their panties – especially when it was caught on film and published in public, non-sexually oriented media. One of the earliest examples I remember was a Kinney's Shoe Store ad that aired during ABC's Wide World of Sports circa 1975. (It's on YouTube but the clarity/quality is awful). In the ad there is a cheerleader wearing a circle skirt that is about knee-high length. Near the end of the ad everyone does a jumping twirl and her skirt comes up so high that you can see above the waist band of her panties. It looks like it was a total accident on her part and there's no way it could have been planned.

I think my first thought was something like OMG, I just saw some lady's panties in a commercial on national TV. Then I thought about how embarrassed she must have been after all her friends, family, coworkers, etc... saw it. (You know she probably told everyone she was in that commercial). I also thought about how the people who edited and approved the final version surely must have seen it and put that take in the commercial anyway. There is also the broadcast company that allowed it to air on national television – and that during a time when family oriented shows were airing.

There are also some other similar but different instances of this scenario – one of them is the super band ELO's song called Rock and Roll Is King where one of the dancers is wearing a string bikini panty trimmed with lace and the camera man get several shots of it that end up on the video. A recent one is from a gag called Hot Cheerleaders Prank by Just For Laughs Gags where the cheerleaders flash their panties while climbing in and out of a car. Either of these panty flashes are irrelevant to the content which they appear but end up there anyway. I can only assume they were added to tease men like myself.

My question is how do you think most women feel when they know they've been busted flashing their panties in public – from small crowds to national TV. And does it make women in general feel uncomfortable to be watching women flashing their panties in public, television, movies, etc...?

Thanks,
Marcelo

265504265505

[ReineD]

First, people who pose for commercial purposes do not get embarrassed. Three cheerleaders in the back of a convertible? C'mon. :) The media has been using T&A to sell stuff and hike ratings since the beginning of time.

As to regular GGs, I can only speak for myself. No, it doesn't bother me at all to see it. And I've had gusts of wind show more than I had intended, but it was no big deal. Lots of people have wardrobe malfunctions. And really, it was only for a split second. We live in an age where we wear next to nothing on a beach, so it's not as if others have never seen the tops of someone's legs. I'm actually more embarrassed about the way my body is aging (a roll of fat around my midriff) than someone accidentally seeing me in a bathing suit bottom or panties (same thing). This is why I no longer wear bikinis. lol.

And for privacy/security reasons, I wouldn't want any picture or video of me made public even if I was dressed from neck to toe.

... I think you're letting your fantasies run away from you. :)

[Di]

You asked How do I feel when they know they've been busted flashing their panties in public – from small crowds to national TV. And does it make women in general feel uncomfortable to be watching women flashing their panties in public, television, movies, etc...?
IMHO
I feel nothing / no difference than going to a beach.
As far as the tv goes they are paid for being an actress and this was not an accident. Going for the target they want to attract .

I never knew people thought about stuff like this.... Who knew.... I googled it and there are even forums .

I agree with Reine you are letting your fantasies run away.

[ellbee]

Hi!

I just read all 22 pages here, ha!


First, I want to start out by saying thanks to everyone for all your answers & insights. It does help a lot. Not that I'm married or even usually have a GF, due to my independent & hermit ways, LOL... But I now feel that much better informed for the next time that I *do* get into a relationship with a GG.


Also, it seems like many of the CD'ing SO's of y'all are pretty lucky, for the most part. I know it might not always be easy for the GG's, but obviously this kind of stuff can play a role throughout our lives... It's not exactly like something we intentionally chose, per se, so it's always good to have at least somewhat supportive partners when it comes to all this. :thumbsup:



Anyway, a few quick questions that I didn't see asked yet...


- Would you be more accepting of this part of your SO if they "toned things down," so it's not so over-the-top? Meaning, not all these wigs, heels, makeup, nails, whatever -- but just more like wearing things such as yoga pants/leggings, a basic plain tee, women's socks, comfy stuff like that, while in guy mode lounging inside the home?


- Have you ever tried on -- or wanted to try on, but didn't -- any of your SO's wigs on yourself? If so, what was it like?


- Has your SO's choice of wardrobe ever influenced your own style? Like, "Hey, that dress is actually kind of cute. Never really owned something like that before, and it might actually look good on me. Let me try it on, just to see." ?



Nothing too heavy, here. Just a few things that popped into my head while reading.

