Many of us are married but have SO's that are not ok with the crossdressing. Some of us, however, have very supportive spouses/girlfriends. For those that do, what is it that the spouse/girlfriend likes or find intriguing about the crossdressing?
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Many of us are married but have SO's that are not ok with the crossdressing. Some of us, however, have very supportive spouses/girlfriends. For those that do, what is it that the spouse/girlfriend likes or find intriguing about the crossdressing?
Most wives who are okay with crossdressing are still not enthusiastic about it.
Some find that their husbands are happier, and so they like that.
My feeling is that it's not my place to judge my husband's choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone. But I'm not enthusiastic or intrigued by it in any way, just as a husband usually is not enthusiastic about his wife hanging out in sweat pants.
My wife is incredibly supportive (made it clear that she loves all parts of me), yet we often have a very hard time talking about it. She doesn't understand it (I barely do). I'm certainly hoping she becomes more intrigued, as it would definitely make things a lot easier!
JessM, you about said it right if my wife was to write a comment. She is ok with it and knows it is a part of me, for what ever reason, acceptance because she loves and wants my happiness are the biggest reasons. Supportive in the sense that she helps me buy some of my clothes, but not to the point of wanting to see me go out somewhere, let alone go with me.
@Gillian, I'll go out with my husband dressed, but I've learned to avoid alcohol on those dates because otherwise I'm in tears by the end of the evening.
I can't speak for her with complete accuracy, but I think she likes clothes, make up and shopping and it allows her to do more of that. I think she's probably at least slightly attracted femininity every now and again.
Since I am laying in bed with my very supportive wife while reading this on my laptop, I just asked her. Her list; 1) makes me happy 2) the advice on women's clothes I give her 3) make up tips (like contouring) I've taught her 4) A great dance partner 5) The amount of bonding we have shared with this rather 'quirky' side of me!
My wife is not "supportive" as such but she understands it is a part of me that will not go away. She also recognises that thanks to my dressing I am a much calmer and balanced person who is no longer liable to big and prolonged depressive episodes, but have become more relaxed and happy for it. She places limits on my dressing which are abided by and additional restrictions when out with her (no dresses/skirts or obviously female bags unless we are at say a carboot sale when a shopper style bag is fine as it looks like I am carrying it for her).
I have always been able to choose clothes for my wife and give her advice on what looks good on her and she also understands that this is where it comes from, and she will sometimes see something I get and try it on to see how it looks and then get something similar in her size if she likes it enough. It is about balance which enables us to co-exist on a better level which we do.
WOW!
JessM sure hit the nail on the head!
"My feeling is that it's not my place to judge my husband's choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone. But I'm not enthusiastic or intrigued by it in any way, just as a husband usually is not enthusiastic about his wife hanging out in sweat pants."
For me they are very similar. My wearing women's stuff is to me like my SO wearing pants. To her it is no where the same level because women can wear anything they want but men can only wear what their women let them.
First, my wife is entirely supportive. She knows that this is a part of me. She loves me. That stated, she is not "intrigued" and doesn't "like" my cross dressing. She doesn't hate it mind you but she doesn't understand it any more than I. There is no doubt she'd prefer I was not a cross dresser but I am and she can handle that fact. Because she knows this is not some weird thing I invented, but rather it is something genetic, in me, she does not fault me for it.
There is really very little upside for a wife.
I think I have a special situation. My wife of 44 years is entirely supporting and encouraging! For us it is much more than the dressing, but the relationship and intimacy we share as like two close sisters. We have wonderful "female" talks about feelings, friends, children, clothes and makeup. I regularly do her nails, blow dry her hair, and we go shopping for clothes together. She is the one encouraging me to go out with her dressed some day. This is very much a two way relationship, and she is very grateful that I am sort of a TG husband that is a gentle, tender, loving companion.
