OUT but it aint me...

You mentioned you're scarily close- what is closeness if not a signal that you both feel comfortable talking with one another. Exactly what to say or when to say it depends on your dynamics of course but if you would enjoy some companionship and think there will be opportunities to do something together enfemme or just talk about it- then I'd say it's worth discussing with him. Not having knowingly met another CD'er in person, it's tough to say how it would feel and I'd think about whether that experience sounds pleasant or not to you.

If you're happy just dressing yourself then let it ride and maybe put a pair of panties or hose in there for him- or maybe some better makeup. In this case after doing this, if he doesn't mention it, you don't have to either.

It's all very well thinking you have found a new sister and so on, but what about his feelings? He could have his own demons to conquer and may not appreciate being spoken to about his personal life. Leave it be. It is his business, and up to him if he ever wants to talk to you about it. Don't force the issue on him.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Erin

It wasn't your stuff was it? :heehee:

Options -
Start singing "dude looks like a lady" when you see him

Bring it up at a big family gathering.

When the guys are hanging out having a beer, come in dancing with his wig and sing "Man, I feel like a woman".

Next time he comes over, answer the door in torn fishnets, combat boots, and a VC bra.

When you two are hanging out, start asking to borrow tools. "Yeah I was doing a head gasket and wanted to know if I could borrow that 1/2 drive 5/8 impact socket, you know the one right next to your purple teddy". Just say it with total indifference. then he might correct you and say real quick "BITCH that teddy is fuschia, learn your colors!"

OK maybe not the best ideas.

Look, don't say anything about finding it, not yet anyways. But I think it might be safe to come out. It will be an akward coming out as he will immediately think of his own trannyness.

Best case scenario - You two will come out to each other and then you two can be brothers AND sisters.

Worst case - he might want you to two to have some "you time" in your best lingerie. :heehee:

I imagine he will probably show you his toolbox. Did he have any plastic tools in there?

Ehh I better scurry off now....

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Great sense of humor, I love it!

Hi Chloe,

I've read the replies to this post and I think the best one is to wait 72 hrs or maybe even a week as there are a lot of variables involved. When in doubt it's best to do nothing as once you say or do something, it can't be undone. To quote the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz "These matters must be handled delicately,,," lol. Just my :2c:

Sincerely,

Rhonda Michelle

Amazing how people think here. 80% of people on CD.com are in the closet to the world and very few of those are out to even family, yet twice this week we have had threads asking if we should "out" someone else. :doh: C'mon people think about it. If you were the one who forgot your stash (how THAT happens I'll never know when people are afraid or their own shadow) and your friend (wife cousin paperboy) found it how would YOU feel if they came to you even in private and said "hey, you wear girl clothes?" I have visions of opening a door with a hundred mice and flipping the light switch...two hundred eyes open as wide as they can be and 400 scampering feet as they try and hide. This is exactly the reaction I would expect from the majority of CDers here.

"Uh, it was a Halloween costume." "Uh my wife makes me wear that." "Uh I was holding it for a friend." "uh I bought that tool box at an auction and I never opened it." There have even been threads here about HOW to lie about it when you get caught. If it were me I would look at you and say "What the he** were you doing in MY tool box?" (no keeping it in storage doesn't give you the right to use his tools, would you drive his Porsche if he left it with you?). Do you honestly think that they are going to look you in the eye and say "Yeah that's mine...and I like it." Maybe 10% chance of that at best.

Here's what you ask yourself. WWRPD (what would RuPaul Do ..since she is a god to the TG community). If it was you would you want someone to come to you and say..."Hey, nice duds...dude."? It is the same belief I have for the gay community and really any other community. It isn't your business to "Out" someone else. Out yourself first. Then if they want they can come to you and you can have a dress up party. Until then MYOB

:brolleyes:

Amazing

I agree that on the face of it there is no gag. I also think that you should approach everything from the stand point of " what if it was me..." And being respectful is NEVER a bad thing. Carol

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Originally Posted by Lorileah

Amazing how people think here. 80% of people on CD.com are in the closet to the world and very few of those are out to even family, yet twice this week we have had threads asking if we should "out" someone else. :doh: C'mon people think about it. If you were the one who forgot your stash (how THAT happens I'll never know when people are afraid or their own shadow) and your friend (wife cousin paperboy) found it how would YOU feel if they came to you even in private and said "hey, you wear girl clothes?" I have visions of opening a door with a hundred mice and flipping the light switch...two hundred eyes open as wide as they can be and 400 scampering feet as they try and hide. This is exactly the reaction I would expect from the majority of CDers here.

"Uh, it was a Halloween costume." "Uh my wife makes me wear that." "Uh I was holding it for a friend." "uh I bought that tool box at an auction and I never opened it." There have even been threads here about HOW to lie about it when you get caught. If it were me I would look at you and say "What the he** were you doing in MY tool box?" (no keeping it in storage doesn't give you the right to use his tools, would you drive his Porsche if he left it with you?). Do you honestly think that they are going to look you in the eye and say "Yeah that's mine...and I like it." Maybe 10% chance of that at best.

