Baby Boomers, when did you first realize you weren't the only one who ...

This question is for those here who can remember life before the boon of the internet and the bane of Jerry Springer. When or how did you first realize you weren't the only one who was CD or TS?

Of course, men in dresses had been a comedy staple since forever, with such things as Flip Wilson's Geraldine or "Some Like It Hot." But to see the concept taken seriously? Wasn't that kind of a revelation?

I had heard of Christine Jorgenson, but knew virtually nothing about her, so her story was abstract to me. One turning point for me, though, was watching "West Side Story" on television. In the song "Officer Krupke," one character has the line, "My sister wears a mustache; my brother wears a dress." I cannot recall anything about CDs/TSs that had caught my attention before that moment, the way that single line did.

I really thought I was the ONLY male on earth for a very long time. No joke!

Some high profile pro atheletes came out/forced out in the 70's as well. Not sure if I ever gave much thought to anyone else really. I was only concerned with myself and staying focused with who I am. I sure do regret not coming out as a teen though and taken the flack to follow. Knowing now what I know, I could have easily handled the hatred/bigotry that existed and still exists today.

I remember in 8th grade english class reading a Life magazine article on transvestites of NYC and I was shocked that I was not alone and wasn't the freak I thought I was! @

I can't remmber what year it was but we (mom, dad, and me) went to the drive in move I really don't remmber to much from it but they saw Christine Jorgenson I woke up a few time and was quickly told to go back to sleep and a blanket was tossed over my head lol.

this site helped me a lot and I joined in 2006 I knew I wasn't the only one But I didn't think the group was this big :-) And the stories tell me that a lot of us went thru alot of the same growing pains. Connie

The first I heard of another was when I was about 10 and my friend's would always comment as we passed this one house about the "He-She Monster" that lived there. Apparently he dressed and you know what happens when kids find out...
The next was Christine Jorgensen and after that when I was about 18, driving and could go to NYC. There I found all the movies, books and magazines such as "Lady Like" and the "Female Impersonator Newsletter". These told me for sure I was no longer alone and gave me a mode to contact others and finally talk about it with someone who shared my feelings and my concerns.

The interest never goes away it seems. We created our own opportunities in the old days. I even subscribed to a FI (female impersonator) newsletter back in the early 1980's and they advertised breast forms, femme face masks, femme body forms and padded panties, etc. Nothing is as new as it is old they say. CDing like many things remains eternal and a hope for those of us who want to be like girls.:battingeyelashes::)

I always thought that what I done was a little odd so I had to be a bit careful on who I let see it more than told but for some reason never felt uneasy about it as it just felt normal to me so I did not really think about other people doing it apart fro the odd article you would get in a magazine or paper about Transsexuals which I would have a strange fascination in reading , then one night when dressed I happened to see a program on the television about Transvestites and then suddenly thought " Hell I must be one of those" and there are more like me , then came the internet and you then get to realise that there is a hell of a lot like me so i am not quite so odd as I thought I was ( OK still odd but not in cross dressing terms ) :heehee:.

I also pretty much thought I was the only one. Until 64, at age 18 and in the Navy, went into an adult book store in San Francisco and found a whole section on the subject. Being in the Navy, didn't dare buy a book and bring it back to base. So limited myself to buying a mostly fiction book or two (maybe 20-40 pages each with pictures or drawings) and taking it directly home on liberty. After reading it would destroy it, so my folks wouldn't find it.

During the VHS video store rental days in the 80's, found the store near us to have an adult section. And in the that section, they had a number of ******* videos. So it dawned on me there must be some others.

Wasn't on the internet until sometime in 95-96. What a difference.

When I got on the internet.....aol days in the mid 90's

I was in about the sixth or seventh grade when Christine had her surgery and came out, they did a big cover story about it in Life magazine, I believe it was. After the family was done with that mag, I took it and kept it for a long time. She was my first hint there was anyone else out there, or that you could really be a girl. I was in my early twenty's when the tennis player, Renee Richards came out, by then there was a lot more written, and talked about on the radio, than when Christine came out.
Tina B.

