Have you been with a guy?

[leonal123]

Hi,
I am thinking about being with a guy when dressed up fully but only in presence of a girl. I am a straight guy who likes dressing up but I have never ever ever thought about a guy before. Now slowly I am opening up to the idea of being with a guy and letting him drill me while a girl is present.

I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

Before dressing up, I used to see shapes as masculine and feminine. Like certain shoes are obviously feminine (slim).. you know what I am saying.. Now I dont have those thoughts any more since I started dressing up. I am wondering if being with a guy would make one gender fluid. I am thinking about it but I want to know other's physical, emotional experience before taking this step.

[sometimes_miss]

It kind of sounds like you feel the need to have a girl present because subconsciously you suffer from the same guilt about anything homosexual that pretty much every guy does. If you want to have sex with a guy, try it. There's nothing wrong with that! Really! Who knows, it might be the best thing you've ever experienced. Just be careful, learn how to prepare for it, USE A CONDOM, etc..

[Jenniferathome]

Hi,
I am thinking about being with a guy when dressed up fully but only in presence of a girl. I am a straight guy......

No you are not. You are in denial. Being dressed does not make homosexual sex "straight." There's no need for pretense.

[Ezekiel]

Jennifer, I think he wants to be with a guy because of the self-sexualization induction autogynephilia can have. So no, I highly doubt he is in denial of anything, he's probably straight with a sex fantasy, that might end up not liking the result. Hey not to scare you off here, try whatever you feel you want, I'm just implying that you might be thinking it is one thing, and could end up very different to how you think it is.

I doubt you are gay leonal, tell us something...

Are you attracted to guys in the sense they turn you on (you being dressed up or not), or are you just attracted to the idea of being dressed up and let a guy touch you?

If the affirmative response is the second option, then the guy is just a tool in your sexual fantasy, and you are not attracted to guys per se.

Because really, these are two very different things... dressing up does not change sexuality nor sexual tastes.

EDIT: I almost forget...

1 - Never been with a guy, and will never. Zero interest.
2 - Not applicable since 1 is negative
3 - Again N/A
4 - You don't go full time just because you've been with a man. You go full time if you find that it is the best for you, but not because some external reason.
5 - No idea, I can't answer you here since again, this is not applicable in my case.

[sugarbabe]

I have never been with a guy dressed, but I have fooled around with guys before. I know that I am at least bisexual and apparently somewhere on the transgender scale since I switch between male/female brain mode a lot and like to dress up more and more as I go along. I have felt guilty in the past with the same sort of hangups a lot of men experience after homosexual activity, but I'm not letting it ruin my life or anything.

However, I often fantasize about being with another man while I am in girl mode and how it might be different being treated as a woman instead of a man. :D

[Ceera]

Personally, it sounds more like you want the fantasy and not the actual situation. Though I suppose it is possible that your feminine aspect is more inclined to the idea and might like it. Dressing doesn't change your sexual orientation. But your frame of mind while dressed might make you more willing to explore things you're already inclined to.

My answers:
1. Has anyone done it before?
Yes. Only once while Dressed, and a few times prior to that as a guy with another guy. Never had a girl watching while that happened.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
My first few gay encounters were not initiated by me, and they left me feeling very confused and conflicted. I suppose somewhat guilty that I had enjoyed it, but I got over the guilt pretty fast. However, I knew my father would be very unlikely to accept the idea of me being bi or gay. So for most of my life I repressed that urge and tried to live a straight life. I married a nice girl, had a kid... No regrets for that relationship. We had a good marriage, over all. But all that time, although I remained faithful to my wife, I still knew that I found some males attractive. I just didn't act on that attraction. That is VERY different from how you describe yourself.

As fate had it, I outlived my wife, as well as both of my parents. When she was gone and I was single again, I decided to explore cross dressing and to experiment with the bi side of my nature. I found that, when en-femme, I was more receptive to attention from males than when not. But in both cases, I would just as soon have a female partner. Still, I have had one time where I accepted an offer of intimacy from a male while I was out en-femme, and I brought him home with me. I quite enjoyed him treating me like a classy lady that he wanted to be intimate with. I knew what I was doing, and no, I didn't feel guilty at all. There was nothing to be guilty about. I wasn't cheating on anyone, and it was a mutually consensual evening.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
Nope. It was fun, and we both enjoyed it. But it wasn't any better than being with a girl, and honestly, not good enough for me to seek his company again after that. Since then, I am still open to either gender, with a general preference for girls. I guess you could say Ceera is closer to being a lesbian than being bisexual.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
No. I still only cross dress about once a week. The experience didn't change my desire to cross dress at all.

Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?
Honestly, it was about the same. Neither better nor worse than an average-quality encounter with someone I didn't have a deep emotional attachment to. Fun, yes. But not incredible.

My advice to you is that you should try pleasing yourself with suitable sex toys first, to make sure you find the experience of 'being drilled' a pleasant one.

If you do, then you might carefully approach a gay or bi male that you trust, and as the others mentioned, by all means use a condom! Or at the very least, make sure he's been tested recently to be free of STDs and HIV. There are free testing centers that give out cards that certify when you were last tested and what the results were.

[Adriana Moretti]

Hi,

I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

.

1. I do "IT" all the time
2. No...not at all why should I feel guilty...whats the big deal? it's just sex
3. No....but I do like sex
4. Fulltime after being with a guy? no.....
5. Whats the difference between straight sex and cd sex ??? I just like sex.
Handsome, rich men get to the front of the line.....

[Jazzy Jaz]

I have never been with a man but i have very similiar fantasies. I consider myself semi bisexual meaning i have no romantic attraction to men but i have very specific sexual attraction. I personally wouldnt consider you straight as i believe straight for men is only having attraction/desires for women. I would think that you are at least semi bi and your interest in men may be very limited. I also have no desire in being with a man without being fully dressed. You could try a woman with toys to start.

[kimdl93]

Need validation of your sexuality? Dressing like a girl won't change the reality...that is one guy doing it with another. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But sex is sex. CDing need not be a beard. But if that's what you need to express yourself sexually, have at it.

As for th questions, frankly they are a bit silly... Kinda like once you go gay you'll never go back in their tone. Our sexuality isn't what leads us to CDing. And no, one doesn't decide to live as a woman because they had a night of great sex while CDing. I was going to use the word juvenile, but I decided against that rather unflattering characterization.

[Julia Welch]

No, not ever ... Women are far more attractive.

[Kelsey21]

Well, isn't this interesting???? I guess I'll answer the questions first.
1. Way more than I'd like to admit
2. No guilt, seemed pretty natural to me
3. It's more like a habit than an addiction
4. Nope, haven't swayed in the least
5. Straight sex is far superior "hands" down.......

Seriously though, I'm attracted to beauty and men are not beautiful to me. Now, that being said, the fantasy of being with a sexy cross dresser??? For the time being, this could be exactly what it is, a fantasy, as I really don't know if I could go through with it.

[Barbara Dugan]

Is very simple for myself " I have a boyfriend"

[BillieAnneJean]

I have not fantasized about sex with other men.
I have not had sex of any kind with anyone other than my wife.
Compared to her, everything else, everyone else, is like "downsizing".
It is never going to happen.
When I fantasize, I fantasize about her.

[Tracii G]

Sounds like the idea of sex with a man is just a fantasy for you.
Is the lady that will be present going to be part of a threesome thing or just a spectator?
Being dressed won't change your sexuality if you are "straight".
Usually people that make the comment "but I am straight" usually aren't and haven't come to grips with admitting they might be gay.
Sex with guys? sure I have.
Casual sex isn't my thing because for me being in love before I engage in sex.
Not many gay guys want to date a CD so I'm batting 0 right now.

[Elli87]

Ive never been with a guy, but Ive been with others like me, and ive been with a guyish girl, she used to push me onto the bed and snatch off my underwear she could be rough but it was fun

[Mayo]

1. Has anyone done it before? Yes, I've had sex with several guys.
2. Did you feel guilty later about it? The first time or two, when I was in my teens and unfamiliar with sex as anything other than 'something naughty' that one shouldn't do. Not as an adult.
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? No more (or less) than sex with women has made me 'addicted' to women. I do have a preference for women but I enjoy sex with both.
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? See #3. Being with guys hasn't made me any less attracted to women. For what it's worth, I've had 2-3 times as many female sexual partners as male and that roughly reflects my level of interest in each.
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? I wouldn't say so. It's similar but different at the same time. I enjoy it but, as I said, I have a preference for women.

I've only been dressing for a few months and all my experiences with other men happened before I started wearing women's clothing (I do currently have a girlfriend with whom I'm quite happy). I wouldn't mind having sex with a guy while I'm dressed, but it would be for the experience and wouldn't (I suspect) change my relative interest in men or women.

If you want to be with a guy, by all means, do so. Take appropriate precautions (as you should when you have sex with anyone!). Try it both when dressed and not, if you wish, and see if it makes any difference for you. As others have said, being dressed won't change your sexual orientation - or your gender identity. You might possibly realize that you are bisexual instead of straight, but so what? If so, it just gives you more choices in life. If not, then things are no different for you than they were before.

[melanie206]

yes, yes, no, no, sometimes - you are what you are - nothing external can change that. counseling can help you sort out your feelings.

[Sandra119]

I have not been with a guy but a man dressed in sexy lingerie really turns me on yet looking at at a guy not in female doesn't do anything for me
Maybe one day I will go with anther CD

[Kate Simmons]

It's okay but it may not be for everyone who likes to dress up. :)

[Mollyanne]

Well I guess the only way you are going to find out is to try it, you may REALLY like it, ALL OF IT!!!!!!

Molly

PS: I have had some "encounters" and I prefer to be dressed or partially dressed.

[I Am Paula]

Yet another 'I'm not gay, just having sex with men' post. Having a woman in the room does not make it any straighter. Wearing a skirt does not make it any straighter.
Sex with guys will NOT make you TS (want to go full time).
You can call it anything you want.

[Krisi]

Many of us may have fantasized about what it would be like to have sex as a woman, but dressing up as one is not the same thing. Strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig does not make you a woman, just a guy with fake boobs and hair. You don't have a vagina so you can't have sex as a woman. What you are describing is gay sex. Wearing fake boobs doesn't change that. Having a female watch doesn't change that.

If you do it once, you might be able to call it "experimenting", but if you like it and continue to do it, you are gay. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay but you have to admit it to yourself.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Leonal123,

I know I may regret this. But I feel that I should open up more of my feelings. "Have I been with a guy?" Yes. Did we have sex? Yes. Did we have intercourse? No. Two people that found each other attractive, spent an evening together enjoying not only each other's company, but a romantic time in each other's desires.

Did I feel guilty after? No.
Did I get addicted to being with him once? No
Did I decide to go "fulltime" after being with him once? No
Was being with him, more pleasurable that straight sex, how did I feel... There was no doubt that I enjoyed my time with him. I felt drunk (we were hitting the jagermiester a little too much) though I felt comfortable with him.

However real life existed outside my barrack's door. We shared a moment that I still haven't forgotten. Would I do it again? With the right person, and attitude... Very possibly. Do I consider myself "homosexual"? Not really. I consider myself lucky to have experienced a caring and emotional event with someone I could trust. Does that make me Bisexual? For sleeping with a guy once? Call it however you like. I tell everyone I'm lesbian when people wish to label me...

@--}----
Michelle

[Rhonda Jean]

Dressing up can enhance gay sex, just as it can straight sex. As much as we talk about "duality", persona #1 doesn't get a pass on anything just because it was done by persona #2. That excuse just doesn't work. We as a group are quite homophobic, which I find fascinating.

It's interesting, too, that some of the responders said that straight sex and gay sex were virtually the same (obvious differences aside). I find it to be TOTALLY DIFFERENT! Physically, emotionally... I find very little similarity.

In general, if you're married don't do it. Again, persona #1 doesn't get a pass just because persona #2 did it. If you're not married, there's nothing to feel guilty about.

Especially with the qualifier that there be a girl watching, sounds like the likelihood of you actually doing this are very slim. I'd say zero. That makes it a safe and harmless fantasy. Nothing wrong with that, either.

[deebra]

Leonal, I think what you are feeling is what a lot of CD's feel as they advance along their CD journey which is adding more and more as we go along. Each additional step makes impersonating a woman feel better and better and we get more and more comfortable in the clothes. So it's only natural for you to be curious and have the desire to want to be in the same place as a woman having sex with a man, it would make you feel more womanly and validate yourself in female clothing. When we think along these lines we think of a sexy curvy beautiful woman dressed in lingerie or sexy clothing having sex with what else, A MAN. This illusion makes us curious to the point where we want to try it. Like Sometimes said, try it and you might like it, it could be a game changer like "hitting it right out of the ballpark", getting dressed in sexy clothing, meeting a guy for a date, being treated like a lady and finally performing as that sexy female, you won't know unless you try. You could be doubling your sex life plus the variety. Just use condoms, starting out try oral to get use to it and then to the next level if it's for you. As some of the previous threads have stated they had to try it "first", they liked it and it added something they never would have had if they hadn't tried it at least once. Remember smoking that first cigarette or drinking a beer, it took several times to like it and then you looked forward to it. Forget the woman, you definitely don't need her.

[kryss.cd]

I've pleasured a few times and once with a couple (the female was not involved. Just watched) and at the end of it I felt like I was just being used for a fantasy of theirs. I do think I rushed into that situation instead of seeing the chemistry first though.

1. Has anyone done it before? I've done oral with a few guys but never all the way. I enjoy it but if I think about going further than that I'm no longer interested or comfortable with it.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it? I've been confused about it before but guilty isn't the word I'd use for it.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? Not really. I prefer women.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? I've never been fulltime and don't see myself going fulltime either.

Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? I drew the line at oral so I guess it's about the same.

[rah]

ummm, i've a fantasy to do it with a guy and go all the way but it also creeps me out. I want to have that experience but its really hard. If i ever do it which i don't think will happen it would be with a stranger.

[Jenniferathome]

... I think what you are feeling is what a lot of CD's feel as they advance along their CD journey which is adding more and more as we go along. Each additional step makes impersonating a woman feel better and better and we get more and more comfortable in the clothes. So it's only natural for you to be curious and have the desire to want to be in the same place as a woman having sex with a man, it would make you feel more womanly and validate yourself in female clothing. ...

This can not be right. Dressing as a woman and have gay sex are unrelated! It is not a "natural" curiosity. Sex can not "make you feel more womanly" because cross dressers are not women. Unless you are trans this is just an excuse for someone who is gay or bi to come out of the closet.

[CONSUELO]

Yes, i have been with both a gay man and another cross dresser. Didn't feel guilty. Find it very satisfying and prefer it to heterosexual encounters now.

[NicoleScott]

Having fantasies doesn't make you anything other than a fantasizer. Acting on those fantasies does.
The bridge between fantasy and reality is as long or short as you make it.
My fantasies are mine. My bridge is long and has never been crossed.

[Ezekiel]

This can not be right. Dressing as a woman and have gay sex are unrelated! It is not a "natural" curiosity. Sex can not "make you feel more womanly" because cross dressers are not women.

I totally agree with you. In my opinion you are 100% right here. But in the last sentence...


Unless you are trans this is just an excuse for someone who is gay or bi to come out of the closet

Well, lets not jump into conclusions so quickly. Being aroused by men is one thing, and being aroused by a fantasy where one is crossdressed and acting as what the perceptions of being the "female" in sex with a guy, is another.

Okay, I must say that the thought has never interested me in the least so I am not talking from experience this should be know, and im talking only in my humble opinion on the matter...but in my knowledge, there are others crossdressers, who are straight, and do like this type of fantasy, but they are not romantically or sexually attracted to men per se.

As I said before, the guy seems to be there just for self satisfaction that helps to make them feel what they think femininity means, they don't actually like the dude, so thats why this issue is a little more complicated than it might appear at first.

So no, in my opinion and from what I've seen, one does not have to be gay/bisexual to like this type of fantasy.

[Tina_gm]

Just how straight are CDers when it comes to sex with women even? I mean, we have desires and fantasies to be a woman or to dress like them and a lot of other stuff.... and then we have sex with women, so, just how straight are we with women? I am not actually suggesting CDers are lesbians or that sex with women is actually gay, but, it does bend the line just a tad here and there perhaps? I would definitely stop thinking in terms of what straight is or what you are.... I don't think you are all that accurate with either, sorry.

[ReineD]

Our sexuality isn't what leads us to CDing.

I know this is not what leads you or other TSs to express yourselves, but sexuality is a prime motive for many CDers. In fact, don't most CDers start off by masturbating while dressed or while fantasizing about being dressed? And once they experience that high, it sticks, even if it becomes less sexual with age. It has not been sexual for my SO for years, but it most definitely started out that way.

To the OP, you should just bite the bullet and try it. You've been wanting to meet-up with folks on CL for years now. It's the only way to know whether it is for you, other people's experiences don't have a bearing on how you are sexually wired. Unless you just enjoy talking about it? :)

You ask if being with a man will make you want to dress more. This all depends on how sexual the CDing is for you. Some CDers can get lost in the fantasy and they can maintain the illusion they are women even when having male-on-male sex. Just be smart about it and meet the person first in public, also let someone know where you will be when you do meet-up for sex. Bring your cell phone and let the person you are meeting know that people know you are there. Also, don't forget to use condoms.

My SO did experiment with men and this is how he determined that it wasn't for him, even if he does occasionally have homoerotic fantasies. Fantasies are not related to what arouses us in real life. I have a fantasy that would literally be impossible to reconstruct in real life and if it was, it would be a real turnoff. lol.