Thanks! :)

[ReineD]

- Would you be more accepting of this part of your SO if they "toned things down," so it's not so over-the-top? Meaning, not all these wigs, heels, makeup, nails, whatever -- but just more like wearing things such as yoga pants/leggings, a basic plain tee, women's socks, comfy stuff like that, while in guy mode lounging inside the home?

My SO and I go out dressed together and I would definitely not like my SO to dress like a street-walker (big boobs, short skirts, stiletto heels, platinum wig, blue eyeshadow up to the eyebrows, if this is what you mean). And my SO would not want to go out that way either. But other than that anything goes, whether it is full-on regalia (forms, pads, full makeup, nails, heels, fancy dresses) if we are going to an event where people dress up or even if my SO should choose to wear this at home, or just a pink top and yoga pants if we are hanging out at home.

Also, the CDing doesn't look the same for everybody and there are indeed some couples for whom it is just a sexual kink. So I imagine that these GGs would be OK with a different level of looks than a wife who doesn't approve at all.



- Have you ever tried on -- or wanted to try on, but didn't -- any of your SO's wigs on yourself? If so, what was it like?

My SO has his own long hair and doesn't wear a wig. But with my SO looking on, I did try on the forms once and they felt really weird. I have no desire to wear them.



- Has your SO's choice of wardrobe ever influenced your own style? Like, "Hey, that dress is actually kind of cute. Never really owned something like that before, and it might actually look good on me. Let me try it on, just to see." ?

Very much so in the beginning, but not for the reasons you might think. I noticed that my SO's eyes popped out of his head when women who dressed in a sexier manner walked by, and so I decided to compete with these women. We used to go out to clubs a lot and so I went through a phase of dressing like a hot babe, which is not my style. I would have died if any of my kids saw me dressed like that. lol. Anyway, the phase ended when I figured out that I should just be me. Also when I was in that phase, I couldn't wear my SO's clothes because they were too big.

And I'd say that over the years, my SO's style changed more to match mine than vice versa. My SO no longer wears flowery, gauzy dresses.

[shellybme]

How do I tell my wife that I fit in her boots? Especially the ones that she is thinking of getting rid of. I love them and are so cute but idk how she would feel about me keeping them. Background she knows I dress and she accepts it but does not encourage it. Any ideas?

[Di]

Shellybme, Since she knows but does not encourage I think it might be best to ask if you can have them. Some GGs do not like their partner wearing their items and others do not care and like giving handmedowns.
Unless
You have a strict don't ask don't tell kinda agreement where bringing it up will be a no no.

[ReineD]

I'm with Di. It will be much easier on the budget than if you buy new boots, and you could ask her.

I'm sure your wife knows your shoe size, and so she would know that you have the same size feet? The question is rather whether she wants you to wear women's things at all. If she doesn't, then she might be annoyed if you ask for her old boots (it's easier to get new ones and not tell her anything at all, isn't it), but if you mention the money-savings angle, it might help if the two of you are on a budget. If the price of a new pair of boots is not an issue and you know your wife will be upset if you ask for her old boots, then just bite the bullet and get new ones.

[shellybme]

I know my wife knows my shoe size in men's. For some reason I fit into her boots which based on the size I shouldn't. Like I said before she accepts that I dress not full blown support. I think I might either wait a while and see if she really is going to throw them out or not, or just let it go because I don't know how she would feel knowing I am wearing her boots. Thanks ReineD for bringing that up. This is really a great resource. Thank you!

[Jenniferathome]

Ladies, I'd like to ask about the bra strap.

I hate it when a strap shows and yet, there are so many crazy cuts of tops and dresses that it seems inevitable that a strap will show. But I see it frequently, perhaps with mostly younger women, that a racerback top is worn with a standard bra.

What is the rule of law on showing a bra strap? OK, when unavoidable? Hide it at all costs? Go braless if the straps will show?

What's ok?