Back in the early 1980's also I used to make my own videos of myself dancing to Pop songs using a Sony Betamax video camera. I found one of the tapes I had transferred from Beta to VHS recently and it is remarkably intact. Seems I had many of the "moves" even 30 years ago.:battingeyelashes::)

When I mimed "I enjoy being a girl" on a "talent night".:)

i was about 18 there was a news paper story about a transsexual that opened a culb on bank st in Phila and that her club was doing very well i then knew there was at least 1 more person like me that was a guy and wore womens clothing

I recall black and white television shows where married straight couples slept in separate beds.

I would be surprised if ANY of us baby boomers grew up with TS TG CD or any other letter combos being known much let alone visible.

I grew up in a time when a black woman in TV in almost any capacity was pushing the boundaries (Star Trek).

The internet has created a flood of information transmission capacity that has affected every last little corner of humanity. The only people that don't know things, are the people currently under rocks. That, and a selection of society that has intentionally denied themselves access to large swathes of human experience.

My first encounter with anything beyond humdrum small town Canadiana would be 1986-1990 when I lived in Toronto. But I moved back home and have been more or less small town Canadian since. I know of one person that is claimed to be homosexual in my community. But he is a long time old friend of the family and myself, and I have never felt like bluntly asking him 'are you gay?'. I couldn't care less if I ever knew the truth from his own voice. He's just an old friend of mine I see periodically on the street and say hello to.

I have never actually direct eye contact wise ever encountered just about any portion of street life. Makes me in a lot of cases horrendously inexperienced in a lot of stuff.
In my own mind, I would be capable of thinking I was the only example of a potential crossdresser in town. I've never seen one at least.

I knew there were CDrs and TS pretty much from the time I was a teenager. All one had to do is read a weekly news magazine to learn of the existense of such deviates! Of course, that was exactly how I came to view myself!

An afternooon variety show, Mike Douglas or Geraldo or something. Which one is the wife? Is it a she or he? And so forth. Christine Jorganson, Renee Richards. And finally a few magazines, short fictrion books, and videos at the adult book store. And then the internet--Fictionmania!

I never thought of being alone on this. Just thought it was so underground I could never be apart of it. Untill the internet. Jennifer just above me. Was my first encounter with a fellow cd'er. Daviolin

It took me a long while, perhaps too long. I knew none of my friends were TG so I kept myself hidden. The internet changed things, I found out there were many more like me.

I can remember very clearly, when I was 11 years old and put on the first article of women's clothing and got sexually aroused, that I knew I had to be the only boy in the world to do this wicked evil thing. I remember wondering if I was mentally ill or something...really! That did not stop me from my repeating trying on those items found in a vacant apartment above the garage of the house we lived in. I rarely dressed at that time, orphaned at age 16, married at age 17. (1969...had to forge my birth certificate) and did not give it much more thought until I met my second wife around 1976. She was the very first person that I ever told. She had all the usual questions that I could not answer. So I ordered books I found advertised in adult book stores. One was by Virginia Price, who published Transvestia magazine and started Society for the Second Self for male heterosexual cross-dressers. That was my first conscious effort to find out what and who I was as a crossdresser so I could answer her questions. ( I don't think the term CD was even coined at that time. Everyone used the term transvestite. We then read FORUM magazine, and saw many stories from other men and couples incorporating crossdressing. For those that read that magazine, the stories are real. I know, since they published my story! lol
What I would not have given to have had the Internet back then. It was a very lonely thing for most of us from that era.

My answer to this question, when did I first become aware I wasn't the only one, is "I don't know". When I was about 20, I was working in a bookshop and two girls came in dressed. They were both pretty easily read, though they looked good. I remember being really puzzled. I suppose a light should have gone on in my head: "Hey, I'm not the only one!"

I suppose what surprised me was that they actually had the courage to get out in public. I was so deep in the closet I didn't even want to admit it to myself. So when I saw those two girls, it was like I was asking, "Can you actually do that?" As far as I knew, if you were like me, you buried your shame as deeply as you could. I didn't know there was another option.

At any rate, they were the first two of my sisters I ever saw in the flesh. At some time before that I know I must have become aware that I wasn't the only one, but I don't know when or how.

[SIZE="3"]I was maybe 8 or 9 years old when I saw a book that said something about men wearing bras and if it would enlarge there breasts. That's when I found out it wasn't just me!!![/SIZE]

Back in my teenage years, my sister was attending nursing school and had to write a report on something. For that report she purchased a book titled "Everything you wanted to know about sex" or something like that. I remember sneaking that book out and reading it. There was a section about crossdressing and transsexuals. After reading that I no longer felt alone and that there were others like me. It was not until the internet that I really understood what was going on. It amazing how similar our stories are and how young most of us were when we discovered female clothing.