My wife is supportive if me, she just wasn't ever expecting this side of me. I mean I mostly do it when we are having fun in bed cause it puts a twist into our sex life which is always good. I'm not one to really go out and showboat around in women's clothes but she very much supports me and what she calls my "fetish" lol only thing she told me was that since she wasn't expecting this side of me that it will take some getting use to which I am totally in agreement..... I'm still getting use to it as well
If I were married I would definitely want my SO to know about it because I honestly can't imagine the guilt that is felt by those who have yet to divulge their secrets (rightfully so especially for those who are in long term relationships). I hope that I am able to meet someone who is supportive of my "fetish/hobby/passion". To those out there with supportive SO's and also for the SO's who are apart of this community I just want to say YOU ARE AWESOME for being there for your CD/TG spouse. If only everyone where like you all.
Hi Julie Marie,
My wife is fully supportive because she loves me and she can see beyond the clothes and make-up . . . I am the same person. However, I don't think she would use the word "intrigued".
Hugs
Isha
Julie, I asked this of my wife and we had a nice chat about it. Our situation may be a little different but then we are all individuals and so are our spouses. She said that she always loved my caring side, and she loved the fact that I would go shopping with her and had good taste in women's clothes. The reason that she was non supportive (we were DADT for many years) was that our sex life was just awesome and she did not want my cross dressing to interfere with that. She felt that my wearing panties was kind of sexy but she wanted her man and believe me her man wanted her. I still do but a couple of years ago her health changed and our sex life ended rather abruptly. It was when she realized that it was not going to return that she sat me down and told me that she had no problem with my dressing around the house. Of course there are boundries, she is ok with her man in a dress but really does not want to see the complete woman, (wig and makeup). This is fine with me and we are very happy with our arrangement. She is not intrigued with my cross dressing but she does like my taste in clothes. She is happy that I am happy.
Hugs
Ellen Jo
I am married and my wife is supportive, I am not sure there is anything that she really likes
about it, She understands that this is part of me and does not want to change that. so she accepts,
not really liking it.
Although she has made a friend thru me and this forum, that part she does like.
I came out to my wife of then 27 years ,3 years ago and for a while it looked like divorce.
since then my wife has become tolerant after researching the subject, sometimes she seems
to be mildly amused by my crossdressing but still doesn't really understand it.
she realizes that I am easier to live with now but still wishes I didn't crossdress
my wife is cool with it and will allow me to dress whenever and I still do not push it down her throat all of the time....except with shoes. she has known my love for shoes since day 1. she is attracted to women as well and that makes it much easier for her to get into all of this when I am wearing something girly.
My wife, when I told her I was transgender, said that not only was she happy for me that I had discovered this but that she thought it exciting that I was embarking on a journey of self exploration.
My wife and I are in business with each other, are each other's best friends and are together 24/7. It would have been an absolute disaster in our lives if she had not been supportive. Fortunately she is mature, compassionate and rational. Certainly she finds me a better person since I recognized my gender identity. She likes to discuss clothes and make up with me, and she likes to opine on the way I dress. But really it is her clear mindedness and lack of interest in playing power games with me that seem to be the most important reasons for her acceptance and support.
Our love story is a bit different:love:
We met here then dated as Sherlyn and Di
Prob 6 months in I had a holiday spent a week together( keeps guy side for work and we were dating long distance so just weekends before that) and was the first time I got to meet the guy side....and I remember we were both nervous.:heehee:
All these yrs later we are married and to answer your question,I just find my partner sexy, fun, my best friend and the love of my life.Plus loves me for me.Quote:
what is it that the spouse/girlfriend likes or find intriguing
Hard to say as it is still evolving. The entire dynamic of our marriage has altered as a result of my gender issues. On one hand she has lost and mourns for parts of me she considered her husband. But after so many years together, some of those aspects she rarely wanted anyway anymore. Sigh...:daydreaming:
However, she seems to honestly like that she has gained a girlfriend.
She still loves me, and I still love her.Its different, but its still real.
And we both work at making it work.
Compromises on both sides.
But that is marriage anyway, isnt it?
Where we will be a year, or five years, from now is anyones guess. But for now...it is ok. Not great. But good. Much better than I could have hoped for.
Today at least...lol
I have no feminine identity that dresses to seek congruence. I identify as a male who likes to transform occasionally in dressup sessions because it is exciting to me. No biggie for my wife who isn't threatened by my diversion. She has hers, too. She is neither excited nor repulsed by my crossdressing but is mostly indifferent about it and does not participate, which is fine with me. Crossdressing is personal. She has seen me transformed and is supportive in spite of the over-the-top style I prefer. My crossdressing doesn't drain valuable time nor resources from family needs, and when I'm not in one of my occasional dressup sessions, I'm just a typical husband, dad, handyman, lawn service, grillmaster, hunter, fisherman, TV sports consumer, etc.
