asserting the right to appear as one wishes
About a year ago, I had my hair trimmed a few inches (still mid-length) and haven't cut it since. The sides now reach my shoulders, and the bangs tend to hang in my face. (Yeah, I should get the bangs trimmed, I know.)
There is a very senior security guard at work, officially retired but works a couple of days a week. The last several times I have seen him, he has told me to get a hair cut. Telling me once or twice as a joke would not have been a problem, but it was getting to be a habit of telling me every time he happened to see me walk in.
Over Christmas I promised myself that I would say something the next time he mentioned cutting my hair.
Today when I walked in, he was near the front desk, and once more made the haircut remark. And it wasn't a "playful" tone.
So I walked over to him and told him, "I promised myself that the next time you said that, that I would respond. It's none of your business. Butt out!" As the remarks about my hair had always been in public, I made my comment in public, in full hearing of the other two guards.
He responded, "Thank you", in a tone indicating that he had heard what I had to say, and wasn't going to argue with me. To which I replied approximately, "Seriously. It's against the Human Resources policy." His response was to point off vaguely towards the elevators (where I would normally have headed after entering) and say, "Go about your business." No sensitivity at all.
So... I promptly walked over to Human Resources and told them what had happened. They agreed that his response was inappropriate, but because security staff are contractors, they don't have direct authority over them: the facilities manager was. So I sent the facilities manager email asking for a brief meeting but not giving any details at all; when he read the message, he called me up, and I was able to go meet with him at that time.
The facilities manager agreed with me completely that the remarks were inappropriate to start with, and that the lack of sensitivity would be addressed with the guard in question.
Now perhaps I could have pulled the guard aside and said something quietly, but this was (by my count) at least the fifth time he'd told me to get my hair cut, each time in public in front of the same guards that this morning heard me tell him to cut it out. I could say "Public offense, public shaming", but there is also the factor that when I was a supervisor myself, it was emphasized that when someone publicly does something unacceptable under the policies, that the first response should be immediate, so that other people see that the unacceptable behaviour is not tolerated. (For example, if sexist joke that is condemned immediately in public, that sends a stronger more visible message than pulling the person aside in private: the "safe working atmosphere" that we are required to provide requires that the people that witnessed the poor behaviour see that it will not be privately forgiven or apparently ignored or swept under the rug.)
So... I asserted my right to long hair, and my workplace will back me on it. And by extension, I was also asserting my right to dress a bit on the feminine side, since it is the same policy at stake.
(The policy on hair is that if it isn't a health hazard and doesn't interfere with my work, then the organization has no say in the matter.)
