Finally reached that point in my life!!!

Maybe it's because of the stage I'm at in my life where I have come to realize that I cannot continue denying the woman inside me. In other words my feminine side. I think we reach a point in our lives which because of either age or some event or circumstance that happens in our lives each one of us realizes the need to feel more comfortable with who we are inside.

Instead of feeling guilty or ashamed at our feelings about being feminine as society wants us to, we finally see that we are OK. Myself, I have always hidden my feminine side from family, friends and co-workers. I knew that people wouldn’t accept me as me. So I built a wall and put everything that was feminine about me behind that wall too scared to let any feeling escape that might show my femininity.

I functioned as only part of who I really was inside. I lived my life as feeling incomplete, unhappy, knowing a major part of me, who I am inside was missing. I was functioning with many of my natural feelings and emotions being repressed.

Finally many years later an event in my life happened that destroyed my manhood and now I find myself having to put the masculine side behind that wall and bring out my feminine side after all these years. It’s the only way I can survive now. Even though I dress outwardly as a male because of my family I always under dress as a woman and act feminine and submissive when alone or with my wife. I now feel more at ease and happy with myself as the person I was always meant to be.

How many other “girls” have reached the point where you are finally beginning to accept yourselves for who you are?

“I should have been a girl because that’s who I am inside.” :daydreaming:

Vicki :love:

OK Vicki, you can "put aside" your male-self if you want. But please understand, Sex and Gender are two different things! I'm in The Medical Field, and I can imagine what your problem might be. But plenty of men have gone through your situation, and they still felt themselves to be men!

You can look at this any way that you wish, but I personally think that using your current condition as an excuse to finally release your femme-self is a Cop-Out. I would suggest that it's impossible for us to get rid of our femme-selves, they are an integral part of our whole person. You can suppress, but you do so at your own peril! Conversely, if you try to suppress or destroy your male-self; you might just cause The Same Problem reversed!

So, it's just "Food for Thought," but if it was my psyche, I wouldn't neglect either side. No Illness, no supposed infirmity, can make your brain not be a male or a female. Ultimately, about 99% of all Sex lies between The Ears.

Peace and Love, Joanie

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Originally Posted by sterling12

OK Vicki, you can "put aside" your male-self if you want. But please understand, Sex and Gender are two different things! I'm in The Medical Field, and I can imagine what your problem might be. But plenty of men have gone through your situation, and they still felt themselves to be men!

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I really can't believe we're off topic already on the first post! :OT:

Well Joanie you may be in the "Medical Field" and think you know what my problem is but I can assure you plenty of men have not been through my situation. It's not what you so obviously think it is. Also yes I do know that Sex and Gender are two different things. Nowhere here do I say otherwise.

This was not supposed to be a discussion about my situation because believe me it's a lot more complex than what can be written here in a few sentences.

The question was "how many other “girls” have reached the point where you are finally beginning to accept yourselves for who you are?"


Vicki :hugs:

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Originally Posted by Vicki-Z

The question was "how many other “girls” have reached the point where you are finally beginning to accept yourselves for who you are?"
Vicki :hugs:

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I presume most have ... at least for those who have reached 60 yrs of age or so.

As a rule this issue about acceptance might have been a problem for most, but when they were much younger.

I think I understand what your saying Vicki.
I was divorced three years ago [nothing to do with C.D.ing] and the desire to crossdress which I suppressed all my marred life came out. So I accepted myself completely. The result? Happiness.
The song “I am what I am” is my theme song.
I hope you will be as happy now as I am Vicki.

All the best to you. SUZY

Vicki good post. for me it was when i hit my 5th decade that i could not hold it "in" any longer. had to come out to my wife or i thought i was going to explode. i think it is caused by an increase of estrogen and a loss of male testerone and we mello with age. Luv Roberta

So Vickie does that mean you will join the increasing numbers of TS's who come out in their later lives and go through the transition process?

The question was "how many other “girls” have reached the point where you are finally beginning to accept yourselves for who you are?"
Vicki :hugs:
Hi Vicki
After many years of struggling I have finally accepted myself for who I am and am much happier and content in all aspects of my life.
I do believe that once you gain self acceptance the fear of what other people think about you is far less important and you have the freedom to be yourself.
Tomara

Hi .

Well there are a good few of us baby boomers i stepped out at 50. & it was all on from there on . there was no ?? s at all , i knew .
The one thing i see is many have a struggle for most of thier lives in accepting them selfs that i find hard to understand yet i know they do.
i see this in many ways as a male detail going on, the conflict ,

I spos this is where im different i had accepted who i was it was , just not the right timeing for me to be a all out woman., even so it has worked & was right & will be .

& we all come to that place in our lifes there will be a big change, when , thats for us to find out & how we get there oh thats a long time for some of us .
Hope it all works out for you,

...noeleena...

Definitely. I accepted myself 2 years ago and it changed everything in my life. That is when I finally found peace about myself. The only issue I have with it is that the pendulum keeps moving which causes the feelings which I must deal with every changing. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up.

I think all of us are on a journey of self acceptance. We each decide for ourselves what it means!

