Straight guys and transsexual women...

My name is Slick. I'm Jane Douglas's SO. (Search her posts) Just a quick backgound on Jane & I. We got to know each other thru a mutual interest in Motorcycling. We rode together and one day over a few too many beers he confided in me that he liked to wear womens clothes. We started having a relationship and I discovered that I enjoyed having sex with HER regardless of what kind of equipment she had. If that makes me gay or queer or homo-anything, big deal. She's satisfied with our relationship for now so I'm not pushing it. But, I like her more than any women I've ever known. And Personally, I hope she decides to hold off on any surgical adjustments. But that's for her to decide. I think as time goes on, men in general are going to get over the dick -A- phobia.

Slick

P.S. I hope you all are aware that Kelly has a Fiance.

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Originally Posted by slick2473

Slick

P.S. I hope you all are aware that Kelly has a Fiance.

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Thank you for reminding people Slick, I am pretty sure most everybody does know, cause you are probably about the 100th person to say that :heehee:

:hugs:
Kel

I walked to the gay pub yesterday, not far. But my first time ever on a pub like this. Dont think I am passable, due to being to tall. And the gay guys was not interested in me at all. If anything they where rude.

Met two mtf. And two regular girls that talked with me. Witch was great. I also got saddened, and cried down there by the dancefloor for a while.

Anyway, I had expected the gay guys to hit on me, or did not really know. But there was close to no interest.Except some rudeness from a few.

So you who have progressed this far, should do fine with straight guys. That is what makes sense in my book. It's even so for me I think, and I'm not on anything.

I suspect they are not straight.

A lot of people here right here on these boards seem to feel the need to add the little disclaimer... I am not gay, and may even add.... I don't have a problem with gays, It's just not something I'am into. According to some.. these people must be homophobes, because it isn't possible it seems, to express a preference without being one. You want people to accept you the way you are without thinking that you are a weirdo,or pervert or a molester, because you are none of those things, you just have a preference for female clothing. But if another has a different preference, like wanting to have a gg as an SO, or a gg expresses her preference as not to have her SO be a cross dresser, then they are homophobes and trans phobic respectively?

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

A lot of people here right here on these boards seem to feel the need to add the little disclaimer... I am not gay, and may even add.... I don't have a problem with gays, It's just not something I'am into. According to some.. these people must be homophobes, because it isn't possible it seems, to express a preference without being one. You want people to accept you the way you are without thinking that you are a weirdo,or pervert or a molester, because you are none of those things, you just have a preference for female clothing. But if another has a different preference, like wanting to have a gg as an SO, or a gg expresses her preference as not to have her SO be a cross dresser, then they are homophobes and trans phobic respectively?

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Good observation. But gay does not apply to trans people unless or until they identify as either guy or girl in my book. And it is also situational dependant. I think it is perfectly fine to be straight today, and perhaps gay tomorrow, and neither the next day. Or does this become to messy?

Gay guys want guys I presume. Homo means the same. Of course all humans are quite similar, but relativity plays with our perceptions it seems. Anyway. I assume a guy that identify as gay prefers another guy. Not a trans(woman to be) or a grown woman. Or something else one transes too...

I have never specifically gone out of my way to say I wasn't gay....Heck, I think I may be bisexual-among other things, because I think it's important to never say never about anything. But is the fact that I only talk about men when I discuss romance make me a homophobe? Really? I sure hope not. It's just the direction in which I seem to be attracted. Mostly, anyway.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

When I was dating, if someone asked me out, and I was interested I always told them first thing....before the first date. Who needs the drama? If they were cool with it.....good, if not....next!

Kel

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Good for you Kelly. To many trans girls got in over their heads, by not being honest in the first place. Call it any little names you want, you owe it to the person you intend to date who you are. Now, throw rocks if you must. LoL

maybe:
fear
peer pressure
desire to be a father
having to deal with someone with big issues
thinking you are not a completly physical woman
ignorance

I guess you might want to wait until you get to know a bit before telling, but on the other hand, maybe you want to filter out this people sooner than later.

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Originally Posted by twisted-sister

Good observation. But gay does not apply to trans people unless or until they identify as either guy or girl in my book. And it is also situational dependant. I think it is perfectly fine to be straight today, and perhaps gay tomorrow, and neither the next day. Or does this become to messy?

Gay guys want guys I presume. Homo means the same. Of course all humans are quite similar, but relativity plays with our perceptions it seems. Anyway. I assume a guy that identify as gay prefers another guy. Not a trans(woman to be) or a grown woman. Or something else one transes too...

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I think that you totally missed my point. It had nothing to do with gay or not gay it had to do with preference..... freedom of choice... without being labeled a homophobe or trans-phobic.

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Originally Posted by Sally2005

maybe:
fear
peer pressure
desire to be a father
having to deal with someone with big issues
thinking you are not a completly physical woman
ignorance

I guess you might want to wait until you get to know a bit before telling, but on the other hand, maybe you want to filter out this people sooner than later.

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Why wait to tell? What's the point of waiting? get to know a bit about what? He's going to find out sooner or later anyway.

