Who is currently trying to quit?

I gave up trying to stop doing it.. its a cycle of throwing away items and trying to force myself to do more dangerous macho things.. I've came to realise that I can still do the things I like and be myself too. Its in our makeup some of us I think where meant to be female yet got the wrong end of the stick so to speak. So its either live in a vicious cycle or accept who you are inside. I give props to those that can stop for good but I myself always go back to it and its worse the longer I hold off. :|

I have actually stopped CDing. I no longer need to do it to enjoy being myself. The main reason I hang around here is to help others, not to quit or keep going necessarily but to just enjoy being who they are, whoever that happens to be. I don't think I'm better or worse than anyone else, just a person. I also still have many friends here who do still CD. If you would like to correspond for mutual sipport, send me a PM Hon. :)

Best of luck, but this is as much apart of me as the color of my eyes. I could wear contacts, but I'd only be covering up what's natural. I've tried and failed now I accept myself....femme and all!

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Originally Posted by katrinakat

Best of luck, but this is as much apart of me as the color of my eyes. I could wear contacts, but I'd only be covering up what's natural. I've tried and failed now I accept myself....femme and all!

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Katrina -- you just described me to a "T". Resistance is truly futile, and just wastes time developing our femme side.

So many variances in the comments and it just shows that there are so many reasons we do what we do. I am with Liz in that I think it is possible. It comes down to the reasons you do it. For many, it is a part of our mental make-up or if you go this way, our genetic structure. But for some, why can't it be "I wanted to try women's styles and now I have had enough". This would also mean the person may not be treating it like a disease but it was something to try and they have let it run its course. So when we have a question like this, we need to think broadly that there are many reasons for doing what we do and we need to provide the support needed.

For the OP, you may be able to quit and you may not be able to. The large majority say they can't and that shows that this isn't an easy path. It is hard to find people who have quit here because they probably wouldn't stick around the community. Denise shows that it is possible and there are probably many others out there. My advice, first keep an eye on your mental well being. As many here say, if it is ingrained in you, then it is stressful if you go without. You don't need the stress impacting other facets of your life. Additionally, there are thousands of stories of crossdressers quitting and throwing everything out to only start again. So pack your stuff up and place it out of sight and don't dispose of it. If you are successful, you are only out a little space. If you aren't, then you haven't thrown away all that money.

The best of luck to you and whether you are successful or not, I hope you end up on the path that makes you the happiest.

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Originally Posted by Elizabeth Ann

The conclusion by members here that we cannot quit is a classic example of what is known as "sample selection bias." First, the people who participate in this forum are very likely not to be a random sample of all crossdressers, and are likely more committed to and tolerant of it than the universe of crossdressers.

More importantly, we no longer have in our sample those who might have successfully quit.Liz

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I generally agree with this statement. I have been reluctant to bring up threads like this because I do not want to offend others on this forum. I've seen statements in the past that have stated that this is not a place for those who want to quit. I think it is a forum for all interested persons, those who want to quit, those who have no desire to quit, those who have accepted themselves and are at peace, and those for whom quitting is irrelevant (TS/TG persons and any others who identify outside my limited descriptors. As long as all are respected, than discussions like this can be useful for some of us.

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Originally Posted by Elizabeth Ann

If I had to guess, I would say that yes you can quit, though I have no idea how difficult it would be for you personally. But to be fair, I don't have much evidence for my position either. I am projecting on the basis of the amount of change, truly fundamental change, I have seen in both myself and others.
Liz

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I know people who have reduced or curbed their "addiction" to pornography. I know of some who use internet pornography to find it very hard to control or eliminate from their lives, but have done so. Pornography in and of itself does not have to be inherently harmful. Nor does CDing. Some wives and girlfriends feel threatened by either and may feel they are in competition with their spouses interests or that it interferes with intimacy or it causes personal distress in the individual itself. In these cases, I think it should be examined. That is what I am in the process of doing for myself.

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Originally Posted by juno

The disadvantages are artificial, created by other people. If you don't crossdress, then it is important to do other things that will keep your female side happy.

