How do i balance me fem side and still find a women to be with.

So started going back out as Stacey and opened up to a couple female co-workers. All amazing responses. Finding out that a lot people don't believe I am still attracted to women. I know its a stereotype, (some gay men dress or have dressed, so if I dress it must mean I am gay). I have already had that talk with myself. I am not gay.
So here is my problems. I am not into guys but guys r into me and gay guys want to be with me "because I dress so I am gay". Lesbians just love me and think I am so cute/sexy and fun. Which I love and have a blast :daydreaming: But because I don't have "the female toys" they don't want to be with me. I tried having a relationship with a women and not be Stacey. But I always end up unhappy and feel like I am lying to myself.

So what am I to do?

Simple, Find the kind of woman who enjoys both sides of you. Never change yourself for love, If you do you will never be truly happy.

Easier said then done but nothing worth doing is ever easy.

I'd suggest finding a bi-sexual lady friend Stacy, I can see how that could really work 😉

When I first met the lady in 2004, who is now my wife of 8 years, (We have a 6 year old daughter now) First time she walked into my bedroom, there was a slip laying on my bed. Her question was, "Who's is that?"
I told her it was mine. After seeing her puzzled expression, I told her I probably have a dozen more in here, as I opened the closet door to show her. That's how it all started, so dressing has not been an issue with her. She does appreciate having a backup wardrobe in the house. We even trade bras back and forth. 42D fits us both. My 42DD's, and 44d's are all mine, and fit my larger breast forms. Finding an excepting women is possible, just approach the crossdressing early, and with confidence. Then they are curious, and want to see you in your clothes. When you have their interest, falling in love is possible.

I meet mine on a normal dating site, she was date number 8, we had a glass of wine, chatted a bit before we both went to our own homes. After a few weeks of dating and I wanted to get serious, I showed her my wardrobe. Been together for about 9 years total and married 6 years ago and share our wardrobe and make up - well her and girls "borrow" my make up

I met my fiancée while I was dressed 3 years ago. No problems here with dressing or love. Only problem is we wear the same size shoes.
They're out there. You just have to do some leg work--no pun intended.
Jon

Very interesting post, Ill be clear and upfront so everyone knows where I stand, I love to dress and I also know im not into guys sexually. Here is a few reasons i do dress. 1. I dress because women love a cross dresser atleast the ones ive meet and what can i say im an attention *****...no pun intended....lol 2.. I know alot of gay men and ive shown them my pics dressed and they respond to me this way, Thats a cute out fit but i really only want whats under it, and we already got that clear upfront...it aint happening. 3...I dress because it makes me feel good inside... and know it makes the people that we hang out with happy. 4...If im in a group of people and im dressed fem the pressure to want sex from them is lessened, and maybe that makes no sense to you but its true, i dress to feel like a female for no other reason than to feel fem. Im not sure all this will make sense to everyone here but its how my clock ticks. Ive been with the same woman since she was 14 and happily married for 30 years this May and she allows me to do this with no repercussions, so that makes it easy to deal with both sides . I hope it helps someone on here if not then i tried my best.:love: Gabriella

I like what Robin and Rachelakid said!

Try dating as a straight man. Once u find someone u feel u mite get serious with? Drop Stacy on her and hope for the best!:thumbsup:

Or, I've had some experience with lesbians. They seem to be intrigued by CD's! If u find a bi girl there? She mite consider u the best of both worlds. But, don't expect marriage with one unless you're super lucky. Most seem to prefer buffets over the same burger and frys every day!:o

You meet a person first. Get to know them. If you think it has substance you open up. You will find someone that can handle it.

I hope you won't mind if I'm candid. I've read a few of your older threads and you've written about this consistently through the years. The CDing is sexual for you, but you also want to be in a sexual relationship with a woman (most of whom aren't into it sexually like you are). In other words, being dressed offers you a more satisfactory sexual experience and this can be counterproductive when seeking female partners.

There are three solutions that come to mind:

1. Start dating women, and when feelings develop between you, tell them about the CDing and ask if they might be comfortable with it in bed. This might be a time consuming effort if the first few women don't pan out. And there is always the possibility that a new love would be into it in the beginning, but would cool after a while when she realized that you need to be dressed in the bedroom for your experience to be rewarding.

2. Specifically seek women who are into CDing partners as a kink. There are special websites for this, one of them is fetlife.

3. If your sexuality is having an negative impact on your life (if it is preventing you from being in a mutually satisfying sexual and emotional relationship with a woman), then you might seek help with experts who know how to deal with sexual fetish. It doesn't necessarily mean you'd need to stop the CDing, you'd just need to refocus your sexual energy.

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Originally Posted by Robin414

I'd suggest finding a bi-sexual lady friend Stacy, I can see how that could really work ��

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You mean pansexual (I had a discussion about this with a bi female friend and she enlightened me). Bi women are not automatically into men who feminize themselves. A cis-bi-woman is into cis-men and cis-women. There's a difference. Some bi-women can be into non-cis men and women, but not all. I urge everyone to read the linked article, you might save yourselves from offending any bi women you meet by making assumptions that are not true about them. It's always best to ask what a person feels comfortable with in bed, and not assume.

Concentrate on working out your dressing issues first so that you'll know what you need in a relationship and you'll also be able to tell prospective partners exactly who you are and what you need in a relationship.

Ideally, don't hide who you are any more than is absolutely necessary. If you present yourself to prospective dates as a non-crossdresser, your chances of finding women who like crossdressers become worse.