My wife is supportive, yet not crazy about it.
What she does like:
1. I'm not a macho a$$wad, despite the many typically male associated hobbies and interests i have,
2. I can and do help her shop.
3. I always have pantyhose, panties, and spare feminine accoutrements as needed.
4. I wash and bathe more frequently
5. i am more prone to doing housework.
what she does not like:
1. That i look at other women's outfits of makeup.
2. That I would consider 'going all the way'- full sexual reassignment- if it were not something she opposes.
3. That i would like to be more 'out' (she does not want attention drawn).
4. That i spend more on clothes than she does.
5. A significant amount of time is spent crossdressed, rather than crossdressing being something done in my 'spare time'.
Zero support, zero tolerance here. As was commented by Klaire "She also recognises that thanks to my dressing I am a much calmer and balanced person who is no longer liable to big and prolonged depressive episodes, but have become more relaxed and happy for it." but she wants that without any dressing at all, none, period. She cannot get her head around it and doesn't want to. She likes that we can shop together for her, and only her, and really enjoys those outings.
Much like Billie Ann Jean stated: "My wearing women's stuff is to me like my SO wearing pants. To her it is no where the same level because women can wear anything they want but men can only wear what their women let them."
So, I continue to be a work in progress....just not a lot of "progress" right now...
Erin
Julie, I came out to my wife of 24 years about six years ago. It wasn't a complete surprise...she knew that I dressed in her lingerie for years. She was immediately supportive, but it did take her a while to become comfortable with it. She completely understands that I am a better person when I have opportunities to dress. She loves shopping with me and for me. We both have similar tastes in lingerie and clothing in general, and along with the fact that we now both realize there are no more secrets, this has created a new level of trust and love in our relationship. I have yet to appear in public, but we enjoy special "pretty" nights at home...I'll dress before she comes home and have a gourmet dinner and drinks planned. When I'm en femme, she says I am a more sensitive and caring person. We talk about things we would never have discussed in the past...I believe she sees my feminine persona as a "girlfriend". She sometimes suggests I dress for bed and seems to enjoy how much this turns me on. I know that being dressed for bed doesn't do much for her in itself, but she is a caring and gifted lover so enjoys the pleasure that it gives me. I do know that she actually enjoys the sight and sensation of me in snug panties (she's told me that she's disappointed when she sees me tuck!). However, she is very much a girly girl and loves masculinity, so I strive to find the balance and present myself in this manner to her as well...and since I love my male side, I have no problem with this. Bottom line is that my wife is a generous and understanding woman...and I am entirely grateful for this.
My wife identifies as bisexual but hasn't ever acted on it, so this side of me kind of fills that for her to a degree. That said, she'd prefer overall if Allison didn't exist outside of the bedroom mostly because she fears the social consequences. She does like shopping together, and that I can give her opinions on clothes and stuff, plus there's the benefit of a second warddrobe to raid when she finds something of mine she likes (if it fits).
I have two stories for when I was crossdressing. I my wife didn't care as long, as she said , I didn't embarrass her in public. She bought me clothing on occasion and she knew I wasn't Mr Macho when we met. When she was fading from teh cancer and I was stressed out a lot she would often tell me to "go put on a skirt".
My GF knew the whole time we were together and she not only supported it but encouraged it...as long as I remained within the realm of looking like a real woman and not a drag queen or hooker (which wasn't and issue since I don't dress as either one). Just before she died she, I had intentionally not dressed because I was more worried about what others thought of HER when we went out and didn't want her to be the object of scrutiny, she asked why Lori didn't come around more often.
I guess my major point here is, life is too short for either person to not be happy. I thought I had forever. I didn't and now I look back at all the time wasted worrying about what I was wearing. I know there is no way for wives to read this and understand but even if you are not thrilled, you should be supportive. For the CDs the same thing, don't be selfish but know she (as one person said) doesn't get what's in your head and try and compromise. You only get so long together (if they are your life mate) don't waste it on trivializes
Julie,
At one time it was the sexual interaction, these days just the satisfaction of someone who understands I think.