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Originally Posted by JohnH

...there is the urge for us to break out of the rigid conventions imposed on us...to go outside the narrow confines of what is acceptable male attire; the problem lies with society.

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I've been wondering lately, if wearing colors, and styles that are not overtly feminine but just outside the rigid "man box" might satisfy my feminine expression and reduce my desire to wear more stereotypically obvious feminine clothes, body sculpting, make up, etc. Lately, I've been wanting to get a pair of running shoes in a color that, unfortunately is only available in women's sizes. May be able to get a larger size online but this is an example of the difficulty in trying to do this. Society doesn't think it is acceptable to the point of not even making the colors available in traditional men's sizes.

I also wear my hair longer than what seems to be the accepted length for the majority of males I see around me, but as another thread recently discussed, people are not always accepting of this either, but I try not to let that bother me.

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Originally Posted by juno

If you have a female partner, you can express a lot of femininity with her. Shop with her for lingerie and dresses. You will have fun, and nobody will ridicule you. You can wear a pink men's shirt and say that your SO bought it for you.

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If she is accepting of things outside that rigid man box. Of course, if she is too rigid in her views, she may not be the best person to be involved with anyway.

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Originally Posted by kathie225

Forced Abstinence
Just returned from a protracted business assignment, the circumstances of which made indulgiing in CDing totally impossible. I was fortunate to get a few shots at wearing panties; otherwise strictly drab. For approximately two months I was "forced to quit" by circumstances and while the mind set may be different than one wanting to quit, the sheer relief I felt upon wearing what I wanted to was indescribable and akin to what is reported after one has purged for a while and then resumed wearing femme.

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I try to control it before I'm in a position to feel forced to do it by circumstances. Then it is far less of a problem for me when I don't have the opportunity to do it. I'm in a position now where I could dress far more than I do, but don't want to get so used to the idea that when I can't do it, I'm really uncomfortable.

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Originally Posted by Pythos

Ah, another "crossdressing is a disease and therefore must be cured" thread.

PLEASE STOP THIS!!! It is not a disease!! The only thing that makes it wrong is that society is blind and stupid. Crossdressing does not make you drive badly (unless your hair gets in the way, or your heels are too high.) It does not make you beat your wife or whack your kids. It does not make you do incredibly stupid decisions when it comes to intimacy. It does not run the risk of giving you throat, lung, or other cancer.

The only main drawback to what we do is how OTHERs react. If we approach it like it is some kind of ailment, how the hell can we say it is not a bad thing?

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I don't think it is a disease for many, but may be an issue for some, depending on how it plays out in our lives. I completely agree that some of the problem's are society's but we have to live in that society while working to change it. The trick is finding the balance between being ourselves and being able to live fulfilling lives despite society's limitations. Some people (not you, Pythos) on the forum seem to use CDing as a replacement for relationships and say they themselves are better looking than any woman they could ever meet anyway. Now if they are happy, fine. But I worry about myself getting this way and when I find myself getting resentful of society, and men and women who won't accept me, and women, because I see them as having more freedom than I, it really interferes with my life so I have to be careful when I get in this mode, because it can really take me down a rabbit hole. I'm still working on finding that balance and place of acceptance.

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Originally Posted by Sarah Charles

It may be possible to stop crossdressing if you can find something that will replace the rewards you get from the activity with something better.

So far I haven't seen anything that can do it.

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Continuing to work on developing more open and nurturing relationships with men has helped me, but it sure isn't easy. I've found a couple of men's groups and men in 12 step programs who are much more open and vulnerable with each other than most men I know but it takes a lot of work to undo all that male conditioning (homophobia, competition, don't show vunerability, etc.) we have grown up with. I get the perception from the comments and support I see on this forum that for some CDing has allowed genetic males their first opportunity to be vulnerable, show care, concern, and empathy, and let their guard (or hair in some cases) down in front of other genetic males. Many of us have no really close male friends, especially as we get older.

