How accepting would YOU be?

[Rhonda Jean]

Reading Teresa's post about being out to her old friends made me think... How would you, or you and your wife react to an old friend coming out? We expect a lot of compassion and tolerance from people, but would we be so compassionate and accepting? Would it depend on who it was. Would it depend on what they looked like or how well they passed?

There's a repetitive theme on here where somebody (usually somebody who just joined and has less than 50 posts) comes out to their wife/mother/girlfriend/sister/aunt/daughter/coworker and they're all excited and want to do their makeup and take them shopping. I haven't tried coming out like this, so I don't know for a fact how it would go for me, but I'm betting my experience would not be so stellar.

I'm trying to imagine if my old business partner, my dad, my brother, my neighbor, came out to me. To be totally honest, I'm not sure I'd be the poster child for open acceptance. I think my level of acceptance would probably be as carefully crafted as my own level of "outness". It would greatly depend on who it was and where we'd go or be seen. This all being from my male perspective. On here, I'm always most amazed at the positive stories of acceptance, tolerance, and compassion. I tend to expect the negative. Honestly, again, my level of acceptance would depend largely on how they looked and how well they passed, and how they conducted themselves publicly and privately (this kind of goes for how I choose friends in general, not just those that wear dresses).

That said, the times are changing, changing fast, and in a big way. I think there'll always be pockets of hardened intolerance, but they're dwindling, giving way to apathy and apathy giving way to tolerance. I'd be different about it with an old friend than I would my son or some other child or young person. I am and have been openly tolerant of this in young people, and would certainly be accepting of my own sons.

So, how could I, being who/what I am for my entire life ever be anything but enthusiastically accepting? I'm not saying I feel great about being that way, but I do think it important to be honest about it. I'm a work in progress.

[Sallee]

I would be accepting and encouraging, but also I would attempt to talk sense into the newly out person about discretion and to where they are going. I certainly wouldn't encourage transitioning or going full time until they have been out for a while. Then I would be non committal but thats me and how I deal with my own CDing, which is I am in the closet but the door is open. If some one asks or is questioning I'll come out other than that it is my secret.
To each there own enjoy life and do what makes you happy

[Victoria_Winters]

I am accepting. Well before I got into CD I had a friend that did often. And publicly. He was cool to hang out with. His humor was pretty good and didn’t care what ppl though. He rocked his beard with a skirt.

[AllieSF]

I would be totally accepting and supportive of their coming out. However, that does not mean I would immediately invite them into my house. That might take some thought and discussion with them. Seeing them in someone else's house dressed oppositely from their birth gender would also be no problem. As you state, it depends on how they present themselves and maybe even how they comported themselves when out in public in a liberated mind sort of way, i.e. do they dress and do their makeup way over the top. All that would take a wait and see process, hopefully including a lot of good conversations with the newly out person. I would express my truthful opinion to them, as they deserve honesty from friends, as well as support.

I would openly support that person in conversation with their other friends who may be questioning their own support to that friend. In doing that I would also offer my honest opinions if needed as to how they may be presenting. I do not see someone's support of that person as in any way indicating that they themselves may be doing the same thing in private, i.e. that they also dress as the opposite gender. Could it be that some of your own concerns are related to how it reflects on you? In my case I am out to everyone, so they already know that I have transgender friends from across the identity spectrum. I recommend you look at your own fears and try to prevent them from influencing you from being a good friend to those that are your friends. They deserve that as much as you do.

[Tracy Irving]

Honestly, again, my level of acceptance would depend largely on how they looked and how well they passed

I look forward to the day when men don't have to hide behind make up and a wig (trying to "pass") and can wear women's clothing and still gain acceptance from some cross dressers.

[Rachelakld]

I have a work mate who came out as gay, that was fine but when one of the hot office girls came out as gay, as much as I wanted to date her, I decided not much point.
My gay work mate however, even talked me into checking out a gay club with him, tried to get me into a 3 some with him and a hot blond.
While we haven't worked together for the last 10 years, when we do bump into each other we both hug and catch up.
At one of his birthday parties, I think there were about 12 gays, 8 trans with 3 of them being girlie girl (more fem that anyone on the planet)
It was a fun party until someone did a porn search on his computer.

