Feeling out of place...

Hi Sally
I also feel more comfortable when I am having conversations or interactions with women , I am not into sports of any kind and think that most of the things that guys do and think it is funny or cool is just showing how immature they really are.
When I met my GF she told me that she liked that I was sensitive and caring and if I was a weekend couchaholic she would not have been interested in me at all.
So I guess I would say be yourself and don't dumb it down to try to fit in , maybe they could learn something from you.
Tomara

I messed up my post and lost it... anyways I agree with ALL the responses so far. Mostly, I feel fine with who I am, just at a loss for words really in these situations and mosty just an observation on my part about how out of shape guys my age are and how in shape most of the moms my age are (actually my body shape kind of conforms to the female norm (minus the curves of course) which is a bonus as far as CDing goes).

Well,, I am a hell of a carpenter, so I do know that kind of thing, but, when they start talking about "sick and ball sports" I'm totaly lost! (but I do like NASCAR)

Hi Sally: If your trying to please others you would do it easier by being yourself. Many of us here, especially us older ones follow the old saying (been there done that). This is true for many including those in thier thirties never mind the forties. Depending on where life brings you also brings you the experiences. Some people never go anywhere and others would rather travel. As for gray hair I've had some since I was twelve, was completely gray at 25, and now at 57 I have a full head of white hair. Energy levels are also different. After the army I spent 30 yrs as a walking mailman and today I have more energy than a 17yr old. Bottom line is be yourself and the rest will follow. You have friends here.

My whole freakin' life I've been out of place. I don't want to talk about cars, bikes, NASCAR, football, baseball, anything. The only thing I will talk about is guns, shooting, politics, and history. I really hate it when my wife has friends, and I am expected to be friends with their husbands! I'm nice and all that. But I don't care about his hotrod or his bike. I don't care about the latest college football game. Geez. I'd rather hang out with my wife and her friends. I think it's a little obvious too. But, I-don't-care, HA!

I know how you feel. I also feel out of place at those school functions. I feel that I associate with the females better, but by society's expectations, I should be bonding with the men folk. I enjoy doing the tradtional men things like car repair, home remodeling, woodworking etc.,, But I always seem to get along better with the women in those situations. My SO even coments that the women like me better than her.

Exactly!!!

I feel so good and more identified talking with moms than with dads at school meetings.

I really hate all the competitiveness and sport bla bla bla. I'm clueless and I don't care. I used to care, pretend to understand the conversation and nod a lot, but now I just claim "I'm not too much into sports"

For many years I never really "felt" right, or at ease, or comfortable, in a group setting, being it a social function, family get together, school meeting, or anything like that, when it came time to "mingle" and I was kinda expected to "talk with the men" about, cars, sports, hunting, fishing, anything else, or all of the above. Not that I dislike any of those subjects, it's just that there's always one guy in the crowd who has to brag about his "big belt buckle"
Somehow I always felt more relaxed and enjoyed myself so much more when I'd become part of the conversation at the ladies side of the room. Never could figure it out. I just kinda knew it felt better.
Occasionally I'd get looks from some of the "guys" there but it never really bothered me, still doesn't today, but now I understand why I felt "alright" about it.

Not that any conversation would revolve around makeup, clothes, and "typical" girl talk. Sometimes far from it, ladies can get into politics also and it just seemed so right to have a discussion with them rather than with the "menfolk"

I just wanted add an update. I rented "Idiosyncrasy" and I'm not sure if it is supposed to be a commedy or a horror movie! The scary part is a lot of what the movie has in it is already happening. There were some funny parts but mostly for the younger crowd I guess... I can see, depending on your situation in life you might take away a completely different message from this movie. I actually enjoyed it (not so much the overwhelming outrageous stupidity...but maybe you were supposed to feel the main character's frustration). One part that I really thought was funny was the Whitehouse scene when the main character was trying to tell the others to use water on the crops. It was just like being in a real board room with executives who haven't got a clue...

The movie sure did highlight the out of place feeling. Thanks. And I know its going to bring a laugh as similar situations in life arrise.

I hate to be the one to point it out, but everybody feels that way. Everyone thinks no one can possibly understand them and they walk around acting stupid so that you won't envy their superior intelligence and depth. And what a great job they're doing!

I have a retarded daughter who feels no one can understand her (she's mostly correct) and who thinks that proves she's smarter than everyone else. Oh! The implications!:heehee:

:love:

I don't feel particularly at home with my male friends (who are almost all into sports) or my female friends (whom I know mostly from church so they all discuss homemaking-type stuff that doesn't interest me). My interests are mostly related to music (not the country/western that is so prevalent here), computer programming, and computer games. As a result, almost all the folks I have the most in common with are twice my age (for older-style music) or half my age (computer geek stuff).

