Am I suffering from the gender dysphoria?

Hi Girls,
I would like to ask if you have similar experiences and to share your thoughts.
After years of intense closet crossdressing I guess I just started to suffer from the gender dysphoria. Was it always present or I just got being aware of it?
I would stay on the feminine side all the time but the moments of the accomplishments are limited due to having a regular male life, wife, family, etc.
I don't want to spoil it. A self-preservation instinct and a common sense prohibit me from doing further steps.
Anyway, the situation is that I am mentally on the female side. No being trully identified with and proud of my masculinity. I just tolerate it because I have to.
I envy female body including curvy hips, breasts and intimate parts. Even if my male body seems to be neutral to me I had always a problem with accepting it fully.
For example, I hate my face and breasts hair. I feel a necessity to shave or remove it all the time and this is always the first thing to do after awaking in the morning.
I started even to disregard and dislike my male part. Ideally, it would be as small as possible or disappear at all.
Even if there is nothing wrong with me - sometimes I have doubts - there is a problem...
I have went thru several gender dysphoria tests on internet and a majority of them seems to suggest a low or moderate level of dysphoria.
Higher levels were not indicated, most probably because I have not declared my willingness for transition.
Sabine

People will say you can't really get a good diagnosis from an online dysphoria test. The best tip I learned about those is if you take one (or more) and they tell you you aren't transgender and you're disappointed in that result then you are trans.

Sabine, Im not qualified to give you an answer but I can say that you touched on many thoughts girls like us have. For me it has become more intense with age so hold on this Crossdressing thing we do only gets more interesting with time.

Hi Sabine.
From what you are saying I think the desire to dress all the time is very strong.
Gender Dysphoria is unique to everyone and disliking your male body is not uncommon.
When you are unable to fulfil your desire to be Sabine the thought of all the things you cannot do may make you more and more unsettled.
Having a family will always come first with most crossdressers and you will put your needs aside.
This is something you have to live and cope with.

The feelings you describe could certainly be an expression of gender dysphoria. The question is what might you do to ease the discomfort without jeopardizing the aspects of your life that you value. You are already what you can: shaving, dressing when you can, networking with like minded people. That may not be fully satisfactory, but what in life is?

My one piece of advice is that when you are feeling distracted by these feelings, to consider taking small actions to distract yourself. When such a thought arises, take a moment to refocus on some task or activity. Each time you experience such feelings, repeat the process. It probably will not permanently dislodge those feelings, but as they say, its easier to act your way into new ways of thinking than it is to think your way into new ways of acting.

"Suffering" from it and having it and just having it are two very different things. Seems like I should know exactly what gender dysphoria is, but to me it's a concept that is without a concrete definition. I'm sure I have it, but I don't really know what it is, and if I do have, does that change anything? I don't know when I first heard the term, but I'm certain I'd been dressing for a LONG time before that term came in to fashion. I got along just fine before the internet when it suddenly seemed a diagnoses and a treatment for everything was a click away. I've done my share of clicking. It's been healthy for me to stop searching for a clinical name for what I have. That phrase alone indicates I've got "something". I really don't [I]have[I] anything. I'm just me. Although the intensity of it all has gone down over the years, I still dress whenever I can (or want to). Make a list of the top 10 trans-related terms and I fit (or have fit) every one of them. It doesn't matter. I'll bet that it is something that adds dimension and joy to your life. Enjoy that part and don't get hung up on the things you can't have.

I had to google dysphoria before commenting. I kinda knew what it is but wanted a more exact definition...

Dysphoria is a state of generalized unhappiness, restlessness, or dissatisfaction

From your description, it definitely sounds plausible.

Dysphoria comes and goes for me, but it's never gender dysphoria. My dysphoria is from knowing that I have to hide my tastes and that my wife will never likely appreciate my tastes, even though she tolerates it.

by that definition, we all have it and not just about cross dressing...that doesn't mane it's permanent condition; it might come and go

Why is naming what u experience all that important, Sabine? I had no idea what I had when the sudden compulsion to dress whenever I could consumed me!:eek:

What's more important is what u plan to do about it? If anything?:straightface:

It took me 2 years chatting here and finally meeting girls from CD.com before I worked out my CD issues!:battingeyelashes:

It sounds like you have a strong preference. Not necessarily dysphoria. Are you ever afraid to leave the house as your male self? Depressed and stay in bed because you accidentally saw a receding male hair line in the mirror? Do you never show/ let others touch your sensitive male parts because you are ashamed to have them? These could be signs of dysphoria. It runs deep.

Hi Girls,
thank you all for sharing your valuable input. It sounds like I am not alone and the sufferring may not be necessarilly something disastrous but an inspiring thing too.
A negative test result used always to be a disappointment to me. For sure, forced by unspoken need I was looking for confirmation to be a trans having dysphoria.
Ironically, now being 60+ and eventually fully aware of my female side I would not transition due to multiple limitations that did not exist when I was young.
I guess Sabine doesn't want to spoil anything and won't go further. She has to value what she already has. I believe it's the best option for her and her life.
I think sufferring and desire may have similar meaning in my case. Anyway, making dreams real doesn't need always what we really need and deserve.
your loving Sabine

I have a feeling that when you start thinking you have gender dysphoria, sooner or later, but probably sooner than later, something will prove you right.
Dreaming of having female curves doesn't sound to me like a pathology, more like a sexually-driven fantasy. Of all CDers wishing they had boobs, I wonder how many do because it fits with a female identity card, and how many because boobs are sexy? When I wear fake boobs and hips, do I love them because it makes me feel more like a real girl? Maybe, but on the other hand what strikes me as a real girl "experience" is a complete invention and lies in cues that the hetereosexual male I am found attractive when watching girls.

Hi Diane,
Far from going into details the core question seems to be what makes us satisfied and accomplished to feel like a woman? Why we envy femininity for ourselves?
Whatever it is, femininity is my promised land and I have a desire to express myself and my sexuality thru it.
Sabine

The only time i'm not wearing breast forms is when I absolutely have to present male. Seeing myself with breasts just feels right. It's not to feel girly or be sexy. Maybe i've just gotten used to them. I expect them to be there and miss them when they're not. At some point I decided, this is the way I'd rather present.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sabine7

Even if there is nothing wrong with me -

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Sabine, there isn't anything "wrong" with you. You aren't wrong because you are you. You're perfect the way you are. More exploration of you seems in order, but the need for more exploration doesn't make you wrong.

Hi Genifer
I envy big boobs and I used to wear a bra filled with prominent breast forms as long as only possible. I really hate the moment I have to take them off.
Hi Julie,
I got to the point where after a very long time of exploring myself I started to consider myself mentally a woman. For sure I am much closer to the femal than male world. I feel accomplished and proud of it. I just have to accept my male body as it is.
Sabine

Are you sure it's envy? It seems like they could also be a turn on for you. There could be some carry over feelings.

It's envy for sure. I can't cheat myself any more that I wouldn't like to be a woman. It's stronger than me.

There's a good question that starts a deeper thought process. Would you be happy enough just to be a woman? How much of that happiness relies on being an attractive woman? What if things didn't turn out as you may imagine? Would you still be happier than now?

Lot of questions I can't answer and couldn't be answered. I won't test that because I am not going to transition. There are many limitations and barriers I don't want to cross. However, the desire is real and I am experiencing it each day. I don't want to be an attractive woman. It's not my goal. I need femininity for myself. I am 60+ and being an aged mature auntie sounds good to me.