Here's what you ask yourself. WWRPD (what would RuPaul Do ..since she is a god to the TG community). If it was you would you want someone to come to you and say..."Hey, nice duds...dude."? It is the same belief I have for the gay community and really any other community. It isn't your business to "Out" someone else. Out yourself first. Then if they want they can come to you and you can have a dress up party. Until then MYOB

:brolleyes:

Amazing

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Good post, the one thing I'm unclear on is what you mean by "out" in this context? The two ways I would normally expect to see that term used would be to divulge knowledge of someone's crossdressing either to an individual, a group, or publicly. Whether anyone likes it or not, and whether the brother-in-law knows it or not, he is already "out" to the original poster-- there is a high likelihood that he's a CDer, based on what was seen in the toolbox. As far as sharing that knowledge with others, I don't think that was ever suggested, and it would be indescribably hurtful and cruel.

I do agree, I don't think the course of action here is saying, "Hey dude, I saw what you have in your tool box and I cross dress too!" That would put anyone on the defensive and make him very likely to shut down the conversation with a convenient explanation.

But if you DO get along with him, and you ARE interested in maybe drawing him out as a sister, what the stuff in the toolbox constitutes is NOT a conversation starter, but an indication that he probably CDs, and MIGHT be receptive to doing so with you. So making positive references to crossdressers and crossdressing, making vague indications that you are OK with it, might be strategies to use to see if you get any positive response back from him. If he meets you half way on positive comments, it gives you the opportunity to engage more, in small steps. If he reacts negatively, then you know to back off and leave it alone.

My and my buddies are fairly into out motors.
One of them has a really nice workshop set-up.
If I discovered a wig and some panties in one of his more 'buried under crap' toolboxes whilst in search of a 3/8 ratchet that still has more than 50% of its teeth intact, I'd casually leave it, and bring it up later.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Friend -"Dude, have you seen my calliper winding set anywhere?"

Me- "Yeah man, its in the black toolbox under your panties... theyre quite pretty"
----------------------------------------------------------------

I like this idea, its non-threatening,
If he looks spooked, then just follow up with

"Man, I'd need like 5 of those boxes for my frillies"
This can later be passed off as a joke if it is a trap.
But I doubt that it is.
Sounds like he just got sloppy when he was moving.

What you do now just depends on how brave you are.

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Originally Posted by DonnaT

Sounds like you removed the items from the tool box.

Did you put them back so he won't be able to tell they were touched?

Think of the worry he'll be going through if he notices that his things were tampered with.

I, for one, wouldn't want to have that worry on my mind.

So, I'd tell him, "Look, don't get upset, because I'm cool with it, but I was looking in your tool box for a tool I didn't have. If you are using it to hide things from your wife, I suggest putting a lock on it."

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Of all the answers I've read,this is the only one that allows you to be completely honest.

You found the stash by accident. He had to know he left the stuff there and if you moved it at all he will know, or think you know, about it.

Say exactly what Donna suggested and you are off the hook and don't have to out yourself at all if you don't care to.:2c:

I would say sit down with him and your sister and tell them about you.....They may be shocked and then tell you about him , or not. Then after you tell them pull him aside and tell him you found his stash and would he like t talk about it.

Just my :2c:

Ok this is alot of interest, more than I thought I would get. His wife knows about Chloe' but I don't know if she told him. If the stuf is hers that would make the whole thing wierd. I think I'll say nothing, I put it all back exactly as I found it. I will be making mental notes of what he's wearing and how his nails look, looking for the tell tale bra strap and the like. I got a whole lot of good advice in all of you girls posts. Thank you.
If it were mine and he found it I am not sure how I'd react, so for now I'll concider his feeling as if they were my own. Say Nothing, Do nothing and Smile to myself.

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Originally Posted by Veronica75

Good post, the one thing I'm unclear on is what you mean by "out" in this context? The two ways I would normally expect to see that term used would be to divulge knowledge of someone's crossdressing either to an individual, a group, or publicly. Whether anyone likes it or not, and whether the brother-in-law knows it or not, he is already "out" to the original poster-- there is a high likelihood that he's a CDer, based on what was seen in the toolbox. As far as sharing that knowledge with others, I don't think that was ever suggested, and it would be indescribably hurtful and cruel.

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Good point, I'll try and clarify. Outting him in this case would be as an individual, as in telling him you know his secret. Letting him know you know what you think you know. Is there a high likelihood he is a CD? Let me put on my "I'm not a CD" cap (well known to many here in the land of "I ain't...")

1).They are rags I use to clean my 30-06, which I may be thinking of using since you accused me (Or since they are in my tool box, on the fender to keep from scratching it)

2). They were my sister's (cousin's, aunt's) that I took out of her house when she died (moved, left her no good husband).

3). I'm a fetishist. I only touch them, I don't wear them.