[Amy Fakley]

Just how straight are CDers when it comes to sex with women even? I mean, we have desires and fantasies to be a woman or to dress like them and a lot of other stuff.... and then we have sex with women, so, just how straight are we with women? I am not actually suggesting CDers are lesbians or that sex with women is actually gay, but ...

This is insighful.

When my wife and I are "doing things", my true nature comes out. In truth, it always has, which made sex before I came out to her pretty damn awkward for many, many years.

These days, I can't even hide it. It's very obvious, from the way (and where) I like to be touched, and how I respond to that ... and the things that leads to (<monty_python>say n'more, say n'more</monty_python>) ... in my mind, I can't help but be who I really am in those moments, and who I am is really quite feminine.

So ... from a certain perapective, it is maybe a little gay ... ??

In the end we are who we are, and we like what we like, and it really just doesn't matter. Love is love :-)

[chris63]

I'm right there with you Amy. My wife won't have sex with me dressed as a woman but I still feel like I'm a woman having sex with another woman. You're right, I feel very feminine having while having sex even in guy mode. Does that make me a lesbian? I don't know nor do I care.

In relation to the gay question, I'm generally not attracted to the male physique. When I first started CD I thought I must be gay but I'm not. However, I do enjoy things sexually that most gay men enjoy that my wife provides. All very complicated:)

[Ezekiel]

Just how straight are CDers when it comes to sex with women even? I mean, we have desires and fantasies to be a woman or to dress like them and a lot of other stuff.... and then we have sex with women, so, just how straight are we with women?

Sexual preferences do not change categories of sexual orientations. I don't like men, so I am hetero. No middle terms here, its a simple concept for me.

The "just how straight are you with women" sentence does not make much sense to me, and honestly, it sounds a little narrow minded even if it attempts the contrary, to sound more open.
Let me explain why I find it narrow... basically, it means that being straight is exclusively for folks who are, lets say, simple and traditional, in their sexual actions, and have none or little variance in their "roles".

I am myself what I think you are defining here, I certainly prefer women who are assertive and have strong personality traits, and I prefer to take the submissive role in a relationship, however this does not make me gay in any sense, because I am only attracted to women, in whatever means or way it may be.

With this situation, then why would I identify as anything else than heterosexual? When its obviousbly my right to define myself this way as I explained above given my nature?


When my wife and I are "doing things", my true nature comes out. In truth, it always has, which made sex before I came out to her pretty damn awkward for many, many years.

I get why you mean, and it is my situation aswell in a sexual sense. But seriously, I don't see why would that make us gay in any sense.

[Samantha B L]

I've done it with guys 11 times. But I realize that there are large numbers of male to female crossdressers who are straight and they like girls.I like women too,my platonic lifetime partner was female.

[Rhonda Jean]

Just how straight are CDers when it comes to sex with women even? I mean, we have desires and fantasies to be a woman or to dress like them and a lot of other stuff.... and then we have sex with women, so, just how straight are we with women? I am not actually suggesting CDers are lesbians or that sex with women is actually gay, but, it does bend the line just a tad here and there perhaps? I would definitely stop thinking in terms of what straight is or what you are.... I don't think you are all that accurate with either, sorry.

Awesome point!


I know this is not what leads you or other TSs to express yourselves, but sexuality is a prime motive for many CDers. In fact, don't most CDers start off by masturbating while dressed or while fantasizing about being dressed? And once they experience that high, it sticks, even if it becomes less sexual with age. It has not been sexual for my SO for years, but it most definitely started out that way.

To the OP, you should just bite the bullet and try it. You've been wanting to meet-up with folks on CL for years now. It's the only way to know whether it is for you, other people's experiences don't have a bearing on how you are sexually wired. Unless you just enjoy talking about it? :)

You ask if being with a man will make you want to dress more. This all depends on how sexual the CDing is for you. Some CDers can get lost in the fantasy and they can maintain the illusion they are women even when having male-on-male sex. Just be smart about it and meet the person first in public, also let someone know where you will be when you do meet-up for sex. Bring your cell phone and let the person you are meeting know that people know you are there. Also, don't forget to use condoms.

My SO did experiment with men and this is how he determined that it wasn't for him, even if he does occasionally have homoerotic fantasies. Fantasies are not related to what arouses us in real life. I have a fantasy that would literally be impossible to reconstruct in real life and if it was, it would be a real turnoff. lol.

As usual, Reine hits the nail on the head. Also, I'm DYING to know what THAT fantasy is!!:o

[Mayo]

Though I suppose it is possible that your feminine aspect is more inclined to the idea and might like it. Dressing doesn't change your sexual orientation.
I think the OP is either potentially bisexual and very reluctant to admit the possibility or he is thinking that the more 'feminine' he acts (by dressing) the more that means he should want to enjoy sex 'as a woman', i.e. with a guy, as part of what's expected of someone in the feminine role. His language suggests to me that he may have a hefty dose of homophobic masculinity and is trying to deal with these thoughts but, as Paula said,


Having a woman in the room does not make it any straighter. Wearing a skirt does not make it any straighter.

I think he may need to engage in some more introspection about this and what his feelings really are. If he decides to go ahead with it, he might indeed wish to 'have a woman in the room', but as an explicit MMF threesome, and that way he can see how he feels about being close to another man in a sexual setting (whether he is dressed or not). If he finds he can't deal with it, they can both concentrate on the woman instead. Or he could just watch some gay porn and see how he feels.

[Alexa Lynne]

I was born a male, but i am 100% attracted to females. NEVER would i be with a guy. I'm a TransLesbian. I'm married to a CIS woman. Love her to death, and honestly, I don't want anyone else! Even IF i wasn't married, I wouldn't be with a guy, or a TransGirl unless she has had GRS. . .

[Amy Fakley]

Sexual preferences do not change categories of sexual orientations. I don't like men, so I am hetero. No middle terms here, its a simple concept for me.

The "just how straight are you with women" sentence does not make much sense to me, and honestly, it sounds a little narrow minded even if it attempts the contrary, to sound more open.
Let me explain why I find it narrow... basically, it means that being straight is exclusively for folks who are, lets say, simple and traditional, in their sexual actions, and have none or little variance in their "roles".

I am myself what I think you are defining here, I certainly prefer women who are assertive and have strong personality traits, and I prefer to take the submissive role in a relationship, however this does not make me gay in any sense, because I am only attracted to women, in whatever means or way it may be.

With this situation, then why would I identify as anything else than heterosexual? When its obviousbly my right to define myself this way as I explained above given my nature?



I get why you mean, and it is my situation aswell in a sexual sense. But seriously, I don't see why would that make us gay in any sense.

In my mind, things feel very feminine, which leads to acts usually associated with gay sex between two women.

Maybe it ain't gay, but it damn sure ain't straight.

But then, as I stated earlier. It doesn't matter.

People be carryin' on in this thread like you can accidentally "catch the gay". :rofl:

Loosen up, yall ... it ain't like we're all that normal of a crowd to start with. Why start drawing arbitrary lines between us?

Love yourself for who you are, and forget about the rest of the BS in our culture!

[TrishaLake]

I think Reine is right...and if this is what you want then give it w girl. One time does not make you gay and who cares anyway...just a title...only you can know you.

[AmandaM]

I think it's silly that some think as soon as you think about a guy, his appendage, etc. that you are bi or gay. They dismiss the CDing, the mimicing of females as little more than dressup. They discount any attempt to include the possibility that a female sexuality could exist in the mind of some CDers. If a CDer could have a partial feminine identity, why could it not also include sexuality?

Why couldn't a CDer be 50% man and 50% woman mentally? Don't be so quick to label these CDers as people in denial. I had sex with a man once. It was "somewhat" enjoyable, but only when I "felt like a woman". I don't check out guys. I don't lust for them. But sometimes, in my most "feminine moments", I do. When I think about guy on guy sex, I cringe. When I see it online, I think "bleh". But thinking about being a she**** or a real girl? Yes, I like that. So tell me. How does that make me bi or gay?

[prene]

Hi,
...
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

... other's physical, emotional experience before taking this step.

1) Never done that. I have been out with some gg's and a guy was with us.
2,3,4,5) NA

Have I thought about it ... YES

Kind of wish I had a vagina though if that were to happen

[Jazzy Jaz]

AmandaM, i agree that cds can be a mix of both male and female but those two aspects are combined into one person. My understanding of bi is when an individual wants and would enjoy sex with both sexes. An individual man who enjoys only women is straight, an individual woman who enjoys only men is straight, but an individual who is part of both genders is still an individual and wanting and enjoying both sexes even when separated by the gender role you are in is in my opinion some variation of bi. I am also completely turned off by gay porn or man on man sex but having desire to be with both sexes to one degree or another puts me on the bi spectrum.

[SisAimee]

After dressing for several years I struck up a relationship with an openly gay man. We eventually met for coffee and continued to meet until it was sex in the car in a covered parking lot.
1. I've been with him probably 15-20 times now.
2. I never once felt guilty as I thought it was a part of me I wanted to try out always feeling as if I were deep-down, a woman.
3. I see him maybe a few times a year so I know I'm not addicted to being with a guy.
4. I am a closet CD and could not go fulltime due to work, etc.
5. Some things were definitely more pleasurable than straight sex; I had always wanted to know what a woman feels like, giving and receiving pleasure and, of course, the ultimate for a woman. I know the physical feelings are different and that was wild, but so are the mental feelings of trying to imagine being the woman and letting go and enjoying it.
I think after it's all said and done, I continue to enjoy it as a different variation of sex though I probably prefer straight sex more:)

[gabyespinotv]

i'm not gonna say names but everytime there is a post regarding this subject there are certain members who jump and say YOU ARE GAY I'M SO STRAIGHT...honestly..you're not fooling anybody but yourselves..

[Dana44]

Leona,


I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before? Yes, several men.
2. Did you feel guilty later about it? No not at all.
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? Not really.
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? No, I don't think men like CDs. Well some do.
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? Sex is sex. I love women and like men. Does that point it out clearly?

[Alice_2014_B]

No.
Nor do I have any desire to.

:)

[Kristy 56]

I've often times had the exact same fantasy. Always with a GG present. Never had an opportunity to live it though.

[AnnieMac]

I dunno y'all, never having had any of that kind of experience, all I can think of is smelly and messy. Those that partake how you actually dealing with that? Seems like it would be an awful lot of work an not very spontaneous. Just wondering and exposing my niavete in the process.

[kkaye]

I was born in the 60s. I had attractions to other males but religion, social life and family suppressed acting on it. I lived a heterosexual life, married,kids etc. But, I did eventually act on my desires. I did not feel guilty. I was born with these feelings. Once, I had the feeling of being penetrated, I was hooked. I like women to much to go fulltime. It is more fun to do it with another guy.

[ReineD]

Why couldn't a CDer be 50% man and 50% woman mentally?

If they were, it would extend to a lot more than clothes, makeup, hair, shoes, and having sex with men to "feel" feminine. lol This is a very limited way of understanding what women are all about.

[LaurenS]

Loosen up, yall ... it ain't like we're all that normal of a crowd to start with. Why start drawing arbitrary lines between us?

Love yourself for who you are, and forget about the rest of the BS in our culture!

Well said. You are a gem!

For some reason, this thread reminds me of the song Signs by Five Man Electrical Band: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oeT5otk2R1g

[Ezekiel]

If they were, it would extend to a lot more than clothes, makeup, hair, shoes, and having sex with men to "feel" feminine. lol This is a very limited way of understanding what women are all about.

Indeed... poor understanding I would have used instead.

[deebra]

ReineD I really disagree with your #54 thread, a CD or non CD doesn't have to have mental/emotional wiring to think 100% their gender. I'm really surprised your open mind said that. People can be 100%, 50-50%, 15-85% or to any degree having tendancies opposite of their gender, in other words their are men who tend to be more feminine than normal and women who are masculine in their thinking. Going back to my thread you can get dressed as a woman, psych yourself out to where you are a woman and enjoy/enhance the entire evening in that mindset. It just takes CDing to a higher level that some threads on here can't relate to. And when totally dressed as a woman in women's and performing sex on a male partner you are dressed the same as a woman, performing sex on a male just like a woman and you can be imagining yourself as a woman while this is going on.

[Ezekiel]

Deebra, while I agree with your post on some level (the tendencies everybody can have), I disagree with your disagreeing with Reine. Let me explain...

Being a woman is not about clothing, thinking you are feeling "feminine", sex or any of these topics. Being a woman is just being a person of a given gender, whatever your personality might be, and it cannot be equated to what most in society seem to think a woman is (looks, clothes, sex, and other very repeated topics I'm tired of seeing).

Thats what Reine ment whe she posted that.

And by the way... those who think that can understand women better just because they crossdress... well, they are deluded, because they are not getting past the gender topic.

Its very simple, stop seeing a woman as a woman, and see them for the important part of what they are, people, persons. To understand a woman, all you have to do is to understand a person, and get past the gender and all the societal associations its got attached.

[mechamoose]

I want to challenge part of the basis of the original question.

If a guy is into you enough for intimacy when dressed like a girl but not as a boy, then he is more interested in the idea of a girl than a boy. Ergo, he is "straight". You, on the other hand, have an interest in a guy, but only feel comfortable when assuming the 'female role'. That is 'gayish', but still not gay.

I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
Yes, lots of times.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
Nope. I enjoyed it.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
Um, you either like guys or you don't. It may get easier your second or third time, but the base interest still has to be there.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Nope. Some have liked me dressing up all femme, others have liked me all butched out.

5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?
It is just different, not better. The men I have been with have tended to be more in tune with showing hunger and more of a willingness to be aggressive or 'dirty'. The women I have been with have varied, the minority being aggressive.

Also, nobody knows what feels good as well as someone who owns the same equipment.

<3

- MM

[AmandaM]

lol This is a very limited way of understanding what women are all about.

Sorry, that is not what I said. I said, I could only have sex with a man if I feel like a woman the entire time, I didn't say I have sex with them to get the feeling.

[Lori Kurtz]

While dressed in drab, I once clocked a "girl" as a cd. I was immediately and intensely aroused. In a secluded outdoor area, I told her that I dressed up too, and we started kissing and hugging. Neither of us removed any clothing; when I showed her how ready I was for some sexual activity, she showed no eagerness to perform oral sex. I reached orgasm by rubbing against her; she did not have an orgasm, but she obviously enjoyed the experience. We agreed to meet up the next day, and I said I would be en femme. I envisioned doing something similar to what we had just done, but as female-on-female, and with more mutuality of satisfaction.

Then I chickened out. I didn't meet up the next day, partly because of my fear of the complications that would be introduced into my life. And I never did any such thing again--not during my first marriage, not after the divorce, not during my second marriage, and not since my second wife died.

So I've answered your first question. Now on to the rest of them.

Did I feel guilty about it? Yes, because I was married to my first wife, and it was a betrayal of her. It was wrong, simply wrong, and I still feel guilty about that aspect. I also felt (and still feel) guilty about using this sister CD sexually, saying I would meet up with her, and then dropping her with no explanation. But do I feel guilty about having had a sexual experience with someone who was a male? No. Surprised, yes, since I had always considered myself heterosexual, but not guilty. Being gay (if that's what someone wants to label me) is not something to feel guilty about. And I still consider myself primarily heterosexual--but apparently something less than 100%. I still have an active fantasy life that includes some homosexual things, with me dressed up as female. I don't get hung up on trying to define how straight or gay I might be.

Did I get addicted to being with a guy, or did I decide to go fulltime? No. Obviously not. I still had some sex with my first wife, had lots more sex with my second wife, and I still find women desirable.

Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? Hard to answer that one, since it was just one experience. Sex is such a marvelous thing, it's hard to single out just one thing as better than most others. I've had a lot of wonderful orgasms all by myself. I remember my magnificent first time with the woman who later became my second wife--and many great times with her after that first one. The one experience with that other CD was likewise wonderful in its own way, because for me it was unique. But I don't feel that it changed me in any way. I don't think you should expect that having sex with a man (with or without the presence of a real woman when it happens) will change you either. My advice is to be honest and non-hurtful in anything that you decide to do and with whoever you decide to do it with, and then just relax and enjoy it.

[ReineD]

Sorry, that is not what I said. I said, I could only have sex with a man if I feel like a woman the entire time, I didn't say I have sex with them to get the feeling.

I know, but being a woman is so much more than having sex as one. There are 168 hours in a week. If a woman has sex for 3 of those hours per week, this is less than 2% of her time. Who is she and what does she do, the other 98% of her time? This is perhaps difficult to understand for many here.

[HollyGreene]

Never have and never will. I have never been sexually attracted to any man, so the idea wouldn't ever cross my mind. 100% hetero.

[deebra]

ReineD, we're not talking about the 98%, we are solely zeroing in on the few minutes a CD spends having sex with a guy and "imagining" he/she is that sexy, desirable female lover while having sex. The CD is trying to get the same feelings a woman would have while having sex while transforming their mentally state to that of being a woman. Similar to a fighter psyching himself out before the fight that he can't loose and he'll be the next champ. This self inflicted mental transformation "can" start as I stated in my first thread to when getting dressed for the big evening; picking out special sexy lingerie to wear, shaving all over, putting on perfume, eyelashes, lipstick, etc. and it can continue and build throughout the evening, that is the feeling of feeling you are a woman and not a CD.

[mechamoose]

I'm noticing what is probably an innocent and unintentional bias in this discussion which can be illustrated by this question:

Why can't you be treated like a woman by a woman?

