Is there a connection..crossdressing and being submissive?

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Originally Posted by Sarah Charles

I'm thinking that our marriage doesn't have a dom-sub subtext, so I don't really know how that would work. In the rest of my life I usually try to be cooperative and enabling to others, primarily because I'm lazy and if I can get them to handle stuff, I can sit. Sometimes, however I end up being the one in control because no one else wants it and there is no good way out of it. I do okay.

May I leave the thread now Mistress?

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I think if you stretch the terms dominant and submissive, all marriages have an element of it. Maybe one is dominant over one area of the relationship while the other is dominant over another. Like maybe the man is the one who dominates the family budget while the wife dominates the home and it's decor and meal planning. Ever hear the terms "hen pecked or worse... pu$$y whipped? I think many households have an element of them but the couple does not even give it a name. It's just the way it is. Even the hen pecked husband won't admit to it. lol

BTW, my SO and I both dislike the term MISTRESS and don't use it at all.

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Originally Posted by BRANDYJ

But I can assure you of one thing, this man does not view women as submissive or even the weaker sex. Quite the opposite in fact. I thought I made that clear in my original post. My desire to serve the woman I love is out of total respect, admiration and love for her.

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Let me rephrase what I said because honestly I agree with you, in a relationship women can and do have the power. It is the use of clothing to convey that power, the idea that a man who is dressed as a female is thus rendered powerless and the idea that the clothes are subjugating. They are, especially in the context that many here wear them. You are bound, torqued, twisted, stretched and made unable to move except in small increments. Corsets, pantyhose and high heels are not 1)comfortable (Oh gawd am I gonna hear from people who will insist they are or 2) practical. None of the D/s fantasies seem to say "I am going to put you in comfortable shoes, make you wear pants and a loose T-shirt." As Reine stated it is a common part of the CD experience. Never say never and always avoid always but it is probably almost an always thing when someone (male) starts out and they are not convinced or just are not TS. "Make me" that way it isn't their fault or idea. Maybe even most stay there and that is why they stay closeted. Others expand beyond sexual fetish and become something else (no labels here). Do you think that maybe that is why there are more older people on these boards rather than the 20 somethings? I think that is one reason.

Of course everything is fluid. Subs often become Dom as life goes on. But my point, if there was a point, was how the female attire was really the sub (humiliation) part, not being placed in a female role context exactly. Still not making sense I know.

Now a quick impression (no not Elvis) about the thread. There seems to be a lot of Doms posting and few subs. Yet we know (as Reine pointed out) that there are probably many more subs in this "lifestyle". Is it because
a) the subs are fearful of the repercussions?
b) Their Doms told them to say that?

[SIZE="3"]Well, my turn to weigh in on this one, as the comments seem all over the board.....I have always felt submissive to GGs, not males. I agree with some of the comments about there being a relationship between Cding and submissive. Again, the term "submissive" has many meanings to many people and I believe is a relative term. I have become more submissive as I have grown older. My desire to please, seems to almost be scary some times. I also love to dress as a maid, and all the submissive connotations which go with it. I am not, nor have I ever been into S&M or bondage. Just plain old boring maid stuff. Also, I believe I would have loved and do very much present myself as the Donna Reed and June Clever, 50's housewife. Wish I could afford the wardrobe. lol. So, I think I am very much like Brandy in my outlook on life. [/SIZE]

Can't happen,won't happen ,hasn't happened.Kind and considerate?Yes,Submissive No. Maybe once I'm dead.

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Originally Posted by Schatten Lupus

I doubt there are any real correlations. Being submissive sexually and around the house are two different things. What may seem as being submissive around the house might be due to house chores being typically a woman's things, so it could the appeal of doing something of the female role. It also goes for being submissive in general. A submissive female, although dying, is still a stereotype which might fuel the submissiveness of some transgender MtF.
As far as being sexually submissive, like any other fetish, it just varies from person to person.
Myself, I do alot of housework, but that is because if I don't, then it doesn't get done (which I'm starting to get tired of). But all my life I have had a problem with being submissive. My dad beat me with his belt a few times, some school trouble, and a handful of write-ups because I have a problem with authority. Not in the since that I am always fighting the law, but in the since that if it came down to submit or die, I would choose death.

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I can relate to what you are saying. When I say i am more submisive, it doesn't mean that I take orders or anything like that...it means I am just not an agresive woman (or man) by nature. I do all the house work, but then again I am a single parent so I have to do all the house work, go to pta meetings, take my daughter to her ballet classes, volunteer at her school.....stuff like that which is usually viewed as a womens role. Maybe that is why it is so much easier and comfortable for me to be a woman...even as a man, I was living a woman like life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I enjoy & love my role in life....wouldn't have it any other way. :)

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Originally Posted by Sarah Charles

I'm thinking that our marriage doesn't have a dom-sub subtext, so I don't really know how that would work. In the rest of my life I usually try to be cooperative and enabling to others, primarily because I'm lazy and if I can get them to handle stuff, I can sit. Sometimes, however I end up being the one in control because no one else wants it and there is no good way out of it. I do okay.