:) CD's are very good at denial. Just because I have a sports car doesn't make me a race car driver. I own a guitar, but I am not a rock star. I wouldn't make that assumption.

maybe it was his wifes idea and to hide the stuff inthere so u would see it especially if he put his tool box at your house, no one forgets where they stashed the goods it like hiding gold u just dont forget, plus if u werent ment to see them the toolbox would have been locked, now as to bringing up the whole deal i would just put something extra in there and then when he gets it back he will know u saw and let them bring it up to u

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

Maybe leave some of your girly stuff in close proximity to his tool box and let him accidentally "discover" yours. This would more or less put you and he on equal ground.

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Something along this line would be my suggestion too.

I agree with Lorileah. It's a slippery slope at best. Might be a joke as his wife knows and you don't know if he knows about Chloe? I smell a rat ( or at least the essence of rat). I could be a simple mistake or a joke. I simply wouldn't take the bait just in case it's a simple mistake and could cause embarrassment to him. Or perhaps embarrassment to you if it is a trap or joke. To many ways to loose on this one if you don't just ignore it.

Is it possible he's on here and a CD? That'd resolve it.

ChanDelle

Regardless of what you ultimately do, wait a few days, then, if you choose, talk to him privately.

Now let me relate a story. I recently met someone at a local TG event. I saw them at the bar and commented how they reminded me of someone I work with. With that, she confirmed what I wasn't even thinking. We do work for the same company. This is a large company with thousands of employees. We do not work directly together but in the same building and have actually worked together on a few occasions.

Now for the related part. (s)he tells me (s)he knew about me for 5 years. (s)he noticed me first at a previous event. I was shocked and disappointed that a potential friend and comrade at my job hid it from me for so long when (s)he knew about me. Maybe (s)he was hiding herself. Who knows. I think it is great and wish we both met that first time (s)he discovered me.

I think it is great to share a secret like this with someone. It is hard enough finding friends with our mutual interests. Now I have one in the building at work. We know there is at least one person we can each rely on for help at work. I just wish I'd have known sooner. I feel cheated to not have known all those times we have worked together in the past. (s)he was extra nice. I'm glad I was to.

If I was your brother, I'd like to know. That's just my opinion.

Gen

offer him 1000 bucks for his tool box ....and see what happens ....if he its yours with out batting an eye ...the stuff not his .....if he piss his pants ....say got ya...sis !

Joann

Course, it could have been put there to see if you'd steal it. Then he, or whomever would know you're a cder. Then again, here's a story. When an ex-girlfriend told all of my friends about my hobby, they all left me. But one of them, hinted around at how pretty I would be as a girl, etc. There were also a few signs, that he was looking for a sexual opening. So, a little paranoia wouldn't be bad right now. I think your idea is the best. Keep quiet and look for signs. If he seems to be transgendered, maybe let a little of yourself out.

Perhaps your BIL is a member of this forum and will read all the posts?? And maybe respond?

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Originally Posted by Chloe' Buffington

my brother inlaw and sister inlaw moved in to the neighborhood. The wanted a new garage but they had a storage shed in the way so I bought it. My brother in law had no place to store his tool chest so he asked me if he could leave it in the shed till the garage is finnished, so I said yes. After moving it to my house and setting it up I needed a tool I did not have so I opened his tool box and I was surprized at what I found. 4 large ladies swim suits, a wig, a small makeup kit and some clip on earings. I know what I should do, put it back and forget about it, but what if... We get along almost too well, is this why? I just don't know what I should do? Bring it up? Leave it alone? I don't want to embarass him, but I don't want to miss an oppertunity to have a new sister. I am leaning tword forget about what I found.

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he he pack a small tool box or other container and ask him if he can store it and maybe peak in and find out that way just a thought

next time he is over, just throw open the tool box, and then throw open your OWN tool box, and have similar stuff int it.. and watch his mouth...

hehehe Seriously.. that would be great, and you'll both get a good laugh out of it..

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Originally Posted by kellycan27

Maybe leave some of your girly stuff in close proximity to his tool box and let him accidentally "discover" yours. This would more or less put you and he on equal ground.

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Even better, buy something special and put it in there with a card that says " from a friend". But let him bring it up.

:2c:

Katie

I got the answer today at brunch with my Brother in law and sister in law. We went to a resturant with a female cousin, the cousin sugested they have a girls afternoon at a hotel with an indoor pool and my sister in law turned to her husband and said she could not find her swim dresses. He told her the last time he saw them they were in the garage next to his tool chest before the move. She called her son, who helped with the move, and he told her that stuff was in the bottom drawer of the tool chest. He had put as much of what he found in the garage in there. I am soo glad I did not bring it up. He had no knowlage of it and I played dumb when the whole exchange was taking place. They just left here with all of the swim suits none the wiser that I knew. Thank you all for your input and suggestions.:love:

How'd they explain the wig?

Hmmm, was this a one-act play for your enjoyment?

Does this really add up??

tina