When my wife gets in that mode she is gentler with me, calls me sweeter things, tells me I'm pretty. It is a much different experience than when she is in her high-hormonal state and wants me to be more beast than beauty.

I would suggest that only feeling like a woman when under the attention of a man is tied into a heterosexual model. How you get treated is independent of who is doing that for you.

- MM

[Mayo]

The CD is trying to get the same feelings a woman would have while having sex while transforming their mentally state to that of being a woman.
This may be true for some here - perhaps even most - but I doubt that it is true for all. If these threads demonstrate anything, it's that the people on this forum are a very heterogenous group and that not everybody has the same motivations for CDing.

Too bad these forums don't allow inline polls (I mean without linking to an external site). :sad:

[sherri]

Ime, hooking up with a guy can be pretty hot, and it can satisfy a need that, to me, is a natural part of being fem, but it comes in a distant second to being with a woman. One thing it will do is teach you a lot about men and what it's like to try to please them. So many guys are so coarse and insensitive, sometimes I wonder how the species survived. ;-P

Oh, btw, ime the more conditions you place on your fantasy the less likely it is to happen or be satisfying, but that said, I will add that I have been surprised more than once over the years by a woman's curiosity about m/m or mmf bi sex. They may be rare, but they are out there.

[mechamoose]

Ime, hooking up with a guy can be pretty hot, and it can satisfy a need that, to me, is a natural part of being fem, but it comes in a distant second to being with a woman. One thing it will do is teach you a lot about men and what it's like to try to please them. So many guys are so coarse and insensitive, sometimes I wonder how the species survived. ;-P

There is a segment of gay male culture that thrives on 'coarseness'. It rolls around in the muck of male Id* like a pig in mud.


All the gays are macho, can't you see their leather shine?

- Joe Jackson "Real Men"

At the same time, there have been many studies on female interests in family & breeding from an anthropological standpoint. Females tend to like one kind of 'stable' guy for home-building, but like the 'bad boy' for breeding. It is in some ways seeking out the diametric opposite of who you are.

I get hot & bothered in very different ways when looking at a pretty trans vs a burly biker. I admit that the pretty little thing gets my aggressive juices flowing vs the biker type making me want to be submissive. I admit that bias.

- MM

*Id : Id, ego and super-ego (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Id,_ego_and_super-ego#Id)

[Krististeph]

Hi,

I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

Before dressing up, I used to see shapes as masculine and feminine. Like certain shoes are obviously feminine (slim).. you know what I am saying.. Now I dont have those thoughts any more since I started dressing up. I am wondering if being with a guy would make one gender fluid. I am thinking about it but I want to know other's physical, emotional experience before taking this step.

Hey Chicago! Great questions- very deep. I think a lot of us play with this in our minds, Leona, but are loathe to admit it. Frankly, I'm a little surprised to be answering this myself...

In answer to question 1- No Not done it, but I'm married, and male or female- that's off limits for me (unless my wife decides to experiment). I'd say i'm a good 97%-98% straight. I've though about what it might be like to be with a man (me as a female) but it pretty much just does not do it for me. I like girls, as friends and as mates. I have male friends- and we can goof around as much as we want- but there is no sexual attraction.

If you have homosexual feelings- talk to some gay guys- they will not try to jump your bones- let them know the conflicts you are feeling.

If you are gay and TG, well, hey, there's a fairly unique subset you are in, and that's kind of neat. If it were me, being in this position, I'd want to learn more about it for the intellectual aspect as well, but you owe it to yourself to explore- just be safe and kind.

In a way some of us might be envious/jealous as crossdressers- if you are gay and TG- you get to live and explore the classic female life more fully than many of us.

But what a brave and honest question you ask- I for one would like to know what you find for yourself, if you care to share it with us.

[leonal123]

Thanks Everyone for the answers. I am very straight guy. I wont say fully alpha but I stand up for myself when needed and I never think of being with a guy.. But I asked this question because I feel a strange attraction towards that. I dont wanna do it because I am gay, I wanna do it because it would make me feel like a woman emotionally and physically as well. Thanks all for all the answers. They were really helpful :)

[ReineD]

Leona, I'd like to offer a different twist on this if you'll bear with me. Before I start, I want to say that I have no bias or prejudice against people in same-sex relationships.

First, I think we can assume that men who are homosexual, who have always been and will always be homosexual and who do not have gender issues (most gay men do not crossdress, at least according to the way they present in all the gay clubs my SO and I have been to), do not feel feminine when they have sex together. And so we can infer that having sex with a man does not necessarily lead to feelings of femininity for most men who have sex with other men on a regular basis.

If up-til-now-hetero CDers feel feminine at the thought of having sex with a man, it is therefore all in his mind? And so might the attraction to a male be more fantasy-based than having any real attraction to the male? In other words, might the sexual fantasy become exciting based more on the CDer having thoughts of himself as a sexually attractive female than anything else, and using a man in the fantasy (for a hetero CDer who would define normative sex as being between a man and a woman) serves to intensify the desired feminine feelings?

[deebra]

ReineD, you hit the nail on the head in that last paragraph, I totally agree, How About That!!!

[mechamoose]

If up-til-now-hetero CDers feel feminine at the thought of having sex with a man,

Men are yummy, all ripples and muscles and sweat.,, (ahem)



it is therefore all in his mind? And so might the attraction to a male be more fantasy-based than having any real attraction to the male? In other words, might the sexual fantasy become exciting based more on the CDer having thoughts of himself as a sexually attractive female than anything else, and using a man in the fantasy (for a hetero CDer who would define normative sex as being between a man and a woman) serves to intensify the desired feminine feelings?

This gets into all kinds of gender discussions. A man in Brasil can enjoy a submissive without questioning his (or your) identity. Topping a submissive male is no different than topping a girl.

Roles, roles roles... this is the chorus of our song.

Play the part and don't be sorry for it sweetie.

- MM

[Jenniferathome]

" Topping a submissive male is no different than topping a girl."

Well, you are wildly wrong here. It's different. The number of penises alone makes it really different. Justify it or excuse it any way you like but it's different.

[Dana P]

This hits the nail on the head for me too. I like to FEEL female. Im not so much attracted to men as to them being attracted go me. No done this yet, but have fantasies about it quite often.

[Tina_gm]

Jennifer, no need for arithmetic, it causes my brain to go into gimbal lock lol. While in our culture, being with the same sex is indeed an act of something other than hetero, there is truth that in other cultures, it is not considered to be gay or even bi. Ancient Greece, and today in some Asian countries, the prostitutes are often MTF, and being with one is not considered to be gay for them. The MTF prostitutes are so feminine and convincing that the Marine who was found guilty for choking a TG likely did not realize what he was getting himself into, literally.

[Mayo]

The MTF prostitutes are so feminine and convincing that the Marine who was found guilty for choking a TG likely did not realize what he was getting himself into, literally.
Not that 'trans panic' or 'gay panic' is any excuse for murder whatsoever.

And now back to your regular thread.

[Danielle Hyatt]

In a word NO WAY!!!

[Laurana]

I've never had any interest in men either dressed as a guy or a girl. Don't get me wrong, there are a few men that I do find attractive but not sexually attractive.

[flatlander_48]

Yes, I have been intimate with men. As a matter of fact, my list of male lovers is longer than the list of female lovers (note that neither is terribly long). However, the last time I was with a man was long before I dressed. At this point, I'm not looking for a male lover, so dressed or not doesn't really enter into the picture.

DeeAnn

[StefaniLara]

To be honest with you, it's something that I haven't done, but it does intrigue me. One day, if I meet the right guy at the right time, maybe I would consider it. It's an experience I want to have, but just not right now.

[lisagurl]

if it was the right guy, and he was kinda fem, yes without a doubt, but its never happned yet :(

[Gypsy Sam]

1. (2x)some thirty years ago when adapting to new surroundings and no relationships. None since
2 Confused but not guilty. Months latter frightened when confronting a previous partner in my work place serving the public.
3. No further interest evolved as women were my preference for relationships.
4. Not apply
5. Stressful but not anywhere near the enjoyment of being with a woman.

Do find the effiminate man who presents as female, a subject of my imagination.

[Nolacdflorida]

I am surprised that I am answering this thread but here goes.

1. Has anyone done it before? I have been intimate with two men. One was a friend and was my first encounter. We had both had a little too much to drink and so it went. The second was with a CD and we were both dressed. There was no intercourse, just oral on both occasions.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it? After the first time, yes a little but we talked about it and the guilt went away. After the second time with the other CD there was no guilt whatsoever. Just absolute enjoyment.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? Definitely not, although I would like a repeat performance as I really enjoyed the second time.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? No. I love my wife (she doesn't know about my dressing) and I enjoy being a male.

Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? Only had oral and it was absolutely wonderful, but still only want intercourse with my wife.

[Alice Torn]

Only three men have i ever met dressed up. They gave me leg massages, and some touching, but i did not allow any penetration sex, or tongue kisses. Very few men want to meet, me because of my boundries and restrictions. I did enjoy it though.

[Chrissi]

My sexual preference is men.
As a "guy" I am gay, so is my BF.
As Chrissi I am "straight" until the lingerie comes off, then I am gay again. ;)

[drushin703]

I honestly never let things go that far. Role play. Foundling perhaps. maybe a kiss or two on my cheek. But never sex with a man........Although I must admit to being attracted to a certain drag queen at the local bar who is just knock-out gorgeous,
the thought of waking up next to some skinny, breastform-less, male with their hip pads removed, causes me great pause. All crossdressing is the most fun a man could ever have. But mature, responsible crossdressing means you make
logical, guiltless, healthy choices....just my opinion....dana

[mechamoose]

'Guys' are just us. We are walkers between worlds

We want the same things, we just want to be accepted, wanted and loved. I fail to see how 'bits' make us any less desirable. We are glorious aberrations.

I'm so tired of apologizing for my gender...

We are special.

- MM

[joanna4]

I do enjoy being with older men. Not so much into sex due to guilt afterwards but they do reoccur as fantasies. I also prefer the safest methods for both of us.

[AmandaM]

That's the quandry then. Some of us CDers want to "feel like" women, to immerse ourselves in that world, at least part-time. Some of us would even go so far as to have sex as a woman, as close as we can get anyway. But, we still have guy's physical bodies and we are still "men" as we haven't declared transsexuality. I don't believe if I feel any attraction to men that the CDing "gives me an excuse". And I don't believe I fit the definition of bisexual. Somehow, I cannot decouple the "girl" from the "sex". I think the definition of bisexual is insufficient in the case of CDers. There must be some other dynamic at play that would better describe us. I can't really define it but get by with the thought that my brain is half-female. Seems to make more sense. Of course, what I might really be saying is I am halfway between TV and TS. Half-transsexual brain? Maybe. But, if you tell me I have bisexual tendencies, I feel my "female side" is dismissed.

[theresa renee]

i'm a member of a lot of different forums on various topics of interest, and never before have i read through an entire thread. color me impressed. there are so many quotable items, but here's what stuck out to me:



Loosen up, yall ... it ain't like we're all that normal of a crowd to start with. Why start drawing arbitrary lines between us?

i don't know any other CDs in my area, and i'm new to the forum, so reading this made me laugh and loosen a little. thank you :)



So many guys are so coarse and insensitive, sometimes I wonder how the species survived.


Very few men want to meet, me because of my boundries and restrictions.

these two quotes ring very, very true for me. i will admit to having been curious about the matter, and even joined a dating site as my alter ego to explore these feelings. what i found was a lot of gross behavior that caused me to immediately and permanently remove my account.

of course, it led me to wonder how much of that was a reflection on my behavior "as a man". granted, i've never offered to send graphic photographs before saying hello, and i do try to be polite when i meet a new woman, but some fellas are pretty unbelievable. when i "turn girl", it's a complete turn-off, and as Sherri stated, it makes me wonder how have we survived this long. maybe that's the difference in the brain of a new CD that enjoys intimate moments with women rather than that of a GG - maybe hard-wiring (if there is such a thing) is the real answer.

that's not to say that there isn't a man that will be a little more - what's the word - kind, perhaps? as noted by Alice, few men wanted to meet me based on my own restrictions - i won't mess with certain types of women in my every-day "man" life, why should that be any different for meeting a man as my femme alter ego?

to the OP, i think what matters most is comfort and safety, as stated by so many here. how we define ourselves is going to vary from person to person, so while i personally think your self-identity and question(s) is/are valid, i don't think any of the answers will ultimately persuade or dissuade you from exploring yourself as you see fit. human beings have a tendency to wonder and ask for advice, but end up doing exactly what we want to do, anyway. if you want to go through with having an intimate encounter with a man while you are CDing, and if you think that will make you feel in a positive manner, then that decision is yours. what does any of this make you? only you can answer that. whether you end up defining yourself as gay, straight, bi, or any of the subtle levels in-between, that's your call.

however, i'm pretty new to all of this, too, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. for what it's worth, at this point, i'd just as soon stick to enjoying women, whether i'm "as a man" or if i "turn girl".

[Jazzy Jaz]

Hi Amanda, I still personally consider that bi but I totally respect that you dont agree with that description. Maybe it could be described as being a mix of a straight man and a straight woman. Either way good luck on your journey.

[karynspanties]

Well I am bisexual. And let's just say....I am VERY orally and anally talented. Always leave a happy customer!!

[Melanie 0339]

I've been with a close male friend in my late teens we didn't go the whole way just mutual pleasuring. This was in my early dressing years when I just wore womens clothes because I liked the feel of them. Now I'm a lot deeper into my dressing I find my self fantasising about being with a man but I'm not attracted to men at all I think what previous posters have said, that it's about having men be attracted to me as a girl for me that's the knowledge that I'm that convincing as a female men would want me. But if I was to go with a man I think it would have to be another CD'r because I just don't find men sexually appealing. I don't know I'm pretty confused but I'm trying to embrace my inner girl and see where my journey takes me. xxx

[Charlotte Haynes]

1. Yes, when I was 26, with a man I used to work with. One night only. I'm now 45.
2. I felt very guilty the next morning, and for the days and weeks following that.
3. Didn't get addicted due to that instance. I have craved intimacy with other males all my adult life, but I can keep a lid on it.
4. It had nothing to do with my dressing. I don't equate my homosexual feelings with my need to wear women's clothes.
5. It wasn't pleasurable at all. I was drunk, but still aware that I shouldn't have been having unprotected sex with that man.
It wasn't gentle either, he was yanking and biting and stuff. He capped his performance off by shaking my hand afterwards.

[AmandaM]

Hi Amanda, I still personally consider that bi.

Yes, technically, if I am in bed with another guy, then that is a bi physical act. But, mentally I can only do it if I feel like I am a girl "desiring him". So, it's not so simple. "Normal" bisexuals do not have this problem. They desire men and have sex with them. I suppose if I were to have sex with a lot of men, then the clothes might start coming off and I'd find out I was actually just bi. Maybe.

[flatlander_48]

" Topping a submissive male is no different than topping a girl."

Well, you are wildly wrong here. It's different. The number of penises alone makes it really different. Justify it or excuse it any way you like but it's different.

I think MM was referring to the thought process that can occur in Latin cultures and not the physicality of the situation. I know this happens in countries in Central America, but I don't know about Brazil specifically. If you are the aggressive partner, conceptually your manhood remains intact. If you are the submissive partner, you are thought to be gay. It's an odd distinction to me, but that's how it works.


I don't believe if I feel any attraction to men that the CDing "gives me an excuse".

I don't think it is an excuse. I think dressing may facilitate or enable one to enter into same-sex intimacy. Similarly, I wouldn't dream of going for a bike ride without my lycra jerseys and bibs or go to church in shorts and a T-shirt. Being appropriately dressed is part of the event and works to complete the picture.


And I don't believe I fit the definition of bisexual. Somehow, I cannot decouple the "girl" from the "sex". I think the definition of bisexual is insufficient in the case of CDers.

If one is truly heterosexual or truly homosexual, the sex of the potential partner is the FIRST consideration. If that is not appropriate, then nothing happens after that. For those of us somewhere in the middle, including me, the sex of the potential partner is not the first consideration. It might slot in as maybe 3rd or 4th behind such things as general attractiveness, perceived sensuality, etc.

I view it as a condradiction when someone says that they are straight but they are attracted to men while dressed. In that case, I think dressing enables a hiden facet of ones personality to surface. Said another way, dressing legitimizes those feelings that are usually supressed otherwise. I don't think you can tap into same-sex desire if there is none to begin with, regardless of how deeply it is suppressed.

DeeAnn

[laura.lapinski]

Never done it. Had the fantasy many times. I think I would still have to consider myself some sort of bi since the fantasy is so strong even though I am not attracted to males. I'm sure one could develop a like for it if the sex was enjoyable. I didn't like beer the first few times I tasted it. In fact, drinking a beer fast on one of my first times, my body had the natural response to gag. I had to sip it. Because I liked how a beer made me feel, I eventually liked the way it tasted. Acclimation. Yes, without the curiosity of how it would feel, I never would have tried beer.

I think I am more of a CD/Admirer now Like many have said, it would highly depend on the type of guy. First of all, he would have to be nice and kind. Second, present as female. I could either be in male or female persona depending on what the other person wanted. After an acclimation, I'm sure my restrictions on roles would go away (this is my guess anyway). I don't need another woman to be present, but I can see how being in accepting company in general could make it easier. I have had other fantasies with multiple people of both sexes involved, and fantasies of only women too. I mean, like comedian/actor Raymond (from Everyone Loves Raymond) said "there is a cast of thousands in [my brain]".