[DaisyLawrence]

How could any member of this forum be anything other than totally 100% accepting of a friend/colleage/relative coming out as a crossdresser regardless of their chosen presentation? Rhonda, by stating your level of acceptance would depend on how well they passed is quite simply shocking and hypocritical and that attitude has no place in the mind of a crossdresser. How can we expect the general public to accept us if we can't accept ourselves? The bottom line is that you are saying you would accept them if they passed. Well I have news for you, someone who passes as a real woman is not out as a crossdresser, in the eyes of the public those that pass 100% are, by definition, a real woman. Oh dear.

[Helen_Highwater]

Rhonda,

I would be 100% accepting. Anything less would be hypocritical. Where I can see issues is in discussions with others less tolerant.

Defending them and by inference yourself, could call for a bit of backbone. I hope I'd come up to the mark. In reality there is also a world of difference between having a one on one discussion in private with the person outing themselves and say going for a beer with them dressed down your local pub.

Having said that I see no difference in how we must pick our venues in order to stay safe while we're dressed.

[alwayshave]

Rhonda, I think of my parents who are uber Catholic, but accept their two gay grandchildren (not equivalent, but goes to acceptance). I'm pretty sure that I would be accepting.

[SaraLin]

h-m-m-m

I've been friends with people who were gay, lesbian, straight, MIAD, trans, nerds, republicans, rocket scientists, etc. etc.

I'm more interested in the person than the wrappings, so if someone I knew 'came out' to me, I might be surprised - but it's no worse than finding out that they like catsup on their eggs (for me, it's a big yuck, but some people like it. So hey, whatever flips your skirt)

How could I possibly give any less than I'd like to receive?

[Vickie_CDTV]

Take claims of warm, enthusiastic acceptance (on this site or anywhere else in the trans community) with a grain of salt, especially when it comes to family and wife acceptance. Not saying that isn't actually the came for some, but still take most claims with a grain of salt. I have been in the trans community for a long time, it isn't always as rosy as some think at the time they come out.

[DIANEF]

Although it hasn't happened yet I would like to think I would be fully accepting of someone coming out to me about being CD-TS ect. I used to know a co worker (though only as that) who did a part time drag act and I'm pretty sure his dressing wasn't just confined to the stage. All the girls I worked with loved him!

[Elizabeth G]

I typically don't deal in hypotheticals but I honestly feel I would be very accepting regardless of how good they looked or how passable they were. Perhaps this is due to my being out to a few people and having experienced differing levels of support or perhaps it's just the way I am but as I said, I doubt I would have a problem withit.

[Rachelish]

Rhonda

My initial reaction to your post was to agree that one can't take our immediate acceptance of someone else coming out for granted 100%. However, I then tried this out (in my head) for a range of relatives, colleagues, friends (and foes) and found my likely reaction to all of them positive. Indeed, many of them went up in my estimation :)

How well someone presents themselves is perhaps a separate issue. That may or may not influence my opinion of them regardless of whether they were out. Similarly, the reactions of others to our own position is coming from an entirely different perspective, and the reactions are less likely to be as positive.

[Stacy Darling]

How accepting would I be?

I understand acceptance a lot more clearly than I do non-acceptance! so lean heavily to the accepting side!

I would hope to never think that we should all be as accepting though, We are all our own selves and think in our own way...

Stacy

[Beverley Sims]

I have had a couple of friends of mine tell me they're gay.

I didn't give a stuff, and congratulated them.

My only rule was they do not pat me on the bum.

We can make gay and off colour jokes with each other, and I accept their observations of other males without incident.

