Wife's Attitude Toward Your Dressing

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

..Thanks Reine. I suspect that data might demonstrate how inaccurate and misleading our site polls can be. Does anyone really believe, after consistently reading of threads about spouse non-acceptance and members hiding their crossdressing activities, that 90% of spouses on this site know and accept our crossdressing?

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No being new, but having read a lot of the posts here in the last days I expected the oposite to be honest.

A thought did come to mind.. in any forum (and I've been around a few since the internet started on all sorts of topics) it's quite common for a thread to develop left or right.. human nature.. for instance a thread with the first 5 or so responses being negative will generally lead to more people feeling it ok to respond similar.. where as a thread with the first responses all positive will discourage a large deal of people to respond something negative.

Oh, and then there is also anonymity.. filling out an anonymous pole seperated from a comment thread for the sake of trying to compile a realistic view of our 'scene' is one thing, but there's bound to be plenty of us that will not bad mouth their SO even if she was not supporting. Having to fill out a form for 'science' or having to write something bad about your SO makes a big step too.

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

I would only offer that 90% of those - who replied to this thread - have accepting spouses, not 90% of all site members or 90% of all crossdressers.

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Well yes, I can only count the people who have responded. :)

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

But those who have non-accepting spouses, or who hide their crossdressing from their wives, would be more likely to avoid a reply.

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Right. I also stated that if everyone who logs in on a regular basis responds, likely the percentage of "wife doesn't know" would increase dramatically. According to the forum stats on the index page (if they are not broken), there are currently just under 4,500 people who have logged in during the last three months (Active Members). Only a few hundred people participate in the threads on a regular basis, so I suspect that the vast majority of Active Members are fully OK with crossdressing in secret, I surmise for no other reason than sexual release and so there is no incentive to tell a wife ... in fact admitting this to a wife might well tend to be counter-productive to the marriage. Or, we may also have quite a few people who became members (but do not post) to spy on their spouses/family members/friends? :p

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If this thread keeps going, I'll update my spreadsheet and post the updated results.

Mods, before you close this thread for inactivity, would you let me know so I can post a final tally? Thanks.

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Originally Posted by Katey888

............................ Statement #5 was also a little judgmental - "I've been afraid to tell her..." Personally I choose not to tell her - so you can put me down as another #5... that'll take it up half a percent... ;)

Katey x

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"judgmental" - seriously? It's just a silly little web poll! Nobody is judging anything. I though it might be nice to have something with a little substance, not another "I underdressed today" or "What color are your panties?" thread. You have to try pretty hard to find my poll "judgmental".

As for your "choice" not to tell your wife, we all make choices. We choose to tell our wives or we choose not to tell them. The only ones who didn't make a choice are the ones who did not tell their wives and then got caught. They made the wrong choice.

I wonder why anyone would choose not to tell their wife if it wasn't because they were afraid of her reaction. Are they ashamed of being a crossdresser? Haven't admitted to themselves that they are a crossdresser?

As one who has been on both sides of the fence, I can say from personal experience that life is much simpler not having to hide things and constantly worrying about being caught.

I'm just getting back into dressing completely en fem again after a long 12 years. We had a good conversation about it just before Christmas and within that short time frame I would rate things at 2-1/2
She supports me, helps me when I ask, and I do wear panties, nylons or nighty to bed on occasion (I have done this during the 12 year drought:) thank goodness)
She most definitely does not want to see me dressed. Maybe down the road, if I look convincing enough.
I can certainly live with those guidelines and actually consider myself very fortunate!
Kim

( 1 ) we have always made love as women though we don't go out dressed anymore as i'm afraid of getting aggressive with intolerant individuals.
i used to work on the door of a club in Camden London and used to enjoy re-educating those deluded fools that misinterpret femininity with weakness ;)
"crouching tiger hidden pussy!"

I'm between a 2 and 3

Between a 2 and 3, but probably closer to 2.

My wife is somewhere between 2 and 3. We shop together, we talk about it, occassionaly she will buy me something and often suggests things, but doesn't want to see me dressed.