Let me make sure I've answered the original posters' questions:

1. Has anyone done it before?
No. Did some consensual experimenting as a young teen but nobody was dressed)
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
Felt guilty and strange and regretful for the multiple times we experimented. I admit I might feel a little today if I were to do it, but I think it wouldn't be as bad because I am more knowledgeable about things now.
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
No, I didn't.
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Not applicable. My experimentation along with my desire to dress were enough to add to my confusion as to "who I was" even though I was intensely attracted to females ll my life.
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?
No. But I think if I were to try it as an adult, it would be better than the naïve/awkward teenage experimentations.

I think being gender fluid isn't necessarily based on whether you've been with another guy or not. Without any initial curiosity, it will never happen. After it happens, it serves as a measuring stick as to whether you liked it or not, and that will determine if you pursue it again. I think all of your thoughts about it are quite normal and healthy. If you do it, be careful (use protection, and make sure the other person is STD Free...don't just believe what they say, get tested). Obviously, don't do it if you are in a relationship with someone else.

Laura

[Krististeph]

....They gave me leg massages, ....

I redact my earlier position then... I guess I was with a few men. This was, however, fully clothed (if you can all it that) and during bicycle racing. The team usually had two masseuses (sp?), guy from Jamaica and a guy from Nairobi. Damn if they did not make a huge difference- taught me to work the lactic acid up back toward the heart- strong hands, outstanding team members. They practiced good kung fu.

The stuff you go to college for- therapeutic massage- these guys taught as they worked. What I learned, I am convinced that this contributed to me getting... ummm.. "intimate" with numerous ladies before I met the Kat.

[Mayo]

Reading the comments from that minority for whom being dressed is an important consideration in same-sex encounters or fantasies, I wonder if the clothes are a case of situationally blurring the gender boundaries, whether or not they actually identify as female.

Over on another (more sexually oriented) forum where I'm a regular, there are numerous threads dedicated to "men who like c**k but aren't gay" and to the appeal of TS porn stars. Human sexuality and gender are fascinating things, as are the many ways that we in the West have developed to try and repress and constrain them to 'morally acceptable' paths (and failed). I think that many humans are bisexual to a degree and that people have ways of getting what they want without necessarily having to admit or take responsibility for it - getting drunk, not being the initiator, not kissing a same-sex partner, or having the partner look particularly feminine, are all ways of getting around the societal restrictions and penalties of homosexual activity. Many of us are also not firmly attached to the masculine pole of the gender binary (another contravention of social norms), which would further allow for the possibility of expressing one's female-gendered aspect in a heterosexual manner. In this context, I think that a CD who is interested in a same-sex partner may simply be expressing some combination of gender and orientation fluidity in a situation where it is more acceptable to them to do so. Dressing up may in some way be a license to engage in such behaviour.

I'm certainly not saying that all CDers are repressed bisexuals, as obviously there are many of us who identify as firmly heterosexual regardless of what we're wearing, just that dressing might facilitate or encourage such interests that might not otherwise be expressed in some individuals for whatever reason. Personally (and as a bisexual myself), I consider our society to be far too inhibited about sex and that reducing sexual inhibition is a positive thing. I encourage people to embrace and explore their sexuality in a safe, sane and consensual manner.

[MissRandy]

Yes I have been with a guy. I guess I am bi

[antonyio]

yes I have been with a guy
no I didn't feel guilty after as I am a woman in my mind so it seemed right
no the clothes had nothing to do with it
yes I would do it again but still prefer a woman

[ashleyjane15]

I experimented with a guy in my youth. Looking back on it now, I know that it wasn't for me. I find some men attractive but not sexually. As a "guy" or a girl, I am attracted to women.

[Crystal Beth]

I had been with men both dressed femme and male and no, I never felt any guilt about it. I would not say I was addicted, but I did love it and can "switch", sometimes I want men, sometimes I want women. No I did not go full time afterwards. It was a different kind of pleasure and I felt very fulfilled and liberated. It is a turn on knowing I can satisfy either sex.

Sometimes, some of the men I was with felt guilty afterwards. For them being with somebody that is dressed is easier for them to accept. After they "finished", they got hit with "gay guilt" and I was able to read it on their face. Sometimes you are a partner, other times you are somebody's short-lived fantasy.

[weyburn]

I hve doneit many times and mostly wearing at least something feminine as I truly do play the female role and don't feel the least bit guilty
Not addicted but most enjoyable satisfying and pleasurable
Men only for me now with no regrets and I find it more gratifying

[mechamoose]

Why is there even a stigma, really?

You like who and what you like. Some people can be pretty or repulsive, regardless of 'gender'. To me it is more about personality.

If you like *them*, then what does it matter?

<confused>

- MM

[MelanieCalif]

Hi Amanda,

I feel exactly as you have described. in our cases, at least, I see it as being sort of half and half male and female
feelings and expression. When male I'm not interested in other males, when dressed en femme and feeling like
a female, I am interested. I agree, just labelling it as bi, dismisses our female side. I think people get to being
a crossdresser in different ways, and hence the spectrum.

Hugs,

Melanie

[taylormercedes]

I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?



1: I've had intimate encounters whether it involved oral or anal sex with several guys. And yes I've only had these encounters while I was dressed "en femme."

2: No I did not feel guilty, I might have had second thoughts about who I hooked up with, but that was in regards to the person, not related to their sex.
3: I did not get addicted. I still have a normal male sex drive and my desires my sexual intimacy with another person runs about the same as most other males.
4: I think the desire to go full time is not related to sex whether with a male or female as most people on here will agree but rather on yourself and what gender you identify as.
5: Sex can be pleasurable whether with a man or woman. I happened to enjoy most of my encounters and still desire to have sexual intimacy with a man from time to time. But I also enjoy sexual relations with my wife. And I have had good sex with women and good sex with men and the opposite with both genders. I just depends on the connection between your partner and yourself.

Whatever you decide to do I just hope that you are safe and you make the right decision for yourself.

[charlene#2]

when I was in the navy way back when,a buddy and I picked up a couple of girls and was walking around half the night,a little kissing and touching now and then.the girl that I was with let me touch her breast thru her clothes,but when I tried to touch her through her skirt she always stopped me,now to this day I am wondering if she was a guy.she was a little hefty built,i was a 17 year old kid and very inexperienced.either way she felt good through the clothes.

[KrisB]

I spend over 99% of my time in male mode. While in this default, I'm not in the slightest bit interested in having sex with other guys. When I'm out en femme, I don't seek out men. That said, I've had a couple of occasions where I've been en femme when a guy has checked me out and I've gotten some strong urges...

[SHINY-J]

I know many CD's like myself are straight... Some are not... It's just like anything else. I do think that almost all CD's are going to be more accepting of the gay lifestyle even if they are not gay themselves. I think many CD's, such as myself, might have fantasies sometimes about being with a man.

I know I don't fit into any of the typical categories of cross dressers as my desire to dress is completely sexually driven. I don't have any desire to dress unless I am sexually aroused. It enhances my sexual experience whether it's with a woman or by myself. Personally, when I dress, I will find myself fantasizing about being with a man simply because I've had pretty lousy experiences dressing with the women I've dated. With my dressing being something I try to be as discreet as possible about, I've had more men interested in me when I dressed. Equally, they are usually looking to keep things discreet too as they don't want to advertise that they are interested in a CD. So we are able to satisfy our needs with mutual sort of agreement to keep it hush-hush.

I also think that it's the taboo with dressing that adds to my thrill too. In my "normal" world, I'm a real guy's guy... I watch all kinds of sports... Do all types of sporting activities... I can drink almost anyone under the table... I love cars... Camping, fishing, chasing women, etc... I don't pretend to know what others image of myself is, but based on experience, I'm sure most would be VERY shocked if they knew I dressed. There have been several women I've opened up to about it and ended up dressing with and they were all taken aback and some even furious because it's such a different persona from my "normal" life. It's not an act... That 99% of my life where I'm "normal" is who I really am... The dressing is just a means to an end.

Still, when I think of the "man's man" I am the majority of the time, but I think of this one single thing that's SO secret and SO scandalous and SO kept from everyone else, it's a massive turn on for me. When I think of how compromising it is to have this desire to dress and keep it from everyone else, when I finally get the chance to dress, it's an unreal release. And when I think of this Amazon CD not only being being completely dressed, but also offering myself to a man and having them take control and use me, it's a fantasy like no other to me.

I don't worry that I might be "turning gay"... It's 2015. There's never been a better time to be a gay person and it's only going to get better from here. I don't fantasize about holding hands with a guy... having romantic dinners with a guy... Spending Valentine's Day with a guy... Etc. All of my romantic fantasies are about women. Even when I fantasize about men while I'm dressed, it's mainly the act of being submissive to a man, the behavior that could be compromising for me... The humiliation,... The degradation... There's never really a specific face or particular man. There's no fantasy about a SPECIFIC man like a model, actor, celebrity, etc. it's just me being with A man . I'm sure some would classify me as a deviant more than anything, but it's what thrills me the most.

I personally wouldn't worry about it. I also wouldn't worry about having a female with you either. Unless you have a wife or girlfriend you're wanting to have a threesome with.

[stacifox13]

I been with 4 men in my life always dressed as a man and one transgender. it was always oral me giving . did i feel guilty no i enjoyed it and i still fantasize about it. I guess it makes me gay one of my biggest fantasy is being with a man dressed in sexy lingerie. go for it. just be careful . live life and enjoy life's to short. do what you feel is something you will enjoy.

[heatherdress]

No - I have never been with a guy and I have never had a desire to be with a guy - dressed or not dressed. I do not feel my appearance changes my sexual preference. I also do not feel being dressed changes the fact that I am married or provides a pass to be with someone else, male or female. I am always me.

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

Perhaps someone can enlighten me. I do not understand why most MTF transgendered people spend tremendous time making themselves look totally female and express intense feelings of being feminine without any desire to bring it all to natural fruition by being intimate with a man. This is what women do.....and they like it.

[tiffanynjcd24]

I never been with a guy while dressed as a girl. However I want to give it a chance. I am more open to date another cd

[Dana44]

I am so male that when I was with men, they always wanted me to be the stud. I did that to a few of them But I did want to try it female. I found men that wanted me to dress. Both were married. Go figure. Anyways I would meet them and go to a hotel. I would dress and romantically get involved with them. Good kissers and well they put me through what a real woman like in sex and what they liked and needed. The plumbing is different, however we have something they don't and that is our prostrate sex organ.They enjoined sexually undressing me and wow is all I can say. I'm in an heterosexual relationship now but sometimes want the love of a man. That makes me BI.

[Lorileah]

Perhaps someone can enlighten me. I do not understand why most MTF transgendered people spend tremendous time making themselves look totally female and express intense feelings of being feminine without any desire to bring it all to natural fruition by being intimate with a man. This is what women do.....and they like it.

unless...they are lesbian??? Why would you clothing make you change your sexual desires? These types of threads confuse me and honestly I think half of the people who desire this are all fantasy. I also don't understand why people think being a woman is always a passive sexual activity.

[flatlander_48]

L:

I don't think it changes anything that wasn't there to begin with. I think in usual every day life folks just don't allow other feelings to surface. When they dress, it gives them the freedom to allow other thoughts.

DeeAnn

[steph_2015]

Yes I been with three silicon guys all different sizes and enjoyed ever min lol I'm not into men but find transgender lady's attractive :) best way to full fill your fantasy with no regret hehehehehehe

[tiffanynjcd24]

I just want to date another CD that's it and gg

[Contessa]

I wish my ex could have been okay to stay with me. This does not make me want to be with men. I don't like men and now that I am as I am now I still do not want them. I feel as if I can never be with a woman again, but am only hoping I will find someone else soon. I am TS more than CD and have asked the question of myself. But can only answer no, I still wish to be with women. Sex is not a thought anymore, but I am this way and will stay for the rest of my life. Anyone here still with their wife or gf is lucky. I just couldn't do the back and forth.

No I'm sure that I'm gay as a woman I like women. I didn't even like myself as a man, which is why I'm not one anymore. Don't think you not gay and you dress as a woman. There must be something wouldn't you think. I am a lesbian and love it I was never straight. I am just being for real. Or at least in my mind.

Be with a man if you want it won't make you a CD or a woman or in between. Gay women and men usually don't chose to be gay. A sexual act is not a fantasy but a fantasy can be a sexual act, unless you act upon it. Anyway I have sad before "How would you prove you aren't gay." there is no way. Do what you will, it won't necessarily change you.

Contessa

[heatherdress]

unless...they are lesbian??? Why would you clothing make you change your sexual desires? These types of threads confuse me and honestly I think half of the people who desire this are all fantasy. I also don't understand why people think being a woman is always a passive sexual activity.

I totally agree, Lorileah. This is another repeat topic and the responses are again confusing.

[julia marie]

A couple things stand out in this thread. (BTW I admit that I've thought a lot about the idea of being with a guy while i'm dressed). First, there seems to be a leap from being dressed and with a guy (dancing, chatting, dating) to rolling around in a bed. All those prelims out of the way then you may know if you really are attracted or not to men. Then you may know if this is a guy you want to be with. Throughout the thread there seems to be a difference in how people define "being with". Another question, where are all these guys who are looking to have sex with a guy dressed as a girl. Are they themselves "gay" or "straight" or maybe "bi". Toss in the need to have a woman watching and you might be running out of safe candidates. Does a sexual encounter with a guy make you gay? That's a label, you'll know if you want to keep having sex with guys, dressed or not.

[Jenniferathome]

Perhaps someone can enlighten me. I do not understand why most MTF transgendered people spend tremendous time making themselves look totally female and express intense feelings of being feminine without any desire to bring it all to natural fruition by being intimate with a man. This is what women do.....and they like it.

this is exactly what the uninformed general public thinks. Here are the problems with your thesis:
1) straight men do not want to be with cross dressers closing the deal with a straight man will not happen.
2) gay men tend to want men who look like men, not women
3) I'm straight before I put on a dress and after. Just like the vast majority of cross dressers.
4) clothing does not change your sexual orientation

[AmandaM]

When we have bi when dressed feelings, it's not about the clothes. It's about "feeling like a woman". A metamorphosis. A changeling. The bi when dressed is only a small part of what I feel.

[Sandie70]

Since I'm bi the answer is yes... but I've never been out with a man while dressed. But it's a dream I've had for years. I would love to go on a romantic date and be treated like a lady.

[jenni_xx]

unless...they are lesbian??? Why would you clothing make you change your sexual desires? These types of threads confuse me and honestly I think half of the people who desire this are all fantasy. I also don't understand why people think being a woman is always a passive sexual activity.

Your point about fantasy - yes, I agree with that.

As for your question "why would your clothing make you change your sexual desires", the answer simply has to be that it doesn't. I do however think that for some sexual desires can influence their choice in clothing. To use a (admittedly stereotypical) example, butch lesbians. They incorporate a look that reflects their sexuality. Their look not influencing their sexuality.

In regards to cd's who wonder or fantasize about having sex with a man, for many this seems to be more about a desire to affirm their female persona rather than a desire to actually have sex with a man. It's a self-reflective fantasy all said and done.

As for your comment about not understanding why people think being a woman is always a passive sexual activity, well, in terms of conventional sex, that is exactly what it is for women. Biology dictates that. This passive/active dichotomy however lends itself to homosexual relations. A giver or a taker. Top or bottom. These are merely preferences, and despite the connotations aligned to the words passive and active, it is not meant to imply weak or strong. Or be detrimental to one over the other in any way.

Of course, you are correct in that people, regardless of their gender (or rather biological sex), can adopt either role. For women (whether they are with men or woman), should they take on a more active (as opposed to passive) role, it means that they are taking on a more masculine (as opposed to feminine) role in the engagement. By the very definition of what the words masculine and feminine mean.

[laciewhite]

after years and years of fantasizing and trying to delude myself that i was straight, i finally went with a guy. and it was as natural as breathing. i finally figured out in my forties that was want i wanted all along. now i've lost count of the guys i been with. which probably means i'm a sl*t but i'm too old to care and just making up for lost time.



1) straight men do not want to be with cross dressers closing the deal with a straight man will not happen.


i been with loads of guys who claim they are 'straight'. never had any complaints yet.


Throughout the thread there seems to be a difference in how people define "being with". Another question, where are all these guys who are looking to have sex with a guy dressed as a girl. .

they're on fabswingers. and they're queuing up to meet me.

[cindyinsatin]

I have strong fantasies of being with a man while dressed en femme. Nothing romantic or anything of the sort. Would love to be just be 'taken.'

Have been with a couple of men (before my 'dressing'). No guilt, but just not satisfied with the situation.

I travel quite a bit and would love to explore these fantasies...but so afraid of the potential for being caught.

Cindy

[Alaina Ann]

I think it is wonderful to see that so many of you pretty ladies have had sex with men. I started out CDing with my wife and gradually progressed to experimenting with men. I found it wonderful to be dressed, and made love to. They used to tell me if one or the other was wearing "panties" it wasn't gay.

[flatlander_48]

They used to tell me if one or the other was wearing "panties" it wasn't gay.

In actuality, that makes as much sense as the Latino thing about being a top. It's funny the lengths that we will go through in order to shield ourselves from reality.