I believed there were others like me since I was young but had no idea that I was really not the only person who had these desires until I found the internet in 1999. This was the first time I met others who shared this passion on aol chat.

Best I can remember; there was an episode of The Time Tunnel [Late 60's] where Tony [Dr Tony Newman] had to put on a wig and dress for something. Maybe hiding from the bad guys? [I think that was Time Tunnel ?]. Anyway it caught my attention. I was so excited that he would do that, just like I did with mom's stuff.

That's when I decided I wanted to be a Time Traveler. lol

i didn't find others like me until now, here in these forums, and in other reedings.
i allways felt different and alone.
very few people knew of me TG , like my sister, and a friend's mother in my late teens ( she was a single mother of two girls and boy and she asked me up front ).
but i never even imagine the many many TG people and the willing to help and tell theirs stories.

I was about ten years old and put on my sister's panties and was hooked. Then awhile after sometime I saw Jim Bailey on the Ed Sullivan show and he blew me away. That a man could look that good as a woman.

I think I was 13 when I first read about Christine Jorgensen; but I knew about gay people when I was about 10 (we had a gay neighbor). I knew I was screwed up when I was 8, because I knew a boy shouldn't want to wear girl clothes, as it wasn't 'normal' because people on TV were made fun of for it.

My cousin and I "dressed up" in the mid '70s. He was very deeply into it then. I just did it for fun. My mother frowned upon it and told me to stop hanging around my cousin because "he isn't right in the head." A few months ago, I got into a pair of women's panties when I grabbed my wife's accidentally (she put them in my drawer) and a whole lot of memories came flooding back as I wore them all day. I did some research on line and ended up here. My wife knows, she even gave me some jeans that didn't fit her any more. We don't talk about it much, I just wear what I wear.

I first read about CD items advertised in porn magazines. So, naturally, I assumed u were ALL pervs like me!

When I found this site about 5 years ago, it was complete revelation for me! Not only aren't u pervs, you're MOSTLY exceptional people! And, I mean that in a good way!

About five years ago when I was I was looking for a program on google for a CD Jewel case printout software so I could label all my disk cases and their contents. I came up with this site and realized I am not a freak at all, there is a whole lot of us out there.

Well I used to play in some very seedy night clubs and every now and then I would see someone and think wow you are not by yourself after all. That was in the 60's. I would also go to New Orleans occasionally and you would always see someone there for sure. With the internet and this forum I have been able to actually talk about it without fear of ridicule and for this I am truly grateful.

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Originally Posted by ColleenA

This question is for those here who can remember life before the boon of the internet and the bane of Jerry Springer. When or how did you first realize you weren't the only one who was CD or TS?

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[SIZE="2"]I’m not a Baby Boomer per se – more like a cross-generational being, since I was never meant to be here in this form, at this point in time. Try as they might, I will not submit to generational labeling. That being said, I never assumed I was the only crossdresser in the Universe, but evidence to the contrary was scanty at best – I set about collecting any and all examples of MtF crossdressing, storing them in my mental scrapbook…[/SIZE]

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Of course, men in dresses had been a comedy staple since forever, with such things as Flip Wilson's Geraldine or "Some Like It Hot." But to see the concept taken seriously? Wasn't that kind of a revelation?

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[SIZE="2"]These days I completely dismiss DRAG for what it is, a comedic misrepresentation of female appearance, done purely for laughs at the expense of women. As such, I avoid these famous public (and thus sanctioned) versions of MtF, for they have done US much harm – as soon as I don my female attire everyone thinks I’m making a joke, and you can blame Flip Wilson, Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon, Dame Edna, Dustin Hoffman and several others for instilling this idea in people’s minds. I avoid drag like the plague it is, and I had to look in to other cultures for a serious depiction of MtF crossdressing, bereft of absurdity and beautiful in its simplicity…[/SIZE]

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I had heard of Christine Jorgenson, but knew virtually nothing about her, so her story was abstract to me.