[bridget thronton]

I would accept them and not great them any differently than before the reveal

[Ceera]

20 years or so ago, a guy I knew at work came out as a transgender woman. Such things were not as common or acceptable at that time, and we were in central Texas - in a rather liberal town, but still not a great place to be ‘out’. I was still deeply repressed myself, thinking of my own path as being just a bisexual male trying to live a straight and monogamous life. My wife was probably the only person in town who knew I was bi, and she knew I was faithful to her and not acting on those impulses. The closest I came to CD activities myself was on-line roleplaying with female avatars for myself, more often than not.

I first knew this trans person as a tall, slender guy who had a wife and a couple of kids at home, but we were not close enough for me to have met their family. We were both desktop computer repair techs at a large semiconductor manufacturing company. I would say that over 90% of the people in our job classification at that company were males. Though we worked for different departments, and usually in different parts of the worksite, all of us computer techs knew each other to some extent, and we would run into each other at least a few times every week.

Then she changed the name on her company ID badge to “Samantha”, and started wearling women’s low heeled shoes and slacks and blouses to work. Skirts and higher heels were impractical with the work we did. She couldn’t wear much makeup at work, because our jobs required going into a ‘clean room’ manufacturing area occasionally, with stronger restrictions than an operating room at a hospital. She had pretty long hair already, but didn’t wear breast forms or other padding. So she didn’t pass all that well, until her breasts began to fill in well after she started HRT. Some of our coworkers made off-color comments about her, or avoided her.

I simply accepted the change, and talked to her more, to understand what she was going through better. I made it clear to her that I would treat her the same as I always had, and I did. I even told her about my female roleplaying, though I said back then that I doubted I would ever change my own real-life gender. I have to admit, I wasn’t very vocal in support of her with my co-workers, but that was mostly because they were not that strongly opposed to her anyway, and our company policies protected lgbtq people from discrimination, even back then. My wife’s immediate reaction was questioning how it would negatively impact Samantha’s wife and kids. I told my wife I didn’t know if Samantha’s wife accepted the change or not, but apparently she did, since Samantha never mentioned a breakup or divorce. But that gave me a heads-up for later that my wife was very unlikely to accept similar changes in me.

[Aunt Kelly]

So is the question "How accepting would I be?" or is it "How accepting would I have been?"

I am not ashamed to admit that for much of my life, I suffered from the same fear and ignorance of TG issues that still pervade our society. Yes, this despite knowing that I was "this way" since an early age. So, no. I would not have been as supportive then as I am now. Now, having lived long enough to gain a little wisdom about many things, I could be nothing but supportive.

[Rhonda Jean]

How could any member of this forum be anything other than totally 100% accepting of a friend/colleage/relative coming out as a crossdresser regardless of their chosen presentation? Rhonda, by stating your level of acceptance would depend on how well they passed is quite simply shocking and hypocritical and that attitude has no place in the mind of a crossdresser. How can we expect the general public to accept us if we can't accept ourselves? The bottom line is that you are saying you would accept them if they passed. Well I have news for you, someone who passes as a real woman is not out as a crossdresser, in the eyes of the public those that pass 100% are, by definition, a real woman. Oh dear.

This is the reaction I expected, and I respect that. My OP was introspective and honest. I'm not exactly proud of it, nor do I think that's the way I should be. Also, I could list a lot of qualifiers. How close am I to this person, how much do I interact with them socially, when and where do I see them, etc., but that's not the point. I think most of us would draw a line, even if it's a squiggly one, somewhere. 100% would be a tough number to get to.

Maybe "accepting" is too general of a description. I can accept just about anything at a distance, but the closer you get, the criteria changes. I'm not 100% accepting of a lot of people. As I said, I'm a work in progress, and I both admit and accept that I fall short of the ideal in this department, especially given my history.

[CONSUELO]

A good question as I have noticed that while previously oppressed groups such as gay men talk loudly about acceptance, they are not always so accepting of other minorities. I have come across many instances of rejection and disdain of me as a transvestite by gay men. Thankfully though, not all gay men are like that.

