All dressed up with nowhere to go

Does anyone else feel all dressed up and nowhere to go? I've been visiting a group for seven months now (after my last unsucessfull purge) twice a month but I need to get out more.

Hiding from family, neiboughs, housemates is getting me down, I want to be free.

It's a bit riduclious, I'm wearing a lovely dress, heels and full makeup to sit in my bedroom.

I don't know what to do, my girlfirend doesn't want me to come out but I feel trapped in my own prison. After over 20 years I've now decided that I can't turn these feelings off but I can't let them out.

If you really have an urge to go outside but you can't show yourself around your home. Why don't you go to a nearby town or something? This way your girlfriend couldn't complain about it either simply because you are doing it somewhere else in a place where no one knows you.

The harder way is to have a nice long chat with your girlfriend about this matter. It would be much harder but the reward might be much better but on the other hand there is always the possibility to for it to turn worst. However, if you are in a relationship you should talk about it with your partner. Simply express out your feelings as good as you can about this matter. I'm sure that most partners will be able to understand and some might even turn supportive.

Myself, I once wrote a letter to my wife because I didn't know how to express all this in one go and I tend to express my feelings much better in written form than in spoken. I sat down and wrote the letter for two hours at the middle of the night(it's the time when I got the urge to write the letter and explain everything). Since she read the letter she's much more understanding about me turning into a girl. You will have it much easier because you won't be turning into a girl but you still want to stay male.

Hi Shikyo

When it is just the two of use things are fine. This summer there were just two of us and we had no children or neiboughs around so I spent the long summer evenings (when it wasn't raining) in the garden wearing something nice. It was a bit of freedom, but now I've lost it I'm finding it hard.

We've spoken about me 'comming out', my dream is to wake up in the morning, get dressed how I feel and walk out the front door. I get some freedom by going to a group (my girlfriend comes with me, she enjoys it as much as me) but I suppose I want more, without the consiquences.

I though about jumping on a train and going 20 miles down the road but then you have the issues of getting changed, I don't fancy getting dressed up in a public loo. (We don't have a car which I suppose makes life more difficult)

I suppose I have two options, hid and be safe or come out and then face the consiquences.

Alison, have you looked into any TG/CD support groups in your area? Here in New England we have a pretty large group of SISTERS, broken down by area (i.e. SISTERS of Boston, SISTERS of Manchester, SISTERS of Worcester...) who get together regularly, socially, and are hugely supportive. I haven't gotten to any of the get-togethers yet, (God willing that will happen early next year), but I'm on the email lists and it's amazing how much support there is--recommendations for wig shops, advice for overcoming nervousness around going out, etc..

I also have never been dressed outside my own house (unless you count underdressing, but nobody sees that), but I know what you mean about getting out. It's an acceptance thing, I think. We're social creatures...we like to be around others who share our interests, and this is a pretty interesting thing we do. :)

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Originally Posted by AlisonSometimes

Hi Shikyo

I suppose I have two options, hid and be safe or come out and then face the consiquences.

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I'm in the same boat Alison!! Even though I have a very understanding wife I feel I'm "incomplete"somehow. I too long to be able to go out wearing anything I desire. But alas, I too fret about the costs of being outed.

I intend to retire in a couple of years, and maybe then I'll loose my fear of needing to interact with my mostly unforgiving co-workers. I have but a couple of work-friends close enough that I intend to remain in tough with.

Also,even though the subject has never been spoken of; I'm almost 100% sure both of my daughters know (or supect) about my "Hobby"

So till then, I can only admire and try to draw strength from you other brave women who have found the courage to come clean about yourselves:love:

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Originally Posted by AlisonSometimes

Hi Shikyo

When it is just the two of use things are fine. This summer there were just two of us and we had no children or neiboughs around so I spent the long summer evenings (when it wasn't raining) in the garden wearing something nice. It was a bit of freedom, but now I've lost it I'm finding it hard.

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It's more about other people knowing what you are doing?

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We've spoken about me 'comming out', my dream is to wake up in the morning, get dressed how I feel and walk out the front door. I get some freedom by going to a group (my girlfriend comes with me, she enjoys it as much as me) but I suppose I want more, without the consiquences.

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I can fully understand you. I mean, it is part of your character and if you can't fulfill it you won't be the same. You know that you aren't satisfied by how the things are right now, which would mean you have to act upon it. It isn't going to be easy for either of you but I can assure you it is going to be worth the trouble.