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[SIZE="2"]Ms. Jorgenson was a TS, so that’s another matter entirely – people, meaning “normal” people, may understand transsexuals, but when a boy dresses as a girl for pleasure, yet remains a boy in all but appearance, this is very hard for outsiders to understand. There is no joke forthcoming, and there may be no hypothetical “woman inside,” so where do we place our intrepid explorer? It took me many, many years to discover the hidden truth about crossdressing – I knew it had to be there, and, since I don’t believe any opinions or viewpoints that I hear or see in the media, I just kept looking. Conformity hides non-conformist activity, or pushes it out of sight, and we all suffer for it. In the end, I just cultivated my own garden and arranged my thoughts in support of this tactile splendor I call crossdressing. There is nobody quite like me, so I carry on…
:battingeyelashes: [/SIZE]

Excellent post, Freddy. I'd just like to take issue with one thing you said:

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Originally Posted by Frédérique

I’m not a Baby Boomer per se – more like a cross-generational being, since I was never meant to be here in this form, at this point in time.

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You were meant to be here in this form, at this point in time so that all the rest of us could get to know you.

Best wishes, Annabelle

I was in college and being the typical 20 something year old I took a Human sexuality class so I could maybe SEE naked bodies (pretty bad really considering I had been married to a Playboy Bunny by then) and the Professor basically told us that whatever we liked or wanted to do was OK (pre-HIV era) and as long as nobody got hurt then it was natural. We covered everything and when he got to the trans part, he discussed drag through transsexuals. Of course I knew about the drag queens, they were silly over the top GAY guys. I knew about the Transsexuals who had surgery (which at that time was basically nullification with very little reconstruction). I didn't know your could be in between. I was still convinced that what I felt would just go away but I also learned I wasn't the only one who felt they had been born in the wrong shell. Prior to that class I only "knew" Tg's were perverts or wackos. Then came AOL chat rooms...and the rest is history

It took a very long time to realize what a cross dresser was, let alone ever see one. Yes, I remember the flap about Christine Jorgensen, but, remember she transformed into a woman. I remember the slapstick comedy about men wearing dresses. You have to remember comedy is comedy. It is not real life. Growing up, cross dressers were perverts. Until the Internet opened up factual material concerning cross dressing, I figured I was in that category. And, it wasn't until this site that I realized I was not alone. Don't ever suggest to your wife or girlfriend to research cross dressers without a good pron filter activated.

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

I remember in 8th grade english class reading a Life magazine article on transvestites of NYC and I was shocked that I was not alone and wasn't the freak I thought I was! @

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Must have been the same article, but I think I was much younger than 8th grade. In fact, I didn't know I was a CD yet. My mom said, "didn't you know about men wearing women's clothes"? The article in Life must have been the early '60s, but maybe my timeline is off.:) Later in the '70s I found some info on transvestism and transsexualism in a psychology publication that helped me understand more about it. I also saw a few crossdressers in town grocery shopping or in the park during the '70s which made it more obvious that I wasn't the only one.

Oh, and I was surprised when Walter Carlos became Wendy Carlos. Sex change op was hard to comprehend at that time.

I remember back in the 70's when the show Medical Center has an episode about a transsexual doctor. I saw the summery in the TV Guide but was afraid to watch the episode becuase I didn't want anyone to know I had interest in transsexuals.

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Originally Posted by StaceyJane

I remember back in the 70's when the show Medical Center has an episode about a transsexual doctor. I saw the summery in the TV Guide but was afraid to watch the episode becuase I didn't want anyone to know I had interest in transsexuals.

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and as I remember when they did those shows they used a GG for the part. It always made me think I was never going to fit because after all starlets in LALA land are not what I look like dressed

Wow, so many examples; so little time...

- Back in the early '60's when I was still a young teenager, and reading about people like former G.I. Christine Jorgensen and French performer Coccinelle (Jacques Dufresnoy) who had both undergone sex change operations. These stories were usually featured in cheesy tabloids of the National Enquirer variety with their shocking, screaming headlines and lurid pictures. They were also among my first indications that there might be others out there with inclinations similar to mine.

- Stumbling across a paperback book entitled "Sex Life of a Transvestite" in the most unlikeliest of places - a "mom and pop" type of convenience store circa 1965 when I was 17. It was a real eye-opener for me. The book is no longer in print, but I've attached a link to the amazon shopping website where a reviewer has provided their opinion of it.

