Being a Crossdresser around Children

Hi..
.WE have 3 grown up young adults 30 to 35 .. with 6 grand kids . & one on the way
i.m 61 . jos is 58 .
I am involved with a good number of children . some of thier mums & dad.s . i have not had any problems & i meet many people every where i go . because of the groups i am involved with .
dejarn is 6 y.s 7 months . she was born when i came out to our kids . dejarn lived with us. jos & i as well as her mum . nothing was hidden from her . she & i have grown up to gether . i mean as a male & was dressing as a woman . dejarn saw me as both . knew i was having s r s & b a . every thing .. kaylyn is happy that i take dejarn with me & we go every where we both meet lots of people . the playgrounds . with many kids . i talk with thier mums & dads . there is no backing off no oh dear what have we here . its hi . how are you ...... compleat stranger. s . kids & all ... yet i am accepted ... not just in new zealand over in austraila as well . . no problems .
what i am saying is be honest be truthfull dont hide . that makes it worse .if you dont . i treat dejarn as my girl .(( really she is . )) i could not bear./. have. her . thats how close we are . i know that your back ground will be different than our.s . & many of the detail,s i have done & been through has allowed my self to have a high profile in n z . & yes that made so much of a difference in how i was accepted as a trans female . so i was known . so yes . there was not a problem with people & thier children . & being accepted was more than i could have wished for . i know for many its not easy nore will it be . so each one must work out what is best for them . i know this may or even will not apply in your case . i.v put it here as you may be able to take from this & use as you see detail that may work . for you . google my name ...
. what i did was be open to every one . that is really what i am saying . i did not hold any detail about my life back . i know some of us can . thats up to each one on that .
...noeleena...

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Originally Posted by Nicole Erin

I just avoid kids. If I am somewhere that there are kids, I just don't look at them and pretend they are not there.

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That post made me just incredibly sad. Kids smile at me. I smile back. There is light and happiness in their faces. It is a beautiful sight. It all has nothing to do with what I am wearing.

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Originally Posted by RobynP

I have two children and both are now adults. My wife and I agreed not to tell them when they were growing up and they never found out.

There are reasons NOT to tell your children:

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Where crossdressing is a fun bedroom activity, I agree its none of the kids business what you do in the bedroom. When it goes beyond that - when being feminine is an integral piece of who you are, why would you want to hide an important component of your self from your kids.

Is being transgender something a parent is ashamed of, embarrassed by, think is wrong?

Every couple has to make their own individual decisions that match their own individual situations and families. I am specifically responding to the posters generalized points, which come across as (internalized) transphobia to me.

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1. What is your motivation for telling them? Certainly, if you are transsexual, then the decision is easy.
   
2. If you do tell them, are they going to have to keep it a secret? Is that a proper burden for them?
   
3. One does not have to tell their children EVERYTHING about them. And there are some things that should NOT be disclosed.
   
4. There have been very few studies done about children. Of course, many kids are okay with with it and can handle it very well. However, we never hear about the ones that have problems with it. You are basically experimenting with your children if you tell them, hoping that everything turns out okay. What happens if they are not okay with it? They are trapped. They cannot divorce you like your wife can...
   
5. EVERYTHING we do influences our children more than we realize. The studies that have been done do not look at the adult children that were told at various ages to see if there is any impact on them as adults...

Just my :2c:

Robyn P.

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The basic question that is being asked is: Is being transgender a family issue or a personal issue. Would it be different if it was the family's 19 year old son that was transgender instead of the parent. In my opinion, it is a family issue.

Motivation is not just about an obvious transition. Hiding a parents transgender is denying a family truth. The motivation for telling them is in part for them, that they should know their parent. "Do as I say and not as I do" is lame. Strength of character, truth and honesty are learned by osmosis.

As for the secret, when we told our kids, we did not put the burden of keeping a secret on them. We gave them the option to tell friends that they would be comfortable talking to.

As for the long term impact on children and as they become adults. The idea that you are experimenting with the children is pretty far out there IMO. The comment is made that we never hear about the children who have problems with it. Why not? In this board we have many stories of children being told. Children respond to the loving caring nature of the parents. Children will respond to who you are. What is it that is so fearfully wrong that a child might be so traumatized? If this tolerance so far off base from the family culture?

This reminds me of the old attitudes to cancer. It used to be referred to as the C word. People were afraid to call it my name. Even as my mother died of Cancer, we could not talk about it and were told nothing of it. All in FEAR.

Why are we still living in so much FEAR. Why do we think OUR truth is going to hurt our children.

My wife and I currently only have one child, an 8 month old girl. Currently our plan is for to to just keep dressing the way I want to, and when she is old enough to notice that I sometimes wear "girl clothes" explain to her why.

Thank you very much for your considerate reply, Dutchess. For me, the opinions of all are always welcome. If I decide I don't like something, I can always scroll down. :-)

In this case, I enjoyed your response very much. Kids are indeed much smarter and observant than we expect. Not sure why we have these limited expectations... We were all children once... How did we like to be treated as children?

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Originally Posted by Carin

Children will respond to who you are. What is it that is so fearfully wrong that a child might be so traumatized? If this tolerance so far off base from the family culture?

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[SIZE="2"]I just want to say that when I was a young boy, I wish I had seen a crossdresser or transvestite somewhere, somehow – if only to become aware of this other world of possibilities. I was pretty isolated as a child, with parents and siblings that didn’t tell me much about what was going on. I had to find out things for myself, over the course of many years, but I can safely say that I would have been thrilled to find out that you can truly “be anything you want to be.”[/SIZE]

My 15 year old son walked in on me while dressed. I usually would lock the door to my home office, but I forgot that one time...

Now for me it happened to work out. Because this is how we found out my son was Gay. He came out right after he discovered his dad was a CD.

Now of course my wife's head was doing the exorcist thing...:brolleyes:

-Tracy