2 and part of 1 shea been great since I told her, just whish I had told her sooner, what can I say shes a geat wife and friend.

For me it's 2. She definitely accepts it. She's a great GF and i feel so lucky everyday!

2 for panties except that she won't shop with me, 4 for anything beyond.

4) Don't ask, don't tell. She knows I do it but refuses to take part in any way including seeing me dressed as a woman. I have to hide my stuff where she cannot find it because she might destroy it.

But my wife wont destroy my clothes, but I do have to keep them somewhat hidden though.

Between 2 and 3

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Originally Posted by sarah7391

5 for me. Would love to tell, but while it would be great to become a 1, 2 or even 3 ( actually, I think I might cope with a 4) I worry it will be a 6 and we split up. It's such a potentially life-changing gamble to come out.

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This was me a few weeks ago. Well now, I'm a 2.5 which is great. It turned out that it wasn't that big a gamble. My wife doesn't want to see anything, but has quickly come to terms that this something I do. She often brings it up in conversation. Yesterday, she was asking about what dresses I had. She also said she might want to see a photo one day, but not yet. Things are getting a bit better every day.

for me 1...

#2...She fully understands I was born this way. She figures most of the time when I'm home alone I'll change into a skirt/blouse or dress.

Somewhere between #3 and #4 for me.
It's DADT, but she knows and agrees that I have to do what I have to do.
She doesn't want to discover my stash, but wouldn't destroy it if she did.
As for seeing me dressed, I don't want that either, at least not yet.

My wife was completely OK, we went clothes shopping and I dressed up under my guy clothes for work and for halloween and we even talked about going out and picking up a guy once. We had good fun dressed up sexually. Then she cheated on me and started blaming my dressing up for her behavior saying she wanted a real man and not a girly man. When her and I had sex I would only be dressed say 10% of the time. I stopped dressing for 4 years and actually threw away a lot of my lingerie and toys, all of my favorite stuff. The other day I found my fishnets, work bra (like a bikini top that worked well under guy t-shirts so I call it my work bra) and panties and oh my god it felt good.
I'm close to telling her that I started dressing again whether she likes it or not and if she doesn't want to partake then fine.

4 for me but all my clothes and under wear are in my wardrobe and draws, except my outer wear, which is at a friends.

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Originally Posted by TaraGrace

No being new, but having read a lot of the posts here in the last days I expected the oposite to be honest.

A thought did come to mind.. in any forum (and I've been around a few since the internet started on all sorts of topics) it's quite common for a thread to develop left or right.. human nature.. for instance a thread with the first 5 or so responses being negative will generally lead to more people feeling it ok to respond similar.. where as a thread with the first responses all positive will discourage a large deal of people to respond something negative.

Oh, and then there is also anonymity.. filling out an anonymous pole seperated from a comment thread for the sake of trying to compile a realistic view of our 'scene' is one thing, but there's bound to be plenty of us that will not bad mouth their SO even if she was not supporting. Having to fill out a form for 'science' or having to write something bad about your SO makes a big step too.

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Tara - I was not questioning the honesty of those taking the poll. I was only pointing out that a poll on this site only represents the people who responded to the poll. Our polls are not scientific and should be considered a source for discussion or simply entertainment, depending on the topic. The results are not representative of all crossdressders. Based upon many threads here as well as discussions with crossdressers I have met at many events, the reverse is most likely more realistic - more wives would probably be not accepting.

#4 except she won't throw away my stuff, and has even given me things that don't fit her. I guess it's OK as long as she doesn't see it, though I can get away with wearing women's dress socks around her (woohoo!).

Yes, the poll results represent only those taking the poll, that should be pretty obvious. I think though, since most members consider this a pretty safe place, the active (married) members or members who happened to see the poll probably answered and answered honestly. I thank you for that.

The results wouldn't stand up in court but they do help us see where we fit in the "acceptance" scale.

My CD relationship with my wife would probably be a 2 -- with a daily variation of course. In my mind, it really represents our combined comfort levels.

If such a pole could have been taken 25 years ago, imagine the likely results.

Vale

2 for me

Its a two for me, I share everything with my wife.

Kim