Thanks,

[ReineD]

Opinions are all over the place on this depending on age group, social values, where/when/how the visible bra strap is worn, and whether someone does it to score points for feminism or to be alluring to the opposite sex. Just google "visible bra strap". But, if you want to show your bra, here are some rules:


http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/on-our-minds/school-dress-codes-are-bra-straps-offensive/
http://www.bustle.com/articles/90729-7-ways-to-show-your-bra-because-that-blue-lingerie-deserves-its-time-in-the-spotlight
http://www.thegloss.com/fashion/bra-style-tips-ideas-visible-celebrity-inspiration-photos/
https://youlookfab.com/2010/05/28/guidelines-for-acceptable-bra-exposure/
http://www.startribune.com/ask-the-expert-when-is-it-ok-to-show-your-bra-strap/276964651/


Also, do a google image search using "showing bra strap or not". You’ll see some looks that pull it off and that you will like, and other looks that don’t pull it off at all.


My personal opinion:

It’s fine when the weather calls for tank tops and the wearer does not want to go braless - just follow the color rules above, although discretion might be used at some company or church picnics.

With clothing other than tank tops, it's fine in edgy or some casual surroundings - just follow the color rules above, but not at the office and not at some middle or high schools where there are school dress codes. In a trendy part of town? No problem.

Like mini skirts, it’s questionable on a woman over 40 if you notice the age of all the women in the pro visible bra strap article pictures, or even in the google image search of "showing a bra strap or not".

... except when wearing a sports bra under a loose tank for working out at the gym or jogging. Then of course it's OK.

[EDIT]
Sorry Jen, I had skimmed through your post and didn't see the part about hating it when bra straps show. Still, the links above I think give a good analysis of it.

[Contessa]

I don't know how this works but I do have a question that I wonder the answer. And the answer needs to come from a GG a cisth gendered woman. With all of the males that are CD's, TS and TGs mostly MtF. My question is why is there still no account to all the women that don't wear all the clothing that we wear. I see most woman with slacks or jeans. Most don't wear makeup no jewelry. I am not trying to say anything bad because most are still pretty to me. I just wonder why I want to wear dresses and skirts and they don't. Why they don't want to look gorgeous like me in all the finery that should only belong to them. I am not trying to take the look away from them. In fact I don't want to look like a woman I want to look like myself. How I feel inside. Why?

[Di]

I just wonder why I want to wear dresses and skirts and they don't. Why they don't want to look gorgeous like me in all the finery that should only belong to them. I am not trying to take the look away from them. In fact I don't want to look like a woman I want to look like myself. How I feel inside. Why?
IMO
I think you want to wear dresses and skirts ect because that's how you feel feminine and pants ect does not make you feel the same .
And women feel like themself and feminine in jeans or dresses ect.
Clothing does not dictate how they are or feel.
I used to wear dresses and skirts most days for work and now once in a while but I always feel confident, feminine and myself.And my partner better think I'm gorgeous in whatever I'm wearin.( sorta kidding lol)

Glad you said you think you think they are pretty anyways ect because it bugs me when some say I'm prettier than my wife or I dress better ect I think what everyone should want is to be accepted for who they are and what they want to wear.

[Nashmau]

@ jennifer

i only use black bras, therefore i usually dont get looks, when they show.
but there are bras that dont have straps at all, might wanna look into them ( might have to tape them though), also invisible straps is something that exists (they are not very comfy though)

@ contessa

why would i? i am pretty enough in my opinion, some of the stuff simply doesnt give enough room to move. i also freeze easily even in summer, so no thanks. and i am allergic to the cometic crap. also i dont have anything to prove, so why bother.

[Rachel Anne]

Ok, How the heck to do put mascara on your bottom lashes? 20 years and I still don't have that one down.

[ReineD]

With all of the males that are CD's, TS and TGs mostly MtF. My question is why is there still no account to all the women that don't wear all the clothing that we wear.

My SO and I belong to a rather large MtF TG support group that has both TS and CD members. (Side note - FtMs are welcome, but no FtM has ever attended). Anyway, I've noticed that the CD members enjoy dressing up a lot more than the TSs, who dress pretty much like the GGs. The TSs have transitioned to female, and of course the GGs are already female, so we don't really need fancy clothes to feel feminine. We are feminine by virtue of being who we are. If this makes sense.

GGs and TSs do dress up once in a while too, when the occasion calls for it (i.e. weddings), but in our day and age, most of the places we go to on a daily basis are very casual. I rarely see anyone dressed up in our local restaurants, at the grocery store, at the mall, bank, etc, even at work ... and this goes for both women AND men. And I think a lot of people feel silly dressing up when no one else is dressed up, or at least I do. I hate walking into the room dressed to the nines when everyone else is casually dressed.