I fought it and denied it for years and became less and less easy to be around. While I thought I was hiding my feminine feelings, I was just letting the nasty side fester and grow. When I finally accepted that crossdressing was a natural extension of an important part of my personality I felt much better. I also became much nicer to be around since I didn't have that weighing on my shoulders. Coming out to my wife a little later made it even better. While I still have a long way to go I'm much happier with myself now than I've been in years.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that seem at first to be a disaster but in retrospect are revealed to be a blessing wearing a scary mask. I wish you and your wife the best as you continue to grow and explore this neglected part of your life.

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Originally Posted by celeste26

So Vickie does that mean you will join the increasing numbers of TS's who come out in their later lives and go through the transition process?

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[SIZE=2]That's the impression I'm getting too..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Sounded like me some years back just before I transitioned....;)[/SIZE]

Vicki: a great post. To answer your question, I have reached that stage where I am more than happy not only to accept who I am and the woman inside me, but also to let those who are important to me know as well. There's all sorts of reasons why I now feel this way, but thats another story.

I feel that a lot of us begin to realize just who we are inside and recognize that we are not the freaks that society would have us believe, but that we are actually very loving, caring people. I think as Nadia and Roberta pointed out that a lot of us begin realizing this as we get older or as Suzy pointed out a traumatic event can help us to reach this point in our lives. For me personally it was a combination of both traumatic event and age.

As Kim said "its a journey of self acceptance" I love that statement Kim because it is so true. Personally after all these years I am finally beginning to take a really long hard look at who I am inside. The real me. I'm finally beginning to learn to accept myself.

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Originally Posted by Tomara

[I][B][I]
Hi Vicki
After many years of struggling I have finally accepted myself for who I am and am much happier and content in all aspects of my life.
I do believe that once you gain self acceptance the fear of what other people think about you is far less important and you have the freedom to be yourself.
Tomara

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I also beginning to feel much happier and content in all aspects of my life. I am also beginning to lose that fear of what other people think about me.

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Originally Posted by AKAMichelle

Definitely. I accepted myself 2 years ago and it changed everything in my life. That is when I finally found peace about myself. The only issue I have with it is that the pendulum keeps moving which causes the feelings which I must deal with every changing. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up.

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Michelle says it "changes everything in my life". It really does. I find it just the way I view life, the people around me, the day to day things, it's all different. It like my eyes have finally open and I am seeing some things for the first time.

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Originally Posted by Sarah Charles

I fought it and denied it for years and became less and less easy to be around. While I thought I was hiding my feminine feelings, I was just letting the nasty side fester and grow. When I finally accepted that crossdressing was a natural extension of an important part of my personality I felt much better. I also became much nicer to be around since I didn't have that weighing on my shoulders. Coming out to my wife a little later made it even better. While I still have a long way to go I'm much happier with myself now than I've been in years.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that seem at first to be a disaster but in retrospect are revealed to be a blessing wearing a scary mask. I wish you and your wife the best as you continue to grow and explore this neglected part of your life.

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Sarah I understand what you are saying. All my life I also hid my feminine side scared to let anyone see any emotion or feeling or action that might give me away. It was like I was incomplete. I was not operating as a whole person. This unhappiness caused me not to live up to my potential in so many ways. The thing that happened to me in my life was a total disaster to the old me. But as you say in retrospect in one way it was a blessing because it finally forced me to begin coming to terms with who I am. Something that I should have done back in my teenage years.

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Originally Posted by kayegirl

Vicki: a great post. To answer your question, I have reached that stage where I am more than happy not only to accept who I am and the woman inside me, but also to let those who are important to me know as well. There's all sorts of reasons why I now feel this way, but thats another story.

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That's beautiful Kay. I hope to reach that stage also.

Sorry the quote from Celeste didn't show so I'll type it in. As Celeste said "So Vickie does that mean you will join the increasing numbers of TS's who come out in their later lives and go through the transition process?"

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Originally Posted by Karen564

[SIZE=2]That's the impression I'm getting too..Sounded like me some years back just before I transitioned....;)[/SIZE]

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Unfortunately Celeste and Karen because of my family I don't see that as being an option. I hope they might be able to accept my feminine side in time but I know they could never accept my transitioning. I love my wife and children more than anything in this world and I could never hurt them. If I was younger and unattached then definately I would transition. No doubt about it. I have always felt like a woman inside. Inside I am really a transexual, but circumstances prevent me from acting on it. I admire each of you and everyone else here on this forum who have transitioned. I think you are all so wonderful and I am so happy for each one of you.

I like to thank everyone who resonded to this thread for their input. It was fabulous! To me this was very informative and wonderful to share our feelings.


:love:


Vicki

I can truly relate to what is being said here. I believe that I am, finally, reaching a level of acceptance of my true self that I have never had. My wife has become irrelevant,but my concern is my children. I have a great relationship with my children and am afraid of their reaction to who(what?) their dad is really like. The loss of their respect and love would be devastating to me. On the other hand, I no longer feel like the freak that I have always considered myself to be. That, alone, is progress.