I don't get this 'baby-steps' approach

It is a fair point Sarah but I think there is more to this.

I think GGs who are open to learn about CDing and seek acceptance actively seek out information and so soon discover that full emulation is common among CDs. That means the GG is already aware of where this is likely to end up whether or not the CD is aware of his own extent or ready to admit to it. This makes talking about the subject so much easier.

Communication is about holding hands together. Sarah, your learning and attitude meant your SO could feel confident about being 100% open. If you were instead reticent about the subject and were not interested in learning about it, would your SO have still been 100% truthful and open?

One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that other people's behavior towards me is actually a reflection of their perception of who I am. How I behave and present myself modifies how others treat me. Now their perceptions of me may be wrong but does that not indicate that I am not doing a good job informing them about my true thoughts and feelings and giving the right signals to open communications?

I believe CDs who take the baby steps route do so because they lack confidence that their SO will react in a reasonable and empathetic manner. There has to be a reason why they fear the worst and so decide baby steps are the best approach.

It is understandable that a GG who is likely in state of shock, confusion, and filled with society's transphobic ideas, is unlikely to be able to communicate and convince their SO that they are able and willing to discuss the whole truth.

So by all means critic the baby steps strategy and point out its problems but keep in mind CDs decide upon that approach for a reason.

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Originally Posted by SherriePall

I am one here who advocates taking it slowly. To me that means that once the CDer has come out to his SO, as fully as he believes himself to be at that time, he doesn't go wild and dress up fully every waking minute of the day. Or drag (pardon the pun) his SO down to the local bar while dressed. Or, taking the dressing into the bedroom when the SO is not ready.
At least not until the SO is willing and accepting of any of these situations.

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Excellent point.

That's exactly how I understand and practice the baby step policy.
Baby step policy is not at all about coming out in a progressive manner, what could be devastating, that's about adapting your behaviour - after the most sincere coming out - to what your SO can bear in her everyday routine. That's about taking in account her feelings and her needs.

I can testify that baby step policy - when meant in its proper definition not in a wrong one - is a quite successzful strategy from the point of view of both spouses. Moreover I observe this strategy is recommended in any good paper about how to deal with issues of acceptance.

Before you can answer another's question "where will it all end?" maybe you need to be able to answer it for yourself. Even if the answer is "I don't know". But if you hold back , taking baby steps, knowing there is so much more but are hesitant to reveal now, that causes concern "where it will end".
If you say you just want to wear a skirt occasionaly in the privacy of your home, but start adding pantyhose, shoes, wig, makeup, and then want to start going out, how could your partner not wonder where it will all end?
When I came out to my wife, I told her I liked to dress occasionally, completely, and over-the-top at that. But then, I told her where it will end. The timing of it gave it credibility. She knows that my dressup sessions are just that and only that. I don't want to go full-time, have surgery, sexual encounters with others, etc. and knowing that, is easier for her to accept what it is that I want to do. Just dress up.