DeeAnn

[transfeminate]

Funny, I did a similar thread and it got me some flack. I was told by one replier that if I wanted to talk about that kind of thing to go to another forum.
Anyway, for me I have always liked women. I even prefer working with them. In my man days that seemed natural but now I find I still prefer them. Makes me a straight crossdresser I suppose.
I know, apart from the usual curiosity, I don't ever have any desire for a male sexual relationship but am quite happy to have a friendship with anyone, as I really do on here

[Mayo]

This is another repeat topic and the responses are again confusing.
I submit that the responses are inconsistent, which is not necessarily the same as confusing (though some respondents may very well be 'confused' in the sense that they haven't quite figured out their own feelings yet). Not everybody here has the same orientation, gender expression, or reasons for dressing, so to expect unanimity of responses is unrealistic. Everyone has their own motivations and feelings.

[missynicole]

after reading the question and all of the responses I have decided that I really do want to be with a man and am gong to try it.......I feel that as a woman I need to do this...I believe that I truly do want a man and to be his woman....I have set it up for the Saturday after thanksgiving.....I admit that I am excited about it.....if you would like to know how it goes and all of the intimate details drop me a line and I will share all of the intimate details with you in a private communication....it truly was wonderful to read all of the open and honest opinions.....
mn

[kittie60]

Yes, I have been with a few out on dates. There was no sexual activity at all.it was a great feelingof course. They were CD admirers. At first just coffee,then onto banquets,Christmas parties and so on. It proves one thing you can still have agreat time with nice gentleman not looking for something extra.

[MissDanielle]

No interest in dating men, only women that will accept and treat me as the nice girl that I am inside.

[jenni_xx]

1. Has anyone done it before?

Yes. I came out as gay several years ago now. Before coming out I predominantly dated women. After coming out, I slept with several men and ended up being married (civil partnership) for several years. That marriage ended and since then I've had one boyfriend, although we have just broken up.


2. Did you feel guilty later about it?

No. It was right for me.


3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

Addicted would be the wrong word. I only want to be with men, after finally accepting my sexuality several years back. I've only dated men since then.


4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?

Do you mean fulltime dressing or fulltime as in only ever dating guys. If the former, then no. If the latter, then yes.


5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

In answer to the first part of this question, yes it was. It was right for me. In answer to the second part of this question, the best word to describe how it made me feel was complete. Not complete in a cross-dressing sense, but complete in that I was finally being true to myself.

Just for the record, my cross-dressing isn't the reason why I am attracted to men. I am attracted to men because I am gay. My cross-dressing is simply a facet of who I am. It doesn't define me. Being gay doesn't define me. The two are separate. I don't go with men because I seek validation in my dressing. I'm not attracted to men, or active with men, in order to fulfill some self-centered desire to be regarded as a woman, or to affirm my feminine side. With my ex-husband, my cross-dressing was very much an accepted part of our relationship, but our relationship wasn't defined by my cross-dressing. With my (now) ex-boyfriend, my cross-dressing rarely played a part. Both relationships didn't end because of my dressing, the part that my dressing played in both relationships varied greatly, but with every single relationship I have had, be it with men or (in the past) women, my cross-dressing was always disclosed but was never a primary factor in the relationship happening, or developing, or for that matter, ending.

I write that because from your OP, leona, I get the feeling that you do want your dressing to define any potential relationship or encounter that you may end up having with a guy. I get the feeling that you are seeking validation for your own femininity, and being with a guy would achieve that for you. It seems that you want to be with a guy to fulfill your own innate desire to be regarded as a woman, to take an extra step in trying to tap into your own need to be seen as such in this regard. I will say right now, that if this is indeed the case, then you will find it hard to have a relationship with a man that is as honest and genuine as any relationship you have had with a woman. It seems that you would want a man only sexually, not emotionally, and the same would probably be the case with your male partner. If that ends up working for you, then good for you. For me however, what I seek is a relationship with ANOTHER man, which is every bit as nuanced as straight relationships are regarded to be. What I want is a partner, in every sense. Not a play-thing that taps into a desire to try an encapsulate what I, a man, regards being a woman to be.

[Sky]

after reading the question and all of the responses I have decided that I really do want to be with a man and am gong to try it.......I feel that as a woman I need to do this...I believe that I truly do want a man and to be his woman....I have set it up for the Saturday after thanksgiving.....I admit that I am excited about it.....if you would like to know how it goes and all of the intimate details drop me a line and I will share all of the intimate details with you in a private communication....it truly was wonderful to read all of the open and honest opinions.....
mn

Best of luck, honey. I hope you have a great time. When you have an itch you have to scratch it :battingeyelashes:

[anton jon]

Jaquueline hon, there is women who mate with other woman. I read somewhere that 84% of women have played with another woman and it paper also said they felt that the other 16% lied .

Don't know if that's true, so many of that kind of figures a not .

I have always said I am 99% straight.

Never tried it an never will. It just not my taste. Women drive me crazy in that way and men don't.

Now who knows, that does not mean I will not see a man that does interest me in that way.

I dress for me and no one else and I may feel good doing it but I know I am not a woman and don't feel like a woman when dressed.
Maybe that is why I don't then become atracted to men in fem mode.

Hug to you all

Anton jon

[Crissy Kay]

Not with a guy. But I think about cuddling with another sissy cd, a lot of the time. Mostly when I am dressed for some reason.

[Laurenlovecd]

I have been with a few men. A couple of them have been a wonderful experience. I have learned over the years that has a Crossdresser I really can't ask enough questions before the date. I have a set of protocols that I always follow when dealing with men from dating sites and Craigslist.

1. If they can't send a well thought out reply with above 6th grade punctuation then the guy is probably not worth my time.
2. After asking a few questions I ask for face photos and ask them what they might want to do on our date, one wrong answer and he's out. And if he won't send a face pic I won't date him, I have been burned this way before.
3. If they pass all of that I ask them to call me. You can tell a lot about a man by a simple phone conversation. If he won't call me I won't date him. And if I don't feel good about the way the conversation is going I tell him maybe another time or that I am simply not interested.

You can't be too careful with dating men who admire a respectable crossdresser. I think it's wonderful that there are so many men interested in dating me. But I am super picky and I have met with men who I wish I had said no to. In fact, I kicked one guy out of my home for being rude. But on the other hand, I have had some very nice moments with a couple of guys who I love to see as often as I can.

I would still rather date another crossdresser though. It is just very difficult to find a quality CD in my area.

[Sky]

I have a set of protocols that I always follow when dealing with men from dating sites and Craigslist.

Oh yes, the beauty of craigslist hookups. They say baseball is the only sport where a 30% success rate is good: I wish I could have that "batting average" in CL. :D

[Stephanie Julianna]

I had a boyfriend for 30 years. So the answer is yes. Is it better than straight sex? Definitely more interesting with lots more variety and a wider use of erogenous areas. I am a bottom so it's always better for me with someone dominant.

[flatlander_48]

Oh yes, the beauty of craigslist hookups. They say baseball is the only sport where a 30% success rate is good: I wish I could have that "batting average" in CL. :D

Yes, and note that it is Craig's List and NOT Craig's Grade A List...

DeeAnn

[Adelina]

1. Has anyone done it before?

I really want to. I fooled around with another CD before a little bit, but we didn't really do very much. I really think from what turns me on. I'm more of a bottom sexually, but that said I don't find much attraction to men... other than the one part.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it?

Not the fooling around I did. I actually wish I would have been less inhibited and gone further.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

No, but I think I would enjoy it a lot and may get there if he treats me right.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?

I don't know if that would be the factor for me. I think I feel more feminine when dressed and would be more in my element with guys when dressed, but it's not completely a sexual thing for me. I dress because I want to and I'd dress more if life allowed it, not because I was getting some.

Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

I think it would be, but time will tell.

[NANNETTE]

I haven't and although I have a wife I am secretly attracted to men and have all my life. I think I sort of new this when I was a teenager I all my crushes were on male pop stars and actors. When I begun crossdressing in my mothers skirt and tights I had the most almighty crush on Donny Osmond. When I was in girl mode I would look at his pictures on magazines, drool over him and like every girl of my age wished he was my boyfriend. I have never had a relationship with a man but when I am dressed as Nannette I am always dreaming and imagining what it would be like to be with a guy but only as a real woman which is never going to happen. My thoughts are often of a really gorgeous guy who used to work in the office I used to work in. I haven't seen him for over a decade but have real feelings for him. I imagine that I am walking down the aisle with him in a beautiful white wedding dress and white stockings or tights underneath. He is a big golf fan and I imagine going with him to golf club dinners in a cute black dress and black tights. I am dressed up in my girly office outfit whilst typing this and getting quite hot under the collar thinking of him. He is not a conventially handsome guy but he is very sporty and macho and all the girls loved him. Most of the guys that attract me are handsome guys in their early 20's and thirties. A couple of months ago I ordered a pizza in the middle of a dressing session. I put my male clothes on underneath my tights and the hottest young guy I have seen in a while delivered my pizza. I didn't know where to look.

[Kimberley May]

No you are not. You are in denial. Being dressed does not make homosexual sex "straight." There's no need for pretense.
That's not always the case. Bicuriousity does not mean you are definitely homosexual and/or in denial of such. To suggest they're all in denial will only create more confusion with bicurious people. Otherwise we could just as easily say that like straight guys, bicurious gay guys are just as much in denial of being straight.

I have been bicurious for about 20 years at least, until just a couple of weeks ago. Do I regret it?

Well, yes and no.

No because it is something I have at last got out of my system thus I'm now much more calmer about it than I have been for years, now realising that I'm ultimately straight. And yes because I now feel I violated myself because of my true straight hetero orientation. As although the first guy I went with we didn't do as much, the second guy I went with I didn't enjoy it like I thought I would and it really done nothing for me, I didn't find it arousing like I do with a woman. In fact it hurt and couldn't wait until it was all over. I immediately ran a hot bath afterwards because I felt kinda dirty and violated afterwards. Now I realise why many women do the same although I realise this one was my own fault. The odour lingered for a while. I now feel a sense of guilt and shame over it, but at least I fully understand why I did it, and that all the fantasies will now go away, and it's been a hard learned lesson. Plus I could never envisage having a loving relationship with a guy, I only ever dream of that with a woman.

So at the very most, when I was resolving my bicuriousity, I became heteroflexible, not bisexual. The difference being is that bisexuality means you can fall in love with both genders, but heteroflexible means you can only fall in love with the opposite gender whilst only lusting after your own, making that more of a choice, unlike bisexuality which isn't a choice. Heteroflexible can be either permanent or temporary, for me it's extremely temporary. So although I have now been with a couple of guys which I kind of regret (yet has resolved my inner conflicts), I now realise that I'm ultimately straight.

I'm also unsure how long I'll continue crossdressing for. I actually do enjoy this more as it's been relatively harmless escapism for me, but I now realise this femme roleplaying and my bicuriousity has all been compensation for the shortage of female intimacy in my life, personally for me. But I would give up all my femme clothes in an instant if the right woman came along, and it became a choice of either her or this.

[Kaze_]

Even if I'm a CDer, I'm certainly not a sub.

No, I've never been with a guy, however I wouldn't entirely cross guys off my list. I just don't have a desire to actively seek them out.

I got my first taste of male attention as a CDer not long ago... It made me both envy and sympathize with women at the same time. ;p

[jenni_xx]

I haven't and although I have a wife I am secretly attracted to men and have all my life. I think I sort of new this when I was a teenager I all my crushes were on male pop stars and actors. When I begun crossdressing in my mothers skirt and tights I had the most almighty crush on Donny Osmond. When I was in girl mode I would look at his pictures on magazines, drool over him and like every girl of my age wished he was my boyfriend. I have never had a relationship with a man but when I am dressed as Nannette I am always dreaming and imagining what it would be like to be with a guy but only as a real woman which is never going to happen. My thoughts are often of a really gorgeous guy who used to work in the office I used to work in. I haven't seen him for over a decade but have real feelings for him. I imagine that I am walking down the aisle with him in a beautiful white wedding dress and white stockings or tights underneath. He is a big golf fan and I imagine going with him to golf club dinners in a cute black dress and black tights. I am dressed up in my girly office outfit whilst typing this and getting quite hot under the collar thinking of him. He is not a conventially handsome guy but he is very sporty and macho and all the girls loved him. Most of the guys that attract me are handsome guys in their early 20's and thirties. A couple of months ago I ordered a pizza in the middle of a dressing session. I put my male clothes on underneath my tights and the hottest young guy I have seen in a while delivered my pizza. I didn't know where to look.

So how does your wife feel about this?

Your post is the epitomy of fantasy. You know this.

This really annoys me about the cd community. That being being with a man is clearly a fantasy that is apparent in a a fair number of cd's, and yet if a cd comes out to his (sorry her) girlfriend/wife, then they hate it when the next (inevitable) question that they face is "are you gay?".

"No, no, I'm not gay dear wife/girlfriend".

How many here have, upon coming out to their female partner, and being faced with such a question, genuinely answered that question by saying, "well, I'm not gay, but I have fantasised about being with a man just so that I myself can feel closer to what it feels like being a woman".

How many? This is specifically asked of all those in this thread who have thought about it, but never, or ever have any intention on acting upon such a fantasy.

Judging from a lot of you who have responded to this thread - the ones who seek a man's attraction if only to validate their ideal status as being regarded as a woman, well, let's just say this, it's about time that you were actually honest to your partners. And it's about time that you realised why your partners, upon you coming out to them as a crossdresser, would respond with asking if you are gay.

For many, it seems that there actually is a link between dressing and sexuality.

[Dana44]

Jenni, actually yes I told my SO that I'm BI and like men. But she knows I love women and like men. She has asked me about it in various ways. I told her that trust in an open relationship is the most important thing.

[Donna Holm]

I have been bi about a year or so before Donna came into my life. Know one has seen me as Donna. But the last few years I dream of a male making love to
me and slowly undressing me. He takes his time with each layer of clothes. He would have to know and be ok with me as a CD first. Trust and acceptances is
Very important to me.

[melissa247]

wellI have never been with a guy before,but that doesn't mean i rule it out.but i haven't met many men i would want sexually either..there was one masculine yet thin gay man.i thought i could be intimate with..I never went there though so it never took place.I do have fantasies,but i am into woman as well as a man..but unless I went and was intimate with a man and it was pleasurable..i don't think i would not want woman either..so it is a tuff thing to discern from..do I think you are gay for wanting to try it..well the lines of gender blur a bit in anycase..if you sleep with a man are you gay...welll...i would say you are at the lest bi or kinky or adventurous sexually.if you find yourself falling for the guy..wanting to spend time around him without a lady present and want him more than a woman because he makes you feel a bit of romance inside..then yes..i would say you are more or less gay.waking up in his arms and spending the day in bed together watching love stories..well then you are his wife at that point or at least a grilfriend..so you decide..me..iI haven't been that adventurous yet.but I guess i wonder at times too.doesn't any lady who wants to feel fem?maybe not on the surface..but deep down perhaps.

- - - Updated - - -

I would like to add though,I met a guy on a site,,well a nice guy on a very sleazy site,he was one of the few on there that I liked to talk to..he never got rude..or was sending me any pics of his privvies or asking me if i needed a daddy..so i talked to him a bit and he seems really nice.he tried to send me a pic today but it didn't go through unfortunately so i have no idea what he looks like yet..he has my pic..so well anyways..the site itself is a fetish site and at first i thought it was like this site where you can meet ladies and talk about your thoughts,clothing and makeup tips..and bam..after i posted a pic all these doms were hitting on me and making me understand why gg ladies despise many men.it was fairly gross honestly.i did speak with at least two decent men there and some ladies who weren't trying to rub one out at my expense..but I like this guy..I think he likes talking to me as well so even though it is a long distance thing and the internet..it is kind of nice having a little romance.even if it is only typed words so far.

[Peach13]

In my late teens when I guess I was trying to figure myself out I slept with my male friend on a couple of occasions. At the time it was hot and I don't regret it at all but I afterwards and after a lot of thinking I realised this wasn't what was missing in my life. I'm my late 20's now and learned what was missing was sexy lingerie, heels and some nice make up :)... I'm now married with a child and couldn't be happier! My thoughts are life is too short to stress, try things, embrace who you are, enjoy every moment and certainly dont care what others think!

[Adelaide]

As Adelaide, I've done it with a beautiful long hair girl from this site. I felt so feminine, so me! I've also done it with pre op trans and it was amazing each time.

[Samantha_CD]

1. Has anyone done it before?

Yes, the first few times it was scary, exciting and wonderful all at the same time. Dressing as a girl made it somehow seem alright to do things with guys...that was my pre-teen logic anyway.... because it was OK for a girl to do stuff with a guy. The only time I ever found guys attractive was when i was dressed.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it?

Yes as a teen anyway. Right after I would orgasm I would have this rush of guilt and want it to end immediately. Depending on what we were doing, that could be difficult. Like when he is banging your brains out and he is doing a great job of making it last. A few times, I was under a guy after I orgasmed, I felt really embarrassed and guilty and this guy has his penis inside of me. I would be praying and counting the seconds until he finished. Sometimes I would be holding back tears, waiting for him to finish.

Then....A few days would go by and I would become horny again and it all started over. I finally just got over it after one incredible night with a really incredible guy....it just didn't make sense to feel guilty about having so much pleasure. I just realized it was OK/

After that I really began to enjoy the freedom women have in sex. I could have an orgasm whenever I wanted, because he is the one who has to stay hard to keep it all working. Its actually very relaxing with guys. They are actually really easy to please.


3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

I prefer women, except when I am dressed. That being said, it is a lot of fun being with a great guy.....its totally fun. Its relaxing. Its incredible to go all the way with a guy you really connect with.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?