May I leave the thread now Mistress?

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Agree. Not really applicable to us. We're equals, that's about it.

My late wife and I had almost 50 years of happy married life. Neither of us was submissive or dominant! We didn't need that, we had each other!!

For me, there will always be a touch of guilt in my crossdressing, because I've never met a woman who really accepts it, so I kind of feel bad wanting to have them 'take the reins' in the relationship, so to speak. So the 'submissive' part will always be connected to me wanting to be the 'girl' in the relationship, the one acted upon, not initiating contact or behavior. Problem of course is that women expect to be the woman in the relationship too. Two people waiting for the other to 'direct the action'; not a good mix.

Hi Lori, You make some valid points. But just like any male that is involved with any degree of gender bending, crossdressing etc. You can't make generalizations about why one might want to be submissive to a woman. I am submissive to my sweetheart regardless of how I am dressed. The crossdressing has nothing to do with my submission. But maybe my being a crossdresser that has what I call a higher degree of respect, admiration and even lust for everything a GG is, might be what made me want to be of service to them. Women were thought to be and were treated as second class citizens for way to long. In some societies they still are. Like women were only put on earth to serve man and have babies. I despise men who think that way. Women are still battling for equality. I support that battle.

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Originally Posted by BRANDYJ

Is there a connection..crossdressing and being submissive?
I think my interest is born out of my deep respect, admiration and love of women due to my personal path as a crossdresser since age 10 or so.

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[SIZE="2"]Is there a connection? For me, crossdressing springs from my innate submissiveness, but I would clarify by calling it “passivity” or non-confrontation. I tend to be equal with whoever I’m with, which takes away from any domination that may be implied or present. I never take on a dominating role, which may be because I associate this “position” with typical male behavior. At heart, I am a crossdresser because of the kind of person I am – the desire to dress developed out of my gentle nature, and I continue to nurture that to this day. I also love, respect and admire women (of certain types) and always have, leading to the inevitable path I follow, but I recognize the feminine in all people, regardless of the gender one was born with. If you and I were sitting at a table, having a pleasant conversation, it would be very relaxing – I would let you do the talking, but I wouldn’t expect you to dominate the proceedings. Just ask me a question now and then, OK? :heehee: [/SIZE]

Hi Brandy,

I have very great admiration for females and enjoy the female form. I think most crossdressers do, each to varying degrees I guess. I am submissive natured, I never realised this until I met My SO Rr. At that time Rr was submissive with a naturally dominant nature. It was'nt long before we found a natural ground...........and now we both live contently

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Originally Posted by Rebeccarabbit

Hi Brandy,

I have very great admiration for females and enjoy the female form. I think most crossdressers do, each to varying degrees I guess. I am submissive natured, I never realised this until I met My SO Rr. At that time Rr was submissive with a naturally dominant nature. It was'nt long before we found a natural ground...........and now we both live contently

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Hi Rebecca. So glad you chimed in. So if I understand you correctly, you never thought of or knew you were submissive until you met your SO? And she was submissive when you met, and now is dominant over you. Is that what you mean when you say you found your natural ground together?

Hello...the other half of the bunny duo here.....

It took meeting each other to find our natural positioning in life.. we are very different characters naturally, I am a naturally strong person, with a element of the dominant in me.. and becky is very soft and submissive as a girl.. it all got very confusing a while back but we now seem to have found a balance..

before becky met me her first wife was vey strong too, but more bully like.. but i'm not like that.... its just two very different personalitlies... does that help or are you even more confused.. :)

This is all getting a bit philosophical for me! I've never wanted to be a woman, nor do I think I am when dressed. You won't see me refer to myself in that fashion. However, when dressed, I do enjoy the role and want it reinforced through the naturally submissive side of dressing (as others have put it quite well). As for 'typical' BDSM play, I really do like being the submissive when dressed, its a different type of thrill than the dom side (but they each have their place).

'Submissiveness' can mean very different things between two people - as we've already seen in this thread. It almost needs to be defined prior to discussion to really get an idea about what people think. Although, it is kind of neat seeing the various definitions here! There's certainly more to think about it than whatever niche one person assigns it...