A long time ago when I was a graduate student at a well-known west coast university when one of my fellow graduate students decided to go for what was then described as a sex change. The surgical/therapy group he was engaged with told him that he must first live his life as a woman for a year before even considering surgery. This he did, changing his name to Diane and dressing and behaving as a woman. The academic department where he worked accepted him and he continued his research and also taught as a teaching assistant, or TA. I really did not know Diane in those days. It was a big department and our paths did not cross. While there were a lot of embarrassed jokes about having a sex change, most students and staff just carried on as if nothing was happening. Any criticism was muted and I did not hear it.

At that time I was still trying to understand my own sexuality and transvestism. Looking back I wish I had been more confident of myself and reached out to Diane. Later I met her again and we chatted a lot and got along well but the issue of the sex change did not come up. I wish it had.

Yet another graduate student and I were friends at that time and he went off to teach at a large state university and we lost touch. I later found out that he later went through sexual reassignment surgery and I met her at several professional meetings and we chatted a lot but not too much about what she went through. Later I did call her and tell about my own transvestism and we had several conversations.

I always wanted to go and visit with her and have a deeper discussion about our respective paths through life. It has not happened yet simply because of time and distance issues but I do wish that I had made the effort to make contact and open up with her. She would have such a lot to teach me.

It is not easy to be fully and naturally accepting of people when you know that many around you, including family members, would be anywhere from critical to appalled, but we have to stand up for what we believe.

Two gay men were neighbors of ours and great friends and we still meet socially and really like one another but their sexuality is something that we never discuss. I see no need to.

Some other neighbors of ours would call them the gay couple and I objected. Why do we have to put a label on them like that, was my objection. I told her I did not refer to her and her husband as the "heterosexual couple", why did we have to label someone with their sexuality.

I hope I never behave as a Judas.

[Cheryl T]

I am and would be accepting and helpful.
I have friends and relatives who are gay and have always seen them as friends, not because of or in spite of anything, just friends.

How hypocritical would it be for us to ask for acceptance and then not give it?

[Stephanie47]

There's an old idiom which states "Clothes make the man." The same idiom should state "Clothes make the woman." Several comments indicated acceptance of homosexual men and women. Over the years I have had coworkers and professional relationships with gay men and lesbian women. No big deal. None showed any outward appearances of their sexuality. None were trying to be anything other than friends or coworkers. I do not acceptance anyone who tries to invade my personal space more than one time, and, not even that if he or she has knowledge of my marital status and presumed sexuality. A straight woman trying to invade my personal space will get the cold shoulder.

Next category is transgender men and women. There are two young transmen in my extended family. One is a child of one of her female cousins. The other is a granddaughter of my brother by marriage to his second wife. I full accept who they are. I don't know any transwomen. I believe I would accept them as long as they meet the same criteria I have for any other male or female. Underlying personality is my main criteria for having personal relationships.

The last category is the cross dresser. I am making a distinction between the transgender woman and the dresser who has no desire to transition. That is, the man just feels comfortable wearing the clothing of women. The same criteria exists for my acceptance of the person. It's not the clothes that "make the man or the woman." It's the personal actions. If a cross dresser wants to show up at the summer neighborhood block party in a dress and heels, so be it. Would I invite that person into my personal space. It depends upon her character. I have seen some men wearing women's clothing in my small city over the years. One in particular I've seen twice. She stands out like a sore thumb. No attempt to pass, but, also brazen attempts to be "in your face" attitude. Not the type of person who I would draw into my personal space. If the person was a GG woman acting in the same manner I would not draw her into my personal space either.

If I were to be present around any of these people who were minding their own business and someone was deciding to be discourteous and in their face, I definitely would come to their defense. At my age I have become extremely intolerant to people who are intolerant to others because of who they are or are not.

[Tracii G]

I have 2 old friends that have transitioned so I have been very accepting.
When they first came out I was on their side all the way.

[Rhonda Jean]

Making a distinction between someone who you know is transgender and someone close to you or in your family coming out with no known precursors, I've got a (sort of similar) real world example.

