Grandpa is Dead

[tori-e]

Something happen today that is really playing on my mind. I have this wonderful little 2 1/2 year old grandson. I love him dearly. My daughter-in-laws father has been dead for many years so I am his only grandfather. Today I heard through the grapevine that my son thinks his son will not have a grandfather. I guess I had it coming, but this is really hard. It's not that I won't see him, just that I won't be grandpa anymore. Obviously as he grows up, and assuming I have transitioned, it would be weird for this boy to be calling this woman grandpa.

How have others handled this? Do you get them to call you grandma, (that seems funny to me), auntie, just use your name? Or...???

Tori

[Stephenie S]

Dear Tori,

What a good question!

I have not thought about this before although it may come up, so I guess I should.

Off the top of my head, I would say you should be grandma if you have transitioned. I imagine your grandson saying "my grandma used to be my grandpa". Kids are sooo much more accepting than we give then credit for. In my 50+ years of experience (don't ask, dear) it's the older people who are closed minded and prejudiced. When ever I hear someone say, "but what will the children think?" I know what they are really saying is, "what do I think?".

Or, you could just go with your name.

I assure you that I will be giving this issue some serious thought. I guess, too, that I will ask my daughter (the grandkids mother) what she thinks.

Steph

[~Kitty GG~]

It is an interesting q.

We have a similar prob. Dee has two step-daughters.. and they dunno what to call her now. Its only a prob when speaking to others about us. Since they don't want to imply that Dee is male.. they don't want to say step-dad.. They have another step-mom and so that seems odd. Anyway......

I think that part of transitioning is accepting your female gender and so that does kinda rule out being a grandpa. Lots of people use alternate names for grandparents.. and maybe you and your family can come up with one that implies the female gender and still suits everyone.

BTW I can't believe you have a grandchild!!!

Love & Hugs
~Kitty~
:star::star::star:

[BrendaB GG]

Dear Tori,

I would say you should be grandma if you have transitioned..

Steph


Whoa, no way! *I'm* Grandma! She can be Grandpa Tori. That's my vote!:tongueout :heehee:

Brenda

[GG Vanya]

Or you could use the German version of Grandma and Grandpa...Oma and Opa.

The child normally picks up whichever word one uses to refer to themselves.

[Maria D]

I had Grandma and Grandad on Mum's side and Nanny and Grandad on Dad's. Just a thought :)

[tori-e]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the ideas. Brenda is the boss around here of course, so I'm sure it'll be something like grandpa Tori. Some fun huh.:eek:

Tori

[Clare]

What an interesting dilemma you have there Tori! Dunno how you are going to handle that, but based on Brenda's post, I suspect she will have the final say on the matter! :rolleyes:

As for the practicalities, I don't think this situation would be relevant to younger TS people as any child relatives will grow up knowing the TS as a completely transitioned person and be none the wiser.

For individuals in your situation, I guess it would depend on whether the children have established a relationship with their male 'pop' or if they 'know' their third granma. I suppose it hinges on whether they accept their grandfather as a person rather than an expectation of gender.

Little kids are great - they accept most things at face value. I think the crux of the matter is how the adults deal with the reality of 'placing' the TS relative in the family heirarchy.