Kara, you are sensible to be truthful before relations heat up too much. Not only is that honest, but safer. Surely we have all heard about post or pre opts getting hurt-or murdered-by sickos who couldn't handle the disappointment. I don't want to scare the dickens out of you, but surely you have read these news stories. I am sure you would seek out a higher caliber of date, but folks react peculiarly. be careful and good luck.

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

I think that you totally missed my point. It had nothing to do with gay or not gay it had to do with preference..... freedom of choice... without being labeled a homophobe or trans-phobic.

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Really? Well, I'm not surprised. It has happened before, me missing the point. Quite often actually. It's fine with me :)

Preferences is something weird though. Dont really understand that. At all. Especially strong preferences, never got around that one. Why one might have this?

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Originally Posted by KaraChristine

This may be a stupid question or have been beaten to death, but it's something that comes up for me over and over since the transition. Why does it seem like so many straight guys have such a hangup about dating post op transgender women?

I've always been attracted to men physically, and at the same time always known I was female, despite the shape of my genitals at birth. Now that I'm post op, I find myself wondering why so many straight-identified guys have such a problem with transgender women.

I look in the mirror and see a person with 36D breasts and a vagina. If a guy was gay, he wouldn't be interested in this female person - so why do straight guys so often freak out when they find out that this female has a trans history?

I'm asking specifically because I have been in this situation a lot lately. When I meet guys or they contact me online they are interested and complimentary at first ("you're so hot and beautiful baby") then very often when I tell them I'm trans or when they read my online profile then I get, "Oh sorry, saw that you're transgender, no offense but I'm straight." I'm dating someone and I don't need or want their validation, but why go out of your way to inform me that you don't consider dating me to be a heterosexual activity??

I feel like saying why would a gay guy be attracted to someone like me?:

http://i406.photobucket.com/albums/p...bikinicopy.jpg

wouldn't they rather be attracted to someone who looks like this?:

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumb_2...0622SPTYsu.jpg

I know that a lot of the trans women on this forum identified as "straight men" pre-transition so maybe you all might have more perspective on this issue that perplexes me. :battingeyelashes:

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Kara, to get back to your question, I myself would date you in a minute if I were single. As far as I'm conserned your as much a woman as any. And no, it's not that third drink that's doing the talking. LoL

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Originally Posted by twisted-sister

Really? Well, I'm not surprised. It has happened before, me missing the point. Quite often actually. It's fine with me :)

Preferences is something weird though. Dont really understand that. At all. Especially strong preferences, never got around that one. Why one might have this?

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It's not rocket science here. I prefer wine over beer, I like boys, and maybe you like girls. Why does it matter?....... it is what it is.

I still am learning how delicate the male animal is with women, despite the insight i do have...

Back in my guy days i would have dated you Kara, i think it's that guys reject outright us t-girls. because they don't want other males finding out or making fun of them and the shame they would feel

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Originally Posted by MJ

Back in my guy days i would have dated you Kara, i think it's that guys reject outright us t-girls. because they don't want other males finding out or making fun of them and the shame they would feel

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Well MJ, I think that in Kara's case, those men would be fools.

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

It's not rocket science here. I prefer wine over beer, I like boys, and maybe you like girls. Why does it matter?....... it is what it is.

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I'd say girls are more like wine, while boys more like beer. I like girls, but did not work out sexually all that well, I don't get turned on, but that is probably bodily issues. No idea about boys, that's just fantasies. Except some light fooling around. Turned me on though. So I picture that it could prove more of a success. Just speculations. My real preferences is a mystery, behind locked doors. Maybe I am just to stoopid to figure it out. Or really don't have any. A flying fish. Or a black hole.

Maybe that doesn't matter either, if it is what it is.

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Originally Posted by twisted-sister

I'd say girls are more like wine, while boys more like beer. I like girls, but did not work out sexually all that well, I don't get turned on, but that is probably bodily issues. No idea about boys, that's just fantasies. Except some light fooling around. Turned me on though. So I picture that it could prove more of a success. Just speculations. My real preferences is a mystery, behind locked doors. Maybe I am just to stoopid to figure it out. Or really don't have any. A flying fish. Or a black hole.

Maybe that doesn't matter either, if it is what it is.

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There ya go.. it doesn't matter because it is what it is.

Here's how to answer the "jerks", it's funny as hell too! :)
http://www.calpernia.com/category/wr...%7D%2Cfalse%5D

This is a question that I always turn around on.

My question to you is,

"What's wrong with dating a gay or bi man?"

the only criteria you should really be looking for is "Does this person accept me for who I am?"

Instead it's usually "I must find the most macho hetero man to prove to the world that I'm a woman"

Lets face it. Transgendered people go on and on about acceptance and yet when someone finds them attractive and alluring your suddenly a "gay tranny chaser."

I amuses me that a group of people who demand acceptance and preach tolerance are usually so willing to buy into the whole "Only two genders" line and have very conservative outlooks when it comes to selecting partners.

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Originally Posted by alphanumeric

This is a question that I always turn around on.

My question to you is,

"What's wrong with dating a gay or bi man?"

the only criteria you should really be looking for is "Does this person accept me for who I am?"