It pretty much mirrors my own recollection of the book, and what I find awesome is how far ahead of its time it was. Not only did the author make it abundantly clear that he was completely heterosexual despite his fondness for female attire and presenting himself as his alter ego "Connie" in public - it provided the kinds of insights into this subject that we are still discussing on this forum almost 50 years later as though they were new revelations:

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-life-trans.../dp/B0007H9KZ2

- Back in the '60's and '70's, and '80's, advice columnists Ann Landers and Dear Abby would occasionally publish letters from crossdressers or family members seeking advice. At the beginning, neither Ann nor Abby were very conversant with this topic, were either ambivalent or negative in their comments, and simply regurgitated the typical misconceptions. To the credit of both, they eventually educated themselves properly concerning this complicated topic, and did a complete 180 degree turn compared with their previous views. They also ended up apologizing for their less-than-helpful past advice, and actually became very empathetic and supportive of crossdressers once they realized that we were not some type of perverts, but just regular people - albeit with a "special" gift.

- Seeing female impersonators and impressionists like Jim Bailey starting to appear on mainstream variety television shows such as the Carol Burnett Show (or comedian Flip Wilson's "Geraldine" character, for that matter), and being surprised by the overwhelmingly positive audience response that they received.

- Reading the first newspaper articles about Thailand's "katoeys" (ladyboys") back in the '70's when they were still very much an unknown quantity.

- Starting to see the topic of crossdressing addressed more and more frequently on the '80's and '90's talk shows and generally handled in an informative, empathetic, and non-sensationalistic manner. Phil Donohue, Sally Jesse Raphael, and Jenny Jones were probably the best at this, Montel Williams, Ricki Lake, Rolonda, and Jane Whitney were somewhere in the middle, and smarmy, smirking Geraldo Rivera was dead last (no surprise there!). Sadly, we have gone backwards from those more enlightened days when talk shows treated the whole topic of crossdressing in a more balanced and informative way. We are now left with the likes of Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, whose appeal is primarily focused on the bottom end (read: "redneck" segment) of the viewing audience, and just reinforces their inherent ignorance about this topic. Thank you, television networks, for your current infatuation with "Reality TV".

- Seeing more and more magazines such as "Ladylike", "Tapestry" and "Transformation" devoted to crossdressing appearing in adult bookstores, with the latter actually breaking away from the pack and onto mainstream newsstands because of its overall quality and positive branding.

- Following the Penthouse "Letters" inspired versions of "Forum" and "Variations" magazines throughout the '70, '80's and '90's and reading the letters allegedly sent in by crossdressers describing their experiences and particular turn-ons.

While most of these letters were/are likely made up since so many of them sound the same, what always struck me was the fact that whoever was behind them invariably appeared to be well-versed in the subject, and were therefore likely crossdressers themselves. It seems more than coincidental that they were always so factually "bang-on" in the stories they told, and often mirrored by own feelings, fantasies, fears, and insecurities in that regard. I would expect that only a true "insider" could have that degree of insight into this subject - just like my fellow posters here.

- Then, of course, along came the '90's, together with with the explosion of the Internet and all the information available in it on it. The rest is history...

As a boy, browsing in bookstores in the Psychology section reading about boys who crossdressed and had fetishes. That only let me know I wasn't the only one. I remained alone, acting on those strange desires, pretty much into young adulthood.

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Originally Posted by Beth Mays

I really thought I was the ONLY male on earth for a very long time. No joke!

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Beth Mays, I'm sorry, but I don't understand your response at all. Can you clarify?

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Originally Posted by Frédérique

[SIZE="2"]
Ms. Jorgenson was a TS, so that’s another matter entirely [/SIZE]

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Someone who is TS may be another matter from your perspective, Frederique, but in my posting, I posed the question for both CDs and TSs. I did so not only because both are present in abundance on this site (granted this thread is in the MtF CD section), but also because throughout the process of trying to understand themselves, many people who don't conform to society's binary gender standards must distinguish between what a CD is and what a TS is (as well as what a homosexual is) to best sort out where they fall.

As evidenced by many comments and stories on this site, it can take someone a while to sift through these distinctions and come to terms with who they are. That is true even today, but I believe it was so much harder in the "dark ages" before the internet, when we were grateful for any scrap of information that might come our way - ergo, my original question.