No I didn't. If I was a teenager now, it might be a different story. My guy friend and I get together about 4 weekends a year. Even though I am not passable, but I dont bring any male clothing on our weekend getaways. Basically I wear women's polo shirts, a women's leather jacket and clearly women's jeans. I sort of push it a bit further each time but no one has ever called me out. In the bedroom its anything goes.....bring on the corset and garters.

5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

Sex with guys is just different. Its just as wonderful. it scratches a different itch. Its sex from the other side. You are the receiver. Its fun.

The fun part of guys is that you know what they like and how to make them happy. You can keep him right on the edge for a few hours. It is something that most women do not understand.

When i first started blowing guys as a pre-teen, I did it because it was necessary. Now I think I enjoy giving as much as he does getting. It makes me feel really girly.

when it comes to actual sex, For me it is much more intense of an orgasm when he is inside of me, than I have ever had with a woman. Its a whole body, holy cow, you cant believe it orgasm. Even after all these years, it is still a mind blowing experience to have a man inside me, and giving my body to him. And when he explodes...its heaven for me.

[Acastina]

dressing up does not change sexuality nor sexual tastes.

I'm not sure that's true. It is a frequent report by "straight" CDs that they do experience sexual attraction to men when fully in the female role by dressing and interacting. I know it's tempting to analyze the phenomenon as acting out a fantasy or tweaking one's autogynephilia (a problematic and controversial hypothesis at best), but the phenomenon is very real for some. I view it as the social training that tries to pound any femininity out of us as boys producing such an inhibited and suppressed sense of self that, without the "permission" we give ourselves by being fully in the role, something inside us just won't allow us, presenting as "men", to find males sexually attractive. Thus, we're quite different from gay men who love being men and love being with men. And quite different from CDs who love their straight sex lives with wives or SOs but just like to dress up.

Case in point: Samantha's candid and clarifying comment this morning, which I hadn't gotten to before posting the foregoing comment. 'Nuff said.

[atlflygirl]

Yes, I have. Many times over, and I can't imagine being with a woman romantically. I find that as a crossdreser, I attract a different kind of man, and often they're very big, macho guys who look at us like sex objects. The guys over 50 tend to be sweeter, and they're a blast to suck off, as they actually see that as a gift. Gay guys always take it for granted and often need to be ****ed in order to shoot. I will say that having smooth body and rubbing up against a hairy guy is the best experience a girl could ever have.

[AmandaM]

The person who said dressing up does not change sexuality or sexual tastes is absolutely correct. But, many men who dress up as women report "feeling like a woman" or "becoming a woman", at least on a temporary basis. I think that sometimes includes sexual desire. I.e., it's more than the clothes.

[Babbs]

not to be crude but this is a rather explicit question....so I googled crossdresser porn and.... you will see crossdressers with other crossdressers and crossdressers with men. With The few crossdressers you see with women, the woman have strap-ons or are dominatrixs. What does that say? There is a very strong relationship between homosexuality and crossdressing, like it or not. And the crossdressing porn market doesn't seem interested in straight sex. Is that because there is no market for it? I don't know.
A separate point, I think many men (not all) crossdress because they like to feel femme, they walk like a women because they like to feel femme, they give themselves a female name because they like to feel femme, they do all sorts of girly things because they like to feel femme...so it's not a stretch for them to have sex like a woman because they like to feel femme...No?

[melissa247]

So how does your wife feel about this?

Your post is the epitomy of fantasy. You know this.

This really annoys me about the cd community. That being being with a man is clearly a fantasy that is apparent in a a fair number of cd's, and yet if a cd comes out to his (sorry her) girlfriend/wife, then they hate it when the next (inevitable) question that they face is "are you gay?".

"No, no, I'm not gay dear wife/girlfriend".

How many here have, upon coming out to their female partner, and being faced with such a question, genuinely answered that question by saying, "well, I'm not gay, but I have fantasised about being with a man just so that I myself can feel closer to what it feels like being a woman".

How many? This is specifically asked of all those in this thread who have thought about it, but never, or ever have any intention on acting upon such a fantasy.

Judging from a lot of you who have responded to this thread - the ones who seek a man's attraction if only to validate their ideal status as being regarded as a woman, well, let's just say this, it's about time that you were actually honest to your partners. And it's about time that you realised why your partners, upon you coming out to them as a crossdresser, would respond with asking if you are gay.

For many, it seems that there actually is a link between dressing and sexuality.

I suppose you have hit a debateable point,to those that spend time with woman,like i do..I do not share that side of my persona with woman anymore,i told one woman about my dressing,we spent time dressed together,and she felt it was kink,she liked to be tied up and well she was into s&m..i obliged as far as i could until she asked for abusesI could not do to her..so in the end we didnt stay together..for one thing she eventually mocked me and called me a fag a few times..and well that kind of killed it for me.as for being with women now and not expressing that side of myself..unless i have been with a man..and have been very open to men..i do not see telling a woman..unless we become very serious..about that part of my self..but if i were to marry and was to be put in her trust...i would be compelled to tell her everything.otherwise it isn't fair to invest in a relationship based upon half truths.even though it does happen..i think it is not fair to the woman...s/o

[flatlander_48]

D H:

Correction. You have been bi forever, but you only realized it in recent times.

DeeAnn


I have been bi about a year or so before Donna came into my life. Know one has seen me as Donna. But the last few years I dream of a male making love to
me and slowly undressing me. He takes his time with each layer of clothes. He would have to know and be ok with me as a CD first. Trust and acceptances is
Very important to me.

[kellyanne]

...so it's not a stretch for them to have sex like a woman because they like to feel femme...No?

This can all be true yet the overwhelming majority of women and men prefer an undressed man so "demand" is inelastic and very low and the available products reflect this. Since the majority of men are hetero and self report more interest in sex than women do , demand for these " products" is quite elastic and high.

[paulaprimo]

I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?
Before dressing up, I used to see shapes as masculine and feminine. Like certain shoes are obviously feminine (slim).. you know what I am saying.. Now I dont have those thoughts any more since I started dressing up. I am wondering if being with a guy would make one gender fluid. I am thinking about it but I want to know other's physical, emotional experience before taking this step.

if it's just sex you seek, you may have regrets.
but if you meet a man who interests you and you him, and there is some kind of connection then
it can be wonderful!

for me, i've done it and i've enjoyed it. but it wasn't about just having "sex"
it was about 2 people whom were interested in each other and connected.

and no, i didn't feel quilty at all. it was awesome and i enjoyed it.

it's not an addiction for me, but if i meet the right guy.
decent, nice, mature romantic men are big turn ons for me.

no, i didn't go "full time" after that.

for me it was more pleasurable and i felt wonderful. but thats because i was with the right guy.
it wasn't a sex hook up!! i think that is the big difference. i wouldn't just have sex with a man
because i wanted sex or was curious. you have to like men to begin with, then find the right guy! :)

[Sky]

I'm not sure that's true...Thus, we're quite different from gay men who love being men and love being with men. And quite different from CDs who love their straight sex lives with wives or SOs but just like to dress up.

Right on the money.

[melissa247]

if it's just sex you seek, you may have regrets.
but if you meet a man who interests you and you him, and there is some kind of connection then
it can be wonderful!

for me, i've done it and i've enjoyed it. but it wasn't about just having "sex"
it was about 2 people whom were interested in each other and connected.

and no, i didn't feel quilty at all. it was awesome and i enjoyed it.

it's not an addiction for me, but if i meet the right guy.
decent, nice, mature romantic men are big turn ons for me.

no, i didn't go "full time" after that.

for me it was more pleasurable and i felt wonderful. but thats because i was with the right guy.
it wasn't a sex hook up!! i think that is the big difference. i wouldn't just have sex with a man
because i wanted sex or was curious. you have to like men to begin with, then find the right guy! :)


i really like this.you said it so well

[CD_Erica]

I have and I admit that I really enjoyed the ones I have met,personally I don't need to feel like I'm in a relationship to do it either. I generally prefer older men they just seem to be more of what I consider a gentleman, they have always treated me very well and were wonderful lovers. I loved the attention they would give me and to see them so hot for me made it much more incredible of an experience. I've never felt guilty about being with men, when I'm dressed I feel its just natural for me.

[pamela7]

My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?


1. my first sexual partner was male, from 15-24 years old I had one boyfriend and a series of girlfriends in parallel; I was Bi, in secret and none of the girlfriends knew, we kept it to ourselves.
2. no, i don't associate sex with guilt
3. no, and i never felt attracted to another guy nor since, i saw it as a coming-of-age experience
4. i was unaware of my close CD/TG/TS until another 30 years, so no i did not go full time
5. it's different sex, more physical, not romantic; there was no emotional side, it was like two friends, we kept our romance for girls.

[Adriana Moretti]

so I am on a guy ROLL right now....
last one..hurt his knee so bad that he couldnt walk
the one before that blew out his back
i love older guys, but they cant keep up with this girl !!!! I am now dateless this weekend ! I put 2 on the bench ! LOL !

[Kristy 56]

Still just a fantasy, but I'vecome close. I was going to meet a CD from here last spring. Neither one of us could host, so it never happened. A few weeks agoI was making plans to meet a CD from this sight in late Nov. I started getting cold feet a few weeks ago and let her know. I tried talking with her again, but no response. So maybe it's not meant to be. I'll always be wondering though :)

[Samantha_CD]

Acastina, I was reading your post and thinking "See! Its not just me !! :)

[Acastina]

Ok, the five questions:

1. Yes. More than thrice. Some anonymous, more than one repeat partner. Never without presenting and acting in the female role.

2. Not really. For most of my adult life, I felt a strange kind of guilt after sex with a woman. It passed quickly, but a kind of remorse nevertheless.

3. No, if addiction means obsession and promiscuity. Prominent in my mind when I feel horny, ponder sexual things, or need a surefire fantasy to finish with my spouse, yes, but all-consuming, no.

4. No. I was in a full-time experiment (that lasted nearly eight years) before the first time. For me, it was more about social adjustment and learning how to blend into the human mix on the other side of the gender binary, rather than seeking sexual fulfillment. Sometimes I regret ending the experiment and enduring some of the compromises since, but I am happily married to a wonderful woman who has known about my differentness from the very beginning and could not be more understanding and indulgent. I am virtually full-time in private, and she is fine with that.

5. It absolutely is different, and much more pleasurable and natural-feeling to me than being the man with a woman. The need to be potent and stay potent and penetrate at length always felt burdensome to me, and I've always had to work really, really hard at it to finish. Pretty sure that's not how most "normal" men would describe the act. With guys, the orgasms have just come out of nowhere in a delightful surprise because I was so engrossed in the feelings of surrender and being desired. In contrast to the sorta-guilt described under Question 2, I have this incredibly warm and fuzzy feeling of affection and contentment after satisfying a nice man, whatever my orgasmic outcome might have been, and I think that's a pretty womanly emotion to experience; I feel wonderful that he finished, whether I did or not.

All of that said, I love my wife as I've never loved anyone in my life, and we are happy and secure in our partnership of more than a decade. Our sex life is definitely a compromise and probably quite atypical, but those words also describe my entire heterosexual experience. But, as to the pure animalistic response of one side or the other of how we all got here in the first place, I do wish I had a magic wand at times...

[LydiaL]

I have had sexual experiences with another cross dresser, while cross dressed myself. Very enjoyable. However, guilty thoughts did cloud my mind and killed any success at intercourse.

Frankly, I find myself mostly attracted to other cross dressers. However, I admit to fantasizing about being taken by a man while en femme.

Straight sex is mighty fine, but I find it stimulating to think about future sexual experiences with other cross dressers. So guess that I am more lesbian leaning than gay.

[CONSUELO]

It seems that there are many, many flavors of cross dressing. Nothing unexpected about that. As we wish the broader community to be tolerant of us as cross dressers, we should be tolerant of fellow cross dressers who have different desires to our own.

[FirstTimeCD]

Never thought about that but I am sure it could be more erotic to play with other CD. Playing like lesbian girls ...

[SHINY-J]

S
I'm not sure that's true. It is a frequent report by "straight" CDs that they do experience sexual attraction to men when fully in the female role by dressing and interacting. I know it's tempting to analyze the phenomenon as acting out a fantasy or tweaking one's autogynephilia (a problematic and controversial hypothesis at best), but the phenomenon is very real for some. I view it as the social training that tries to pound any femininity out of us as boys producing such an inhibited and suppressed sense of self that, without the "permission" we give ourselves by being fully in the role, something inside us just won't allow us, presenting as "men", to find males sexually attractive. Thus, we're quite different from gay men who love being men and love being with men. And quite different from CDs who love their straight sex lives with wives or SOs but just like to dress up.

Case in point: Samantha's candid and clarifying comment this morning, which I hadn't gotten to before posting the foregoing comment. 'Nuff said.


I would say this is right on the nose for me... I never have romantic thoughts about men... Never any desire to date a man, hold hands with a man, go out to dinner with a man, cuddle with a man, etc... Any attraction I have is exclusively to women.

It's only when I'm dressed that thoughts about men come into my head... As I've stated on here before, it's never about a specific man like an actor, model, celebrity, etc... And I've never in my life encountered any man where I even remotely felt any attraction at all. And I still feel that way to this day.

However, as time went on and I experienced more and more women that rejected me after I told them about my dressing, I began to try to find other ways to experience and share my CDing with others and not just keep it to myself. That turned into me going out late at night dressed in public places to practice a femme walk and feel the rush of the risk of getting caught. With digital cameras, where I didn't have to worry about having someone else develop the film, that translated into taking pics of myself dressed that I could pose in my various outfits and see myself- which quickly translated into joining MBs and websites where I post those pics. Which translated into comments from other members- etc.

I think it's a natural progression of being a straight man who is attracted to women only but also loving to dress and wanting to experience it with others. naturally, the thoughts of being with a CD, TG, TS, etc. come into play as we share the love of dressing. Even though I love women and want to be in relationships with women, marry a woman, and live my entire life with that woman, I've never been able to have the two together... It's always one or the other.

Obviously, i can have both if I find a CD, TG, or TS to be with. My desire to dress with someone had gone on for so long and became so strong that I eventually found that I would enjoy being with someone else who dresses like myself. That, however, doesn't really ever work because I keep my "hobby" a secret and I don't frequent places dressed or not dressed where I would meet someone who dresses.
I try to do it online, but most of us know how online dating goes. Even on the most popular dating sites I've used in dating women, it's a bit of a headache. Now try to use a site where you are trying to find someone to dress with and it becomes much more complicated. Almost all contact I get from trying to find a dressing partner and playmate online is men. Obviously, we all know that, but after awhile, I did become aroused at the comments and emails I would get and I did eventually start fantasizing about letting a man use me. Once again, Never a specific man that I was ever attracted to... Just the act of putting myself in that vulnerable position, and letting a man have his way with me. I'm still not sure how I will feel if it ever happens- maybe it's just the idea that I love, but I do know that my desire to dress in front of someone - ANYONE - is so strong that I'm absolutely open to doing it with someone regardless of gender or sexual identity.... and it doesn't even have to be anything where there is actual sex involved. Just dressing and playing would be great at this point. I'm so eager to do it, that I'd be happy if I could just dress in front of someone and be seen by someone- ANYONE- while dressed! Still, given my dressing style and look, I'm only gonna find someone who is looking for sex! Lol "dress like a tramp and they'll treat you like a tramp."

- - - Updated - - -


I have had sexual experiences with another cross dresser, while cross dressed myself. Very enjoyable. However, guilty thoughts did cloud my mind and killed any success at intercourse.

Frankly, I find myself mostly attracted to other cross dressers. However, I admit to fantasizing about being taken by a man while en femme.

Straight sex is mighty fine, but I find it stimulating to think about future sexual experiences with other cross dressers. So guess that I am more lesbian leaning than gay.


I think this is pretty much where I'm at... I think being with another CD, TG, TS, ETC. would be amazing because it's everything I love about women, but everything I understand about men.

[Tashee]

Won't answer every question asked. My 1st exp same sex was with a gay friend who I was not attracted to in terms of looks. His personality & constant chasing I was fond off even though I (thought) it was secret. He me wore me down and one night as I sometimes would sleep there instead of risking a DUI I let myself be seduced. I was not in Xdress mode. I love him to pieces & gave in willingly. I was surprised to find all my hidden femininity just poured out. I was shocked to find I rather enjoyed it a bit more than I ever would have expected. Even w/out the female attraction I have I found my time with him very intense. I tried this with someone else & did not enjoy it at all. I enjoy dressing enjoy the fantasy but understand that sex for me has to be with someone I have a real connection with. I just can't find that male connection often-Nearly ever is more like it. My times with him were few but fun & not easily replicated. So I let it be a thing of the past & enjoy the memory and keep the future fantasies, fantasies. I had guilt when I thought I could replicate the time with him with another. So I guess I'm Bi to an extent but could careless and realize for (me) its a personal connection that wins me over not just the act. In a fantasy hell the act works, in real life it doesn't. Hope this confession helps, it probably doesn't its probably me just recalling a very interesting time in my life that I'm not ashamed of. Everyone is different and it sounds like your a wee bit confused & that is ok.

[Anneliese]

I have never been with a guy, and at this point, the closest I've ever come to a gay experience was attending a gay wedding shower in college, and having a gay professor tell me he was attracted to me, on which I passed.