My wife is less supporting these days though.
Julie and I have had many discussions on this topic. The only answer she can offer is "it tickles my weird spot." She certainly enjoys the many benefits of bring in a relationship with a cross dresser. We shop together, we get mani pedis. She does my make up for me when we go out. It's a very up close and intimate process.
Until a couple of years ago we worked 24 hours a day seven days a week in our home based business. We had two weekends off in four years and those came with the high price of hiring respite workers. Our daughter became old enough to work shortly before the appearance of Rita. We took a night off to go to Tgirl Tuesday at Hamburger Mary's. I was hooked. I had to go back! We arranged the work schedule so that everyone gets one evening and one day off. We now have date night every Tuesday whether we take Rita out or not and time off on Saturday.
Because of the life we lived, working all the time we didn't have any friends. All of our encounters were with Adults with developmental disabilities or the people who take care of them. We now have an active social group. We take Rita out to the club a couple times a month. When our friends have outings on our day off we attend those. For the first time maybe in our lives we have an active social life with surrounded by some of the most amazing human beings we've ever met.
There are several GG's in our group that come out with their Tgirls. Not a lot. Maybe five or six. But then again the group isn't all that big. They all enjoy a celebrity like status. I won't say they are worshipped but they are shown the appreciation they deserve. We all know how much loneliness there isn't our community. These women are seen as a sign of hope maybe. Julie describes herself as having been a dorky kid who got picked on. I can't pretend she doesn't enjoy the popularity.
I suspect in the end she's mostly happy to see me happy. I feel so much better being who I am today. I didn't even realize I wasn't being myself before. I don't think given a choice this is the way she would have chosen things to work out. But she is certainly enjoying it. At this point if something happened to me and she found herself dating, it wouldn't surprise me if she found herself another CD or TSrather than a straight male.
Hug
Rita
Interesting thread.
My wife is incredibly understanding and encourages me to dress often even though I actually don't very often (few times a year).
She does this in my opinion because she notices the pink fog quickly and knows what the best medicine is. So from the standpoint, I would say that her primary reason of supporting it is based on the fact that she wants me to be happy. I recognize of course that I could take advantage of this, but do not do so, and feel like, our relationship, etc is better by having mutual respect for each other, after all isn't that what marriage is about?
The other benefits she recognizes and appreciates is that she now has a greater desire to enjoy her femininity and even though she's still not a girly-girl (and thank heavens she's not!), she wants to be beautiful and she knows more now how to become beautiful. Part of this is due to her self-confidence, which has sky-rocketed and I really believe this confidence is the most important factor in outward appearance. She credits me with helping her gain this.
An example of this was the fact that when we were married she wouldn't do much more than throw her hair in a ponytail, but I've helped her see that even models can look good regardless of what they're wearing, how their hair looks, etc, and she can look the same. She believes me now and this has paid off huge dividends for her self-confidence. It's something her sisters are all envious of, but they do not have spouses that help them, even though they are all equally beautiful women.
And while she's not really turned on by the activity, she is turned on by my happiness and a certain cute element of it all. For example, she'll get a kick out of seeing some left over glitter or eyeliner that I didn't remove all of the way.
Her teamwork approach to this has made me want to be a much better man and husband. I think society puts way to much emphasis on sex in marriage or in some of our cases, crossdressing, when in my opinion shouldn't define us or our relationships at all.
That I am more relaxed and happier due to her indulgence. And that make me want to cater to her feelings, needs and even wants. Just simply she sees me as I want to be not as the world pressures me to be, and she likes the happy me and see gets to be happy too! As far as intrigue I'm always thinking of so off the wall fun thing to do or some where to go if we don't have company, in either mode.
I must have one of the most supportive and wonderful SO on here.
She is totally accepting of me and everything I do so long as it doesn't shame her or her (our) family in a small town. That's a fair enough request for me.
We have a great relationship based on active communication and everything being a two way street. I prefer to try to give more than I take and we both feel we won the lottery by finding each other later in life.
I can't imagine a better relationship for a person in my situation to be in.
