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Well,,,,,,,,,,,,,I left Lynda's facebook opage open. I am usually so careful. Got the come home immediately call while at work and the I found lynda heads up. My mind was a blank all the way home. The only thing that was said over and over was to tell all. With screaming as soon as I entered and questions of being gay i tried to tell all but was interrupted constantly. End of conversation was "get out we're over"
I don't know whether to say sorry or give you encouragement. This is a strange situation. She sounds like she is interested but hesitanat. Either that or she is trying to understand it and help you.
I think you should give it time as she may come to terms with it. You should maybe reassure her you are still the same person she knew before this came out. It might show her nothing has really changed in terms of how you feel about her.
There's not much I can really say on the matter as I haven't been through anything like this. But I hope things work out for you :)
Give her time, this is a great place to get answers, let her know how many GG use it to find out how to deal with their SO, we may be able to answer questions she may not be ready to hear from you, she seems to care for you a great deal, she is still around right?
Time is what she is getting.
Proceed with caution! Do not over do anything. She is in a delicate state, one that my current SO is in, so just let it go. She may want to see Lynda tomorrow, she may want to see Lynda in 2019. The main thing is do not push her at all. You will lose any progress by doing that. Stay reserved and things will pan out for the better. I've been waiting in this situation for about 2 years with my SO and things are looking no better than the day she found out, yet she has no problems with it and will borrow clothes. She just isn't ready to see her man as a woman. Completely understandable. So, for now, we have matching panties and shop for undies together, but that is it. She will occasionally ask my opinion on a dress or skirt and I will give my honest opinion, but I have not pushed it on her and she is as accepting as ever. She told me if I did push it on her, she is as good as gone. So, I am stuck at a dilema.
Have you suggested that she check us out? There are SO's available here to answer questions that she may be uncomfortable asking you. Like AA, it's one day at a time and easy does it!
all i can think to say is take it slow......slow.......and even slower
I'm confused,
Are you still dating?
Are you still seeing each other?
Are you still having sex?
I can't make sense of your post on any of those points.
One day at a time is a good plan. Take it at her pace. When she is ready to meet Lynda, she will tell you. Don't get ahead of her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyndaloves
I'm assuming you two live together but you didn't say anything about the relationship. Married? Children? Single but long term?
Go slow and do not do or say anything about dressing unless asked.
Keep all suggestions about dressing to yourself for now.
I hope to see light at the end of the tunnel ffor you.
Lynda I think you have the right idea of taking it one day at a time! Give her room and let her lead for a while! Hopefully things will turn out ok for you!
I think you would do well to ask her questions about her own process of understanding this new reality in your relationship. Her flip was extremely quick and the crescendo of enthusiasm for this aspect of you honestly doesn't make much sense to me. What is in her head at this time? How did she get there? For your own self-preservation and for the preservation of your relationship, I don't think you shouldn't take this switch for granted and be at least a little guarded. What a roller-coaster!
Then again she could be wanting information to take to the lawyer for seperation, just be careful.
“Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive” - Sir Walter Scott
Take it slow, tell the truth, and make her feel you need her in your life. That is all you can do at this point.
Since it would not be admissible as anything in court, I don't think this would be an issue. The only way a lawyer could use this is as a threat of exposure. And in this case, to be perfectly blunt, the OP wanted to be exposed otherwise there would not have been a Facebook open to be found. (No accidents...when you are hiding you know better)Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharon B.
I keep bringing this up but since new people don't read what us old folks keep saying, here is the deal. YOU broke a trust. You don't see it as a lie but it is a lie to her. You lied about who you are. Now she has doubts. What else are you hiding? Can she trust you anymore since you evidently could not trust her? You have a lot of time ( I call it equity) that you have destroyed by hiding and sneaking and be subversive. If there is one thing that I would tell every married or dating CD in the world is fess up early and let the SO make their own decision. You then can live your life with that decision. If she doesn't like it, you can split on a more friendly basis. But maybe half the time, she will take your honesty and try and make it part of the relationship. That does not mean she will say "Aw gee...why don't yo flounce around for me" but she can set up rules she is comfortable with and you both can live with thus allowing you to develop the relationship.
As for what you can do now? Praying may help. Pray she decides that she likes YOU no matter what. That she wants to be with you. Having her accept you may or may not happen. It sounds like as right now she does not mind as long as you are not committed and there is an out for her.
Oh and next time you decide she does not need to know what you are doing, delete your browser memory. Probably would be a good idea to have a plan B of where you can go too, because keeping secrets rarely makes the relationship stronger.
Well your situation worked out better than mine when my wife found correspondence from another transvestite. Go with the flow, sounds as if it's a cd's perfect mate.
I worry that a fast flip could flip back just as quickly.
It is really difficult to offer advise because we (I) know nothing about your wife or the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage. It does appear that she reacts quickly on an emotional level and then once settled down she becomes more rational. Most relationships where CDing is involved have up and down phases until a you reach a balance. Establishing working rules or guidelines helps a lot. Then with time they can expand as comfort levels increase. I would not push things, but if she is serious about seeing you dressed, then I would give her that chance. I get the feeling that she is trying, maybe a bit too hard, but still trying to save the marriage and understand your needs. Good luck.
so in actual fact, you're really not that bothered! because you werent upset about the fact that you had upset her an your relationship may be over, rather you were in fact a little happy that now you could dress whenever you liked - hmmm, doesnt sound like you are very committed to this lady anywayQuote:
When she said leave my thoughts were not of dispair but how Lynda would now have her chance to be that woman I am inside, now on the outside also
As others have said... take it slow.... as in ... don't push anything on her. While my wife if very supportive and understanding ... as she puts it (my wife in this case)... she has to seperate herself from herself when I talk with her about Diane... she is just a very good friend and not my wife at that time. At least that is how she describes it. When I offer to tell her much more, she doesn't want details (in my case). Your wife may be at the same point. Hard to know, everyone is different.
I agree. Sounds pretty dis functional all around. I've read the original post several times and mostly I can't make sense of it. Like underdressed said. HUH?Quote:
Originally Posted by Silentpartner GG SO
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silentpartner GG SO
Well... I would have to say you may not be correct here.... Silentpartner...
I love my wife and I have been married 14 years. We have had our ups and downs and she is the person I would like to be with when she and or I die for what ever reason it ends up being. I would do anything for my wife, anything I can that is. Not being myself isn't something I can do for her. Being Diane from time to time is ME. She loves me and as I have supported her at hard times she is supporting me. I am grateful to her for helping or at least allowing me to be me... with some limits as other threads have talked about. When I told my wife she could have said she was leaving or for me to get out. I had hidden Diane away for so long and I wasn't very happy. So, live unhappy for the rest of ones life with a lie or be yourself and take a chance... Even if my wife said she wasn't okay with it... after the heart break things would heal and I would be ME and I would be happy. I would rather be happy with the person I chose as my partner in this crazy world and life :-)
I think most people would like to have a good partner in life. I don't think what sex you are matters. We are all people.
As many have said take it slow. If she wants to meet and see the woman iside then let her ask. i think she wants to to but wait until she asks.
Hi Lynda, I really can't figure what you are trying to say but please do keep us advise of your situation