I am not interested in men as men. They do nothing for me. However, I am finding myself more and more interested in a penis on a woman, whether it be trans or cross-dressing, as long as they had some actual female features. (I am not attracted to a CDer who looks like a man dressed up as a woman)

In fact, I am more interested in acting that fantasy out than I am in getting into another hetero relationship. Been there, done that. Was married once. Have had several serious relationships, but I don't think I have the strength to get into another. It's simply too much work.

I would hire a TS prostitute...believe me, I've looked...but I am horrified by the dangers of STDs and I don't enjoy sex with a condom, so I'm at an impasse. I've even told my last two girlfriends, who both told me first that they were bisexual, that if I was in the situation of "The Crying Game", I would absolutely Go.For.It. Dil was HOT!

I am 61. I would like to try it before I die.

Not sure if I will, but my cross-dressing got more serious when I shaved off my beard a couple of months ago.

I am quite sure if I tried the fantasy, I would like it and feel no guilt. I'm also quite sure I'd want to do it again. I might even become addicted. There's just something really exciting about a pretty woman with a different sex organ.

And yes, due to my fear of STDs, if I could somehow do myself, it would be the ultimate, because I'm safe and I think for my age I'm pretty hot. Too bad I can't. LOL.

[Acastina]

I am 61. I would like to try it before I die.

Not sure if I will, but my cross-dressing got more serious when I shaved off my beard a couple of months ago.

I am quite sure if I tried the fantasy, I would like it and feel no guilt. I'm also quite sure I'd want to do it again. I might even become addicted. There's just something really exciting about a pretty woman with a different sex organ.

And yes, due to my fear of STDs, if I could somehow do myself, it would be the ultimate, because I'm safe and I think for my age I'm pretty hot. Too bad I can't. LOL.

Losing the beard is probably a good place to start.:bonk:

Your last sentence reminds me of the old Woody Allen line from (I think) Annie Hall, updated for the age of AIDS and personalized for you: "What's wrong with masturbation? It's safe sex with someone I love, and she's pretty hot:battingeyelashes:."

[Anneliese]

"The Man Who Folded Himself" by David Gerrold, who wrote the Star Trek episode, "The Trouble with Tribbles", is a book about time-travel, and one of the results is he is able to make love with himself. I read it many years ago, but can't remember details.

http://www.amazon.com/Man-Who-Folded-Himself/dp/1932100040/ref=la_B000AQ1PQM_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1447621335&sr=1-1

[Leah R.]

I've never been with a man, but I want to see what's it's like. Life's too short not to experience it, and I want to experience sex with a male....

[FeliciaCDSNJ]

I've been with a guy before. It was interesting to say the least and without turning this post into a xxx story. Would I do it again? Yes, I've come to terms with myself that not only am I trans but also bisexual. I don't act on my urges because I'm with a wonderful woman, who I would not trade anything in the world for. It was different as I'm use to holding someone and to get held was different in a good way.

[Anneliese]

The Number One reason I haven't experienced a man or a CD/TS is the need for that dreaded raincoat. If there was no such thing as STDs, I would be a much wilder, crazier, free-er person. Many people don't worry about it, and nothing ever happens, but I'd be unlucky enough to get something the first try. WHEN I try, I want to feel reality, not latex, just as I've always wanted to in all situations with women. Have I used them? Of course. Have I ever had a good experience with them? Never, but some have been ok, I guess. OK is no longer worth it, however. I want "good" at a bare (lol) minimum, and it just isn't possible.

[Allison_CD]

8+ guys this year. First guy 40 years ago in Bermuda !!

I am on a Fab UK site and having been a pro photog my pics make me look exceedingly glamourous if a trifle pregnant.

One guy I threw out the house within 2 mins. 4 guys have returned and one mmm is 40.
26 y/o was the youngest and I had the most fantastic orgasm with him.

[Allison_CD]

I had been chatting to a guy online and when he came to my door I was surprised to see he had a beard!

A hairy beardy man atop me kissing and being hairy made me feel really girly. xx

[BillieAnneJean]

While I sympathize with anyone who is going this route, and this post is in no way judgmental.....

Never going to happen for me ever never ever.

So my answer is NO
NO
NO
NO
NO

[Jaylah414]

I've been with other bisexual men and women during our swinger days. It was fun, I reckon, but not exactly satisfying. We only played safe, but with swinging, there was always the worry of whether someone is devoting enough attention to their spouse and hoping you don't do something that would break the other couple's secret rules. My wife and I always wondered why so many people got involved in swinging if they were going to get jealous over any little thing. To be honest, it was pretty weird, sometimes.

On the other hand, we did know a few couples that were very open and we enjoyed more than just sex with them. They had become friends with benefits.

As for me, I've always imagined having sex with a particular type of man while I was dressed as a woman. It's a little strange, but dressed in men's clothing, I feel more masculine and would prefer to be with a beautiful, feminine woman - My wife for instance. While dressed as a woman my fantasies tend toward a man that is very strong, larger than me and absolutely in charge. Funny how our brains work.

[Megan182]

I'm bisexual so I've been with guys in male form but I haven't dressed with one yet.

[char GG]

@Allison:
So do you think that is why GG's like their SO's to look like men?

[EllieMayxxx]

I am so sorry if i offend anyone it is 100% unintentional. I am straight and sometimes when im dressed up I have thoughts of being with a guy but they are so rare. I find that guys don't do anything for me im sorry.

[JosieH]

I have always been a fem gay man but dressing is entirely new to me. I am hoping to engage in sex with one of the handsome gentlemen I've been getting to know recently. Grrrrrr!
Lol
Josie.

[Chrissi]

Like a couple of others here: I have a boyfriend.

[SandraInHose]

...I am not interested in men as men. They do nothing for me. However, I am finding myself more and more interested in a penis on a woman, whether it be trans or cross-dressing, as long as they had some actual female features. (I am not attracted to a CDer who looks like a man dressed up as a woman)

I am quite sure if I tried the fantasy, I would like it and feel no guilt. I'm also quite sure I'd want to do it again. I might even become addicted. There's just something really exciting about a pretty woman with a different sex organ.

Those snips from your post above hit the nail on the head for me. Well stated.

[Mayo]

I am so sorry if i offend anyone it is 100% unintentional. I am straight and sometimes when im dressed up I have thoughts of being with a guy but they are so rare. I find that guys don't do anything for me im sorry.
No need to apologize. There is no right answer except what works for you. :)

[denisepascali]

Guys do not do a thing for me; however when I am dressed I do imagine things. Usually this involves pretty harmless stuff. I think of going shopping together or holding hands. I imagine cooking for a man or going for a walk together. Perhaps watching tv together on the couch, I could see that

[gokatiegirl]

Many guys and several cds

[aussie cd]

not yet...but the urge to try is getting strong...only had these feelings in the last year ...and I'm 52 been cd since about 5....I want to be taken out and treated nicely by an preferably older and taller guy....so I can wear some 4 or 5 inch heels and still be smaller than him...and want to be taken home after a nice night and be taken for the first time....after all this time of feeling the pressure to perform (I hate that pressure) I want to be the receiver at least just once....and guessing it wouldn't be my last...just one problem and that is I will never do this to my wife ....well not without her permission ...

[AlleyKat]

I had a boyfriend for a few weeks when I first started being aware of my gender issues. I really feel as though it was more important as a trans experience than a bi for me. I'm still predominately straight, but being with him I didn't have to be the guy in the relationship, I got to let go and be me. And I have to say, post cuddles with a muscular military man... That does make you feel soo girly.

[Just4me]

No haven't been with a guy men don't do anything for me I love the look of a women dressed sexy

[JosieH]

I have been with men as a gay man but, I have never been with a man whilst dressed.
That's coming though.
I have been talking to some guys and I'm trying to see how this plays out.
I have to say, I never received so much attention, even as a fem gay man!
It's mind-bending!
Who knew???
It's also a bit un-nerving.
I think I understand a bit of the vulnerability women must experience.
All those wolves at the door! 😳

[margararet]

I have been out with guys. I was reluctant when a gf of mine introduced me to a male friend of hers I agreed to go out with him and that would be the end of her telling me I needed to meet guys. This man was so incredibly nice to me. He treated me like I had always imagined a man would treat me as a woman. I dated him several times until he moved. I must admit that after my first date with him I was hooked - just like my gf told me I would be - I have dated several guys since but I still remember how fantastic my first date with this wonderful man.

[DonnaA]

I'd like to add my thoughts here. Generally speaking, I am not attracted to men. I am 98-99% hetero. But there is one man I am attracted to. I have had sexual encounters with him on several different occasions. He is the only man I have ever been with sexually, and I am the only "man" he has ever been with sexually. I am always dressed for the experience. It helps to get me in the mood. But it does absolutely nothing for him. He doesn't care if I am dressed or not. I have no desire to be with a man while not dressed.

No, I did not feel guilty afterward. If you feel guilty after doing something, then you shouldn't have done it in the first place.

It is always a pleasurable experience for me. I really enjoy it a lot, and I always look forward to it. The last time we met, I couldn't wait to meet him. I fixed myself up nice and pretty. I wore purple satin and lace bra and panties, black pantyhose with a backseam, black lingerie, and a black minidress. He loved my outfit. I flirted with him the entire night. We had so much fun. He treated me like a girl the whole night. I loved it. He made me feel so feminine.

I must disagree with some posters here who feel that clothing doesn't change your sexual desires or thoughts. When I am dressed as a man, I think about being with women sexually. But, when I am dressed as a woman, I think about being with men sexually. So, at least in my case, the type of clothing I am wearing does influence my sexual thoughts and desires. Maybe I am in the minority here?

I have always fantasized about being with another CD/TV/TS/TG, but I have never done it.

[fionna]

Hi,
I am thinking about being with a guy when dressed up fully but only in presence of a girl. I am a straight guy who likes dressing up but I have never ever ever thought about a guy before. Now slowly I am opening up to the idea of being with a guy and letting him drill me while a girl is present.

I really want to do it but I am wondering if I am going to regret it later. My questions are
1. Has anyone done it before?
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

Before dressing up, I used to see shapes as masculine and feminine. Like certain shoes are obviously feminine (slim).. you know what I am saying.. Now I dont have those thoughts any more since I started dressing up. I am wondering if being with a guy would make one gender fluid. I am thinking about it but I want to know other's physical, emotional experience before taking this step.

For me it's quite similar for most of previous replies.

1. I hadn't I would not mind with the right set of circumstances. However it will part of a experience, not a longer or a emotional engagement at all.
2. I would not, as I said, it's clear for me that is/could be a experience only.
3. Why should be?
4. Same as 3. Why should be?

We are what we are, I don't think a experience could change our behavior. Except is we talk about a repressed sexual orientation, that could potentially arise from this experience. So the difference will be that we just opened a can that was previously closed and allowing to see the real herself.

Cheers

[steph9]

Yes I have, I am more attracted to women, but when I am transformed, I am very much into being a girl for a man... It wasn't an overnight process to get me to accept myself this way, but I have found it rewarding now that I do.

[jenni_xx]

While I sympathize with anyone who is going this route, and this post is in no way judgmental.....

Never going to happen for me ever never ever.

You "sympathize"?

I find that incredibly insulting. I don't need your sympathy because I'm gay, just as much as you (or I) don't need anyone's sympathy for being cd

[Skirtgirl]

I have never been with a man and am a straight married man in real life. However as Lesley, a 51 year old full life secret crosddresser I find I am now curious about men in a sexual way, but only in giving oral sex while fully dressed. Dont ever think about usually, but whenI am Lesley it is a tangible desire. Probably will not act on this desire as I would not know how to mert an interested man.

[BillieAnneJean]

You "sympathize"?

I find that incredibly insulting. I don't need your sympathy because I'm gay, just as much as you (or I) don't need anyone's sympathy for being cd


jenni_xx
Please refer to these definitions of sympathize from Merriam Webster online dictionary:
": to feel sorry for someone who is in a bad situation : to feel sympathy for someone because you understand that person's problems"

": to feel or show support for or approval of something"

You will note that there is more than one meaning to the word sympathy. If you take the most insulting meaning to you then I can understand your reasoning. But if you consider the second meaning, that I am "show(ing) support for or approval of....." then perhaps you may find that my post was in fact supportive. Actually if you read any of my posts you will find that I am very supportive of anyone and everyone.

Perhaps you may, given your new knowledge of the meaning for sympathy, choose to reconsider.

I am providing the link in case you wish to do some research on the subject. You may find the site useful any time in the future to understand the meaning(s) in a post.

Additionally my post says:
"While I sympathize with anyone who is going this route, and this post is in no way judgmental....."

What this means is that While I "show support for or approval of " (credits again to Merriam Webster online)" anyone going this route , and this post is in no way judgmental..... "Emphasis added later)

Again perhaps with your new insight you may choose to reread my post.

Billie

[laura.lapinski]

Those snips from your post above hit the nail on the head for me. Well stated.
Anneliese and SandraInHose you can add me to having those same sentiments.

[Sky]

I must disagree with some posters here who feel that clothing doesn't change your sexual desires or thoughts. When I am dressed as a man, I think about being with women sexually. But, when I am dressed as a woman, I think about being with men sexually. So, at least in my case, the type of clothing I am wearing does influence my sexual thoughts and desires. Maybe I am in the minority here?

Minority maybe but not alone since that describes me too.

The thing with this kind of issue is, people tend to assign their own beliefs, preferences and experiences to everyone. In reality, some of us are attracted to men only when in drab, some only when in drag, some always, some never, and some only when wearing a gorilla costume (hey, don't judge!)

[Lorileah]

logic here. If it was only the clothes that made you want to be with a guy, as soon as you were naked wouldn't that go away?

[flatlander_48]

No, residual effect...

DeeAnn

[crobeson96]

No, but I've been intimate with a girlfriend while dressed. One afternoon we had a quiet moment that meant 'what do you want to do?' I asked her (couldn't believe the words came out of my mouth) "Do you have anything pretty I could wear?" She didn't miss a beat! She jumped to her dresser and pulled out a loose pair of tap pants and a matching top in green satin. "Here, put this on." She brushed my hair and added some barrettes and put some clip-on earrings on me and did some light makeup. I was very excited. She pulled her hair back so it looked short and put on a boy t-shirt and a pair of jeans. The rest, I'll leave to our collective imagination.
The power of our mutual response frightened both of us, I think, and though our relationship continued, we never repeated or discussed that scenario or crossdressing, for that matter. The relationship ended much later for other reasons.

[Lexi_83]

I have an off-and-on intimate relationship with a guy. He's special, haven't pursued a relationship with anyone else.

[Devin7]

1. Has anyone done it before? yes
2. Did you feel guilty later about it? did at first
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? kinda
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? no, but i dressed a lot more
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? for me i find it more pleasureable than straight sex, but just like any kind of sex i have there are factors that make it more enjoyable, how attracted i am to them, the connection we have, how pretty i am feeling that day, and most of all i like taking it from behind and performing oral. I would suggest to atleast experiment with yourself first

[mechamoose]

One's sexuality is not the same as identity, but they are linked. On top of that, sexuality (that is, sexual interest) moves all around over the course of your life anyway.

Why over analyze? What is so bad about being curious, or even *gasp* gay?

I mean, you are still just a person who needs love and care. You still want mostly the same things from a person.

I guess I just fail to see what all the hubub is about. If I like a person I like *them*, I don't like them just for their bits. I will enjoy whatever they happen to have.

<3

- MM

[Sonny]

1. Has anyone done it before? Yes orally many times twice anally. I bottom
2. Did you feel guilty later about it? At first then it was like..."who the **** cares'
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? Go through spurts
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? No Been with guys way before I dressed
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? Different. I like the submissive role cause I have to be Alpha all the other times.

I am Bi love making love to a woman and guys. I am 50:50 on the scale. When I dress I don't feel the urge though, which may be odd. I have not been with a guy dressed but when I do he will have to be better than the guys I've been with as a guy. Jus tfeel so lady like when dressed and raise the bar.

[Rosie1989]

I've never been with a guy but love the thought of it when dressed...

I don't think I could actually see myself dating a guy but having one night of fun could be nice!! :)

[Krisi]

This thread and ones like it are much of the reason I don't introduce my wife to this crossdressing forum. For most of us, the first question we get asked when we tell someone we enjoy wearing women's clothes is; "Are you gay?" For me, and I suspect for most crossdressers, the answer is "No, I am straight." That's what my wife asked me and that was my answer.

A person reading this forum might get other ideas if they came across threads like this one. I don't want my wife to think dressing will make me gay. It would not help my marriage. I don't think it would help anyone's marriage.

I'm not trying to say there is anything wrong with being gay, but you really should admit it to yourself if you are, not try to blame it on crossdressing.

[MarciManseau]

Krisi, it's more complicated than that. Someone who is "straight" may have fantasies, or be willing to try having sex with a male, but none of that would make you gay, just bi or bi curious. I'm sure your wife would be able to see that, or you could explain it to her.

[binair10]

I suppose if many on here was honest and when dressed said that they would like to be with a man....

I think that going out with a man to a show, cinema or a meal would appeal to many girls.

I would love to go out for a meal etc with one...but anything sexual...NO WAY.

Julie.

[AmandaM]

Well, I'm no closer to an answer after reading this entire thread. The only time I think of kissing a guy is when I see a beautiful girl kissing one and I want to be her (i want to be her no matter what she's doing). I never feel that way looking at two guys kissing. It's actually a turn-off. And the thought of a relationship with a guy with me as a man is also a turn-off. Looking into his eyes, no, ewww. But if I was a woman, yes, I could do that. I just can't separate in my head the female part of it. The male me is straight, the female me is bi (likes both).