I think there's a slight connection, but I'd imagine any sub feelings/desires are more related to whatever causes the CDing in the first place rather than a direct connection with dressing. Anyways this is another thread where I can only say so much being that I haven't been in a relationship myself. I'm pretty sure that I'm a bit submissive in nature, so I would probably be slightly sub to an SO, but for the most part, in a long-term relationship/marriage, like many here I believe that it's more about balance and partnership on equal terms. I think the whole sub/dom apply to specific moments, such as one sexual encounter, rather than an entire relationship. So based on that I think I would enjoy being sub sexually a time or two, but for the most part neither sub or dom. :2c:

I don't think of myself as submissive at all

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Originally Posted by rufus rabbit

Hello...the other half of the bunny duo here.....

It took meeting each other to find our natural positioning in life.. we are very different characters naturally, I am a naturally strong person, with a element of the dominant in me.. and becky is very soft and submissive as a girl.. it all got very confusing a while back but we now seem to have found a balance..

before becky met me her first wife was vey strong too, but more bully like.. but i'm not like that.... its just two very different personalitlies... does that help or are you even more confused.. :)

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Hi rufus rabbit. Thanks for your comments and trying to un-confuse me. Being a dominant woman surely does not mean being a bully. Sorry that was the experience Becky had to endure.
I am glad to hear that you both have the balance with each other to find your natural positioning in life. So I take that to mean that in your relationship, you are now the more dominant one and Becky is the more submissive one.
This got me to thinking. I would bet that most closeted CDers that have not told their wives for whatever reason, would gladly be submissive to their wives if their wives would only accept the crossdressing. OK, a random thought for those that fear sharing this part of themselves with their SO's.

I am no less a man, nor more of a woman simply because I submit to the woman I love. My greatest joy is in giving my SO pleasure. In doing so, I gain my pleasure.

My husband is naturally submissive , again not in a servile way ,, but just his nature . He has CD'd most of his life . The only problem has been that I Am not very dominant at all and have had to learn to be stronger to balance us out , because he would just wilt if he had to be any letter of alpha at all . Fortunately I can be kind of a southern smartmouth ala Julia Sugarbaker so I just go into that mode .. If he had his way , Id be boss 100% of the time, but I am just too girly girl for that ,,sometimes I have to make him be boss in certain situations and he does not like it and will get all funky about it lol....:heehee:

I don't think there's a connection between cross dressing and being submissive. I do find myself less aggressive when I'm dressed, even when I'm underdressed only, but I really wouldn't think of myself as submissive.

I think we need definitions to carry on a meaningful conversation about this!:straightface:

When my now unattractive ex started saying, " If u want sex, you've got to kick start ME!" Our sex life was OVER!:doh: Is THAT "submissive"!?:brolleyes:

I've ALWAYS gotten pushy after my date kicked started my motor. Is THAT "submissive" or not?:brolleyes:

On the other hand, if that date was a BAD, SLOPPY kisser, and/or started shaking, screaming and fumbling in panic for my zipper, baby I'M OUT!:eek: Scare me, and it's NOT happenin'!:thumbsdn: It THAT "NOT submissive"!?:brolleyes:

I have no idea if I'm "submissive" or not! Does ANYONE?:eek:

Docrobbysherry, I'm not sure if your post is serious or said in a joking manner. You totally lost me.
But on the chance that you are serious, I'd have to say that not a thing you said is submissive behavior.

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Originally Posted by BRANDYJ

Docrobbysherry, I'm not sure if your post is serious or said in a joking manner. You totally lost me.
But on the chance that you are serious, I'd have to say that not a thing you said is submissive behavior.

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No, I really have no idea. I've always thot I was a pushover for women that wanted me! And, I've slept with women I wasn't into for that reason alone:o

So, I've always thot of myself as "submissive". Maybe I'm NOT!? I just don't know. :brolleyes:

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

No, I really have no idea. I've always thot I was a pushover for women that wanted me! And, I've slept with women I wasn't into for that reason alone:o

So, I've always thot of myself as "submissive". Maybe I'm NOT!? I just don't know. :brolleyes:

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It could be that you are at least open to being submissive IF the right woman came along.

Well it's a male thing to be a push over for a woman that wants him even when or if he was not attracted to her. Years ago, I could have been the same way as you. Sex for sex sake. But I'd like to think I had some taste in just what lady got me. And I think I did.

I think fem and submissive go hand in hand. this may be hard to understand, but gays repulse me but me, dressed, just wants to serve and pleasurize my mate... male of female. To the point of martyr. <Not sure that is the right word> I would definitely be a crowd pleaser if I indulged my fanasies. Like "walk on the wild side"... she was everybodie darlin...Afraid to say I would be the biggest hore. But they say all men are hores?

Brandy from the very, very little I know about the lifestyle, I do understand (I think) that at the end of the day the sub "has the upper-hand" so to speak, in any good sub/DOM relationship, especially if it does involve physical correction/pleasure in that safe words/signals are used between the DOM/sub and once spoken/or signaled the play ends immediately or have I got that very very wrong ?