I can't speak for others but to me it would have been a lie if I were to continue living as "male" and I knew it. It just wouldn't have been the same anymore now that I've accepted what I was. Living in a lie is not something I wish to do. It's not a way to happiness for either of us. You aren't in quite as "bad" situation as I was as you aren't planning to change into a girl, are you? Therefore you should have easier time discussing about this matter with your girlfriend. All you need to do is to try to make her understand your feelings about this matter. What it does to you if you can't do what you want to do. If your girlfriend really loves you I'm sure she will understand your feelings about this matter. There might be other reasons that she's worried about like you wanting date guys etc.

It might be wise to think ahead what you want to tell her to make the whole conversation easier. I don't regret at all letting my feelings go lose with that letter even though until I knew how my wife would react to it I was totally nervous and almost freaking out about it. Our relationship just got better since I let my feelings out.

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I though about jumping on a train and going 20 miles down the road but then you have the issues of getting changed, I don't fancy getting dressed up in a public loo. (We don't have a car which I suppose makes life more difficult)

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That does make it indeed harder if you don't want to change clothes in a public loo. There aren't really that many options where you could change your clothes without much trouble. Getting a room in a hotel or so would be a possibility but not one of the cheaper kind.

Can't say anything about a car as I don't even have a drivers license.

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I suppose I have two options, hid and be safe or come out and then face the consiquences.

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It may sound little harsh but you should speak about this matter with your girlfriend and take what comes with it. There are two ways it can go. Either good and you will be much happier than now or bad with different ways of it going bad. No one can really tell beforehand what is going to happen if you speak about this topic to you girlfriend. Before you decide on anything ask yourself simply this question, "Do I really want to keep hiding my true self instead of living my life the way I want?". Depending how you answer the question you should have rather easy time knowing what you should do about this matter. To me it is rather clear what I would do in your situation but it is not my life so you have to decide what you want to do.

Allison-
I too feel trapped sometimes. I've only been out a couple of times and would love to get out more. I am able to dress around the house quite often but that's not the same thing. I get all gussied up and spend the day reading or doing my chores and don't get to interact with anyone. I've had many offer to go out again but fear and anxiety seem to creep up on me every time. Hopefully that will pass. Hang in there hon.

I had that feeling then I took the baby step to get out in public more. That feeling comes as you dress and go to groups more and see the other girls doing anything they want in public. At least thats how it happened to me.

Hi Allison..I can really realate to your dilema. The only time I do go out dressed is at TG conventions. However, I do like the idea of going to a town where no one knows you, then going out enfemme, having fun, maybe even taking your SO along with you. What you can do is stay at a motel for the day, get dressed there, then go out for a while. Might help get that imprissioned feeling under control. :)

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Originally Posted by Shikyo

If you really have an urge to go outside but you can't show yourself around your home. Why don't you go to a nearby town or something? This way your girlfriend couldn't complain about it either simply because you are doing it somewhere else in a place where no one knows you.

The harder way is to have a nice long chat with your girlfriend about this matter. It would be much harder but the reward might be much better but on the other hand there is always the possibility to for it to turn worst. However, if you are in a relationship you should talk about it with your partner. Simply express out your feelings as good as you can about this matter. I'm sure that most partners will be able to understand and some might even turn supportive.

Myself, I once wrote a letter to my wife because I didn't know how to express all this in one go and I tend to express my feelings much better in written form than in spoken. I sat down and wrote the letter for two hours at the middle of the night(it's the time when I got the urge to write the letter and explain everything). Since she read the letter she's much more understanding about me turning into a girl. You will have it much easier because you won't be turning into a girl but you still want to stay male.

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she say it best I came out in a letter to my then girl freind,now my wife, how I like to dress and express my feeling and needs for dressing. I nevered ventured out dressed fully [make up, wig & dress] but I do go out often underdress even with women jeans,and blouse on and brest form, [when I have heavy coat on] but it still make me feel great just knowing the the what I have on and where I'm at. Sometimes I put on little make up on before I go out shopping

if you don't feel comfortable going out dressed around your home town to to another town where no one knows you, once you start to go out you will love it and need more.

Take a drive or a walk in the park at night. That will get you out and still no one will know. Throw pants and a jacket on over the dress and apply your makeup in the car. Have some baby wipes in the car for removal of makeup when you return. It works well enough to keep people from noticing and you can tell others that you find them great for getting the dust oof of your dash.