[Crissy Kay]

To tell you all the truth, the older you get, it comes down to who you get lucky with!!

[Lilli]

1. Has anyone done it before?
Yes, I have. I had over some 2-3 years gradually worked myself up to it.Imagining it, wanting to be in the role etc. I had practiced a lot with a prosthetic phallus and I had gotten to knwo a guy over almost two years via a website. Then one day it just boiled over in me. I wanted to, so I said to myself, do it, find it out. I contacted him, he was immedeatly interested, we met the same evening near a highway restaurant. He was really nice, but I felt that all his compliments and tenderness were towards another perseon - maybe not me - I just wanted none of the flirting, I wanted to get to it: Seduce him, perform orally etc.
That is what we did. I seduced him as best i could with my behind on his front, then kneeling, opening it up and putting the raincoat on as I had imagined it to do. That part went well and as planned. He was very enthusiastic about my performance I felt not a little flattered.
Then the first disillusion: I couln't do in reality what I had done to my prothetic piece at home. My throat wouldn't allow it. i tried and re-tried. No go. So I couldn't do what I imagined. What then? I tried to do what I could but after 5 minutes os so I felt sore and thouroughly unenthusiastic about it. It was like work. I kept up the smiles and the banter, but it was really work.
Felt even stronger that i was pretending to be something rather than being something.
This led me to renounce this route. That said the fantasy is still with me and still gets me excited. But I know it didn't do anything for me there and then. Sometimes I think I should try again with a different mind set but then again i feel that it in't what I am however exciting the fantasy may be.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it? - Yes.Not morally but towards him for pretending, towards his girlfriend (I learned there and then that he had one who didn't like oral). I felt really guilty about making him cheat. Especially because it was just an experiment for me.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? -not at all. The fantasy is still there and maybe that counts, but definitely no.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? not at all

Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? - I have had good and bad straight sex, but this wasn't the right thing for me. So it wasn't.

Cheers

[AmandaM]

Lilli, your answer to #1 is pretty much my experience in the one time I did it. I have the fantasy, maybe that's all it'll ever be for you and me.

[mechamoose]

I never feel that way looking at two guys kissing. It's actually a turn-off. And the thought of a relationship with a guy with me as a man is also a turn-off. Looking into his eyes, no, ewww. But if I was a woman, yes, I could do that. I just can't separate in my head the female part of it. The male me is straight, the female me is bi (likes both).

Maybe that is where I am different from most. I don't compartmentalize myself based on what 'mode' I'm in. I'd feel the same things in work boots and flannel as I would in a flowery skirt.

It is a role in a 'pair', and you have ideas as to what each is -supposed- to do, and you have a hard time traversing that wall.

This is a good discussion.

- MM

[Krisi]

Krisi, it's more complicated than that. Someone who is "straight" may have fantasies, or be willing to try having sex with a male, but none of that would make you gay, just bi or bi curious. I'm sure your wife would be able to see that, or you could explain it to her.

No, I could not explain to my wife that I wanted to have sex with a man. Or why some other supposedly straight male would want to have sex with a man simply because he strapped on a pair of boobs and a wig. He would still be a male having sex with another male. The strap on boobs and wig don't change anything. And if he was married or in a committed relationship, that would be cheating just the same as if he had sex with a woman.

It almost seems like you are saying that being bisexual is somehow less deviant than being gay. Like you are trying to defend it.

[Sky]

... and putting the raincoat on as I had imagined it to do.

That's so European!!! :)

[MarciManseau]

It almost seems like you are saying that being bisexual is somehow less deviant than being gay. Like you are trying to defend it.

No less deviant, just more fun :)

[flatlander_48]

From my experience, I wouldn't say "more fun". I would say equally as enjoyable.

DeeAnn

[Jennifer0874]

I would say not deviant at all. Just normal for a lot of us.

[Acastina]

Then the first disillusion: I couldn't do in reality what I had done to my prothetic piece at home. My throat wouldn't allow it. i tried and re-tried. No go. So I couldn't do what I imagined. What then? I tried to do what I could but after 5 minutes or so I felt sore and thoroughly unenthusiastic about it. It was like work. I kept up the smiles and the banter, but it was really work.
Felt even stronger that i was pretending to be something rather than being something.
Cheers

I'm reminded of an old blues song by the late Joe Williams:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qeM8kKynjc

"If you're feelin' good, it's because you're supposed to/And if you're not feelin' good, you ain't doin' it right!"

You may be right that it wasn't for you and best remains a fantasy, but there's always "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again":heehee:

[Mink]

with how strict they are about shutting down threads it is kinda weird this one survives?

not only would it freak out wives / GFs etc just trying to learn about this whole thing...

but what does Being With A Guy specifically have to do with Crossdressing?

it's more of a side-note to what it's really about...

I've seen threads closed for far far less!

[CathyWallace]

I'm a gay male and have been with lots of guys. Most gay men are not attracted to crossdressers, but fortunately some are. I find that there is a little shame/guilt when I connect with a guy as a guy, but just pure joy when I connect with a guy as a tgirl. Perhaps I should have been a heterosexual female.

[Lorileah]

Mink...first the OP asked about dressing and being with a guy.

[Tashee]

I've been with a guy before. It was interesting to say the least and without turning this post into a xxx story. Would I do it again? Yes, I've come to terms with myself that not only am I trans but also bisexual. I don't act on my urges because I'm with a wonderful woman, who I would not trade anything in the world for. It was different as I'm use to holding someone and to get held was different in a good way. Your last line You nailed it in my case--Being held (in that way) by someone who just happened to be the same sex was intense. It brought out ALL the same sensations I get when dressed. Can I replicate that as I searched? Nope Just as I can't replicate the call me Bi? I don't care. I dig & found the key to me is a deep connection Now if I was 18 and with all the BS Propaganda on the web I'd probably do things because of the heinous BS these young kids see repeptively: your a worthless man be a pretty girl you an do it while your young & objectify yourself & you will be happy-Awful advice- As time goes on that leads to alphabet diseases & as you age that once young shine goes away I swear some of these sites that promote that are borderline pedophiles and predators...JMHO

[mechamoose]

We are who we are,

It isn't about genes. It is about want.

I'm all over a pretty, sweaty man. It isn't about sex. It is more about appreciation of our differences.

We all see and probably stoke those differences.

- MM

- - - Updated - - -

You either like 'gurls' or you don't.

I like a pretty boi in a skirt. It isn't the same thing as a female in the same gear.

It is a 'role' thing. Most men are far too butched up to even see it.

- MM

[flatlander_48]

but what does Being With A Guy specifically have to do with Crossdressing?

M:

In my opinion, it is very definitely related as dressing seems to be an enabler for some. I think this is illustrated by the phrase "I feel like this when I'm dressed, but not when I am not dressed.". How often that occurs is difficult to say, but in the subset of the crossdressing population represented here, it comes up with some frequency.

Anyway, that's my guess. Note that it does not apply to self-identified bisexuals. In my case, being intimate with men predated the first time that I dressed by about 5 years. Therefore, I wouldn't consider it an enabler for me.

DeeAnn

[Krisi]

For me, sex has to be preceded by some sort of romance. Kissing, hugging, fondling of body parts, etc. Not for long, perhaps but at least several minutes. I can't see me kissing and hugging another man, much less giving him oral or anal sex and strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig doesn't change that.

And as for anal, once you pull down your panties, the stuff that flops out is certainly going to ruin the illusion of being a female.

For anyone who identifies as gay, that's fine for me, I have no problem with a person's sexual preference. The problem I have is with people thinking that strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig can change their sexual preference. If you think it does, you are fooling yourself.

[flatlander_48]

The problem I have is with people thinking that strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig can change their sexual preference. If you think it does, you are fooling yourself.

And that's the heart of it. I don't think it CHANGES anything. I think it UNCOVERS. My opinion, anyway. Consider it this way: what if crossdressing turned out to be a roundabout way of discovering one's true sexuality? I'm not talking about everyone, just some.

DeeAnn

[samantha rogers]

I love how these threads come around periodically and stir up so many adamant declarations of defensiveness lol
I consider myself pansexual but I also believe labels are silly and that sexual orientation is no more a binary than is gender. I think if people were not so conditioned by society to knee jerk responses about sexuality a lot more would be willing to acknowledge feelings they seem embarrassed to admit. I think guilt is silly and a waste of time. I wish more people would just relax and enjoy love where ever it can be found....it is so frequently not there when we need it.
Most of my life I have been pansexual in theory but strictly heterosexual in practice because my partner was female, I was under the self deluding illusionc I was male, and I loved only her. Now, marriage ending, and five years into HRT, things have changed. Though still theoretically pansexual, I'm now interested pretty much exclusively in men. Regardless of theory, I've moved from hetero male to hetero female.
And it's not just about sex, far from it. Truthfully the sex is a small part and far from the most important part.
It's not something I can easily explain... it just is and it feels so right I can't believe it took me so long to get here. It's a very happy place for me.

[flatlander_48]

And it's not just about sex, far from it. Truthfully the sex is a small part and far from the most important part.

True. The concept of sexuality goes 'way beyond who you happen to be sleeping with and what you do...

DeeAnn

[StinaTv]

1. Has anyone done it before?

Yes, finally after many years of fantasy!

2. Did you feel guilty later about it?

I thought i might but i didnt =)

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

It was an great experience and i will "get laid" again *lol*

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?

No im comfortable bringing out the naughty woman in me att special accasions.


Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

I hooked up with a older man (18years older) that i meet on a dating site. I came home to me. I was so nervous and horny that i shaked when i opened the door *lol*
Im passive/sub. And when he started touching me like a woman it felt AMAZING. Everything felt great The feeling of have been used as a woman after he left my house was also great.

[XemmaX]

i have never had the interest, penises are kind of gross i think. but i guess different strokes for different folk and all that.

[Nadine Robles]

1. Has anyone done it before?
-Yes. The one and only time.
2. Did you feel guilty later about it?
-Not at all.
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?
-No, but had those rollercoaster like mixed feelings between "never again" and "Another ride please!"
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?
-I don't think that decision could be defined by one or more sexual experiences, it depends on a lot more.

Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?
It was... different. Strange, in many ways. Definitely pleasurable, but neither lesser or greater than straight sex. . The smells, the touch (surprisingly soft!) It felt weird at first but after I got into the role and became Nadine it became awesome!
Would I do it again? definitely. But I'm currently on a steady relationship and I'm not the cheating kind, so it'll have to wait...

[Sandra]

. The feeling of have been used as a woman after he left my house was also great.

Sorry but how could have felt this you don't even have the plumbing of a woman.

[Mayo]

For anyone who identifies as gay, that's fine for me, I have no problem with a person's sexual preference.

It almost seems like you are saying that being bisexual is somehow less deviant than being gay. Like you are trying to defend it.
I'm going to call you out on your use of language here, Krisi. When you say that you 'have no problem with' it but at the same time state that being bi or gay is 'deviant' (while also implying that it's indefensible), it sounds as though you have at least some issues with non-heterosexual orientations. To say that sex with guys isn't your thing and you have no interest in it whatsoever is fine, but speaking in moralistic terms about others isn't helpful. What I'm hearing is "really, it's okay if you want to be a disgusting faggot", which resembles the sort of superficially-positive-but-implicitly-judgemental "love the sinner, hate the sin" stuff; it's a mixed message at best and a cloaked condemnation at worst. If I'm putting words in your mouth, though, please correct me.


This thread and ones like it are much of the reason I don't introduce my wife to this crossdressing forum.
As to whether or not your wife would be confused about CDs by seeing this thread, wouldn't that present an opportunity for education? Pretty much every possible response to the OP is included here, and it just goes to show that the stereotypes of CDs are in no way accurate descriptors of every member of this group (or even a majority). In fact, I've gone through the thread, analyzed the responses to the best of my ability (which, admittedly, included some judgement calls) and attempted to relate them to the classic Kinsey scale of sexual orientation. I've come up with the following (based on 144 interpretable responses):


[0] Exclusively heterosexual (22%)
[1] Predominantly heterosexual (35%) *
[2] Predominantly hetero but more than incidentally homosexual (12%) **
[3] Bisexual (20%)
[4-6] More than incidentally homosexual (11%)

More than two-thirds of the sample are entirely or predominantly heterosexual, and only 1 in 9 are more gay than straight. Many of the members, regardless of their orientation, also explicitly condemn cheating on spouses, which I think is a pretty positive statement.

I excluded comments from GGs and, for simplicity, considered all remaining respondents as male (since we're supposedly talking about CDs rather than TSs). If people self-identified as a particular orientation I took them at their word even if I might personally have classified them otherwise based on their actual statements. Usually this was people identifying as bi when I felt they were less so, which I think accounts for the relatively high incidence of bisexuals [3] relative to lower ratings [1-2]. Based on the nature of this group, and because this is a voluntary survey, there's also certain to be some sort of response bias relative to the general population.

* might consider it under certain circumstances, thinking about it but haven't done it, tried it with another CD, tried it but wasn't impressed
** bisexual but prefer hetero aka tried it and liked it but like women more

[flatlander_48]

Sorry but how could have felt this you don't even have the plumbing of a woman.

To me the important word here is AS implying similarity. I wouldn't think that the intent was an exact comparison, but it would be interesting to hear what ST meant. And actually, how could one make an accurate comparison without a set of experiences from the perspective of a genetic female? I would assume that set of experiences would be all encompassing and not just limited to genitalia.

DeeAnn

[ReineD]

Sorry but how could have felt this you don't even have the plumbing of a woman.

It's amazing where fantasy can take a person, Sandra. I think it has to do with the whole role playing thing ... which renders having a vagina almost unnecessary.




[0] Exclusively heterosexual (22%)
[1] Predominantly heterosexual (35%) *
[2] Predominantly hetero but more than incidentally homosexual (12%) **
[3] Bisexual (20%)
[4-6] More than incidentally homosexual (11%)

More than two-thirds of the sample are entirely or predominantly heterosexual, and only 1 in 9 are more gay than straight. Many of the members, regardless of their orientation, also explicitly condemn cheating on spouses, which I think is a pretty positive statement.

How did you classify sentiments like "Yes, I've had those feelings too" if they didn't say they tried it, or didn't disclose they tried it and it burst their bubble. I know people who fantasize about it but who were turned off by the actual experience of being with a man. So there's a category you didn't list, which is those people who are more turned on by the idea of being a sexual woman than having any real attraction to men (or perhaps even women). I think that being predominately autosexual is a different category than heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, although few people would be willing to classify themselves that way.

[SHY KIM]

I never had any type of experience with a guy - many many years ago my wife and switched roles one evening -
that was a fun and very hot time - We were both dressed as the opposite gender

The concept at times seems like an intriguing fantasy, of which I am always dressed as AND treated like a lady

Am I bi-curious? Maybe since the thought crosses my mind - don't know what the rule book says on that

Not sure if I would ever follow thru if the opportunity ever came up (I'd probly kick off my heels and run:eek:)
Sort of like when I'm in drab and flirting with a woman. If I sense she may have interest in me - I stop a.s.a.p
(I joke with friends that I'm a catch and release type of guy) Perhaps "The hunt is more thrilling then the kill"

Sometimes fantasies are best left as fantasies

Those are ALL my non-committal - all over the road opinions :heehee:

Sometimes people try to overanalyze things - just go with the flow and enjoy life as it comes

[Mayo]

[1] Predominantly heterosexual (35%) *

If people self-identified as a particular orientation I took them at their word even if I might personally have classified them otherwise based on their actual statements. Usually this was people identifying as bi when I felt they were less so, which I think accounts for the relatively high incidence of bisexuals [3] relative to lower ratings [1-2].

* might consider it under certain circumstances, thinking about it but haven't done it, tried it with another CD, tried it but wasn't impressed

How did you classify sentiments like "Yes, I've had those feelings too" if they didn't say they tried it, or didn't disclose they tried it and it burst their bubble. I know people who fantasize about it but who were turned off by the actual experience of being with a man. So there's a category you didn't list, which is those people who are more turned on by the idea of being a sexual woman than having any real attraction to men (or perhaps even women).
Those responses I generally coded as a 1. If someone had never tried it but explicitly identified as bisexual, I coded them a 3 even though I personally felt they'd be more appropriately listed as a 1 or perhaps a 2. I don't claim it's a rigorous analysis but I did the best I could with the information I had available to me. :)

EDIT: I'd probably code SHY KIM's post as a 1, for example, because of 'intriguing fantasy' and 'the thought crosses my mind', though I suspect it's more properly a 0 ('kick off my heels and run'). This is one of the tougher calls, though.

[ReineD]

Fair enough! :)

Although it would be nice to be able to factor in the fantasy element, which I think is an important one here and is a category in itself separate from any attraction to men and/or women. There are people who source their greatest sexual gratification on their own in this community.

[SHY KIM]

Shy Kim again
To muddy the water more (and you can quote me) I hope I wouldn't run if the opportunity came up:battingeyelashes:

BUT more importantly. I think Reine had a great point when she mentioned THE FANTASY ELEMENT
Anything created in the mind in many cases, for many people, is as real as if it actually happened physically

As my wife and I both agree, the greatest sexual organ in either sex is the brain. Over 30 years together we have had hundreds of amazing sexual evenings together by sharing our fantasies.
Doing so in some cases actually led us to follow thru on a few of them. When we did so we never had a regret.
Maybe the "fantasy play" allowed us to be more prepared for the real thing?
I'll leave that for others to weigh in on
Kim