Without going into detail, I grew up with an accepting (encouraging in some respects) mother, and a father who just didn't say anything about it. My mom passed away in the '80's and my dad remarried a woman 20 years his younger. Picture my dad, typical southern blue collar. Hank Hill, sort of. When he dated and later married this woman, my dad started wearing multiple gold necklaces, shirt unbuttoned an extra button, multiple gold bracelets and rings. This is somebody who never wore anything but a plain wedding band. He also grew his fingernails long and started wearing clear polish, and for a while wore long artificial gold pinky nails. Not that any of this rises to the level of crossdressing, but still it was a rather shocking change in my dad. I never said anything about any of it. If we were just visiting at his house it was fine with me. If we went out to eat, still mostly OK. Kinda cool, even. Just being honest here, but beyond that it gets a little iffy. Would I want him showing up to my house with our friends? Frankly, I'd be a little uncomfortable, but I would have invited him. How about to deer camp? Hmmm. Again, what I do is different, but there's a correlation between this and my own level of outness. Comparably, I wear nail polish in male mode quite a lot outside of work, but I would never to deer camp.

So, I was of (at least) two minds on this. One, I thought he'd gone a little mid-life crazy. On the other hand, even though it made me a little uneasy, there was something cool about the fact that he made absolutely zero attempt to hide even the long nails and gold pinky nails. Seemed to be just the opposite, in fact. I realized even back then that I was hypocritical in some respects. I had long clear-polished nails back then, too, but no gold pinky nails. I actually tried to think of some way I could say, "Dad, I love your nails!" or something like that, but it just seemed beyond weird.

Like I said, I'm a work in progress.

[CONSUELO]

Just a general comment to add to the discussion.

When I look back at my life I am often saddened by the missed opportunities to open up to someone about your inner self even when they have presented you with the opportunity.

I understand caution and privacy issues but being a transvestite can be a lonely and isolating experience for many of us and neglecting to open up and honestly share with someone when given the opportunity is a great shame.

So when we come across someone who is like us we should consider the opportunity it represents as well as being careful to not hurt them or to join in or stand silent when people insult and criticize them.

[Teresa]

Rhonda,
As I'm the centre of this debate maybe I should offer a reply . I have to admit this situation feels like I'm standing in front of those delegates again when telling my story about being TG with reference to how the NHS has helped or not !

I'm not sure if apathy is involved in the equation , they were just very good understanding friends , I'm going to add maybe a little intrigued to see me in reality .

As I mentioned the friends knew about my CDing and had seen some pictures , which they initially misunderstood . I also mentioned when I asked them for coffee I made it clear I would be dressed and gave them a day or two to think about it , I didn't hear so I went ahead . They also knew I was going out socially and had started to go out for my general needs , so they must have assumed I passed well enough and had sufficient confidence to do it .

I also mentioned that I asked if they felt uncomfortable but the fact I was so relaxed they also felt at ease . In fact I do have a picture of what I was wearing but in my old wig . This was what i was wearing after I dropped them off and went clothes shopping and the supermarket . It was very ordinary but very easy to slip out of when trying on some shorts and Tshirts .

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=277435&stc=1&thumb=1&d=1495472043

They told the rest of their family when I first came out to them and they are all fine about it . I have a feeling the next step will to be invited to a family meal when they all get together , in those circumstances I feel they will be more offended if I refuse .

One point I missed in my thread , when I dropped them off the husband was taking a photgraph in their front garden when a neighbour walked by with his dog, they just waved and called hello and he replied with a wave , the couple weren't bothered at all that I stood next to them .

Tracy,
I could not do it without makep or wig , sorry MIAD does not appeal or work for me , I wish to be seen as a woman and feel most comfortable dressed as one .

Vickie,
Does your comment imply my story isn't true , we had a great couple of hours and have photographs to prove it .

[Rhonda Jean]

Teresa,
Although I referenced your thread, I didn't mean to make this about you. It was just your thread that sparked my thought. I knew I'd get blasted if I told how I actually felt, but I'm up for it, and sometimes that's how we get better.