Ok, How the heck to do put mascara on your bottom lashes? 20 years and I still don't have that one down.

It's a lot easier if you have long lower lashes! :) I just smear the tip of the brush on mine back and forth, very lightly, and use my thumb and index finger to squeeze out clumps from my lower lashes if there are any. But if you dab the tip of the mascara brush on a tissue first, you won't get clumps.

[Rachel Anne]

That's pretty much what I've been doing. Takes a steady hand...;)

[ellbee]

Okay, another question for the GG's...

I read this entire thread a few months ago, but I don't recall it being asked yet.


Have any of you ever dressed up as a guy before?


Not talking about simply wearing your male SO's flannel shirt or his jacket or something, as part of your fem outfit.

I'm talking about full-bore, presenting as a guy. Perhaps for Halloween? Or just for the heck of it, maybe when he was all dolled-up?


You know, all guy-clothes including stuff like socks & underwear (or a sock in your underwear! :laughing: ), any long hair tucked up into a hat, some make-up or something as facial hair / 5-o'clock shadow. (Binding your boobs is optional. ;) )


If so, what was it like for you? Would you do it again?

And if not, would you ever consider doing it? Why or why not?


Thanks! :)

[Nashmau]

mhh no, didnt ever cross my mind either. i dressed up as an elf, does that count? :P

[Di]

I did once for a drag show where Sherlyn and I did a drag show. Sherlyn did the Nancy Sinatra part and I did the Lee Greenwood part . Had a flannel shirt, cowboy hat and boots, jeans and beard.it was fun performing together. But I just felt like me playing a part as I did many times in my younger yrs in plays ( been a nun, old lady, bride , a Queen)
Would I do it again.... Don't know did not mean anything to me but art.So for art sake who knows.

About singing together it was sooooo fun :love:

[ReineD]

I've never dressed as a guy. I've worn old guy shirts (my sons' discards) to paint in though. And once I bought men's leather sandals that looked just like women's (same color, same everything), because they didn't have size 11 in women's sandals.

[Robbiegirl]

I was just wondering if any of you ladies have a sense of humor when it comes to your S.Os Crossdressing ? I have been trying on women's clothes all my life having grown up with many sisters so I have tried on things just for a laugh. Are you ok with your guy having a sense of humor when it comes to hiss silly hobby ?
For example do you find cartoons on the subject amusing or some how bad, Like these271211
or271212

[ReineD]

No, my SO and I do not treat the CDing as a joke, if this is what you mean. My SO would not like it if she were forced outside in a state of semi-dress, should there be a fire.

I can see having a sense of humor when things go wrong, though, for example laughing when the nail polish application is a disaster rather than becoming frustrated or angry. But, this is a healthy attitude to take whenever anything goes wrong, for example burning the rice as I did tonight. Life's too short to get upset over the small stuff.

If anything, in a world where the CDing is often not accepted, I find it sad when CDers are made fun of, or when the CDing causes turmoil in a relationship.

[Robbiegirl]

Thanks Reine. I enjoy your huge contributions to this site .

I guess I was trying to point out that in life one has to laugh at themselves. For those of us in the closet it is both awful and amusing when we are in the process of dressing and are interrupted . the other thing about this hobby is that we guys sometimes try on and wear things our wives would never wear which in itself to me is amusing. I have tried on things like Vintage Peignoir sets or Square dance dresses with petticoats that you could not pay her to wear ! Actually I lost a bet ot my wife and she had me model a Peignoir set she was given by her grandmother . We both laughed at how funny I looked but she literally fell over laughing.

[ReineD]

We both laughed at how funny I looked but she literally fell over laughing.

I hear what you're saying, but the other side of this is how awful a CDer might feel over looking ridiculous in something s/he really wants to wear. This would not be humorous.

[Stephanie47]

Something in Robbiegirl remarks (559) rekindled something my wife said when she found out what cross dressing was all about. When we were first married there was some bedroom play with nightgowns, stockings and a garter belt. I always loved the feel of nylon. Often we spent Saturday afternoons in Macy's on Herald Square, Gimbel's and many other stores with very nice lingerie. I loved buying her lingerie. She had a great figure. When our first child was born she asked that I not sleep in a nightgown because our child shared our bedroom. Ok, no problem. When our second child was born the kid pulled a vivid red Vanity Fair bra from my storage area. My wife and I had "The Talk." She realized my 'kink' for nylon was more than bedroom play. We entered DADT.