I haven't introduced the topics myself, but from conversations that do take place I'm sure none of my peer groups care to discuss the velvet gown I got on ebay for a steal or how hard it is to find durable warm tights for a 48-inch-waist. "So I rolled a d20 when I entered the dragon's cave, and he... wait, what? Tights??? What the hell are you talking about?"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ashley_in_Texas

[SIZE="3"]When I am around a bunch of guys, (my close freinds not included) I feel like Luke Wilson, as "Not Sure" in the movie Idiocracy. If you don't know what I am talking about, you HAVE to see this movie. [/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]It seems that the[/SIZE] [SIZE="4"]more[/SIZE] [SIZE="3"]I get to know myself, the[/SIZE] [SIZE="1"]less[/SIZE] [SIZE="3"]I have in common with the average guy.[/SIZE]

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I LOVE THAT MOVIE!

It was a box office flop, but it is one of the best social/political satires ever.

That movie, just like "Defending Your Life" and "So I married an Axe Murderer" are like IQ tests for me. If somebody doesn't think they're funny then they're just not my kind of person.

It's about time to see them all again.

-Misty

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Originally Posted by LilSissyStevie

I have a retarded daughter who feels no one can understand her (she's mostly correct) and who thinks that proves she's smarter than everyone else. Oh! The implications!:heehee:

:love:

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Is she really retarded? If she isn't, and you're just using the word pejoratively, then I agree with everything you said.

...though my retarded brother is a little offended at your use of the word.

-Misty

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Originally Posted by Sally2005

I'm looking around and all the male parents my age mid 40s are grey haired, balding, large frame and generally, well 40ish looking.

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I guess I don't much fit the mold either. I look slightly younger than my age (people at work are always surprised when I tell them how old I am) and at 5ft 4in, and 130 lbs I'm smaller, shorter and lighter than almost every guy I know.

I'm also certainly the odd one out when comes to being in a conversation with a bunch of guys (this would be at work as I don't have any guy "friends" out of work). They always want to talk about things I know nothing about, like sports, hunting, fishing, UFC fighting, remodeling projects, cars, etc. etc. (I'm ashamed to say I have no clue about cars at all except how to drive them :sad:). Even if they talk about movies (which is one of the things I like) invariably it'll be the kinds of movies I don't watch. The other thing about me is I'm quite accident prone so if I do attempt to do some sort of "fixing up job" in the house I usually end up cutting or hurting myself. Sometimes my wife gets quite worried about me :o

I am way more comfortable talking about almost anything other than what most guys like to talk about when they're in a group. Talking with my wife's friends is so much nicer for me. :)

I have never been one to hang out with the boys. I have always felt uncomfortable with that. I can remember feeling that way as far back as elementary school. I was always putting on a front to prove myself so no one would think I was different. However I was different. When I joined the service I voluntered to become a military policeman. That was my way to prove to the world I was a real man. And I had a reputation as being a hard ass. It took another 20 years to figure out I needed counsel and underwent counseling for a year. It taught me to surreder to who I really am.
So among other things I found out that I am Androgynous. Twenty years later I embace the person I am, the good, bad, and the ugly. I feel very lucky too work in the interior design industry where I work mainly with women. Thank God!! I do like some sports, but ain't into huntin! I'm really into fitness and prefer wine over beer. Its still hard sometimes not to over compensate the male thing howver I feel well balanced now days. I take one day at a time and enjoy my life. Thanks sally for your post, dana

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Originally Posted by Misty is Kindafem

Is she really retarded? If she isn't, and you're just using the word pejoratively, then I agree with everything you said.

...though my retarded brother is a little offended at your use of the word.

-Misty

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She has Down Syndrome but she's smart enough to know that she's different from other people. Talk about feeling alienated, you can't fake smart and everyone treats you like you have a contagious disease. About the terminology - I could use "slow" or the current PC favorite "developmentally delayed" but they just mean "retarded" - even my daughter knows that. The main lesson I've learn from retarded people [or insert the PC term du jour] is that intelligence is waaaaay overrated.
:love:

Okay so men are from a planet that rhythms with a***, you ain't seen nuttin' yet.

Just wait till have the insurance, retirement, gated community free dinner meetings offered to you after your kids are gone.

Right now you got it easy.

Oh yeah wait till the health issues replace the sports issues, you'll love that moment.
Then you will bring up power tools and antique cars, I guarantee it.
Don't forget your roots, they may save your bacon down the road someday.

I always feel like the oddman out whenever I go drinking with my guy friends. I find myself "one-upping" everyone else so I don't look like a loser. I'm very comfortable around girls though, I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my chest when I'm around chicks. I can act normal and a little silly without getting flak for it.

I can certainly relate to this.

I can feel alone with a group of guy as we often have little in commom. A female in group makes me feel more at ease.

Not being a sports fan, I have learned to fake it over the years to a certain extent in sutuations where apropriate to ease my anxiety.

I like a lot of things that both sexes are interested in and converse with true interest (not pretence) in what we are talking about. What gives us an advantage is that we can speak to both and hold a coversation as long as the recipient is not jaded or myopic. Women who can pick whats going on know and enjoy the interaction, where I can discuss the best of sports and hardware stuff with the guys, most of them miss or choose to ignore the discreet facial alterations that give you away. Three women have picked it so far!