If you're really a pear but pretend to be an apple, you'll only attract women who like apples, know what I mean? :heehee:

Hi Stacy,
I can only go from my experience, but I can say be upfront with them, before she finds out.
I am engaged to a lovely lady ,whom I told I cross dressed after our first date and before our second date.
I wanted to make sure she knew this side of me and could deal with it before we went any further.
My cross dressing will not go away and I don't want to hide it from my partner , I think if you do hide it , and your partner finds out later , the deception could be worse than the fact you cross dress. You need to let your partner know and let them make a decision of how they want to proceed, or even if you advertise on a dating site , mention you cross dress , at least they know upfront and nothing awkward needs to be said later on .who knows , some women are open minded enough to take it in their stride

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Bi women are not automatically into men who feminize themselves. A cis-bi-woman is into cis-men and cis-women. There's a difference. Some bi-women can be into non-cis men and women, but not all. .

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^this has been my experience. All the bi women I've known were into masculine men and feminine women. While I know that there must be a few single bi women out there who are attracted to a fem guy, I and the millions of straight CD's here have absolutely no idea of how to find them. Best bet so far has been to befriend gay women and tag along with them, and be very aware of women who pay attention to you for more than an initial inspection. Someone who keeps looking at you just might be that one in a million woman. At least, that's what I'm hoping. I feel like a prospector; panning in a river, searching for that nugget of gold, but always coming up with rocks.

Find someone you would like to spend time with. Get to know one another, when and if the time is right open up to her.

My grandmother use to say there is a lid for every pot. Eventually you will find that special girl that will accept who you are.

I agree with everyone about bi women.
I was married to one. She was fine with me being transgender at first. Several years down the road the marriage failed due to her drug addiction of prescription drugs. At the end of a marriage the truth usually comes out. She hated what I was.
Although she participated in every way. Helped with clothes, makeup, sex with me dressed and we went out together.
Fast forward to now. I'm remarried. But did not tell my wife fully about me until 2 months into the marriage. It's been really rough. We no longer have a sex life. I dress everyday at home and underdressed at work. We are friends in a marriage. That's about it.
There are women that are out there like you looking for. I know if some,but they are married. They know about me being transgender. If both of us were not married, I'm sure we would hook up.
Unfortunately, its too late and that's life.
Be up front and honest when you meet a woman your interested in. Discuss EVERYTHING! You will be better off her walking away early than both of you miserable in a marriage.

I think you are doing well, don't be impatient and maybe one of your many friends will ntroduce you to the woman of your dreams.

Even ask them if they know anyone.

There is a very small percentage of women who are actively looking for CDers, but there are some. At best, unless you hit the CD lottery, you can find a woman who will be able to deal with it, accept it for what it is and not run for the hills. Generally, even those who are in the latter category I mentioned will have a far easier time dealing with it when introduced to the fem side/CDing early on. Regardless of how accepting a woman might be, years later in a relationship/marriage, when the truth of it becomes known, trust issues and other issues come to bear. It becomes more than just TG issues at that point, and often those issues become far bigger hurdles than do the TG issues.

From my own experience and reading many others on here who divulged the info later on, it is best to accept that your CDing will bring you some extra limitations of those willing to be with you. Not as bad as you may think, but there will be women who will say no thank you to CDing.

Seems simple to me. Get gender reassignment and become a lesbian! Problem solved!!!

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Originally Posted by Kiersten

Find someone you would like to spend time with. Get to know one another, when and if the time is right open up to her.

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Good advice - and judging by many of the experiences here, that time would be somewhere between 5-20 years into the relationship to give you some chance of retaining a partner who has so much vested in you by then... :devil:

I am being slightly facetious, but it also seems slightly hypocritical to me NOT to include this as an option when it has been the basis for so many successful, post-revelation relationships here... :)

Reine seems to have done the research so I'll piggy-back right on that - if this is sexual for you and it's something you want as a constant part of a relationship, you'll benefit by looking for other folk already into 'that' scene - so good advice already on where to look for that.
If it's something that you'd just like as part of a relationship, but it's only needed on an occasional basis, just find a good, professional girl who offers that as part of the service and pay them. Seriously... you could spend a good percentage of your life looking when a relatively modest financial expense might save you a lot of time and heartache... :straightface:

Katey x

The reason why many marriages still do survive after a later reveal is because so much has been invested in life, and CDers tend to make good partners as it is our nature to be more understanding, patient, empathetic, sympathetic.... The problems with the later reveal is the rocky ground the relationship may now sit on. I have had to fight a bit on this with my marriage. Not fight my wife, but have had to deal with the setback that the reveal did weaken the foundation of the marriage. Not just because of the CDing. In fact, my wife has told me many times over the CDing is not the hardest issue but trust is. CDing only becomes the harder issue and the one that will break us if the CDing becomes the marriage, and that the dressing and fem side of me overtakes me and basically she is married to a woman if not physically at least internally.

It is a challenge for her that the basic thought of both of us, hers as well as my own is that my internal gender make up is about 50-50. It won't take a big tip of the scales for her to have to bail unfortunately. Had she known this earlier on, before marriage, it wouldn't be as much of a challenge and she would feel more secure of it all.

My advice would be very simple and it applies to all flavors of human being: Be yourself. Do what makes you happy. When you are happy you are at your most attractive. If someone sees that and is attracted to you, be yourself (repeat.) If the right person comes along -- awesome! If not, at least you're happy. ;)

Honestly since i have gone out as Stacey and just enjoyed being her. I even go shopping in the day as her and she has been offered a job at a shoes store i love to shop at. The sexually part as been disconnected. Yes Stacey is attractive but its most enjoyable being to women i am inside.