One of her constant retorts in the beginning of DADT was "Don't buy me any lingerie!" Why? "Because you're probably thinking how you would look in the lingerie, not me!"

There was nothing I could ever say or do for many many years to make her believe I was thinking how she looked in the lingerie.

Have any of you GG"s felt the same way about your husband's lingerie purchases for you? If so, did you share that feeling with him and end up shutting him down?

[ReineD]

Have any of you GG"s felt the same way about your husband's lingerie purchases for you? If so, did you share that feeling with him and end up shutting him down?

I haven't felt that way, but this is both our second relationship. We were in our 40s when we got together, and I knew about the CDing from the onset. Also, my SO already had a wardrobe and since we didn't live together he certainly did not feel constrained about buying anything he wanted.

Had I been at a younger stage in my life, I might have felt the way your wife did, especially if I felt that my SO wanted to dress more than I felt comfortable with. I might well have thought that he was wanting to live vicariously through me. I'm guessing that she doesn't understand why you enjoy female clothes so much. She might also be explaining the CDing to herself as your way to compensate for what you feel she lacks. Lots of women wonder if they are "not enough" for their husbands during the first few years they know about the CDing. I felt that way. It takes a long, long time for most of us to get it. And it takes a long time, because most of us have grown up without seeing any CDing modeled around us as we were growing up. It's not something we "get" naturally because there aren't many people who do this. Please try to be patient with your wife and be sure to keep the lines of communication open.

[Di]

Robbiegirl I think we laugh a lot together but not about being tg as its just our life together...and not a joke might be different than what you mean. It's just every day life.

Stephanie we usually buy stuff together and I prob buy her more than she buys me :)
I'd never think that but I knew her from the get go and met Sherlyn first.

[Gabriella111]

My senior year of high school at church camp, we did a gender swap and I dressed as a boy while a friend dressed as a girl. I always liked the girl in a tie look, but never tried it.

[Nashmau]

@ steph

yes, my husband has a different look on his face, which he totally denies, nonetheless its different. so yeah i dont let him buy me any clothes at all. also i dislike his taste in female clothes, an other reason not to let him near my wardrobe lol.

[Joan.Meredith]

Walking toe first not heal..

My question is does it happen naturally? And any advise to help someone learn, or tips.

[ReineD]

I walk with my heel first (heel-toe). Most people do, although kids often learn to walk with toe first (toe-heel), and switch to heel-toe as they get older. Walking toe-heel is inefficient as it uses up 50% more energy. However, switching back and forth from from heel-toe to toe-heel can be good for athletes:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/248278-the-best-walking-shoes-to-prevent-stress-fractures-of-the-foot/

My SO has a short Achilles tendon and has always walked toe-heel, which gives him a plundering walk. But, it is less noticeable when she is dressed and in heels.

I've just tested my walk with my 4" pumps, and I walk heel-toe with those as well. So, just continue to walk normally, you'll be fine! :)

[Dee Baker]

I was recently in a Rite Aid pharmacy and right at the entrance was a large display of nail polish, there was a pink color that caught my eye so I decided to buy it.

I bought it because it caught my eye but now at home after testing it I see a lot of glitter and it kind of makes me feel that it is more of a style for younger girls rather than for older women.

Do you as a GG wear glittery nail polish as an adult or do you feel like its more for younger girls (pre-teens, teens, young adults)?

[Gabriella111]

I wear glittery top coats sometimes. It is a bit more girly, but I don't think it's necessarily out of place. Perhaps depends on your personality and style of dress. Could clash, I suppose. In that case, always good for the toes!

[ReineD]

Dee, you're in your mid-fifties. We're in the same age group. I think that glitter nail polish is too young for me, if it is mega-glitter (https://www.google.com/search?q=glitter+nail+polish&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjo3eGrjvPRAhXKOiYKHfDqCZQQ_AUICSgC&biw=1228&bih=705), especially if I'm just out and about.

But, maybe there is a more subtle glitter top-coat out there, the type that barely glitters when the light hits it a certain way? That wouldn't be too bad.

[Dee Baker]

Thanks for your feedback. I didn't realize it had so much glitter until I got home.

[Nigella]

Time for a new thread.

Thank you for all your questions and a special thank you to the GGs who have responded