She loves her new member of our marriage and likes the modifications that I have undergone so far. Win/win.
I feel sure she likes me calmer and happier.
She doesn't like shopping and fashion shows, but because she loves me....she puts up with both :heehee:
My wife is supportive. She tolerates my CDing. So that makes her tolerant in my book. However, she is not intrigued by my CDing whatsoever and I fully respect that. I respect that because I am a firm believer that you can tolerate someone's lifestyle, beliefs, or views but it does not mean you have to accept it.
Love,
Lexi V.
I'm lucky in that my wife not only supports me, she *likes* my female side. She calls her 'Kitty'.
Yah, she steals my tops and jewelry. I get over that when she gives me feedback on what I wear, and tells me I'm 'pretty' (In my big, furry, beastial way) in a mini, cami and heels. Her eyes don't lie.
She is a guy in a female body, I'm a girl in a male one. Doubters/pessimists: It *is* possible, it *does* happen. 22 years together, and she knew what she was getting into, I have always been an 'odd bird' (an important factor).
Those of us working out the middle: Sorry for the troubles. "It *can* get better, honest.
- MM
My wife and I have sort of evolved with this together. Heck we have known each other since eight and dating since fifteen. For me the gender non-conforming stuff came first and much later occasionally fully cross dressing.
So... What does she like? She likes me, and this is just another part of me.
My wife is supportive and understanding, and as JessM pointed out she sees how it affects my happiness. Neither of us can explain why I cross dress, why I feel I need to, and why it make me happy. We are likewise not caught up in needing an explanation for it.
She appreciates that we can enjoy mani/pedis, massages, and facials together as well as shopping and exploring sales. I do her nails and help pick out her clothes. All of that is bonding time for us as a couple, and my wife is quick to point out "it's just clothes." That said, she enjoys lots and lots of man time with me and I provide her with one heck of a lifestyle. In short, and using her words, she has never felt she lost her man. That's very important.
Intrigued is probably not the word I would use when describing my feelings towards my SO's CDing. For myself...I hate dresses...skirts...make-up...shopping...you get the picture. Therefore, sometimes I get upset when my SO wants to constantly change clothes...shop...etc... and wants my input. It is exhausting for me.
With that being said...I am EXTREMELY supportive and encouraging mostly because of the happiness it brings my SO. We have been together a little over 7 years. In that time I have seen my SO transform from a very uptight easily angered person to a gentler kinder person. My SO is happy and that makes me happy. I read the posts on here and am saddened by how many people do not support their CDing SO. Every relationship involves compromise and understanding....some more than most. If people could make the effort to be more accepting and supportive I think they would be surprised at the love and devotion they will receive from their SO. My SO treats me like a queen...and I treat her like a queen...sorry...couldn't help but throw in a little humor ;)
When my SO is dressed....they feel more attractive and sexy and I find that to be a huge turn on for me. I would say 90% of the time...I get very turned on when my SO is dressed. Not because I am attracted to females, but because I am attracted to my SO who feels sexy and desirable. I do, however, have the other 10% of the time where I am just not feeling it. Usually when I'm not feeling very sensual myself. At these times I just tell my SO to get undressed and that has worked out for both of us.
My SO is my best friend. I get a lot of enjoyment out of our talks where I know we are both being brutally honest. I had a lot of dishonesty and betrayal in my previous relationship and cannot imagine a DADT situation ever working for me. I feel honored that my SO shares his inner most self with me. He tells me things that he has never shared with anyone else. He trusts me with her vulnerabilities and that is very flattering and sacred.
One thing I have noticed when reading this forum is that some CDers feel like CDing is something they are going to do no matter what and they don't care what their SO thinks. I think if you start off with that attitude, then you are fighting a losing battle. There has to be some compromise on the part of both people involved. It's like I tell my husband....I am a heterosexual.....to expect me to be turned on by a female is a little unfair. I happen to find it erotic most of the time (I have no explanation for this), but sometimes I crave pure maleness in my SO and he is more than happy to oblige. I do not abuse this compromise and probably only make the request once every 3 months or so. I think my comfort level comes in knowing that he is willing to do this for me upon my request.