Instead it's usually "I must find the most macho hetero man to prove to the world that I'm a woman"

Lets face it. Transgendered people go on and on about acceptance and yet when someone finds them attractive and alluring your suddenly a "gay tranny chaser."

I amuses me that a group of people who demand acceptance and preach tolerance are usually so willing to buy into the whole "Only two genders" line and have very conservative outlooks when it comes to selecting partners.

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I have never seen or heard of a gay man who was attracted to trans women. Chasers usually want exaggerated femininity with male genitals, not the other way around. However, I know gay men who are in relationships with transmen, and it makes perfect sense to me.

Alphanumeric, your profile is completely devoid of personal information. Could you please tell us something about yourself? Most of the women on this site are very open about their lives with personal history and pictures. This section of the forum is for trans women to discuss issues in their lives. Are you a trans woman? Are you trans? Are you a man? I don't like having a discussion with a virtual identity (and be critized by it). Please tell us who you are.

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Originally Posted by alphanumeric

This is a question that I always turn around on.

My question to you is,

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"What's wrong with dating a gay or bi man?"

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For starters, I don't want a gay man, and highly doubt any of my sisters in here want that either, and I have yet seen any gay man come onto me, gay men want other men, not women.. we not gay men that just dress like women, we are women!!!
As far as Bi-men, they either want a gay man, Bi CDer or genetic woman, neither of which we are, but there are a few that want to have an experience with us for a one night stand, but not willing to have a lasting relationship with us..
It's a personal choice, but for me, I want a hetero MAN.. to love & hold me as his woman.

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the only criteria you should really be looking for is "Does this person accept me for who I am?"

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Were all looking for exactly that, but that's also based upon our own personal sexuality preferences and if we are compatible together.

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Instead it's usually "I must find the most macho hetero man to prove to the world that I'm a woman"

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Not true, I just want a man that's caring & loving, I'm not out to prove anything to the world, I only want to be happy and make my man happy to be with me, but I also know that I don't want a fag for a husband or bf.

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Lets face it. Transgendered people go on and on about acceptance and yet when someone finds them attractive and alluring your suddenly a "gay tranny chaser."

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Sounds like your own personal problem, and that you were rejected by someone that was transgendered, did you ever think that the person that rejected you may have been a hetero man cross dresser with a wife at home, or if your an obviously a gay guy coming onto a girl like me, as I said, I'm not interested in a gay guy, sorry..

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I amuses me that a group of people who demand acceptance and preach tolerance are usually so willing to buy into the whole "Only two genders" line and have very conservative outlooks when it comes to selecting partners.

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I do not demand or preach anything!!!! All I want is the same as any hetero woman wants...Just because your gay does not give you the right to tell me what my own sexual preferences should be or anyone else's for that matter.. And those preferences are not a CHOICE, we have no control over the genetics that program our brain sex preferences, just the same as you did not choose to be gay.
And from your attitude in here, you have WAY more issues than we do...
One thing that might help you in the future is to go get yourself a personality, that would at least help you start a conversation with someone.. because the lack of one that your showing right here, sucks..

Just going by your lack of participation since you joined a year and a half ago, I don't think you're in a position to say anything about "this group", let alone what we "preach" or "demand".

Karen :g1:

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Originally Posted by alphanumeric

This is a question that I always turn around on.

My question to you is,

"What's wrong with dating a gay or bi man?"

the only criteria you should really be looking for is "Does this person accept me for who I am?"

Instead it's usually "I must find the most macho hetero man to prove to the world that I'm a woman"

Lets face it. Transgendered people go on and on about acceptance and yet when someone finds them attractive and alluring your suddenly a "gay tranny chaser."

I amuses me that a group of people who demand acceptance and preach tolerance are usually so willing to buy into the whole "Only two genders" line and have very conservative outlooks when it comes to selecting partners.

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My questions to you are...

Where the bleep did THAT all come from??? does diversity of opinion somehow threaten or offend you? It seems as though the only person being rigid here is the one making assumptions about the rest.

There isn't anything wrong with dating a gay man-if you're a gay man. What in the world would a I, a woman attracted to men, do with a gay man? There's nothing wrong with dating a bi man, or a lesbian woman(if I were a lesbian). Who I like has alot more to do with who they are and less with what their gender is. It just happens to be a fact that I, as a human being, tend to be attracted to males. That's simple fact, that I didnt consciously choose. So why would I seek someone who is attracted to men???

How the hell do YOU know what it USUALLY is for me, or anyone? Again, assumptions.

Yeah, I like being accepted and treated like any other woman. Who doesn't? But my only criteria for deciding someone is a so-called "chaser", or not what I am looking for, is this-When they look at me, do they see a female, or attempt to make me into something of their own liking- a chick with a d*ck or some such nonsense, that is ok for some, but simply not who I am? You don't seem to really understand the meaning of the word acceptance. For a gay man to understand what I am, then be attracted to me anyway, is not acceptance. It's wishful thinking.

Your comments can only lead me to conclude that you also have a misunderstanding of what a transsexual woman is. No one was attacking you. what lead you to come in here and be so obnoxiously less than gracious?

Hugs,

Melissa:)