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Originally Posted by Jonnie

As far as the question goes. I would not say that I am actively trying to quit. I am actively trying to understand what it is that makes me have these desires and I am actively trying to keep these urges under control. I am finding the diversity of experience among the forums membership quite helpful in this regard. For so many it is about so much more than just clothes and I can't imagine the turmoil that they have gone through in their lives. The most recent that comes to mind is that of Danni Bear , who's story brings such an unfathomable dose of reality to why people are the way they/we are.

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I couldn't have said it better myself, except that I have all but stopped, even though I would not say I have quit.

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Originally Posted by Jonnie

I would say if you do wish quit because it is something that you have fetishised (if that is a word) or is something that has become merely part of a masturbatory fantasy , perhaps try to refrain from masturbation while you are dressed so you might learn to disassociate the two feelings. Just a thought. as I prepare for the onslaught of condemnation.

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I have been considering attempting to see if my desire to dress could be separated from the sexual feeling associated with it but have not tried the experiment yet. Still trying to figure out just how much of it is a part of who I am and what has been imprinted within based on a lifetime of behavior.

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Originally Posted by Denise Rhodes

I have actually stopped CDing. I no longer need to do it to enjoy being myself. The main reason I hang around here is to help others, not to quit or keep going necessarily but to just enjoy being who they are, whoever that happens to be. I don't think I'm better or worse than anyone else, just a person. I also still have many friends here who do still CD. If you would like to correspond for mutual sipport, send me a PM Hon. :)

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Denise, I for the most part enjoy being here for the same reasons you do but am still not done figuring all this out for me. Probably never will, but need to find the self-acceptance. I may also take the liberty of PMing you in the future for mutual support.

Olivia

If you were with a woman that loved you for your crossdressing would you stop?

Quitting has such negative connotations and may be the reason many people can't stop something that is not biologically required. Quitter is not a term of endearment, however, adults in control of their lives can stop any activity that has negative consequensces for them or their families.
I realize that AA is not 100 % successful but it does work. I have never quit smoking although I did stop about 10 years ago or so. I simply just don't do it now and over time I have found that I don't "NEED" it. Dealing with weight gain was a problem but that too is under control and I'm nearly what I weighed when I quit--165 lbs rather that 199 that I got to be. I just told myself," I'm not going to do it today".
Substitutes might help replace "NEEDS" but that is for the adult individual to find for themselves. Only children have no self control and can get away with it.
When your life or happiniess is in jeopardy, that you must take control and stop doing something that is negative.
ooopps, my soapbox just tipped over.

Quit what?

You is who you is.

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Originally Posted by mklinden2010

Quit what?

You is who you is.

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Oh, that's good. At least for me, "quitting" would mean no longer living; there's no other way to not be who I am.

It may not be a popular sentiment here, but I think that finding a way to stop, especially if CDing is causing other problems in your life is a worthy goal. It takes determination and courage and strength to face the long odds of success.

To steal Buskers distinction, I have stopped several times but have never been able to quit CDing. After reaching out to a therapist I have come to the conclusion that it is part of me that I cannot quit entirely. Instead I am working toward an accommodation that limits my CDing to a level I am comfortable with, and that I can still enjoy and accept without guilt or shame. As I near this equilibrium, I am calmer and happier, in every aspect of my life. CDing urges are no longer something I feel the need to fight to control.

To Tosbourne: If you decide to stop. My best wishes for you.

Jaydee

Hey, for the right price, I could start or quit just about anything. How much do quitters make a year? :)

:love:

Its depends on how deep crossdressing is engrained into who you are.If its just a thrill or a fad there is a good chance you can quit and move on but if its an expression of the inner person you might control it to a degree instead of it controlling you but it isn't going away.

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Originally Posted by Amanda22

Oh, that's good. At least for me, "quitting" would mean no longer living; there's no other way to not be who I am.

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Amanda22,
Without knowing your history, this sounds like you are either 24/7 or there is a serious transition up ahead. doesn't that make CDing something different for you? OR maybe it is not CDing at all (but just more appropriate dress). Perhaps TS is more appropriate to describe your feelings? The range of CDing here is rainbow-like but "if your life depends upon it" that would take it out of the realm of JUST CDing!

Quit?

meh.