On the flip side I have read a lot of posts about GG's who don't want to know and don't want to be involved on any level. I feel like if they would just try to understand that CDing is a reflection of the person's inner self....there would be a lot more understanding. When I first learned about my spouses CDing...I thought it was a fetish. For some reason understanding that it was my SO being able to express himself and how he feels on the inside really helped me be more understanding and accepting. Sometimes I rationalize it for myself like this...If someone told me I had to wear a dress...hose...and heels every day...I would be completely miserable and depressed. So why is it such a stretch to say the opposite is true for my SO?
I wish everyone in this community could strike a balance that allows everyone to be loved and accepted.
Much love to you all....Kim
And *THAT* is the core of all of this 'stuff' we deal with.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit
Do they like *YOU* or do they like your *image*?
You be *YOU*. The rest will follow.
Not to suggest it will be painless, but it *will* follow.
- MM
I read your question to my wife and she answered that she likes me better when I’m “dressed” because I’m more relaxed and easy going.
When we first met she wasn’t any too sure about the “dressing” but she invited me to her apartment on a Saturday to have me “dress” for her to see how she handled it. Well, she took to it immediately by doing my makeup over.
She likes dressing me. She picks out what she wants me to wear and does my make-up. She even plucks my brows. She very often buys stuff for me to wear for her. I think she thinks I’m a doll to dress but I don’t have a problem with it at all.
She enjoys taking me into the women’s section of stores and taking a skirt off the rack and telling me to hold it against me waist high, and she gets a kick out of the SA’s reactions to it all.
She has me clean the house in lingerie, and I have no complaints with the way we live. She has a husband and a sister, a man and a lesbian all in one package.
As she says, “Who could ask for anything more?”
I couldn't ask for a more supportive wife. She understands this is an innate part of me and loves me despite my dual nature. We go out as "girlfriends" a couple of times a week and have a good time. However, she definitely prefers to spend time with her husband and wouldn't be upset if Jocelyn was no longer part of our lives. I get that. And I appreciate the fact that she accepts my need to present as female. It works for us because we keep an open line of communication and work hard to maintain a balance that works for us both.
No, it isn't. Clothing is an outward expression of internal feelings. Dismissing it as 'just clothes' is selling it/us short.Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTee
- MM
I am a GG married to a CD who is also a member of this forum. I am supportive & enthusiastic about my husband's CDing.
We are both bisexual. I am more attracted to femininity than masculinity. I like a lot of things about my husband's CDing:
1. I like how hot he looks when he's dressed
2. I like thinking about him secretly being in panties when he underdresses
3. I like his boobs when he wears his forms
4. I like shopping for clothes with him
5. I like buying him pretty things as gifts
6. I like watching his feminine side blossom & his overall confidence & wholeness building
7. I like making love to him as a woman, making him *feel* like a woman
8. I like holding him & caressing silky, lacy, or soft fabrics over his skin
9. I like doing his makeup & nails
10. I like that he & I share this thing together
I really could keep this list going, but 10 is a good number on which to finish. :)
Dear Kimberly Ann,
The way my wife and I have found an equiliberian is that when she wants Cheryl to be around, she’ll just say to me, “Get dressed”, and off I go to the 2nd bedroom where she’ll have laid-out whatever she wants me to wear.
Now if it was up to me, I’d be 24-7 “dressed”, but at the inception of our relationship she laid-out the rules:
1. When she is not home, I can “dress” or not.
2. When she IS home she’s the only one who can give the permission for Cheryl to enter and I am never to ask if she would “like to see Cheryl” or if she would mind if Cheryl “visited”.
3. Sometimes weeks will go by between her telling me to get “dressed”. Sometimes she’ll have me “dress” everyday for a month.
4. Sometimes she tells me to sleep in my bra.
5. When we go out she does the driving (mostly) and ALL of the talking to SA’s and waiters.
6. We’ve been married for over 10 years and are happy with the way things are working out.
7. She’s allowed to “borrow” any of Cheryl’s things while I’m to leave her stuff alone, which means mostly makeup since what I wear is “too girly” for her, she says.