One thing that makes me feel even worse about being hypocritical is I've experienced in my own life some really incredible support. Sometimes at arms length, but still enough that I had to ask myself if I would have done as well had the shoe been on the other foot. I also think that sometimes we can misread intrigue and curiosity as acceptance or tolerance. In some cases that's a distinction without a difference. I also think it's be very interesting to hear the entire conversation/s that took place surrounding your neighbors telling the rest of their family. I doubt that it was as simple as them all being fine with it. It's relatively easy to be fine with it when they have no skin in the game.

It's also worth noting that you look great! And anybody who didn't know you before would only assume you were born female. Even if you tell them differently, them meeting you today versus someone who knew your male self/role well for many years is a whole different thing.

[Teresa]

Rhonda,
I don't have any problems at all with your thread , the important thing is my thread made you think about the situation and pose the question to others , The outcome hopefully is other people may not feel as uneasy coming out in this way , for me being in the closet wasn't a very happy place . Now I'm out I'm out to everyone that's what I'm working on so I can totally integrate into the community . I won't bring the question of transition into this because it's not relevant . I understand you are a little uncomforgtable about your own situation , I wouldn't call it hypocritical , it's just some doubts you have about yourself possibly linked to some of the people you know round you and wonder how they would react . I'm very lucky in that respect but then I'm a very open person maybe sometimes naive at times .

I feel the important point about all this is , if you go back in the archives and read some of my early stuff no one would have dreamed I would be in my situation now , so the point I really want to make is if it can happen for me then it can happen for any of the others members here if they really want it or need it to . I am happier now than I've been in a long time , it's been a long time coming so now I'm not holding back because time isn't on my side .

Many thanks for saying how I look , that picture was taken after breakfast in a hotel carpark after we'd danced the night away , so everything was a little thrown together in a rush to get home . Well I suppose some of me was actually born female but thanks again for that kind comment .

Your fianal point about their family accepting me, well when I was a professional photographer I photogaphed their daughter's wedding , now the daughter has three teenage children and they all know and I guarantee will be OK with me .

[Tracy Irving]

Tracy,
I could not do it without makep or wig , sorry MIAD does not appeal or work for me , I wish to be seen as a woman and feel most comfortable dressed as one .

Teresa,

No need to apologize. My response to the OP had nothing to do with you. Your story is well documented and I applauded your courage through the journey. It is wonderful that you found the happiness you sought.

I wish for everyone to find their own happiness on the path they choose. I will always support and defend cross dressers as I am sure you do, even if it doesn't appeal or work for you.

I followed your advice and read some of your early stuff. In a recent thread you mentioned that seeing a man in women's clothing confuses people. I give the public more credit that that. It seems pretty straight forward.

We all have our own path. There are some who choose to crossdress and then take it to another level by altering their appearance with cosmetics and a head covering. The public may not be confused by this look either but I fail to see how it is less confusing than the other.

[Teresa]

Tracy ,
I guess the answer to that is I'm not confused in my own mind , the need inside is for total transformation , OK I admit it's an AGP trait , to be seen and accepted as a woman , I'm so very comfortable with that . If I was hormones on perhaps I wouldn't need a wig but I do need makeup , it's like most women , a little makeup gives them confidence to meet the World, I can understand that one .

As a matter of interest have you been out totally dressed with wig and makeup , if so how different does it feel for your , if you have surely you have noticed a difference in the public's response . I know it then raises the question of how much you wish to blend in and why .

[Esther Latour]

How accepting would I be? Good question. I think it is important to aknowledge there is a difference between how we think we should react and how we would react in reality. If someone came out as gay or trans (as in wanting to transition) it would be relatively easy for me to be supportive. If someone came out as a crossdresser it would be a bit more difficult to empathize because I am one myself and I am pretty much in the closet. I would either be hiding my own issues, which wouldn't feel roght, or I would have to come out to that person. So it would depend on how much I trust the person with my own secret.

[Tracy Irving]

Teresa,

I am not doubting the clarity you think you have when it comes to the way you dress. I am wondering why John Q. Public gets more confused seeing a crossdresser than someone, like yourself, who goes further with presentation.