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Originally Posted by busker

Amanda22,
Without knowing your history, this sounds like you are either 24/7 or there is a serious transition up ahead. doesn't that make CDing something different for you? OR maybe it is not CDing at all (but just more appropriate dress). Perhaps TS is more appropriate to describe your feelings? The range of CDing here is rainbow-like but "if your life depends upon it" that would take it out of the realm of JUST CDing!

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I did not say "my life depended on it." I said it is "who I am." Those are two different things. To use the old analogies, suppose you have blue eyes, brown skin, or are left-handed. Does your life depend on it? No, of course not. But it is who you are to be blue-eyed or brown-skinned or left-handed. There's no way to be otherwise, unless you ceased to exist, in which case you wouldn't be anything.

Quite simply, crossdressing emanates from my core. That's how it is for me (in fact I said that: "at least for me"). Perhaps I'm the only person in the world like that? I'm OK with that. If CDing is a hobby for you, then great!

But if my situation causes you to conclude that I'm "beyond the realm of JUST a CDer", then that's your judgment. Please take care doing that to others, because people generally don't like being categorized.

From what I've learned, we're "hard wired" this way... Lucky for us it's such a lovely thing to be inflicted with.

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Originally Posted by Ria

From what I've learned, we're "hard wired" this way... Lucky for us it's such a lovely thing to be inflicted with.

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I love your wording. I could have been hardwired as a sociopath. As you say, we are indeed lucky.

I would never want to quit...its like quitting being me.

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Originally Posted by Roxi Loh

I would never want to quit...its like quitting being me.

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EXACTLY! I'm glad you and I understand that!! Thank you, Roxi!

I would agree with the poster who said we humans are adaptable. Circumstances can force us to adapt, such as going to prison, having roommates, a mate who hates it, the armed forces boot camp, becoming jobless, then homeless, starvation, war, severe illness or injury. Any of those situations would cause me to quit, but, under normal circumstances, I would find it very hard to quit. I have quit at at times, and I find as i get older, I am often just too tired, or lazy to dress up, but not totally quitting.

tosbourne,

I think that at one point or another everyone here has tried to quit or stop. This has proven to be impossible for the majority. Some do stop dressing to a very large extent sucessfully, others do not. stopping or quiting have different meanings to everyone. I have stopped crossdressing in the traditional sense. After transition wearing feminine clothing is correct, during RLE dressing as a woman or man is not crossdressing for either the m2f or f2m but changing the outward expression of your self. stopping or quitting any behavior is hard. this is true of any, be they destructive or not. Good luck in your endeavor and best wishes. Everyone here will help you in this and support you.

Danni

I have quit three times. I quit for 9 months, 6 months, and for 2 years. Otherwise, I have done this for my whole life. In the times I have quit, I always frequently this stuff on my mind. In fact, each time I quit, I found myself getting into things in my Internet browsing that was never a problem previously. Part of me would rather I not dress. Part of me wishes I had never stopped if that means I would have never started seeking other stuff. Quitting is tough. It is sort of like you are quitting dozens of times per year. When the temptation comes, you wrestle with it. That is NOT a one time thing. Quitting is a lifestyle. It gets easier when you get out of the habit. It is easier not to dress (or go shopping since you purged) when doing so would twist your out of practice nerves into a knot.

47 posts that all say essentially the same thing I think that says a lot.
I like some of the others and tried to quit only to learn that what I really needed to do was to quit trying to quit.

Uesed to quit at least once a week boy was that expensive! I am personally at the place where I will either miracuously lose the compulsion to be a woman (yeah right) or I will completely lose my mind from trying to surrpress it and do something tragic OR I will continue down the road of self acceptance and discovery.

I've often agonized "if god wanted me to be a girl god would have made me a girl right?" well it turns out that there is this thing called transgendered and THAT is what god made me. Now I wouldn't trade my best moments as April for a life time of ease and comfort cisgendered. Unfortunatly for me ease and comfort aren't my style. I prefer, life long view shattering, preconceived notion destroying, feel like your going to dye, life changing experiences at least once a decade. But that's just me.