Women are complicated.
My wife is still processing this 20+ years after I disclosed prior to marriage.
In other words, we still talk about it and air things out.
YMMV.
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Women are complicated.
My wife is still processing this 20+ years after I disclosed prior to marriage.
In other words, we still talk about it and air things out.
YMMV.
Rather than trying to solve the problem, just sit back and listen and observe for a while. I think your SO will tell you what she thinks after some time and that will be your chance to interject some humor and self acceptance. She will see you are happy and will eventually want to accept you too...at least that's the theory.... In your situation, I think I would hold back at first, tell her you eventually want to go out, but tell her you want to help her feel comfortable too and talk to her about how you can do it...compare to other cases in your relationship when you did something for her that you didn't like at first...
I couldn't have it better. :hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielleLee
A good way to do that is to expose her to the site, and after explaining that not everyone feels the same or is headed in the same direction, offer to read the threads with her in case she has any questions. :hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by Sue
Again go slow. Your wife will most likely have her ups and downs so watch what she is saying to you and make sure you listen without trying to make assumptions. If you have doubts about weather or not about what your wife is thinking. I would ask her.
As far as giving details about your every move I would hope your wife does not want that but just be willing to be honest with her at all times. Remember the details but wait for her to come to you otherwise all your conversations will be about dressing. Me and my wife had a sort of game that we played for about two weeks after I told her Basically she called it SPOT CHECK to see what I was wearing, worked well until she checked and I wouldn't show her. But she knew I was wearing panties. Good luck and listen to what your wife is saying not just what she is wondering.
I have to agree with Sue and Reine about putting her on the forum. Where we have people on all different paths many which may not be the path that you are on you don't want her to get the wrong idea about you.
I think Reine's suggestion of sitting and reading the threads with her so that you can answer any questions that she may have is a good idea.
Remember it will take a LOT of time for her to adjust to who you are. It will not be overnight. I know myself at times I think my wife understands a certain thing about me only to realize awhile later that she doesn't and I have to explain it to her again and again.
For instance she thinks that any man that wants to dress feminine must be gay. I have explain to her many times that I am only attracted to women and have never been attracted to men. Yet in a conversation we had the other day she made a statement out of nowhere saying wouldn't you be happier in bed having sex with a man that treats you like a woman. Once again I had to explain my sexual preference to her.
So give it time and most of all LOVE her.
Vicki :hugs:
My sympathies and prayers go to you and your wife... respect her boundaries and go very slowly. let her ask the queations. let her look for HER answers. Remember , she can't talk to her girlfriends, famliy, female co workers ie; her support system to talk this through... and while you may feel like you're free of YOUR closet, now she's in her own. So, be slow, be loving and be you. Carol
Marina, I’m one of many on this forum who’s wife has “discovered” them, and I well understand what you’ve just survived as well as how things can evolve in the months and years ahead. You have my sympathy and my full support.
Just as you describe, during our long conversation which followed, I did my best to describe to my wife of 30 plus years my CD history, my fantasies and thoughts. At that point I felt emotionally stripped naked. (Replying to an earlier thread here, I described my experience in a post last Monday (12-28), titled “The CONVERSATION” .) From your description and considering the two years of anguish and turmoil your wife endured on account of your web activities, I think you (and not least, she) have done rather well thus far in your “discovery”. No one went ballistic, no one fell apart, and there was some degree of respect.
I could not agree more with the advice from the girls posting replies. Rebuilding trust is essential above everything else. Full disclosure as you have done is the first step. Then your wife needs to be kept up-to-date about what’s going on with Marina. There’s that fine line you mention. Your wife doesn’t want to know, yet needs to know.
My wife at first said she didn’t want to know and didn’t want to see me dressed. But later she changed her mind when I promised to get her permission before Daisy showed herself or bought any clothes or other femme articles - - it was a way my wife could feel “in control”. In a couple of years she actually wanted to see Daisy, and then she wanted to help select Daisy’s clothes and shoes. As she assumed more active control of how Daisy looked, she became quite participative and supportive of my femme self. The best of both worlds. But this evolution took a long, long time.
That leads us to patience. Don’t feel you have some new-found freedom because you’re now OUT. It’s likely to take years for your wife to evolve a true perspective of how she relates to Marina. Just go slow, especially right now.
Communication needs to be frequent and open. Communication and trust are intimately linked. You can talk freely if you have trust in each other. And you can really trust each other only if you openly share your thoughts and feelings.
There’ll be times your wife needs her guy. You must remain sensitive to this, and during those times, be sure Marina stays in her closet.
I hope that by now you have come to realize that surfing TG and BDSM sites was really NOT your private business. Not when it turned out to affect your wife’s well-being. And not now, when you are trying to rebuild a full measure of trust in each other. A good rule is that anything you instinctively feel you need to hide from your wife is something that instead needs to first be discussed with her, making use of your new-found improved level of communication.
My sincerest best wishes for you and your wife, in coming to an understanding of Marina which you can both live with.
Daisy
I am not really qualified to answer but I will do it anyway..
Put yourself in her position and think of what she might think of her guy now being her gal, it must be hard for her, put your needs aside and analyze the situation from her point of view, you won´t change but she needs all the support from you.try to be as compasionate as you can, and see what happens, not much I can say, hang on in there, your heart will tell you what uis right