For myself, I remember at 15 or 16 considering the question of whether I should be female. After serious reflection, my answer was a very clear "no." And the few times I have pondered that question again, including last year, I've always arrived at the same conclusion. But I do feel it is productive and realistic, as well as important to one's peace of mind, to at least confront the issue.

(Wow. Reviewing my reply, it sounds kind of harsh. Please don't take it as an attack on you, Frederique. I really just intended to use your comment as a springboard into explaining why I posed the question to all.)

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Originally Posted by Leslie Langford

Back in the '60's and '70's, and '80's, advice columnists Ann Landers and Dear Abby would occasionally publish letters from crossdressers or family members seeking advice.

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Leslie, thank you for this comment. I had forgotten how important each and every one of those letters were during my teen years.

One that I often think back to - although it was printed later, when I was in my late 20s or early 30s - was from a TS who said she hated anytime she had to use the boys' restroom at school. She was embarrassed even just walking in there. Her comment went off in my head like an atomic bomb. I had never imagined such a perspective. That one letter showed me the magnitude of difference between me, who merely played at being female, and someone who truly was female, irrespective of how their body caused them to be classified.

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

and as I remember when they did those shows they used a GG for the part. It always made me think I was never going to fit because after all starlets in LALA land are not what I look like dressed

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Robert Reid, Mike Brady from the Brady Bunch played the transsexual in this episode.

Ugh! I had a neighbor, a boy much older than me, that transitioned in the mid-1970's. It was awesome to know that somebody I had actually seen with my own eyes was like me, but she was fired from her job as a teacher and the neighbors in my blue collar neighborhood weren't very nice. Then I remember finding a psychology book in the school library that basically said I was a sick freak. Finally, I worked in a store that sold porn, and any trans portrayals were pervs, ****s, or submissive's! All great for one's self esteem!

The internet is a bunch of crap for the most part, but for giving kids like we were the ability to realize they are OK, it is a blessing.

Debby

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Originally Posted by NicoleScott

As a boy, browsing in bookstores in the Psychology section reading about boys who crossdressed and had fetishes. That only let me know I wasn't the only one. I remained alone, acting on those strange desires, pretty much into young adulthood.

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Nicole, your comment about remaining alone reminded me of a poignant short story I read on fictionmania a number of years ago about three casual friends in 7th grade. After school one day, the friends say goodbye, then each heads home. We see each one, once at home, pulling out a secret stash or sneaking into mom's closet and proceeding to dress up. The story ends with each regretting the feeling of isolation their "hobby" prompts. After all, who could possibly accept that they cross-dress?

So I don't post here much, but this chat that i have read is real, and it is nice to read this. I have dressed femme at home for as long as I remember, and the internet is key to chatting with nice people that do that same. However, in the past, rooms existed that we had to fend off the trolls, but that was fun, and we won, which was fun. Us girls used to chat about the win... nice.

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Originally Posted by Dee3

Must have been the same article, but I think I was much younger than 8th grade. In fact, I didn't know I was a CD yet. My mom said, "didn't you know about men wearing women's clothes"? The article in Life must have been the early '60s, but maybe my timeline is off.:) Later in the '70s I found some info on transvestism and transsexualism in a psychology publication that helped me understand more about it. I also saw a few crossdressers in town grocery shopping or in the park during the '70s which made it more obvious that I wasn't the only one.

Oh, and I was surprised when Walter Carlos became Wendy Carlos. Sex change op was hard to comprehend at that time.

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I don't know how in the world I missed that but I did. I was a fan of Her music (and , it goes without saying, BACH as well) but for some reason never made the connection to Walter.

It was a June day in 1958. I'm 12 years old. I'm sitting in the yard reading the afternoon paper. There's an advice column written by an MD. The column headline read "Transvestism". Dear Doctor, my husband likes to wear my clothes ...... That's when I knew (1) I was not alone and (2) I was mentally ill. Knowing I wasn't alone made me feel good, but it took decades before I knew I was mostly sane (although deep inside there's a little part of me that things I'm still a bit crazy... )

Not until 1994 when I got my first computer and AOL. Before then I only knew of DRAG queens, gay prostitutes, and serial killers, from TV shows and movies. I knew I wasn’t any of these and thought that I was alone.