I share with her everything on this blog and she gets really ticked-off about the other wives not “getting with the program” about their husband’s crossdressing. She says they’ve got the best thing possible going for them but are just too damn blind and stupid to see that maybe it’s the society that’s out of whack and they’re the lucky one. She doesn’t think much of the girl friends and wives who don’t support their man being a CD 110%. She understands it a part of them that makes them the person they fell in love with. She had A LOT of other things to say about the women who get freaked-out about crossdressing but you get the point.
She also said that if she knew men liked to “dress” and that it be so much fun for her she would’ve been looking for a guy like me from the start.
Cheryl
I can't say why my wife is so accepting, but from the time I told her about Tina, she was on board, in fact in the beginning she accepted me, better than I did.
She has been a great help in getting me to accept myself.
The day I told her, her first reaction was lets go shopping and get you something to wear, as I had purged everything I had years before and had nothing at the time I told her.
Since that day, many years ago, she has celebrated my birthday, Christmas, Anniversaries, Valentines day buying gifts for both, my male persona, and my female persona. While I've never been shy about shopping for myself. I love going shopping with her. The lady just won't let me give up and walk out of the women's department empty handed, she says failure is not an option.
It used to be, I didn't dress all that often, but she has always been able to tell when I start to show signs of depression, her first reaction is to tell be to take some time to myself, (code for go put on a skirt) and she will see the need for it, even before I do.
Living in a small town, we both agree it's an indoor, at home thing, but within that limit, there really is no limit, and that works for both of us.
What it is she likes about my dressing, I can't say, but her level of acceptance has given me a very happy life, and I can't imagine having gotten this far without her.
I haven't been here in a very long time. I have a difficult time believing all the support talked about here. In my situation, early in our marriage she supported a little as part of sex play. Then later it was absolutely not. Last year I went through a phase of shaving, plucking and grooming in a more feminine way and basically she told me that going in that direction would be the end of us. Purging happened and I left here. Feelings came back recently but I know nothing can be acted on. It's either G or she, no choices.
My wife completely supports me. She has said that I am a different, softer, and more lovable person. She likes the fact that I'm not out chasing women or siting in a bar, or glued to sports games on TV. She herself is conservative in many ways including the way she dresses. She could even be a female CD for her love of jeans and T-shirts. And she wears no makeup. I know she enjoys shopping for me with something new on occasion.
I do my best to make her life the best it can be. Maybe it's a payback for her acceptance. I strived to make us financially secure and she does too. I take care of any of her needs like a secure home, etc.. In turn she wants me to be happy because it all comes around in a nice circle of love and respect. I don't interfere in anything she does. She loves her home comforts and doing her crafts and watching her favorite shows. We hardly go out and are just happy at home together or with spending time with a friend.
Cheryl
Gen, you'll note that the successful couples communicate about the subject frequently. It's never one way
In my relationship she has told me that she loves me... despite being dressed as a woman she still sees me. She would find it difficult for her to demand me not to do something that makes me happy. However, we too have had our share hurt feelings. Problems arise when Teresa gets carried away and focuses on her things (mostly shopping) and loses focus on her (gf). But Teresa only exists with my gf so would would probably never see me without my better half. Including her to events and her doing my make up etc allows her to involve. The secondary gain for her is that she sometimes feels she has a girlfriend to hang out. But the main reason is she know it makes me happy.
I think some sort of acceptance is common (even if you don't think she knows...she knows and if she doesn't say anything doesn't mean you are getting away with it). What we see here as far as the people whose spouse is unaccepting is more the phenomenon or the squeaky wheel. If everything is good at home, you don't see posts in the other areas of this forum. So I am not surprised at the various levels of acceptance here. As Jennifer said it is more communication than anything. Being as upfront as you can be is what works
Hi Lorileah:Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
I appreciate your comments and agree with you and Jenn that communication is always the best option, but for some, that is not "what works". Communication is a two way street, otherwise it is just one person talking at another. If the other person is not willing to engage, then it does not work. This is my case. Having said that, I don't know if over time that will change, but right now, the subject is closed, not to be discussed. So while I was being upfront and honest, that didn't work. Now, that being said, I guess it would depend on your definition of "what works", e.g. getting support, staying together, or is separating "what works" ? In which case, ya, then being up front works. Just my thoughts....
Respectfully.....
Erin