Example: let's imagine you and I are having tea in a public garden. I am wearing women's jeans and a woman's black t-shirt. You are dressed as your avatar shows. Why would the public be at all confused about my appearance? And, more so than yours?

From my experience, so far, nobody has ever looked at me with confusion. In my humble opinion, I don't think people get confused seeing a man in jeans and a t-shirt.

[Teresa]

Tracy,
From your example I assume you are just wearing Tshirt and jeans, no boobs , no accessories , and flat shoes, I agree in that case neither of us would raise any eyebrows . I wouild also feel comfortable as I guess you would . Then that raises the anomaly we would be dressed in our comfort zones and that of others , in that respect we are still complying closer with society . Ironically it would be a hooker sitting having her coffee that may raise more cmmonts and second looks . OK So I admit society is weird at times !!

You still dodged the question of being out totally dressed or not , which I'm still interested to know about .

[Krea]

Of course i would be accepting if someone i knew came out as a CDer, any other reaction would be hypocritical. I would probably be more surprised than anything, but then who knows who else might be a closet CDer?
As someone still in the closet, i think it is possible to show support for other CDers without necessarily outing myself. :thumbsup:

[Teresa]

Krea,
Thats an interesting comment , and it's one others have made , despite knowing you're with another CDer you still might not come out to them , I'm wondering why , it's the ideal opportunity.

I related a story a while ago about asking for a deal on a third pair of glasses but in femme style. Initially the young male SA was a bit taken back ., but while chosing a suitable frame from the women's display he came out to me about a CDing experience . He said he went to a party dressed and found he liked it too much but didn't know what to do about it or who to talk to . I told him it wasn't a problem and not to worry too much , then I offered to show him some of my pictures and give him some contact details when I collected my glasses. He was really appreciative and did find ther pictures helpful , I've never seen him since and hope he is OK but by coming out he put his mind at rest , it felt great to be able to help someone with CDing issues .

[CynthiaD]

If someone I knew suddenly came out, and it was a surprise, my first reaction would be to laugh. There's nothing funny about it, but that's just what you do when you don't know what else to do. Then I'd ask "Are you really sure about this, or are you just playing around?" I already know the answer, but I couldn't help myself.

Once the initial shock wore off, I'd be totally supportive. I'd use appropriate pronouns and the person's preferred name. And I'd correct others who didn't do so.

But if it wasn't a surprise ...
I knew this guy who always wore his hair long in a feminine cut. He always wore golf shirts and blue jeans, but several of his golf shirts had the buttons "on the wrong side." One day he came walking up to me with skin-tight jeans and a perfect tuck, with a look on his face that said "Hey, what do you think of that?" (I'm extremely conservative and most people I know consider me a transphobe. Ha ha.) He moved away, and I heard later that he'd had SRS. My thought was "It's about time!" Of course I would have been completely supportive if he'd come out to me, but some people just can't get past the idea that all conservatives are transphobes.

[Krea]

Krea,
Thats an interesting comment , and it's one others have made , despite knowing you're with another CDer you still might not come out to them , I'm wondering why , it's the ideal opportunity.

Hi Teresa,
I see your point that coming out to another CDer would mean being far more likely to gain acceptance. If/when the time comes, i would like to start by telling someone who i think is likely to be supportive. As you say, that makes sense.
At the moment i am not ready to come-out to people i know in person and i don't think my wife would feel comfortable with that either at this stage. (Maybe all that will change in time. I don't know.)
I guess i see it as a case of each person having their own situation and what might be the right time for one person to come-out is not necessarily the right time for another person. Best wishes, Krea :)

[KellyGCD]

I think that I would be accepting of the person, as most others here would. Now, even though they came out to me and I was accepting of them, I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable revealing to them that I too crossdress. I think it would depend on the relationship that we had. If it was a close relationship, then sure I think I'd be ok with coming out to them as well (might even be fun to share that experience with someone else who understands it). But, if our relationship wasn't that close, I'd be more hesitant. I'd certainly would want to support them in any way I could though.